by F. C. Clark
‘Nothing. I want you to come home. I want to go home.’
‘Kate.’
‘I told Harry.’
‘About Katenka?’ Luke asks.
‘Yes.’
‘And?’
‘I’ve fucked up.’
‘Why did you tell her?’
‘She knew something was wrong. She’s pissed off with you too. I told her you said not to say anything.’
He takes a breath. ‘I can take it.’
‘Fuck it.’
‘Where are you?’ Luke asks.
‘In our room, lying on our bed. Harry has stormed off, Kiki and Alexis went after her.’
‘Ask Max to take you home.’
‘I can’t leave everyone here.’
‘You just said you want to leave.’
‘I can’t leave Harry. I just told her that I think our mum is alive.’
‘You’re getting stressed. Think of the girls.’
‘I do, all the time. Why is my life so messed up?’
‘It isn’t. You just have a few issues.’
‘Issues! You don’t have issues. I don’t think you understand. Last year, I found out I was adopted and that the people I thought were my parents weren’t. Since then, my real dad has gone AWOL. My sister is the product of a rape, by the man who I thought killed my birth mother – who I know I saw last week! I think it’s fair to say that you don’t have issues. Livy and Edward have never given you a day of grief in your life.’
‘OK, I know life is challenging at the moment.’
‘Challenging? Is that what you call it? I don’t want to be challenged.’ I start to cry.
‘Baby, don’t get upset. I can’t hold you.’
‘I’ll be fine. I just hate myself right now.’
‘Let Harry hate me. I told you not to tell her.’
‘Luke, it doesn’t matter any more.’
‘I’ll come home on the first available flight,’ he says.
‘No, don’t. I just needed to hear your voice.’
‘I’m coming home tomorrow. Let me take you out for a meal.’
‘No. Let’s stay home and sit in front of the fire, just us.’
‘Simple as ever.’
‘Always. What I wouldn’t give to be back in Bora Bora watching the sunset from our veranda.’
‘Me too.’
‘Oi, Harper, what are you doing?’ Barney shouts through the bedroom door.
‘Hang on, Luke.’ I sit up slightly. ‘Nothing – what do you want?’
‘Dinner’s ready. Everyone’s waiting for you – including Harry.’
‘OK.’
‘Go and have dinner and speak to Harry. She knows you love her.’
‘I hate that I hurt her.’
‘You protected her.’
‘Well, she doesn’t see it like that. I love you so much, Luke.’
‘Back at you.’
When I walk downstairs, Harry is sitting on an airbed.
‘Hi.’
She looks up at me. ‘You OK?’ she asks sympathetically.
‘Not really. How about you?’
‘I feel like shit.’
‘Sorry, Harry. I would never hurt you.’
She stands and comes towards me. ‘I know. I’m just angry.’
I shake my head. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘You had your reasons for not telling me.’
I pull her into my arms. ‘My only reason was doubt. I can’t be sure it was her.’
‘But you think it was,’ Harry says and walks to the air bed and we sit.
‘I can see her face and then I remember nothing except Max holding me… Even then, she had glasses on, but she looked familiar.’
‘What does Luke think?’
‘Other than I should be carted away?’ I shrug. ‘What can he say? I told him I saw her and he doubts me – but wouldn’t anyone?’
‘Kate, my father told you he killed her,’ Alexis says from the corner of the room.
‘I know. Come here.’ I pat the space next to me.
She sits down. ‘How can it be her?’
‘I don’t know! Besides, she was cremated! I can’t explain what I saw. But at least Rosie saw her too. Why would she have told security she was my mother?’
‘I don’t know.’ Harry looks across to the window.
‘For what it’s worth…’ Harry and Alexis look at me. ‘My gut instinct tells me it was her.’
The weekend turned out to be more eventful than I expected. Thinking your mother is alive can affect your sanity and upset your mojo. Still, getting together with the pack was long overdue. After a few hours’ drive we finally arrive home. I feel a sense of relief. As I open the front door my eyes fall to the rose petals scattered on the floor. I can’t help but giggle. I follow the trail to Luke’s office.
‘Hey, baby.’
The man of my dreams stands there, wearing jeans and a dark T-shirt, holding three bouquets of roses: one white and two pink.
‘Flowers for all of my girls.’
He places the three bunches on the table.
‘Thank you.’ I fall into his arms.
‘You needed cheering up.’ He pulls away. ‘You look tired.’
‘I couldn’t sleep last night.’
He kisses the top of my head. ‘You’re home now. OK, we have various jobs for this evening.’
‘We do?’
‘Of course.’ He takes my hand and begins to walk with me. ‘First, a bath.’
‘Good choice.’ We climb the stairs.
When I walk into our room I see two parcels on the bed.
‘Luke!’
‘You reminded me yesterday that life has given you an unfair deal.’
‘No shit, Sherlock.’
Luke tilts his head. ‘Please.’ He gestures to the boxes.
First, I open a gift set: Jo Malone – my favourite infusion of lime, basil and mandarin.
‘I love it, thank you.’
‘Good, and now this.’ He passes me a pink and black box. I recognise the packaging – and I suspect I know what may lie beneath the tissue paper.
I laugh. ‘Is this for me, or for you?’
‘For you to wear, and for me to remove later.’
‘Sounds like stage two of your plan. When did you get time to do this?’
‘I got an earlier flight. Stage three is food… Open the box.’
I remove the lid and part the tissue to reveal the most beautiful black silk pyjama set.
‘I don’t know what to say.’
‘I’m glad you like them. I’ve run you a bath.’
He walks me to the en suite, which looks dreamily romantic. The bath is filled with bubbles and surrounded by candles.
The bath oil coats my skin and leaves me feeling relaxed. What is it about warm water and soft lighting that makes a bad situation more bearable? I hope Harry is feeling happier. It’s unlikely; she was quiet last night.
After my bath I slip on my gift. I smooth the fabric between my fingers before I button up the oversized shirt. As ever, Luke has chosen well.
When I reach the last step I am met with a delicious smell coming from the office. When I enter, I see the table is crowded with candles and takeaway dishes from a local Italian restaurant. Perfect.
‘You’ve excelled yourself, Luke. It smells delicious.’
He pulls a chair out for me. ‘Dinner is served.’
‘Thank you. I’m starving.’
‘Good.’
‘I haven’t heard from Mum and Dad. And I’m too scared to call them. I have Ivor’s number, but I can’t bring myself to call him either. Have you heard from him?’
Luke nods.
‘And?’
‘He sai
d it went better than he thought. Apparently Malcolm has been expecting Ivor to contact him.’
‘He has? What now? Shall I call them?’
‘Not tonight. I’d let them process things and deal with their emotions. It can wait until tomorrow.’
We devour the takeaway steak and vegetables with bread and oil, plus a gooey dessert of fruit and meringue. Afterwards we sit on the sofa full and warm, which is exactly what I have craved since telling Harry about our mother.
The next morning my phone rings. I want to ignore it, but can’t. I grab it from my nightstand.
‘Hello.’ I know I must sound half asleep. My voice is barely coherent.
‘Morning, did I wake you?’
‘Yes.’
‘Do I detect a grumpy Mrs Sutton?’
I smile. ‘Tired but not grumpy. Sorry I fell asleep last night.’
‘I carried you to bed.’
‘I know. I was too comfy to offer to walk.’ I laugh.
‘Any time. How do you feel today?’
‘OK – except my gorgeous husband is not with me.’
‘Soon, baby. I need you to sign some investment documents. I’m transferring some shares into your name. Nothing to worry about.’
‘Give me some time and—’
‘No.’ He cuts me off. ‘Stella will bring the documents to you after lunch.’
‘Thank you. I don’t feel like going out today, but I was thinking tomorrow I’ll go back to work.’
‘It’s your call.’
‘I need to get back on track.’ I stretch my arms above my head.
‘Kate, you can’t change the past. Mr Jones will always be with you, especially at Sutton Global.’
‘I know, and I quite like that – our special place. Luke, I’m going to call Mum and Dad.’
‘OK.’
‘I just need to clear the air. I’ll invite them over for dinner one night this week.’
‘OK. Listen, I have a meeting, so Stella will come by later.’
‘I miss you.’
‘You too.’
What’s left of the morning soon disappears. I feel brighter, and today is a new day, a new beginning. I have a long phone call to Mum. Unexpectedly, she seemed OK – perhaps even relieved. Luke said Dad had been expecting Ivor to contact them. Well, it’s out there now. I ask them to come round for dinner next week.
Later, I have baked three fruitcakes, two jars of cookies and a batch of cupcakes.
I hear the black door open.
‘Kate, it’s only Stella.’
‘Hi, I’m in the kitchen.’
She enters with her usual beaming smile. ‘I can smell where you are… Oh my goodness, you’ve been busy.’
I pull her into a tight hug. ‘Coffee or tea? Please say you have time for one.’
‘Yes, I told Luke I wouldn’t rush away. Tea, please, Kate.’
‘This cake is for you to take home.’ I slide it towards her. ‘Now, what would you like with your tea?’
‘Hmm, cupcake, I think. Is that butter icing?’
‘Of course, one hundred per cent full of fabulous calories.’
‘Well, in that case I will have one.’
We sit for an hour chatting, mainly about my health. I show Stella the scan pictures. In turn she questions me about Kiki and her loss, then we talk about her own harrowing experience. She still harbours a similar pain to Kiki. She doesn’t have what she always wanted – a child.
Just before she leaves we go into Luke’s office, where she lays out various documents on the table for me to sign.
‘OK, two more. Sign here and here.’ Stella closes the various folders. ‘Good, I can send these off.’
‘Speak to Richard about coming over for dinner.’
‘That would be lovely. Luke said you might return to work tomorrow.’
I nod. ‘I have to make a start and, like I said to Luke, I know he’s there with me. I can see Mr Jones giving me one of his looks. Crazy, right?’
‘Not at all.’ She smiles. ‘And he would give you that look.’
As I stand up from the desk, I see a figure looking through the gates. I step closer to the window.
‘It can’t be,’ I whisper. ‘Crap – it is.’
‘Kate?’
I dart towards the office door.
‘Kate?’ Stella calls.
‘Call Luke!’ I shout. ‘My mum is here again.’
‘Kate,’ she calls again as I head for the front door.
I reach the gate barefoot. ‘Open the gate!’ I shout.
The two security guards look at me, and then at each other, then open the gate. I can’t see her. I stop and look both ways. Some distance away, I notice a figure. I run towards her.
‘Stop!’ I shout, but my words have no effect.
‘Katenka – stop!’
Nothing.
‘Mum – please stop.’
Bingo. The figure dressed in black stops dead.
So do I.
‘Mum?’ I mutter.
Very slowly she turns to face me and her dark eyes meet mine.
19
Time seems to stands still. I can barely breathe.
‘It’s really you, isn’t it?’ I say. Her face looks older, but it’s definitely her.
‘Yes. Hello.’ Her voice echoes through my body.
I take a deep breath, feeling physically sick. Don’t cry, Kate, don’t cry.
‘I knew it was you.’
Looking ashamed, she lowers her eyes.
‘Kate!’ Max bellows as he bounds towards me. ‘What the bloody hell are you doing? You haven’t got any shoes on!’
I look down at my bare feet. ‘Max, this is Katenka Bagrov – my birth mother.’ I want to cry hysterically – or laugh. Probably both.
‘Jesus!’ He looks the way I feel.
‘Hello,’ she responds politely.
‘This is bloody crazy.’ Thank God I’m not going mad.
‘I think we should go home and discuss this there,’ Max says.
I hold my hand out to the stranger who gave birth to me.
‘Please, come with me,’ I say.
‘OK,’ she responds and slowly slips her hand into mine. I feel the touch of my mum’s hand for the first time.
Eventually we make it home and sit in the grey lounge, Max with me and Katenka on the opposite sofa.
Stella walks in. ‘Kate, are you all right?’
I nod, but of course I am not OK. My mum is here. Where have you been for the last twenty-five years? is what I am thinking. I take Max’s hand and hold it tightly.
‘I’ll make tea.’ Stella leaves the room.
‘Let’s get this straight: you are Katenka Bagrov?’ Max is the only person who can speak.
‘Yes.’
‘I don’t understand,’ I manage to say as tears roll down my cheeks.
She comes over to sit next to me, and gently touches my face.
‘Please do not cry. I do not want to cause you pain.’
‘It’s too late.’ You did that when you walked out of our lives. ‘Harry – I have to call Harry.’
‘Give yourself a minute to calm down.’ Max wraps his arm around my trembling shoulders.
‘Go and get her, Max. Don’t let her get a cab – please.’
‘OK.’ He stands up.
‘Kate!’ Luke shouts from the hallway and appears at the entrance to the lounge. I rush to his arms.
Katenka also stands. ‘Hello.’
Luke walks to her, holding me close. ‘Luke Sutton, Kate’s husband.’
‘Pleased to meet you.’
Luke looks at me, concerned. ‘Are you OK?’
I nod.
‘I’m sorry,’ he says.
What fo
r? Doubting me?
‘Please, sit.’ He gestures to Katenka and sits down next to me on the sofa.
‘I want Max to collect Harry.’
‘Of course, give me a minute.’ Luke walks away from the lounge with Max, leaving me alone with her.
‘You look pale. I am sorry…’ She looks at her hands, which rest on her lap.
I feel compelled to touch her and take her hand. Skin-to-skin contact with my birth mother – it is almost too much to bear.
‘I don’t know what to say to you,’ I confess.
‘You don’t have to say anything.’
I take a deep breath. ‘You’re supposed to be dead.’
‘I am – on paper.’
‘Philip Cooper…’
Her dark eyes meet mine. I sweep her blonde hair from her face. Ivor always said I reminded him of her, and I do. I look like my mum.
‘What he did to you – he tried to do the same to me.’
‘No, please, God, no. My sweet Katarina.’ She takes my face in her hands.
‘I escaped.’
She sighs and pulls me closer. I shut my eyes and the world ceases to matter. My mother is holding me. I look up at her and see her face mirrors my emotions: tears of sadness, and maybe some joy, track down her cheeks.
When I turn, Luke is beside me once more.
Stella walks in. ‘Here we go, tea. Luke, I will go unless you want me to stay,’ she says.
‘No. Thank you, Stella,’ Luke says.
‘OK. I will see you all soon.’
I nod, but can’t find any words.
The room is silent. I have so many questions, but where do I begin?
‘Katenka, do you take milk and sugar?’ Uncharacterist-ically, Luke becomes the host.
‘Milk please, no sugar.’
He passes her a cup and saucer.
‘Thank you.’
‘Kate, tea?’
I shake my head. ‘No, thank you.’ I take a breath. ‘I’m pregnant.’ I want her to know.
She takes my hand. ‘How wonderful.’ She offers me a warm smile.
‘I collapsed the other day, when you were here…’
‘I saw your face and… I ran away. Katarina, I am so sorry.’
‘You know, I questioned my sanity. I thought I had imagined you.’
‘Katenka, I don’t want to appear rude, but Kate has questions that need answering.’
