by Parker, Ali
I wanted to know what she smelled like, what she tasted like. I wanted to pull her close against me and feel the heat of her body against mine. I ached to kiss those full lips of hers and suckle on her tongue.
I shook my head and forced myself to look elsewhere. I’d never been this caught up in thoughts about her before. It must have been because my breakup with Hillary was still kind of fresh, and I was feeling particularly lonely in the aftermath. The shit with the Lost Breed wasn't helping, and I was probably lusting for human connection more than just sex.
Although some sex would be a nice release.
I growled at myself. Now, I was thinking about fucking Lauryn, and my cock was twitching in my pants. This was just what I fucking needed. A hard-on when I was at work. I wished at times she didn’t fucking work there, but no…Lauryn needed this job more than most.
I knew she had a little boy to care for. I also knew she had a deadbeat boyfriend who was weighing her down. I’d tried on more than one occasion to have the conversation with her, but she shot me down every time. I understood why. Talking about personal shit was never pleasant, especially when it was with a guy who was technically your boss for the time being.
But I thought we were more than that.
We’d always had a connection I couldn’t quite put a finger on ever since she’d started dancing at Kadia two or three years ago. We’d hit it off right away and used to spend our breaks together. Then, she got together with Cliff, and something about her changed. A bit of her confidence slipped away, and before I had a chance to stop it, I found out she was using Zandra.
I hated that I couldn’t get her to stop.
I knew it wasn’t my responsibility. She was free to make her own choices, but I couldn’t help that it bothered me. I couldn’t understand it. Couldn’t rationalize it. If she was unhappy with Cliff, she should leave him. I could help her. She knew I would.
Didn’t she?
I sighed and slipped out from behind the bar to move to my next station. I stood at the opening to the hallway that led to the bathrooms. I nodded at guests who slipped by me. I was more of a deterrent than anything else. No shit had gone down at Kadia since that night in the alley with Isaac and poor Evelyn.
I’d dropped the ball that night. Luckily, I still had my job.
Nothing like that would ever happen here again. That motherfucker wouldn’t set foot in my club without me knowing about it.
This DeMarco guy might be the new owner of Kadia, but the place was mine to protect. She had been for as long as I’d been working here, and all her patrons and employees were my responsibility as well. I made a difference in this place. I kept out the riffraff and protected the good people from the bad people.
And if I had to protect Lauryn from herself, then so fucking be it.
Chapter 8
Lauryn
The alarm on my phone went off at six thirty in the morning on Monday. I groaned and reached for my nightstand, feeling around for my phone with my fingers until I found it and shut off the alarm. I left my phone there and rubbed at my eyes. I was so tired, it felt impossible to open them.
When I did manage to open my eyes, my ceiling was spinning. I was sore from the weekend of work at Kadia and a little from coming down off Zandra. The stuff I’d taken last night had most definitely been stronger than what I was used to.
I sighed and slowly sat up. The room tipped and spun some more, and I sat on the edge of the bed and waited for it to pass. Cliff was sleeping on his side of the bed, snoring as usual. He was flat on his back with one hand dangling off the side of the bed.
I watched him sleep for a couple of minutes as I waited for my fat head to feel a little more normal. He had a few days growth of a beard on his jaw and neck, and his hair was an oily mess. I wondered how long it had been since he’d showered. He was wearing the same shirt he’d had on when I left for work the night before—when we got into our argument. Chances were high that he’d lain around on the sofa all night watching television while Jayden played in his room. My son probably put himself to bed.
I pushed myself up and got my robe off the back of my bedroom door. I wrapped it around myself and padded quietly down the hall to the bathroom where I went about my morning routine. I relieved my bladder, showered, and brushed my teeth. Then, I went back to the bedroom and dressed in my favorite pair of worn, ripped up jeans, and a gray T-shirt. I left my hair wrapped up in my towel as I went to wake Jayden up.
He was much more of a morning person than me. When I knocked on his door, he called for me to come in. He was lying in bed but wide awake as I suspected he’d be. He gave me a bright smile. “Good morning, Mom.”
“Morning, kiddo,” I said, going to his window and cranking open the blinds. It was a gray day outside, but the light still shined in and brightened the room up.
Jayden shielded his eyes and propped himself up on his elbows.
“Time to get up, kiddo. Come on. Let’s get you dressed.”
Jayden slid out of bed and landed heavily on his heels. He came over to me as I opened drawers in his dresser and started holding up clothing options. I picked up a pair of jeans and held them out to him. He shook his head. “Not today.”
“Okay,” I said, and I rummaged through more pants until I found a pair of khakis I knew he loved. “How about these? The perfect Monday pants.”
Jayden nodded. “Okay.”
I handed them to him, and he started getting dressed as I picked out his polo shirt. He had preppy tastes, which I thought was adorable. I had no clue where he got it from. It definitely wasn’t from me. I gravitated to bright colors and obnoxious prints.
Once he was dressed, we went into the kitchen. I started a pot of coffee for myself and poured Jayden a cup of orange juice. He brought it to the kitchen table and sat down as I put some bread in the toaster. I grabbed us each a plate and put peanut butter and jam on the table. There was never any knowing what mood Jayden would be in, so I liked to give him options in the morning.
When the toast popped, I brought over his plate. He went for the peanut butter and spread it over his toast before taking a bite. He smeared it on his cheeks as I put jam on mine and waited impatiently for my coffee.
“Are you looking forward to school today?” I asked.
Jayden nodded. “Yep. We have career day today.”
“Career day?”
Jayden took another bite of toast and chewed and swallowed before answering. I’d taught him well. “Yeah. Mrs. Brown said she has a presentation for us about careers.”
“You’re seven,” I said flatly. How on earth was he supposed to know what career he wanted? And why was the school system trying to push it on him that such a big decision was in his future?
“I know,” Jayden said with a crooked smile. He finished his toast as I got up and poured myself my coffee. I stirred in my cream and sugar as he started talking. “But I think it will be fun. I hope we talk about astronauts and firemen. I don’t know which one I want to be, and it would help me decide.”
“Oooh. I see.” I hid my smirk from him by ducking down to put the cream back in the fridge. When I popped back up, my expression was a mask of seriousness. “Well, I hope Mrs. Brown features both options. I could see you doing either and being excellent at it. But I think I’d rather you be a fireman.”
“Why?”
“Because if you’re an astronaut, you have to leave earth. You know I’d miss you so much, and you’d be so far away.”
“I’d come back.” Jayden giggled.
“You’d better,” I teased.
Jayden snorted into his orange juice, and we both giggled. Sometimes, I didn’t know who was the bigger child, me or my son. I liked it that way. He made me laugh a lot, more than anyone else I knew. He was the light of my life.
Even though he’d been a bit of a surprise and his father had skipped out when he found out I was pregnant, I had no regrets. There was nothing on this planet more precious to me than Jayden, and he’d
taught me what it really meant to love someone. He took care of me, and I took care of him. We made a great team. Sometimes too great.
I knew he wasn’t supposed to be taking care of me.
“Well, kiddo, should we get your teeth brushed? If you go do that, I’ll throw your lunch together, and we’ll hit the road.”
Jayden slid off his chair. “Thanks for breakfast, Mom!”
“You’re welcome!” I called after him as he ran down the hall. He was such a heavy walker. He went heel first everywhere he went. That boy would never be able to sneak up on anyone. Not ever.
I set to packing his lunch. I made him a turkey sandwich and cut up some vegetables for him to have at first break. I also tossed two cookies and a water bottle in his lunch kit. When he came back into the kitchen, I was putting it in his backpack.
He beamed up at me. “I’m ready to go.”
“Okay, go put your shoes on. I’m going to let Cliff know we’re taking the truck.”
I listened to Jayden go down the hall as I slipped back into my bedroom. Cliff was still sound asleep, snoring like a caveman, and I had to shake him roughly to wake him. When he came to, he shrugged me off and tried to roll over.
“Cliff, I’m sorry. I just wanted to let you know I’m taking the truck to bring Jayden to school. I know you wanted me to tell you when I—”
“Yeah, yeah,” Cliff grumbled, rolling away from me. “Whatever. Just let me sleep, woman. And don’t make any other stops on your way back. Don’t need you putting a dent in my baby.”
“I’m a better driver than you are,” I said.
“Leave me alone, will you? I’m trying to fucking sleep. Close the door on your way out.”
I marched out, ignoring the sting of his words. He never spoke to me in a kind or gentle way. He was forever annoyed with me for one thing or another, and no matter what I did, it wasn’t enough. He once got mad at me for having dinner made for him when he came home from work one night because he felt obligated to sit and eat with me. Which apparently, he did not want to do. He’d wanted to sit alone on the sofa with a beer while I played with Jayden in his room so he could have “some damn peace and quiet for once.”
Eventually, I’d stopped trying. There was no point in fighting him with everything anymore. I couldn’t make him happy, so why waste energy I could spend on Jayden instead?
My son was waiting for me at the front door. He had his backpack on and was smiling patiently as I took the truck keys from the hook behind the door. “Let’s go, kiddo.”
We left the apartment and rode the elevator down to the underground parking. I helped Jayden up into the truck. It was lifted too high for him to manage on his own. He had to sit in the back seat due to the airbags, but he didn’t seem to mind.
I started the truck up and pulled out of the underground.
The drive to school was less than ten minutes. When I pulled into a parking space, Jayden unclipped his seat belt and slid across the back seat to the door. I got out and went around to let him out. I set him down on the pavement and handed him his backpack before crouching down in front of him and fixing his hair and the collar of his shirt. “Now, you have a good day, okay? I’ll be back to pick you up after school. I can’t wait to hear about career day.”
Jayden nodded and gave me the brightest smile ever. He threw his arms around my shoulders. “I will, Mom. I love you.”
I hugged him back fiercely. “I love you, too, kiddo.” Before he broke away, I planted a kiss on his cheek and then rose to my feet as he walked up the steps to the front door of the school. He turned back and waved, and I leaned up against the truck.
Sometimes, on the bad days, I didn’t leave right away. Today was one of those days. I stayed there, leaning up against Cliff’s precious truck, and wished I didn’t have to go home. Anywhere was better than there when Jayden wasn’t home.
Cliff would be lying in bed waiting for me to come home so he knew I wasn’t out driving his truck around the city. Then, he’d sleep for a few more hours while I busied myself with cleaning. Then, around noon, he’d come out of our bedroom and make something to eat. Or he’d ask me to make it. I was in no mood to make him a sandwich today.
I just wanted to be alone.
Because even when I was alone, I didn’t feel as lonely as I did when I was with Cliff.
Chapter 9
Caleb
I’d only been at the gym for about ten minutes when Derek showed up. I’d been helping Gemma, one of the girls who worked at the check-in desk, with her car. Her check engine light had come on, and after a quick look under the hood, I’d established that she was low on coolant. I warned her that driving could be dangerous because the car could overheat, and she’d had a friend deliver coolant to her. I topped it up for her at the same time Derek showed up for our workout.
Gemma thanked me, and Derek and I headed inside.
“You flirting with the gym girls now?” Derek asked as we put our shit away and headed to the weight rack.
“No. We all know that girl only has eyes for you, anyway. Ever since the whole shit show with Jason in the parking lot, she can’t keep her eyes off you. She thinks you’re James fucking Bond.”
Derek chuckled. “Jealous?”
“Of you? Don’t make me laugh,” I said.
We pumped out a few sets to break a sweat and get ourselves warmed up. Then, we worked out for a good half hour without any breaks, each of us pushing the other to work harder and to suffer through the pain.
Before moving along to do some leg workouts, we stopped to have some water. “You talked to this Rhys guy yet like Ryder wanted?” I asked.
Derek nodded. “Yeah. I caught up with him on Sunday.”
“And?” I asked.
Derek shrugged. “And it’s as I thought. He wants to join the Lost Breed. He and some of his guys from his old crew out in Chicago.”
“Why?”
“Because Isaac and his brother killed off half their club.”
“Fuck. Seriously?”
Derek nodded. “Yeah. At first, I thought he was just saying whatever he thought it would take for me to introduce him to Ryder. But I told Dani, and she ran the information through the NYPD database. The names Rhys gave me matched the ones she pulled up. And low and behold, they were members of his crew. Now, there are only him and three guys left.”
“And he wants to bring them all in with him?”
“Yes.”
“What did Ryder say? With everything going on, I can’t see him wanting to let strangers in, especially with Dani being pregnant and all.”
“I haven’t told Ryder everything yet. He wants me to keep in touch with Rhys and try to feel him out to see if I can catch him in any lies. I’m not opposed. At the same time, I’ve of the mind that we could use all the help we can get. I said that to Ryder, but he still wants to play it safe.”
“Fair enough. But you should tell him Rhys’s endgame is to join us. Otherwise, Ryder will figure it out on his own, and he’ll be pissed you didn’t tell him sooner.”
“I know.”
We worked our legs for the next half hour and didn’t talk more about Rhys. My mind was running a mile a minute with thoughts about him, and none of them were good. I had an itch I couldn’t scratch. It all seemed too convenient for Rhys to show up right now offering to help. This was the kind of shit that snuck up on people and got them in trouble. We were in enough trouble as it was.
We finished up at the gym and gathered our things. We said goodbye to Gemma, who gave Derek a flirty look when we passed her reception desk, and then pushed out through the doors and crossed the parking lot. Dimly, I speculated whether Derek still thought about the night Jason had shot him here.
We stopped at his truck, and he tossed his shit in the back. Then, he leaned against it and crossed his arms. “What do you think?” he asked. His brows were drawn together.
“About what?”
“About all of this.”
“All of this as in
?”
“As in Isaac and Ryder’s plan to take him out. Well. Half a plan.”
I shrugged. “I think he’s right not to take any more risks. I think he and Dani know what they’re doing. I think you’re really asking me if I think it’s going to work or not.”
Derek shifted uncomfortably and nodded. “I am.”
I sighed and raked my fingers through my sweaty hair. “To be honest? I have no fucking clue, but I’m willing to give this my best shot. I’m sick of this shit, man. I’m sick of constantly fighting the impulse to call everyone and make sure you’re still breathing. It’s got to stop for the sake of my sanity.”
Derek nodded. “I get that.”
“Then, get home to your girl.”
Derek smiled faintly and pushed himself off his truck. “She’s at work right now.”
“How’s she doing, by the way?” I asked. Poor Evelyn. She’d been given quite the fright that night Isaac Reed broke into Derek’s house and tried to drown her in his bathtub. Derek had almost been too late to save her. Luckily, he’d arrived in the nick of time, and she was spared. Isaac had ended up shooting Jason instead, and the whole thing could have gone worse if I hadn’t shown up and spooked him.
I had a very vivid picture in my mind of how Evelyn had looked when I came to find her alone in the bathroom. Derek had taken off after Isaac, and in her state of fear, she’d pressed herself between the wall and the toilet. She was soaking wet, and her skin was spotted in watered down blood from Jason’s body. I’d never seen a woman look so terrified.
Derek fished his keys out of his pocket. “She’s better and better every day. There are still some mountains to climb, but she’ll get there. I’ve been considering selling the house and moving somewhere else. Somewhere that doesn’t have those memories. They haunt her all the time. She hates going into that fucking bathroom.”
