“What?” I ask, raising my eyebrows.
“That was just… beautiful,” he says in awe.
Now I’m even more uncomfortable. I don’t know what to say. No one has ever said anything I did was beautiful.
“You looked so amazing out there. What’s it like?” he asks, curious now.
I shrug my shoulders, unsure how to explain it. “It’s freeing. There’s nothing like flying. You’re able to let go of all your thoughts and worries. Feeling nothing but the power in yourself that’s launching you and gliding you through the nothingness.”
I glance down at my hands, causing my hair to fall down into my face. I usually wear it up but when I shifted, I forgot about my tie. Now it’s somewhere down on the roof. I push my hair back from my face and glance over at him, shyly. I’m unnerved by this boy’s interest in me, and am wondering if he thinks I’m insane. I sometimes think I am. Okay, I think that a lot.
He finally quits staring at me, thank god, but still looks deep in thought. “Does it hurt?”
I try looking busy as I play with my hair. “Does what hurt?”
“Shifting like that.” Coy shifts a little on the ledge, finally letting go of the railing so he can face me better.
“A little bit. I think a lot of that has to do with some of my body being resistant to it.”
“What do you mean?”
“You know, the Lycan, the Vampire. I really don’t think the Witch part would be that resistant to the shift. But I think the biggest element is the wolf. It feels unnatural. Not in its proper form.” I shrug my shoulders, still fumbling with my hair.
I know it’s not scientific evidence or anything, but it makes sense to me. I’ve never shifted into the wolf form. I don’t even know if I can. But the essence of the wolf is still there, so it would seem natural that it would resist another type of transformation.
“You talk as if you have four different creatures fighting over your body,” Coy says with a chuckle.
“That’s how I think of it,” I mumble, not really feeling Coy’s humor. “There are four different Shadows combined into one body and they’re always struggling for dominance.”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t seem right. I know you have all that in you but they’re not all dominant, right? You’re in control. I know you have to consume blood on occasion, but I think a lot of that is just to keep you sustained.” He looks deep into the city. He turns his gaze to the moon, as if he’s looking for guidance. We both sit there in silence, thinking of the possibilities. Finally, I break the silence.
“It just feels like I don’t have control sometimes. Or it feels like I’m about to burst open because there’s a constant battle going on inside of me,” I say, remembering all the times I clawed at my skin, wanting to release the pressure inside.
The first time I ever shifted, it felt like I was being pulled apart. I had screamed out in agony for hours as my body tried to transform, my wings starting to form, only to be pulled back into my body, feathers sprouting from pores, then tearing back inside…. It was like a battle of the wills, part of me wanting to be free, the other part refusing to let go. Finally, with a desperate push of my will, I completed the transformation. It took a few more shifts, none as bad as the first, before it became the easy act it is now.
“I can see that. Do you think some of that’s just you though? Looking down on what you are, instead of accepting yourself?”
“I don’t know,” I say quietly, feeling a little uncomfortable. I’ve never talked like this with anyone but Addie. Even then it wasn’t about our abilities or how they make us feel. Instead we talked about pros, cons, ifs, and buts.
“Maybe if you—I don’t know—learned how to control and combine the powers properly, it wouldn’t feel like that. I dunno….” Coy trails off as he sees my reaction to him telling me how to control myself. Maybe he should stick to the daydreams and tour guides. It’s as if he can hear me thinking that I don’t need some human coming in and telling me how to live with four Shadows inside me.
“I’m sorry. I don’t even know what I’m talking about. I’m just a plain old human,” he amends.
“What’s that like?” I ask. Good change of topic, and I do wonder.
“Being human?”
I nod as Coy lets out a little chuckle. “I guess you could say ordinary. I mean it seems simpler after meeting the group. No blood-driven thirst, no worrying about the moon. Just simple everyday life.”
“Sounds great. I wish I could be simple like that.” Off on the horizon, I notice clouds are starting to roll in.
“Yeah, unless you’re getting your neck chomped on,” he says with anger.
“Yeah, that probably isn’t so simple. If you don’t mind me asking, what’s that like?” I’ve been chomped on a time or two, but I wonder if it’s different for humans.
“It hurts at first but then the pain is numbed and you really don’t feel anything. Afterwards you feel sluggish and disoriented for a few hours, but that’s an easy fix with some sugar intake. The wounds take a few days to heal over. And just when you start getting your strength back, it’s their snack time again.” He still sounds angry but a little resigned.
I mutter an apology as I look down at the scars on my arms, faint but still visible. Those few days were excruciating, I can’t imagine a lifetime of that humiliation.
“Don’t be sorry for me. I’ve heard stories of the hell you’ve been through.” Coy looks over at me with sympathy. I cringe. One thing I don’t like, is sympathy.
“What stories?” I ask curiously, not liking where this is going.
“Well, I don’t know if you remember him or not, but my brother Micah was the one who tended to you in Brazil.”
“That was your brother?” I ask, taking a closer look at him.
When I first met Coy I thought I recognized him, but couldn’t place him. I had dismissed the thought up until now. That smile, the smile I had seen before but couldn’t place, had brought a bright light into my life when everything else was dark with pain.
Now that I know, I can see the similarity. Both have a shade of blond hair and both are tall. But their eyes are different. Where Coy’s eyes are brown, his brother’s eyes are green. I had been unconscious and thrown out to the curb covered in blood. When I came around, there he was hovering over me, his eyes radiant with care. I still remember looking up into those kind eyes, shocked by the tenderness I seen in them.
“Yeah, he wrote to me once and told me all about it. Aldrick forbids us from communicating with “workers,” as he puts it, from another clan. But Lynna thought it was too harsh considering they tend to separate us from our families.”
He pauses for a minute, looking down at the city below us, his expression tight with anger. I wonder what he’s thinking. No doubt about the harsh past he’s had, the lonely life he had away from his family, while the vamps treated him as nothing more than a walking meal.
“Lynna would let us write to one another every once in a while. He was so excited to write to me about the amazing girl he had met. The one that was so fierce and beautiful.” A warm flush spread over me at the mention of this boy calling me fierce and beautiful. Thinking back to that night, covered in blood, sweat, and hay, I don’t see how he could have thought that. He must have been suffering from his own loss of blood.
“He also told me how those Shadows had treated you and then thrown you out onto the curb. He said he found your collapsed body outside the gates.”
I nod, remembering his gentle, concerned face leering over me. “He did. He helped me a lot, actually. He even tried to make me drink from him.” I look at Coy pointedly. There’s something else the brothers have in common, they’ve both offered me their blood willingly. “But I wouldn’t do it. After arguing with me and realizing I wasn’t going to budge, he found me some blood bags. That was why I was there in the first place.
“I had been traveling and was in need of some blood but couldn’t find a blood bank anywhere. When I h
eard about the small colony in the forest, I decided to check it out. Most places like that keep blood on hand since they’re so far away from humans. What a big mistake that was. But your brother nursed me back to health and told me the safest way out of the forest.”
Coy tries masking his face, but I can see his worry and sadness. “I hope we find him,” he says.
I reach over to place my hand on his. “Don’t worry. We will find him.”
He nods as he changes the subject. “Do you encounter that a lot?”
That question could cover a broad span of subjects. Better narrow it down. “What?”
“The way those Shadows had treated you,” he says.
“No. Usually Shadows and humans just avoid me. They fear me. There are those who think I am a complete abomination and should be killed. Then there are those who are more curious, like those Shadows were, and want to test me, to see what my abilities are and how strong I am.”
“That seems rough,” he replies with a sad smile. That sad smile softens as he looks over at me. “It’s a shame though. If they only knew what they were missing.”
Another blush spreads across my face. I can feel the heat spreading over my face and neck. Fortunately, it’s night-time. Trying to brush it off, I ask a question that has been plaguing me since meeting Coy.
“Why aren’t you afraid of me?”
Coy looks at me, baffled. “Why would I be afraid of you?”
I shrug, not getting a chance to answer before he continues.
“Until the day you start chomping on my throat without my permission or throwing me across the room for fun, I’ll never be afraid of you.”
We sit there in silence for a while but eventually we’re forced to leave. It seems the weather has decided to take a turn for the worse. The clouds had rolled in slowly at first, but quickly changed to thick, heavy masses that weighed down on the city. The overcast finally breaks to let out an oppressing stream of rain. I grab Coy around the chest like I did before and descend. He doesn’t seem as terrified as he did on the way up. Maybe it’s because he knows it’s coming.
We hail a ride back across town, and Coy kindly thanks the driver for taking a different route back to our inn, allowing him to see more of London. His smile brings his brother back to the forefront of my mind.
I nestle back against my seat, clearing my throat. “So why was Lynna so lenient with you guys?”
“She was once a servant too.”
“What?” I turn to him intrigued. “Seriously?”
“She was turned by Aldrick. He was in love with her sister who is also a Vampire. He thought if he turned her sister, who had been under his servitude for years, she would love him.”
That’s a disturbing way to win someone’s love. “Did she?”
“No. She hated him even more. Lynna was the only family her sister had left and even though she didn’t want to lose her to death, she didn’t want her cursed either. The sisters devised a plan to get back at Aldrick. Lynna tricked Aldrick into thinking she hated her sister and he gave her a job in the lair. She worked hard and eventually made her way up the ladder. She started helping us shortly after taking the position she’s in now. She knows what it’s like to not talk to your family. She didn’t get to talk to her sister for ten years before becoming a Vampire.” Coy chuckles a little bit as a half-smile spreads on his lips. “Aldrick might not have got the girl, but he did reunite many families. Something he doesn’t like.”
I can’t believe that Aldrick is such a jerk. Danika said he was in servitude before he got turned, so he should know how it feels. He probably does but that doesn’t seem to matter. He’s now bringing that pain and anguish to those under him.
The cab hits a pothole and I bump shoulders with Coy. I didn’t realize we were sitting so close together. I scoot over and look out the window, finding the city more interesting than I did a few moments ago.
I’m relieved when I see the inn in view. We silently walk inside, the lobby now quiet, with the tourists either in bed exhausted from their days adventure or out clubbing for the night. I start to open my door but Coy stops me, placing his hand on my arm. I turn to look at him, or should I say up at him since he’s so close.
“Thanks for tonight. I really do appreciate it.”
I manage to mumble, “No problem.” His closeness making me feel a little off-balance.
He removes his hand and takes a step back. A cute smile plays on his lips like he knows some hidden secret. “Good night, Racquel.” He disappears into his room while I stand in the hall like an idiot.
My key shakes in my hand as I unlock my door. Why am I letting Coy rattle me? He’s a nice guy, not to mention cute, but that shouldn’t invoke this response. I shouldn’t be flustered just because he’s nice to me. I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by his kindness, probably just being friendly like his brother.
I go wash up in the bathroom and change into my pj’s, shaking off this weird frazzled feeling. Once I enter the main room, I notice a piece of paper lying by the door. I unfold the note that reads,
Meet me downstairs at noon.
-Ethan
Chapter Eleven
As I make my way downstairs to meet Ethan the following day, I try shaking off the nightmares from the night before. They were the same as the others, warnings and death. The cloaked man was still hidden, with no revelation as to who he is, except for the scar on his hand.
I enter the café and see the others at a table outside, coffees in hand. I pick up some coffee and a bagel before joining them. It’s colder this morning, with an overcast of gray.
As I sit down, my first shock is Ethan. He looks like someone beat him with a sleep stick. His hair is disheveled and he still has those same dark circles that were under his eyes yesterday. He’s also looking a little scruffy, his unshaved beard stubble giving his face a shadow that wasn’t there yesterday.
Danika is looking at a map, dressed as if going to a business meeting. I wonder how many blazers she owns. Today’s outfit is a black blazer with a pink shirt.
Coy gives me a big smile. “Morning! Sleep good?”
“Not really, you?” I scoot my chair over just a bit. Our legs brushing under the table is just too close for comfort.
“I slept great.” He’s only looking at me with a sideways glance, but the glance holds an enticing mischief.
He’s still wearing the same outfit as yesterday. Time to bring this to light. “Yeah well you need to get some new clothes. You’re starting to stink.”
Coy lifts up his shirt, sniffing the collar. “These are the only clothes I have.”
“Don’t worry, I will arrange for someone to pick you up some new ones.” Danika takes out a sheet of paper and a pen, then slides it over to Coy. “Write down the sizes you wear.”
While those two discuss Coy’s clothing preferences, I look over at Ethan who’s boring holes into the table, his eyes hazy and unfocused.
“Okay over there?” I ask him.
He yawns broadly before answering. “Yeah, just tired. So I assume you have a lot of questions for me.” He slides down in his seat, slouching.
I take a sip of my coffee. “Yeah, but I don’t know where to begin.”
“I’ll just start with your original question from yesterday. How is an Alpha chosen? It’s simple. The first Alpha, of course, was the first of our kind. Once he died, the next in line took his place. If the pack does not agree with how the Alpha is running things, they can challenge him. The pack will pick the one who will face the Alpha. If he defeats the Alpha in a fight to the death, then he will become the new Alpha.
“But a challenge like that has only happened once in our history. Our current Alpha, Jobe, had a twin brother, Nicholas, who was Alpha of the pack. Jobe didn’t agree with a lot of the things that he was doing, so he challenged him. It wasn’t an easy fight and Jobe kept second-guessing himself as he looked at his brother. After hours of violent combat, Jobe finally landed the death blow. He lost his bro
ther to better protect the pack, which shows the strength of his leadership. However, the violent act in which he killed his brother still haunts his soul.”
Jeez, Lycans are rough. “You said that once the first Alpha died, there was another in line. How do you choose who’s next in line?”
“The Alpha will choose a Beta to be by his side until his death. If that Beta happens to die before the Alpha, he chooses another. Jobe was his brothers’ Beta.”
Huh, looks like that decision bit Nicholas in the butt.
“And how does the Alpha chose his Beta?” I ask, leaning on the table. I’m so engrossed in the story that everything around me disappears. This proves to be a bad thing. Coy brushes his leg against mine making me tense up a little. I hadn’t noticed him scooting over to me. I look over at him, my eyes narrowing into slits. Of course he’s chuckling, clearly enjoying the unease he’s creating.
I do my best to ignore him, keeping my attention on Ethan, although his closeness and taunting is dancing on the edges of my mind.
Ethan rubs his eyes, then continues. “The Alpha chooses between the two oldest Lycans. He will test their skill, their leadership, and their loyalty. Jobe was 300 years old before he challenged his brother for the Alpha position. He’s now over 600 years old,” Ethan says, taking a sip of his coffee.
“Whoa, whoa wait a minute. Are you saying that Lycans who choose against immortality don’t ever get a shot at being Alpha or Beta? That seems a little unfair.”
I knew that Lycans could choose immortality or live a regular human lifespan. I’d always had great respect for the ones who chose against immortality. I’m sure it’s a hard decision, one that weighs on a Lycans mind until he’s thirty—the magic cut-off age for choosing one or the other.
It didn’t seem fair that they had to make that decision, but didn’t get to make any other decisions when it came to governing the pack.
Ethan shakes his head. “The pack doesn’t seem to think so. They would rather have the same Alpha in charge rather than switching around every couple of decades. It helps keep things in order.” Ethan looks down at his feet, exhaustion weighing him down.
Uniquely Unwelcome (The Shadow World, #1) Page 14
