Compromised Hearts

by Hannah Howell

  No one, she thought, would ever be able to take away her memories and she decided she would do her best to make some heady ones. It was a scandalous plan, but her whole time with Cloud had been scandalous. She had been very good up until she had met him and would undoubtedly be painfully good after he left her. A little scandal would not kill her, she told herself firmly to silence that part of her that seemed continually shocked since she had met Cloud.

  By the time they retired for the night, Cloud had gone far past irritation. He told himself it was because he had made plans and did not like having to change them, but he did not really believe it. For the first time in his life, he did not want to be rid of a woman, but Emily was beginning to show every sign of being glad to be rid of him. What added to his anger was that it hurt him, something no woman had done since he was very young and very naive.

  Sitting on the edge of the bed to remove his boots, he covertly watched her as she readied herself for bed. She was, he mused, one of the most innately graceful women he had ever seen. He doubted it was all due to good breeding and the lessons of society. With Emily, he suspected it was mostly natural, done without thought.

  The thought of her background made him scowl. He had never really considered the fact that it could be a problem and that might have been extraordinarily blind of him. She was a lady, Boston bred and educated. He was part Indian, mostly self-taught, and a poor farmer’s son. A match between them was something that most people, possibly even including his own family, would think impossible if not laughable, despite the fact that he had bedded her.

  Seeing Cloud’s scowl in the mirror as she finished brushing her hair, Emily sighed. It was going to be very hard to make any sweet memories when the man she wished to make them with was acting as grouchy as a bear with a sore paw. That was not the only reason she started to get annoyed, however. She could think of nothing she had done to deserve the glares he directed at her. Putting down the brush with a distinct snap, she went to the bed and climbed in with what even she saw as a flounce.

  “If you have no wish to share this room with me, why not just say so instead of staying on and acting so put out?”

  As he stood up to shed his pants Cloud stared at her in slight surprise. He had been momentarily distracted from his growing anger by watching her lithe body, barely kept modest by the shift she wore, as she had flounced to the bed. It took him a moment to realize why she should say such a thing. She was clearly putting her own interpretation on his evident annoyance.

  “If I didn’t want to share this room and this bed with you I wouldn’t have even walked in that door.” He joined her in bed and caught her hand when she reached out to turn down the lamp.

  “Then have I offended your brother? Committed some grave faux pas? There must be some reason for the way you have been glaring at me since dinner.”

  Tugging her into his arms he slid his hands up the back of her legs to cup her shapely backside. “You weren’t getting to bed fast enough.”

  He watched her carefully as he brushed light kisses over her face. As always her eyes began to grow heavy-lidded, the green darkening with the hint of her growing passion. It told him that, although she might be thinking herself glad to be rid of him, she had not been able to dim her desire for him. She might think it was over, he mused as he tugged off her shift, but it was not.

  Emily met his gaze as he pressed her flesh against his. Passion was darkening the depths of his eyes, but anger still lingered. She pushed against him, trying to free herself, but his hold on her simply tightened.

  “You are still angry with me. I don’t want"—she hesitated but was unable to find any words—"this done in anger.”

  “You’re damned glad to be seeing Harper tomorrow, aren’t you?”

  She blinked, feeling confused, a state of mind greatly contributed to by the way he was stroking her in all the right places. “Well, yes. Of course. I haven’t seen my brother in far too long.”

  Pushing her onto her back, he crouched over her. “Maybe it ain’t anger you see, but determination.”

  “Determination?” The word came out as a gasp for he began to lathe the tips of her breasts with his tongue.

  For a moment she forgot what they were talking about. She burrowed her fingers into his hair, holding his head against her breasts. The way he gently kneaded their fullness with his hands, skillfully teased the tips with his tongue until they ached, and then soothed that torment by drawing the hardened nub deep into his mouth, made her desire soar and thought nearly impossible.

  “A determination to be sure that you don’t get to pleased to see Harper that you forget the last weeks and just who you spent them with.” He brushed soft kisses over her midriff and felt her buck slightly when he teased at her navel with his tongue.

  Cloud intended to mark her as his. He wanted to brand her in flesh and mind so firmly that her skin would still heat with the memory of him for weeks to come. For a while he would not be able to keep a close watch on her, so he would leave her with a memory so strong it would prove guard enough.

  As he stroked her thighs with his lips and hands, Emily found it impossible to speak clearly. She had the feeling he meant for her to be so enthralled. When his lips brushed the very top of her thigh she knew what he planned to do to her. Still uncertain about that intimacy, she tried to pull away but he held her still with ease. She cried out when the warmth of his mouth touched the very center point of her desire. In another instant she no longer cared about what he had been saying or what his mood was; she simply wanted him, craved the pleasure he was giving her.

  When he finally responded to her cries and plunged into her, she clung to him tightly. Although her release was quick and fierce, he was soon joining her in the fall into desire’s abyss. It was not until her senses began to return to normal that she began to suspect that his lovemaking had been inspired by more than a need to give and get pleasure. She began to feel a little as if she had been used. It left her confused and hurt, for she was not sure why he had acted so, whether or not his reasons would simply hurt her more. It was that thought that kept her silent until his actions told her that he intended to make love to her again.

  Pushing him away, she said quietly, “I think I have had enough of your games.” She turned onto her side.

  Staring at her stiff, slim back, Cloud felt a twinge of guilt. He also found it uncomfortable to be read with such apparent ease. Slipping an arm around her waist, he kissed her shoulder and ignored her tenseness. The last thing he wanted was to push her away with his actions.

  “Em, I wasn’t playing games.”

  “Why don’t I believe that?”

  “I was deadly serious,” he said quietly and met her gaze squarely when she turned to look at him.

  “Determined?” She suddenly recalled the somewhat confusing things he had said earlier, things that she still did not understand even with a clear head.

  “Right, determined. I’m going to be leaving you with Harper for a while.”

  “Of course. That has always been the plan.” She frowned. “What do you mean—for a while?”

  “Well, for a while without seeing you.” He was still reluctant to talk of the future he had planned and knew he would have to be careful in what he said. “Or would you rather I didn’t come to see you?”

  “Oh, no. I should like to see you.” She had to bite her tongue to keep from telling him exactly how much.

  “Then why the hell have you been so damned cheerful all evening?”

  Her eyes widened and she nearly laughed. All her efforts at making him believe she was not bothered by their impending separation had clearly worked, but not in exactly the manner she had intended. Then she frowned. If he had had something in mind other than leaving her at Harper’s doorstep and walking away, he should have mentioned it sometime during all the weeks they had been together. If nothing else, it would have been a kindness on his part. Instead, it seemed he had kept all his thoughts to himself, then gotten annoye
d when she did not fall in with the plans he had made.

  “I graciously decided that I would not burden you with any troubles, emotional or otherwise. I did not wish to be some irksome female who did not know when her time with you had come to an end. I did not wish to end up treated as you have treated Janice and—” The list she had been about to recite was ended by a quick, hard kiss.

  “You’d never be treated like that.”

  “I have had no reason to think otherwise.” She thought briefly that that might not be quite true, but then decided that it would not hurt him to argue it and might even result in an easing of the hurt he could so easily, and unthinkingly, inflict.

  He frowned at her. It did not seem to him that he had treated her as he had other women. In fact, he was sure he had not. Every aspect of their relationship had been different from any other he had had before her. Somehow he had not made her see that, but he was not sure how to rectify his mistake. Neither did he want to say things to soothe her that he was not ready to say yet or did not feel. The flat truth, except for his thoughts about marriage, would have to do.

  “If I’ve left you thinking you’re no more to me than a Justine or the others, I’m sorry. I didn’t think I had.”

  “Well, perhaps not,” she mumbled, honesty forcing her to admit to it. “Then again, you’ve never once led me to believe that you planned anything other than just what we had agreed upon at the start—you would take me to Harper’s.”

  “There’s a good reason for that. I had to be sure I wanted to do something else. I sure as hell wasn’t going to tell you until I was sure. Since I’ve never wanted to keep on seeing a woman so much for so long before, I doubted I knew what I wanted.” He grimaced and ran a hand through his hair. “I’m not explaining this very well, am I.”

  “You’re not doing too badly.” She smiled faintly, beginning to understand his silence on the matter even if she did wish he had not been so reticent. “To speak of it could be seen as a promise and one you could later decide you did not want to keep.”

  Cloua nodded and realized that that was one of things he really appreciated about her. She seemed to try very hard not to let emotion rule her thoughts or common sense. Also, while she might not agree with one’s reasoning, she did listen carefully to it and try to understand. As a result he found it easy to talk to her and he was more open with her than he had ever been with a woman. That, he knew, could only benefit them in the future.

  “Exactly. I’ve always been wary of making any sort of promise.”

  The thought that there could yet be a chance of a future for them cheered Emily immensely. Although she warned herself about letting her hopes rise, she could not fully stop herself from hoping. He was not going to simply discard her as he had so many in the past—at least not immediately. There was no ignoring the fact that that gave her a chance. She would have time, the time she craved to continue to try and win some place in his heart.

  “So, I was being tested, was I?” She draped her arms around his neck and pressed closer to him.

  Putting his arms around her and pressing her even closer, he murmured a little guiltily, “Reckon you were.”

  “And I passed?” She slowly slid one hand down his back to stroke his hip and felt his increasing arousal.

  “With flying colors.” Since she seemed calmly accepting, he saw no reason to be evasive and, as her hand moved from his hip to his groin, he decided he was no longer interested in the conversation anyway.

  Watching his eyes grow heavy-lidded, Emily smiled faintly as she felt her own desire stirred by the evidence of how she could arouse him. “So, are you going to court me, then?”

  “Hmmm? Oh, right. Yeh.”

  “Bring me flowers and sweets?”

  “Sure. Whatever.” He frowned as he cleared his passion-fogged mind enough to think about what he was agreeing to. “Wrong time of the year for flowers. Wasn’t thinking on being too fancy.”

  That did not surprise her at all. Cloud was not a man to indulge in such trappings. She knew she would not miss any of it, but could not resist teasing him.

  “And serenade me below my window.”

  Realizing he was being teased even before she started to grin, he growled softly and, turning onto his back, pulled her on top of him. “Listen real close, Em, and I’ll serenade you.”

  She laughed softly but soon had to agree that it was very much like beautiful music.

  Chapter Twelve

  “You can probably meet the rest of the clan in the spring.”

  “That would be nice.”

  Cloud almost smiled at her absently given response. He glanced at her where she sat next to him on the wagon, then reined the team to a halt. Before she could say a word, he tugged her into his arms and heartily kissed her.

  “Blech!” came a protesting voice behind them.

  Laughing softly, Cloud released Emily and turned to ruffle Thornton’s curly hair. “Enough out of you.” Picking up the reins, he started them on their way again.

  Finally catching her breath, Emily asked dazedly, “What was that for?”

  “You seemed to be distracted.” He leaned over and asked softly, “Sure you don’t want Thornton to stay with me?”

  “Let us see how Harper and Dorothy act. It may be vanity, but I think, even though he does like you a lot, he might be more content to stay with me.” She frowned. “Unless you think …”

  “I think it’s not vanity. He would be more content with you. Kid his age needs a mother and he sees you as that.”

  She smiled crookedly. “I know, and sometimes it can feel a little odd. Having motherhood thrust upon one can be confusing at best.” Glancing back at Thornton, she saw the boy leaning out over the back of the wagon. “Careful, Thornton. You might fall out. Please stay to the middle. That’s a good boy,” she said gently when he obeyed.

  “You sure sound like a mother,” Cloud drawled and grinned when she eyed him suspiciously. “No insult meant. I swear it.”

  After another moment of riding silently, Emily found her thoughts drifting again. She was feeling increasingly nervous about meeting her brother again after so many years. His wife was a complete stranger to her. In fact, Harper had said very little about his wife, Dorothy. Emily was not sure that was a very good sign.

  “Emily.”

  Hearing the faint note of irritation in

  Cloud’s voice, she grimaced. “Was I ignoring you again?”

  “Not really. I wasn’t saying anything. Look, Em, if you don’t feel right about going, we’ll turn around now, go back to Wolfe’s.”

  “Well, to be perfectly honest, I feel very unsure about this, but I’ll still go. That was the whole point of this journey, of why I left Boston. Also, Harper is expecting me. Why, he might even have heard about the tragedy and think I’m dead.”

  “I feel sure we’re here before the ill-fated group would have got this far. I doubt he’s heard the news, Em. News travels slow out here.” There was a chance that one of the places they had stopped at and where he had reported the massacre could have sent word out, but he decided it was not worth worrying her about. “All I want to know is if you’re sure about this. You’ve got a choice.”

  “Not really. Even if I didn’t go now, he is sure to find out that I’m in the area. Then he’ll wonder why I haven’t come to him. No.” She shook her head. “I’m just being foolishly nervous. It’s just because it has been so long since I last saw him.”

  Cloud just nodded, keeping his thoughts to himself. He had met Dorothy Brockinger a few times. She was a cold, tight-lipped woman despite the looks of welcome she sent him. It was something he had not thought about until he set Emily in the wagon and started towards Harper’s. Emily was not going to find living with Dorothy easy. Cloud felt sure that Dorothy Brockinger was one of those women who would avidly resent a younger, prettier female sharing her home. Sharing such knowledge with Emily would do her no good and he did not have to leave her at Harper’s for long anyway.
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  Glancing her way, he caught her trying to hide a yawn behind her hand and drawled, “Tired?”

  Despite her efforts not to, Emily felt herself blush. After the way she and Cloud had carried on all through the night and even before they had risen in the morning, blushes were completely justified. She managed, however, to give him a creditable look of haughty boredom.

  “Not at all.”

  He laughed softly. “ ‘Course not. Here, we’ll be in town, more or less, in a minute. Last chance to change your mind.”

  She shook her head, even though her hands were clenched together in her lap. There was something she had to speak to Cloud about, and it was now or never. She took a deep breath to steady her nerves.

  “Cloud?”

  “Changed your mind?”

  “No. You won’t—well, let Harper know everything about our journey here, will you?” She stared at her hands. “I really could not bear the trouble it might cause.”

  “Em, all that’s strictly between us. Ain’t his business.” “Thank you.”

  “It hasn’t exactly been a secret though.”

  “I know.” She shrugged. “But there’s no need to walk in the door, set down my bag, and slap him in the face with the news.”

  “ ‘Course not. He won’t hear it from me.”

  It was hard not to tell her that he planned to do right by her. Just as he had feared, she seemed to be worrying about shame and sin and all that again. It was another reason to get her out of Harper’s house as soon as he could. He did not want her to think that way for too long. He promised himself that he would set his plans straight as soon as he could.

  The house Cloud stopped before surprised Emily a little. Harper had said that he was doing well, but she had not thought he would appear so above his neighbors. The house looked somewhat out of place, a little too much like wealthy New England.