by CJ Roberts
“An honest one. I like to know in advance if there are any obstacles.”
“I don’t even know what you’re talking about. Obstacles to what?”
“To fucking you.”
My mouth hung open. The waiter brought a tray of oysters and Adam put one on my plate. No one had ever approached me in this manner, let alone so bluntly and seemingly emotionless about it. Was this how dating worked these days? I didn’t have any experience with this—what with literally keeping everyone at arm’s length—but surely it wasn’t this forward.
“I can hardly have a dialogue with you if you remain speechless.” His tone was somewhere between anger and boredom.
“I’m sorry.” Shock flared through my system. “I’m just trying to figure out what kind of asshole it takes to pull off this kind of ‘seduction.’”
A wide grin split his face and I got a glimpse of those straight white teeth. My God, it was an incredible sight. “Not many people have the nerve to call me an asshole.”
“Maybe not to your face,” I mumbled before taking another sip of wine.
He sat back in his chair and looked me up and down, that sleek confidence radiating from him. “And here I was giving you a compliment.”
“Compliment? By asking me first about my sex life, then informing me you want to be a part of it?”
“No,” he snapped, and sat forward. “I want to be all of it.”
My brain short-circuited. This man was sexy, rich, and powerful. Was this how he spoke to people? Just expected them to fall at his feet?
Part of me—and I knew which part—wanted to give in to him, because while I might be lacking experience, this man obviously wasn’t.
“I see I have you thinking about it.”
My cheeks flushed and my eyes shot back to his. There was no way he could have known what I was thinking.
“You’re very expressive,” he said, as if once again reading my mind.
“I—” I started to stutter, then just decided to stop attempting to talk. “Excuse me.”
I got up from the table and headed toward the ladies’ room, desperate to get out of his presence. He brought out things in me that I didn’t like. Like emotions in general. My eternal balance was being tilted. Too far in any one direction could be bad. I needed to shut it down before it took me over. This man was tempting me. Sucking me in. And damn if I didn’t want to get lost in it.
The way he spoke to me. Looked at me. Not an ounce of pity was ever present. Yes, he was blunt. But he didn’t know me or my past. Didn’t think of me the way Megan and Brian did. They loved me and had only good intentions, but they assumed I was damaged and couldn’t handle myself. Adam Kinkade made me feel competent. A few short encounters had me feeling like something beyond an adult.
He made me feel like a woman.
I looked in the mirror and made sure the sides of my face and neck were covered by my hair.
“Too bad…” I mumbled to my reflection. At the end of the day, it didn’t matter how Adam made me feel or what I wanted—which, presently, was just him. My skin was actually throbbing for his touch. But if he got close, he’d see the scars, and if he saw the scars, it would only be a matter of time before he found out about my past and either ditched me or looked at me the same way Brian and Megan did.
I put a cool, damp towelette down on the back of my neck, and tried to calm the total body inferno. Adam Kinkade was intoxicating. Just when I felt good about my decision to walk out there, thank him for dinner, and call a cab, I was already backpedaling.
Megan had told me once that the only things keeping my insecurities at bay were some low lighting and great makeup. The concealer I wore on my jaw and neck did cover the scars pretty well, and the restaurant wasn’t overly bright…
No!
Whatever Adam was offering was not something I could take on. For some people, sex—hell, life in general—was simple. For me it wasn’t. I went through my mental checklist of why this was a bad idea. Between a job, school, and a mentally ill mother, my limit of crap I could handle was maxed out. I didn’t have time, much less the energy to screw a random stranger. Of course, he was the sexiest stranger I’d ever seen, but that was still no excuse.
Relationships, sex, any of it, involved some kind of feeling. It made you give control to another person, whether long term or for one night. And I wasn’t interested in either. Which is why I never dated. One slip was all it took.
A shaky breath hit my lungs and I put my hands on my stomach. Growing up and enduring the ramifications of a bipolar mother was hard enough. It was scary and more often than not, it hurt.
That would never be me.
Once you crossed that line, got too high or low, you could lose yourself completely. Become violent. I had been too young to know when it had taken over my mother. But for twenty-three years now, I had never let myself even get close to that point. I was too afraid of what might trigger it. I wasn’t about to start hunting for that trigger now.
Adam Kinkade was a bad idea.
I exited the bathroom and was immediately maneuvered against the far wall. Adam’s hard body pressed against me. He placed his palms on the wall on either side of my head, the cold sheetrock pressing into my back.
“Perhaps we got off on the wrong foot,” he murmured. Those lips that I had been thinking about were now inches from mine. That little pep talk I’d just given myself? Out the window.
“I can guarantee we did. Seeing as how you almost hit me with your car.”
“I’m glad you’re safe, but I can’t say that I’m not happy about the meeting.”
My breath hitched. He smelled so good. Those intense blue eyes softened just a touch. Enough to allow me to see a man underneath that hard exterior. There was a difference, a switch almost from the Adam I was currently staring down and the Adam who had sat across from the dinner table from me a few minutes ago. But one fact remained.
He was close.
And for the first time, I enjoyed the feeling. Fear didn’t take over. Instead, anticipation and strength coursed through every cell. All the more reason I didn’t want to lose that. Didn’t want him to see all of me. I needed to maintain control and make a smart decision.
“Adam, I don’t know exactly what you’re after, but I can tell you that I’m not the girl you need.”
He frowned. “I disagree.”
“I don’t do one-night stands. Nor do I sleep with random men on a whim.”
“What about Brian?”
“No! I’m not sleeping with Brian. He is dating my best friend. And that’s not what this is about.”
“Are you with someone else?”
“No.”
“Then I don’t see a problem.”
I lifted my chin to meet him eye to eye. “You think you can just snap your fingers and get whatever you want? I’m not that easy.”
He smirked and trailed his mouth along my ear. A shiver raced over my spine. This was a first. I either flinched or warned them off before anyone had a chance to get this close. This was a bad idea, but I wanted more.
“I was going to use my fingers in various ways on you, Katelyn. All of which I’m confident you’d approve of.” When his teeth nipped my ear lobe, I clutched the front of his shirt in both hands.
“I don’t do casual sex, Adam.”
“Ah. You want a commitment.”
“No.”
He pulled back slightly. “So, you don’t do casual or commitments?”
“Correct.” I adopted his clipped tone from earlier. A useful trick, because my minimal answer left the mogul obviously stumped.
“What do you do, then?” he rasped.
I shook my head, but his mouth moved toward my neck. My throat worked hard, struggling to swallow. He stroked the locks of my hair and skimmed his lips further down to my collar. It had never been my experience that touching someone’s neck could be pleasurable. Hands coming at me scared me, but I’d never thought of someone’s face getting this close. I
clung to the two conditions I had that kept me from pushing him away: Low lighting and makeup. I currently had both.
“I just have a lot going on…” I stifled a groan when he licked my pulse point. “M-my school…career…” Damn it, where was my brain? Thinking was impossible with his mouth on me.
“It sounds like excuses. You and I—” Lick. “—fucking—” Bite. “—would be amazing. You know it. I know it. The attraction between us…the intensity…tell me you didn’t feel it when we first met.”
Oh, I felt it. And right now I was about to ditch my brain, right along with my panties, and take him up on his offer. Because whatever we shared, no matter how brief, would be mind-blowing.
Later, I’d have to face what was actually happening, have to see that no matter how naïve I was now, in the end, I couldn’t handle this.
“There are plenty of women who would take you up on your offer. Why don’t you go chase one of them?” My hands eased and I let my arms fall to the side.
He looked me in the eye and smirked. “I don’t chase.”
“Stalk, then.”
“That mouth of yours is in need of discipline.” He sucked my bottom lip between his teeth and I moaned. He pulled away enough to look at my face. Anger piqued and damn it—I was mad. Mad that he’d put me in this position. Mad that he’d taken his mouth from me. Just…mad!
“Oh, yeah? So what? You wanna play Name That Complex? One quick lay while you command me to call you Daddy?”
“No. I want to sink my cock into you so deep that you scream with pleasure and call me lover.” He looked at my face. “And there will be nothing quick about it.”
He mashed his mouth against mine and robbed me of any hope for breath. Delving his tongue inside, he took deep drafts, like he was drinking me down. This was too good and nothing could have pried me away from him in that moment. Every inch of my skin was buzzing, begging to be touched.
I dug my fingers into his hair the way I had imagined. It was soft and thick. Scratching his scalp, I returned his kiss. I wasn’t exactly sure what I was doing, but it didn’t seem to matter. It felt right. And Adam wasn’t complaining. His palm landed heavy on my ass and he lifted my thigh to his hip. My skirt rode up and I felt his erection press against my core. Instinct took over.
I sucked his tongue.
He groaned.
I bit his lip.
He growled.
He pressed me further against the wall. “I knew you’d be like this,” he said between laps at my mouth. “I haven’t stopped thinking about you since I saw you on the street.”
He trailed his free hand up my inner thigh, pausing to gently snap the laces of my garter. He looked down, our breaths mingling.
“Sexy,” he whispered.
For the briefest moment that his mouth wasn’t on me, clarity pierced my brain. I was in the dim hallway of a restaurant, and Adam was against me. The cloud lifted and I fully realized that he was touching me. And I had allowed it.
I was already losing my sense of self-preservation.
“I—I can’t do this.”
He frowned when I lowered my foot back to the floor and began adjusting my skirt.
“You say that a lot. It’s a terrible word.”
“What word do you prefer, then?”
He backed away, running both hands through his hair. No one would ever know I had gripped him there. His composure was back in place and I instantly felt a loss. Cold crept over my body as he eyed me. A few feet away, after what had just happened, seemed like miles.
“Do you have any idea what you do?” His voice was laced with heat and malice.
“Other than almost walking into cars?”
“You command a presence.”
“Says the CEO of all that’s rich and powerful.”
“That mouth…” He looked like he was about to throttle me, in a wicked way that had my heart jumping and my already aching clit throbbing harder.
“You give off this essence. Like you need a man. Like whoever gets to possess you will reap the benefits of your entire body.”
“And you think I radiate this?”
He stepped closer to me. His jaw flexed as though he was gritting his teeth. “I can fucking smell it.”
I licked my bottom lip and tasted him. If I didn’t get out of there now, I’d give in to anything he wanted.
4
“Well, that’s the sourest face I think I’ve ever seen on you,” Megan said when I walked through the front door. “I take it the date didn’t go well.”
I shrugged out of my coat. “It wasn’t a date. It was a proposition. Thanks for throwing me to the wolves, by the way.”
“Wolves? Wasn’t there just one wolf? One hot, sexy wolf?”
But a wolf all the same. “Is Brian here? He looked about ready to punch Adam in the face.”
“Brian will get over it. You know how boys get when their schedules get changed.”
No, I didn’t. Because Brian generally didn’t care about much beyond his motorcycle shop.
“So what did the big, bad Mr. Kinkade proposition you for? The man already owns most of Chicago.”
Don’t remind me. “He wanted a hook-up.”
“What!” Megan was on her feet. “And?”
“I asked him to bring me home.”
She frowned. “Is that all?” She shook her head. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just…I saw how he looked at you, and how you looked at him.”
“What? How did I look at him?”
“Kate, you just perked up. It was like you were calm and excited at the same time.”
Lots of words have been used to describe me. Excited was a rarity, but calm was never used. Maybe the effect Adam had on me was more apparent than I realized.
“Do you like him?”
A smiled tugged at my lips. “I think I do—well—kind of. He irritates me. But there’s something about him that makes me feel all…”
Megan’s eye went wide and she cupped her hands in front of her chest. “This is great, Katelyn.”
“How is this great? The man basically asked for a one-nighter.”
“No, not that. I mean it’s great that you’re feeling!”
“You make it sound like I’m devoid of all human emotions.”
“Well, you do go out of your way to avoid them.”
That was true. This whole thing didn’t make sense. Megan was beyond supportive. She knew what had happened to me when I was younger. Knew the kind of abuse my mother dished out. Which was why maintaining a distance from others was second nature. Megan was my best friend, and yet, she never made a move to hug me or get too close. I appreciated that she understood my hang-ups and worked around them. But somehow, I felt lacking in her presence.
Adam didn’t skate around his point or walk gingerly around me. He was in my face, demanding, and treated me like I could handle not only myself, but him as well. He brought out the person I wanted to be. Confidence trickled out whenever I was near him. Just a moment in his presence and he drowned out the darkness of the past, allowing strength to rise. And damn it, I wanted that strength.
“I know it’s hard for you to open up after what you lived through…” Megan’s face changed and she gave me that look. I hated that look. “Whatever you decide with Adam is your choice. But feeling wanted—it’s a good feeling. I want you to have that.”
It was a good feeling. Despite the lack of anything else Adam had offered, I had never felt more desired in my life. He had kissed me like he couldn’t get enough. The passion was out of this world. Which was what I was afraid of. A man like Adam could get a girl addicted to him, then leave her jonesing for a fix he’d never again deliver.
“Meg, I was with him only an hour and I already feel it coming on.”
“Feel what coming on?”
“Just…the unbalance.”
She gave me that look again. “I love you, Kate. But honey, you’ve been fighting something that doesn’t exist.”
“Oh,
it exists.”
“Not in you. You are not your mother. Just because she’s a raging psycho, doesn’t mean you are, too.”
“Well forgive me, but I’d rather not find out.”
“So you just want to never feel anything? Too scared that you might—what? Do what she did?”
I absently ran my fingers along my jaw where the scars were.
“I’m sorry,” Megan said, more softly.
“Don’t be. I’m the one with the issues.”
“I know you’re not comfortable with all this, but Kate, you have to feel things out and see where they take you. I’m not saying a one-night stand is the key. But you’re starting to tackle things you have shut yourself off from. Letting people in is a good thing.”
That was the problem. I didn’t want one more person talking to me like a child who didn’t understand the basic concepts of humanity. I didn’t want Adam thinking I was some damaged weakling with an anxiety disorder.
Even if that is exactly what I am…
“We just need to find you that thing that brings out the girl I saw today. The one who squared her shoulders and stared down a stranger. Maybe teaching is really helping you.”
“Maybe.”
Yes, teaching was fun and it definitely pushed the walls of my comfort zone, but the one thing that made my spirit flicker to life was Adam. There was nothing gentle about him. He was hard, domineering, and I responded to him in a way I never had with anyone else.
Maybe if I went into this as an experimental project. Attack it from a clinical standpoint, its main purpose to see how far I could push my limits before I went over. I could keep my control and ease myself into the idea of dating. Or whatever the hell it was Adam was after. Sex was apparent. And I was a twenty-three-year-old virgin. At some point I’d need to lose it. Maybe now, on my terms, was the best way to go about it.
Adam had been upfront. This was a simple transaction of bodily pleasure and nothing more. Obviously a guy like him didn’t do commitment. A one-time thing, then boom—done. Emotions and control intact when it was over.
“So.” Megan’s voice went up an octave. “Are you going to give me details and tell me what happened?”
