by CJ Roberts
Belonging.
Control.
Adam Kinkade.
I was eye level with his cock, which was hard and straining against his dark blue slacks. What would it feel like in my hand? What would it taste like? Like pulling thoughts straight from my mind, he unzipped his pants. My eyes were riveted to the action.
“You kneel there, licking your lips and staring down my cock. It gives a man ideas.”
I nodded, still enthralled with watching him. Aside from some brief encounters with photos and Cinemax, I had never seen a penis up close. When he parted the fly on his pants, I saw his erection strain against his gray boxer briefs. The crown was bulging well above the elastic waistband.
Holy God, the man was huge.
“You want this?” He reached into his boxers and gripped himself.
“Yes.” And I did. So bad.
He pulled himself completely free. Gripping his massive length in one hand, he fisted my hair in the other. “I can be a very agreeable man, Katelyn. But I always acquiesce to the word no. Say it, and all this will end.”
He stood still. I knew he was waiting to see if I’d say it. But I wouldn’t.
Because I didn’t want this to end.
I had no idea what I was doing. Going from never seeing a penis, to touching it—let alone putting one in my mouth—was a big jump. But I wanted it. Wanted him.
He guided his shaft to my lips, coaxing me to open. I did. He rubbed the tip along my tongue. His eyes smoldered like blue embers. Deciding to test my nerve, I snaked my tongue along the slit. He groaned.
“We will happen, Katelyn, but I’m not above working for it.”
He wanted to work for me? That made me want to preen. In that moment, I was on my knees, his dominance taking me over, yet I felt more in control than I had in years. Because he wanted me.
Confidence reinforced, I licked the crown, then glanced up at him to gauge his reaction. Could he tell I had never done this? I hoped not. His gaze bore down on me with savage lust. I closed my mouth over the tip and gently sucked.
He seemed to like that. His hand tightened in my hair. “Now, what did you want to talk to me about?”
I released him from my mouth and looked up at him. “The apartments off Highway Ninety.” He tilted his hips, his hard penis prodding my lips. This was to be a multi-tasking situation. I sucked the head again, but this time I twirled my tongue on the underside before releasing him, and rained wet flicks of my tongue from root to tip. “You bought them. What will you do with them?”
He stared down at me. “Tear them down and build another distribution center.”
I pulled back. “You can’t—”
He shoved his big cock in my mouth and thrust hard, hitting the end of my throat. My eyes watered. “I can,” he growled. “Try again.”
He withdrew slowly. My whole body vibrated with need and confusion. I liked his taste. Liked his forcefulness. But I loved that I didn’t flinch from him, because somehow, deep down, I knew he wouldn’t hurt me.
This was something different. I trusted him to read me. He had done a good job so far, to figure out my thoughts and body language. The desire to suck him deep and hard surged. So many new emotions that didn’t make sense and that conflicted with one another were blistering through my brain.
I wanted to maintain my control as much as I wanted him to take it.
Was this what it felt like? Losing your mind? Because I was certain that was what was happening. Nothing made sense. I wanted him. But I had to keep my mother in her home.
“Please don’t tear them down.” I drew him into my mouth again and when he hit deep, I swallowed in reaction. My throat muscles constricted around the head.
He hissed and his thumb caressed my hair along my brow. I made a note that he seemed to like that swallowing trick.
“Why do you care about these apartments?”
I didn’t want to answer. I wanted to continue tasting him. Everything about my life beyond the daily routine stressed me out. Nothing was simple, and I didn’t want to go into all of it. Between financial aid and my job, I barely made enough to cover my own rent and bills, let alone my mother’s. The apartment was inexpensive and was all I could help her with. But it was never enough. There was always a call, a plea, for my help, whether it was getting her power turned back on because she’d missed last month’s payment or bringing dinner by. I knew deep down I shouldn’t care, should probably hate her for everything she had done to me, but she was my mother, and she had no one else.
“Why, Katelyn?” He tipped my head and withdrew. My eyes were forced up, locking on his.
“M-my mother lives there. It’s where I grew up.”
His lips thinned and he searched my face. I didn’t want to say any more and silently begged him to let this drop.
He didn’t say a word. Instead, he pushed his cock into my mouth. I happily accepted. He cupped the back of my head in one hand and began thrusting in and out. The position he took was clear. He was fucking me.
I knelt there and let him. Loving every moment. The way his smooth cock slid between my lips. The side of myself normally kept dormant, the sexual side, raged to life. I sucked hard, swirled my tongue over and over. I didn’t know if I was doing this right or wrong and I didn’t care. I just wanted this moment to last.
Because in this moment, I was free and tamed all at the same time.
“I’m going to come, Katelyn, and I want you to swallow it.”
My eyes shot wide. I didn’t know what to expect, but a part of me wanted to taste what I brought forth from this powerful man. He groaned and suddenly a hot lash of liquid coated my throat. I swallowed quickly, but it kept coming.
I could barely keep up. It tasted warm and salty. Some of it dribbled from the corner of my mouth but all I could think about was that I had made him come.
When the last of his release came out, he slowly moved in and out, as if urging me to lick him clean. He pulled away, but kept his eyes on me as he refastened his pants.
He reached out his hand and helped me to my feet. He ran his finger along the corner of my mouth, gathering the small amount of liquid there, and placed it at my lips. I tentatively sucked his finger and his eyes went heavy-lidded.
“You’re stealing my logic,” he said.
If there was one thing I was learning, it was that Adam spoke plainly, yet there was a lot behind his words. I was stealing his logic? He had just ripped mine out by the teeth and shattered it.
He ran his fingers through my hair, softening and straightening it. His glacier eyes melted a bit and I felt like we had come to some kind of silent understanding. My mind was mush, my body humming.
Suddenly, his expression shifted and the mask of stone was back in place.
“Turning down my dinner offer only to show up here signifies that you weren’t honest with me when you said you couldn’t dine with me tonight. I will not ask for your company again. Not until sufficient effort is made on your part.”
What? He thought I had lied and didn’t want to see him for dinner? The need to defend myself gathered, but Adam sounded like I had truly upset him. Like turning down dinner had sincerely bothered him.
“I couldn’t—”
He put up his hand, effectively shutting me up.
“No more excuses, Katelyn. The next time you come to me, it had better be with a yes or no answer.”
It was clear what this was now. He had said he wasn’t above working for me. If I wanted more of him, he was going to make me work for it back. It was all or nothing.
“What about the complex?”
He had already turned his back to me and was staring out the window. “Good day, Katelyn.”
I rose to my feet and bit my bottom lip to keep it from trembling. Adrenaline from what had just happened bottomed out. My skin was too tight and my pulse knocked like fists on the inside of my skull.
He was dismissing me.
Folding my arms over my chest, I turned, unlocked the
door, and walked out of Adam’s office. I couldn’t look at his secretary. Would she know? Was this a regular thing for Adam? To have girls come up to his office and service him?
I pressed madly at the elevator button. My stomach churned and I focused all my energy to keep from vomiting. This feeling, this god-awful empty feeling, melted over my muscles like black poison. My body was on the far side of the sun, and no matter how much I tried, I couldn’t reach its warmth. Glancing over my shoulder at Adam’s closed office door, I was already craving that heat again. The boiling need that burned me up from the inside out. He brought it out in me, then stole it away.
I had a decision to make. The answer seemed easy. No.
The bleak, shameful pang of pain that came with Adam’s dismissal was eating away at me. I didn’t know this kind of contrition was possible, but I never wanted to feel this again.
The problem was, I wanted that moment back. The one right before I’d felt cold and bereft. The power and longing he made me feel was heady and…addicting.
And shameful or not, addictions were dangerous.
6
Saturday rolled around and I had spent most of it helping Grace prepare for that night’s party. She loved to host, especially when it was a more relaxed setting and group of people attending. I, however, was dreading being under the same roof with my uncle. Tim had been working all day, leaving the house to Grace and me, but tonight, I’d be forced into his presence.
I shook my head and turned my thoughts back to where they had been for the last few days. Adam. I craved him. Missed him. Part of me was terrified to call him or reach out. Rejecting a woman was probably something he did on a daily basis. But the more I thought about it, I realized that he hadn’t rejected me.
He wanted an answer. Yes or no. Which meant he wanted me still. He had also made it clear that I had to make the next move. The expression on his face before he dismissed me was chiseled into my memory. He’d looked almost hurt, as though he thought I had made an active choice to blow him off—only to actually blow him later.
It had taken me several days, but I had my answer. It wasn’t a simple yes or no. It came down to what I could handle: the possibility of Adam’s eventual rejection, or never being with him again.
My phone buzzed and I took it out of my back pocket. A voicemail from my mother. It was probably about finding her another apartment. Since I’d found out about Adam buying her complex, I had spent the last few days trying to find her somewhere suitable to live. So far, all the viable options were too expensive.
Grace frowned at me and lifted her chin at my phone. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah. I just need to find Mom another place to live and so far, it’s been a nightmare.”
“Didn’t she tell you? The owners aren’t tearing it down after all. They are actually renovating it and bringing it up to code.”
It felt like a dozen sparklers lit inside my chest. “Really? That’s great.”
Grace looked at me like I had lost my mind, probably because I was grinning like a fool, and went back to making crab cakes.
I walked out of the room and hit Kink in my contacts.
“Hello, Katelyn.” His breezy tone caught me off guard.
“Hi, Adam. I wanted to say thank you.” For some reason, rational thinking didn’t catch up to my mouth when it came to speaking to Adam. Instead, I tended to just blurt things out.
“You’re welcome.” There was a tense silence. He obviously knew what I was referring to. “Is that all?”
“No, I wanted to invite you to a party.” He didn’t say anything. Dread boiled up, but I forced myself to go on. “I know it’s short notice, but it’s a house party tonight at my uncle and aunt’s place.”
“Are you inviting me out of guilt or gratitude?”
“I’m inviting you because I want to see you.”
“What time?”
“Well, it depends—do you want to walk into a house of drunk people or super drunk people?”
“I want to walk into a house with you.”
My heart sped up a little bit. “Well, I’m already here. I’ve been helping set up. Most people are showing up around nine.”
“Text me the address.”
“Oh, okay.” I tried to hide the surprise and ridiculously happy tone in my voice but it was useless. “See you tonight.”
“Yes, you will.”
My aunt and uncle lived on a few acres on the outskirts of Chicago, just far enough away that the skyscrapers were no longer visible. The open air and space were beautiful.
I double-checked my reflection in the bathroom mirror.
My hair was loose and thanks to a lot of product, it looked sleek and shinny. The ends brushed my lower back and I reminded myself that I needed to get it trimmed. The black dress I wore was one of the only designer things I owned. Grace had given it to me two years ago saying that it didn’t fit her anymore. I was happy to take it off her hands. It was short and tight, but classy. My stilettos matched my hair and added a touch of color. After an application of cherry lipstick and some mascara, I took a deep breath and readied myself for the crowd downstairs.
That familiar sickness rose at the thought that I’d have to interact with Tim, no matter how briefly. But tonight would be different. Because Adam was coming. Just that fact made everything else seem easier. Calmer.
Grace had picked me up earlier that morning, so I didn’t have my car, and I knew she wouldn’t be able to drive me home until the next day. I was secretly hoping that instead of my having to spend the night here, Adam would give me a ride home.
Smoothing my dress, I walked into the large dining room. It was not set for dinner, but rather a buffet of food and drinks. Random people were scattered throughout the house, talking, laughing, and getting drunk. My aunt’s parties tended to get a little wild when her closest friends were present.
“Pretty good turnout.” Brian bumped my elbow with his and took a swig from his longneck.
“Yeah, Grace likes these kinds of things.”
Brian’s hazel eyes skated over my aunt before landing on me. He was a good friend—he always stayed late, later than me sometimes, and helped clean up.
“You crashing here tonight?” Brian asked, empty beer in hand.
Since my aunt’s house was several miles from ours in the city, making cab fare brutal, Megan, Brian, and I typically picked a designated driver for the parties.
In the distance, Megan was swaying to music. She had already had a few and I could tell that Brian wanted a second. Looked like I was the one staying sober and I had no problem with that.
“I can drive your car, drop you off at your place, then take Megan home if you’d like.”
Brian shook his head and cracked open another beer. “I thought we’d make a night of it. I can drive us all home in the morning.”
It wouldn’t be the first time that a party had run late and Brian and Megan had slept it off in the guest room. I, however, always opted to go home, which is why I hated not having my car here. My friends knew a lot about my past, but I kept my uncle’s creepy perv tendencies to myself.
“You want a drink?” he asked.
I shook my head. “Not in the mood tonight.”
Brian’s eyes were on the room. “All right, but if you change your mind, there’s plenty to go around.” He winked and pointed at the bar across the room where everyone was congregating. Tim always kept it well stocked. When I had moved in with them at age sixteen, after my mother’s latest rage, I learned real quick that while there might be a short supply of vegetables and empathy, they were never short on liquor.
The doorbell rang.
“Have fun.” I smiled at Brian before walking out toward the entryway. I opened the large front door. The cold air hit me, but a hot flame burst through my bloodstream.
Standing in all his perfect glory was Adam Kinkade. If I’d thought he was delectable in a suit, in light gray pants, black belt, and white shirt, he was yummy.
The first two buttons on his collar were undone and a wool coat that matched his pants draped his broad shoulders like a dream. A pang washed through me when I realized that I had been intimate with this man—kind of—but had never seen him naked. I hadn’t even got to witness the hard chest he was hiding beneath all those expensive clothes.
“Jesus, Katelyn,” he grated. My gaze snapped to his. I thought he was upset, but then I saw a familiar look in his eyes. It was the same look he’d given me when I was on my knees before him. Lust. “You’re beautiful.”
My chest tightened. Not because of his words, but because of the way he said them. He spoke as though the wind had just been struck from his lungs.
“Thank you. You look pretty great yourself.”
A small grin split his lips. “May I come in? Or would you prefer that I drag you out into the cold and whisk you away somewhere else?”
“Of course, come in.” I smiled sheepishly. He took of his coat and I hung it in the closet. “The party is in here.”
I turned to lead the way, but he grabbed my wrist, halting me, spinning me to face him. His blue eyes were shining like a moonlit iceberg. They reminded me that once again, I was drowning around him.
“Thank you for inviting me,” he rasped. His thumb drew lazy circles on my inner wrist. The action made my whole body tense. “I’ve thought of nothing but you—” Still gripping my wrist, he raised his hand to my face and brushed my bottom lip. “—and this talented mouth for the past two days.”
He kissed my palm. The gesture was intimate, as though he was praising me. Odd, since I was pretty certain Adam Kinkade didn’t do emotions and sex. Not that we’d technically had sex.
“Katelyn! Simon’s nanny just left with an emergency.” Tim stomped toward me. The sound of his voice sent a slow slide of dread down my neck. “Can you take care of—”
He stopped midsentence, and midstride, when he saw Adam. “Oh, hello.” He extended his hand in greeting. “I’m Tim St. Roy.”
“Adam Kinkade.”
The look on Tim’s face was a mix of surprise and recognition. Obviously Tim had heard of Adam.
