He need not say the rest. Miranda knew what he meant. Her eyes widened with excitement and her smile lit up her already gorgeous face, including the freckles he loved so much. He dropped a kiss on the tip of her nose.
“I will call upon him tomorrow.”
***
All night long Miranda tossed and turned. She could not settle down. The knowledge that Spencer all but told her he loved her and that he was asking for her hand tomorrow kept her up with excitement. Her body hummed with awareness, and she relived her time in the gardens over and over again. Once, she almost slid her hand down between her legs then snatched it away at the last moment only to moan in frustration. She did cup her breasts, wondering what they had felt like to Spencer. Her nipples tightened, she dropped her hands down by her sides and exhaled.
The silly, lovesick smile she’d worn ever since the encounter in the gardens would not leave her lips. If she had her way, she would smile for the rest of her life. And she would once she married Spencer.
Love.
She was in love with Spencer. Mr. Stuart Spencer. She would become Lady Miranda Spencer? Oh dear, she never asked if he minded if she kept her title when he did not possess one. She didn’t believe he would mind. Would they marry in a senight with special license? Oh how she hoped so. She didn’t want to spend another moment of a day without him. She would marry him tomorrow if it were possible.
Would her parents permit such a scandalous thing as not posting the banns? She sighed deeply. No. They would want a proper engagement and wedding for their only daughter.
That had her smile faulting and her heart skipping a beat. What if Spencer wasn’t rich enough for her parents to even consider his offer? Truthfully, she didn’t have any idea how rich he was. “Oh, please God, let him be rich enough for my parents to consent to this marriage.” That was her last thought before she succumbed to a fretful sleep.
Four Chapter
The following day dragged on. Miranda had hoped Spencer would visit in the morning with her father and was frustrated beyond belief when he didn’t.
“Mother,” Miranda said as the proper hour for tea and visitations in the afternoon were concluding. “I was expecting Mr. Spencer. He said he was calling on Father today. Did he come and Father sent him away?” She buried her face in her hands and cried silently while her heart split in two. Ever since she’d woken up that morning, something had not seemed right. Her skin had itched with nerves and her stomach had been upset for no reason she could think of. And her heart had beat faster than usual and still hadn’t resumed its normal pace. Her mind played tricks on her, she witnessed her future, and Spencer appeared nowhere to be found. Had her life ended before it even began?
“My dear.” Her mother hugged her close. “I did not want to bring this up, but his cousin, Lord Geoffrey, was attacked and killed by highwaymen last evening and the family is in mourning. No doubt he will call upon your father when the time for mourning is over.”
“H...how long will that be?” Her heart not only broke for the Spencer family, but for her.
“Hard to say. The widow will mourn for a year as will his brother and grandmother. As for the earl’s cousins. It depends.”
Miranda felt bad for thinking about herself and Spencer’s marriage proposal when his heart must be breaking over the death of his cousin, whom he was so close too.
***
Miranda waited and waited, as patiently as she could, for any word from Spencer. It came one morning when she least expected it and had resigned herself to never seeing him again.
My Dearest, Miranda,
As you well know, my cousin, Lord Geoffrey, is dead and William has inherited the title. I must beg your forgiveness for not writing to you sooner. Especially after how I left things during our last night together. Fear not, I will visit your father, in due time. The Spencer family has retired to the country and William has not taken the news of his brother’s death well. He barricades himself in his study, refusing to allow anyone in, except his valet.
Grandmother is beside herself with worry and walks the halls of the estate at all hours of the night. My mother, per usual, traded her bed in London for a bed here. My younger sisters spend their days in the nursery, so nothing has changed for them and they are too young to truly understand.
Geoffrey’s widow, Katherine, sits outside William’s study door begging for entrance. How did our world become this? Needless to say, my family needs me. When I can assure myself all is well, I will travel back to London, post-haste, and approach your father. Until then, know I think of you.
Yours forever,
Spencer
She sat at her dressing table with parchment, quill, and ink and thought long and hard about the words she would put to paper. Spencer’s letter brought her emotions close to the surface and she was afraid to express them to him. She did not want to convey her hurt for not hearing from him sooner. He did not need that guilt with all he had to deal with. After breathing in and out several times to relax she began.
Dear Mr. Spencer,
My condolences on the death of your cousin. So tragic and sad. I pray William, the new earl, and the late earl’s widow, find comfort being surrounded by family. It says much about you personally, that you have stayed by their side during their time of grief.
I look forward to your visit.
Forever yours,
Miranda
***
Four months had gone by since Spencer’s cousin was killed. Although they had exchanged several more letters, her heart had almost given up on marrying him. She refused to acknowledge the anger seething inside her at being almost ignored by him. Surely he could take time away from his family and visit her and reassure her he still intended to propose.
The Season had long ended, and to her parents’ dismay, no suitors sought out her affections. Miranda couldn’t be happier. She had already decided, if she could not marry Spencer, she would become a spinster.
With a heavy heart, but hiding it well, Miranda attended Beatrice’s wedding to Lord Frances Herman. The newly married couple were on holiday on the Continent, and she missed Beatrice most terribly.
Another fortnight ticked by, slow and steady, before Miranda and her family heard the newest tragedy to befall the Spencer family. Lord Geoffrey’s widow was attacked and drowned in a stream on their country estate in Dover. Rumors had spread that it was the new Lord Bridgeton who committed the act. Lady Katherine was with child and it was surmised he couldn’t risk an heir being born making him lose everything.
Such heartbreak to befall one family. Would the new tragedy keep Spencer from coming to her? Over the past several months she’d had doubts he truly loved her. This time a fortnight went by, then a month without word from him. Not so much as a hastily scrawled letter. When the appropriate year of mourning ended, she expected Spencer to arrive at her very door. A year from the day the earl died. He still didn’t come. Her mother insisted she have another Season as they still needed money and a husband to provide for her. She flatly refused. Her heart died last year, and she didn’t believe it would start up anytime in the foreseeable future.
Each day began like the last. She woke up with a heavy heart, dressed, had her hair styled, put on pretty slippers and joined her parents in the morning room for breakfast. More or less she moved her food around her plate as she had no appetite. And many times she asked herself why she even bothered to get out of bed. Melancholy had her in its grip, and she didn’t know how to escape.
***
The past year, to Spencer’s mind, was like living a nightmare that would never end. Every time he went to bed, he prayed the next day would bring relief. Unfortunately it never did. Would his heart ever be whole again and not pain him at every breath.
A senight after Katherine’s death, their grandmother, accompanied by his mother and sisters traveled back to London, hopefully to quell the theory that William had murdered his own sister-in-law. As of yet, he had not been charged.
However, even
Spencer could no longer take seeing the pain and anguish eat William alive. He’d become a shell of a man. He’d gone inside himself and wouldn’t let anyone in. Even him. With a heavy heart, he left Dover for London six months to the day after Geoffrey was killed and went straight to Miranda’s house. He prayed Miranda would forgive his absence and still cared for him as he did her.
To his surprise he was led directly to the viscount’s study instead of the drawing room for tea. Indeed, he needed to speak with Miranda’s father, but he rather hoped to feast his eyes on her first. The entire trip from Dover had his heart thundering and his stomach churning. Why he’d been so nervous, he could not say. He should have been excited to set eyes on Miranda again. But being led by the butler into the viscount’s study had him quaking in his polished Hessians.
“Come in Mr. Spencer,” said Viscount Chambers. “Please, take a seat and tell me what I can do for you today?”
After clearing the lump from his throat, he blurted out the words before the scowl Miranda’s father gave him had him running out of the house. “I have come to ask for your daughter’s hand in...”
“No.”
Spencer could hardly believe what he heard and gagged as his lunch rose up his throat. “Did you say, no, Lord Chambers?”
“Yes and for several reasons. The first and most important one being you broke my daughter’s heart and she wants nothing to do with you. She said if you ever came calling to send you away. I’m sorry. But she has her heart set on someone else. Also, too much scandal is now attached to your family and I can’t expose my daughter to it. She deserves the utmost respect from the ton. Being married to you will no longer provide her with that.”
As Spencer left the Chambers’ residence he hoped for a glimpse of Miranda to satisfy his heart for all time, but it wasn’t to be.
Later that afternoon, not knowing how he’d gotten home to Bridgeton Manor, so numb was he, he found himself sitting in William’s study. A study William no longer needed because he was in self-imposed exile in the country.
Yet he had to thank William, who was kind enough to leave a full decanter of whiskey on the desk. Brandy would not mend this broken heart of his. Nor would whiskey, but it would make him oblivious for a time.
Chapter Five
London 1818
“Duke, Duchess. Spencer bowed to the hosts of this evening’s party in honor of Lord Sebastian Seabrook and Lady Teagan having recently wed. Spencer couldn’t be happier for the couple. They seemed quite in love. Love? Yes...well...he’d been in love once many years ago, and then more recently with Isabella Seabrook, now married to the Earl of Northborough. The love he had for Bella wasn’t quite what he’d encountered all those years ago with Miranda. He didn’t know if age had anything to do with it. Twelve years was a long time since his first love. He’d been young and foolish. All he knew was, he wondered if he would ever again experience the vibrancy that came from loving Miranda?
He doubted it. Oh, he didn’t begrudge his good friend Myles for marrying Bella. Any fool could see they belonged together. As did Bella’s sister, Lady Amelia and his cousin, William. After twelve years of self-imposed exile, Spencer was thrilled William came to town following Amelia whom he’d met and fallen in love with in Dover.
Fortunately, fates were on their side as the true murderer of his brother and Katherine was exposed. Sir Phillip Trenton, Katherine’s own brother committed the heinous crimes.
Spencer never believed all the gossip. He knew William was innocent, especially since Katherine and he were in love and it was his babe she carried when she died so tragically. So not only did William stay in the country for twelve years because people believed him a killer, he grieved deeply for his family and the love the two brothers shared with one woman. Two very different loves, but love nonetheless.
When Spencer had visited the Chambers’ residence asking for Miranda’s hand, he never imagined being turned away. She had refused him. The memory from that day was forever etched in his heart and mind. Something died inside him that day. Bella brought most of it back, but there were still pieces missing. He wondered if he would ever go back to the man he used to be before tragedy changed many lives, including his own?
It was a good thing William was married and would produce an heir soon. When they had a son, his grandmother would stop hassling him to marry and produce an heir in case something happened to William and he, God forbid, inherited the Earldom. He would do everything in his power not to let that happen. William would live to an old age with Amelia, their daughter, Olivia and many sons to come.
Surveying the crowd of usual members of the upper class had him helping himself to refreshments and seeking solitude in a corner. A corner with an empty chair.
“Is this seat taken?”
As soon as the words left his lips he was transported back in time. A time when he uttered the exact words to the same lady the second time he’d met her at Almack’s of all places. What the bloody hell was she doing in town? He hadn’t seen her in twelve years. Why now? Why here? Not when he felt raw inside already this evening.
“I’m afraid it is.”
Ignoring her, he sat anyway. Taken. She lied. He did a quick calculation in his mind as to her age now. Twenty-nine. The years had been kind to her, she looked much as she had at seventeen.
“I will vacate when the person who occupies this chair comes back to claim it,” he said with a smug smile to himself. He may not have seen her in all these years, but he knew she’d never married, which made him wonder what happened to the man who replaced him in her heart. Her parents had both died long ago leaving her in the care of an aunt on her mother’s side. Perhaps the aunt was attending this evening and insisted on Miranda escorting her.
“How have you been?”
The look she sent his way chilled his blood. Hatred shined out from her eyes. That couldn’t be right? What had he ever done to warrant such distain? She’d sent him away, not the other way around.
“Why do you care, Mr. Spencer?”
Clearly, something was amiss. “I’m making polite conversation. But if you would rather I be silent, I will sit here and sip my wine, leaving you in peace.”
“Thank you. That is most kind. Something that is not in your nature.”
Not in his nature? What was she saying? “I believe I am and always have been and always will be, kind. I know not of what you speak.”
The look again. Even with loathing shining from her intense green eyes, she looked more beautiful than he remembered. She was dressed splendidly in medium blue silk with cream accents. Her neckline may be a tad modest, but then it suited her age appropriately as most of The Beau Monde would consider her a spinster. Not he. She was anything but and his body stirred.
“Excuse me, I see my aunt sitting alone across the ballroom and I must attend her.”
His eyes were riveted to Miranda as she walked gracefully, chin held high, across the room and stood to the side of a lady sitting with other equally elderly ladies. Poor Miranda. Did she spend her life with ancient people, doing ancient things when she should be living and loving?
“I know that look well, cousin,” William said as he helped his expecting wife, Amelia, sit in the chair Miranda vacated.
“I don’t know what you mean.”
Laughter found his ears. The William of their days at Eton was back thanks to Amelia and her love and Sir Phillip for admitting to his crimes. Was there any hope he too could be the carefree man again? Bella brought it out in him, and most of it returned thanks to her, but not all. He’d kept a piece of his heart and soul locked away. Was Miranda the key?
“She looks much the same as I remember. Still beautiful,” Spencer uttered the words before he could stop himself.
Amelia looked from her husband to him and back to her husband. “Who looks beautiful?”
“Lady Miranda Carlton,” Spencer said with reverence.
“Who is she? I’ve never heard of her or met her?”
“Sh
e was the love of Spencer’s life when tragedy befell our family. Her father refused Spencer’s offer of marriage after Katherine’s death. If I wasn’t so lost in my own grief, I would have known about his own. I see it now.”
“You do not,” Spencer contradicted. “She is still beautiful, I give you that. But she was rude and hateful moments ago. Two things I can live without. Besides,” he shrugged his shoulders and refused to acknowledge the pain that had seeped inside his chest at her cut, “I don’t believe I will get the chance to make things right.”
“Oh, Spencer, I’m truly sorry,” Amelia said with a sigh. “Has she never married?”
“No.”
She perked up in her seat. “Well, there is your answer. She is still in love with you.”
“In love with me?” He stuttered. “Are you out of your bloody...?”
“Easy cousin,” William chided. “That is my wife you’re speaking to.”
“Yes, well.” Feeling chastised like a boy in the schoolroom, he sat back, crossed his arms on his chest, and seethed with righteous indignation.
“Where is she?” Amelia said as she turned her head this way and that. “I want to get a good look at her?”
Spencer ignored her as William pointed her out.
“Oh, she is lovely. I could speak to Bella, Emma, Amelia, Teagan and Penelope and we could help you by befriending...”
Spencer interjected. “Please don’t. It would somehow come back to me and make things worse. She hates me for something I did. Even if I don’t know what it is? I asked to marry her. I wanted to marry her. She refused me.”
“Did you just admit to wishing you had married Lady Miranda twelve years ago?” Amelia said with a curious smile. “How utterly interesting.”
“I’m glad I could amuse you this evening, Amelia, William.” He rose, bowed, and went in search of the card room. And then he remembered Wentworth didn’t believe in gambling and headed outside on the terrace instead.
When he saw who stood at the railing he almost made an about face but didn’t.
Spencer meets his Lady Love Page 5
