Forever the Road (A Rucksack Universe Fantasy Novel)

by Anthony St. Clair

  “Did you see Jigme and his mother?” Jade asked.

  Rucksack shook his head. “No time. It will have to wait till tomorrow. Besides, this is more important.”

  Kailash closed the door. “Mim and Pim found us earlier.”

  “The two who stole Jay’s passport?”

  Rucksack nodded. “As we were coming back here, they appeared before us, smiling and bowing. Said they were glad we found their letters helpful.”

  “They set it up to bring the two of you together,” Jade said. “Curious. But why would they do that? Can they be trusted?”

  “Probably not,” Rucksack said. “But as far as I can figure they can be believed. For now, that will have to do. What they told us gave me hope. We can beat the Smiling Fire. Things are already on course to defeat him.”

  “That’s incredible!” Jade said, elated. She hugged Rucksack, and Kailash too. The ancient evil was no match for us, she thought. Hope surged inside her.

  Maybe Jay isn’t needed at all anymore.

  It made sense. Maybe Rucksack and Kailash were the key. After all, they helped bring down the Smiling Fire before. And Rucksack hadn’t even been born yet. Now he’s, well, he’s whatever he is, Jade thought. So Jay’s not needed after all. If he’s not, then maybe I’m not either. We could just leave. Go off together. Get to know each other, get to know what we have, what we want, what we can be.

  “So, things are okay now?” she said. “Jay’s done what he needed to do?”

  “Things are okay because Jay is staying in the city,” Rucksack replied.

  Jade’s soaring hopes plummeted.

  Even if Rucksack saw any sign of her sudden despair, he kept talking. “That’s the key to everything. As long as Jay is here when the eclipse happens, we can beat the Smiling Fire.” He reached into his pocket. “They gave me this. Said it was all they could do for now, and they asked me to keep it safe, just in case.”

  He took out a small, dark-blue booklet.

  “Just in case of what?” Jade said. “This is Jay’s passport. They claimed they needed to fix it. Did they?”

  Rucksack bobbed his head. “Depends on what you believe ‘fixed’ means. Remember how Jay had told us all the places he’s been?”

  “He talked about all the stamps, visas, and stickers in his passport, yeah.”

  Rucksack held up the passport and opened it to the identification page. Jade saw Jay’s photo, place of birth, and other information. Then Rucksack flipped through the rest of the pages.

  All were blank.

  “They wiped out his passport?”

  “We don’t know why,” Rucksack replied. “They just said they weren’t done yet.”

  “Why do they want you to keep it?”

  “I don’t know that either, but I don’t have much choice.”

  “That doesn’t matter. It’s not ours. It’s Jay’s, and we should give it back to him.”

  “It’s not his destiny,” Kailash said.

  “But it’s his passport.” The destinies clashed in Jade’s head, from Rucksack’s and Kailash’s words to the scotch Jade had taken from Jay before he could take in the path The Management had said he needed to take. But fighting back was the new destiny, born in Jade’s heart the moment she and Jay had kissed so short a time ago. A new future, a new life, a world to see, a person to get to know. But where could that life exist?

  “You said that maybe Jay just was the best way to get the dia ubh to Agamuskara,” Jade said. “Can’t his role be done? Why does he have to stay here?”

  “Ah Jade,” Rucksack said. “That’s the most amazing part o’ it all. I can’t say I understand as why, but that’s not me place. For whatever reason, the world has made its choice. Jay’s not just a traveler. Unless the world and all life be destroyed by the Smiling Fire, Jay must stand in the light when the dia ubh opens.”

  “But surely you or Kailash would be far better choices.”

  “I wish it could be so,” Kailash said. “But the power I was given did not include that destiny. It was all we could do to imprison the Smiling Fire with the power we had, all the while knowing and fearing a day like this may come when life hung in the balance again.”

  Her gaze softened. “That’s not the full truth, though,” Kailash said. “I’ve never been able to balance love and power, Jade. Not truly. I’ve always tended to power, and the problem with that is I have become less and less human over the years. I see only the big picture, as they say. I don’t see details anymore. I don’t see things like love and compassion. I have protected the garden of life, but I no longer care to smell the flowers. I could stand in the light of the dia ubh and become more powerful than ever. I could then destroy the Smiling Fire. But I would become him, Jade. The power would ruin me. Once I destroyed him, I would never stop. I would become as terrible a fate for the world as he is.”

  “Surely Rucksack could though.”

  “My son is a hero of old, if not the hero of old,” Kailash replied. “He is recovering more and more of himself. My son is not only life; he is love.”

  “But sometimes,” Rucksack said, “I love too much to do what must be done.” He shook his head. “I would not be able to destroy the Smiling Fire. I could maybe imprison him again but no more. And while the Smiling Fire exists, life will never be safe.”

  Rucksack shut the passport and put it back into his pocket. “Do you understand, Jade? It has to be this way. There has to be a balance, and Jay’s got it. He loves the world. He loves life. That’s why they chose him above all others. Jay’s got a lot more to look forward to than cheap dorm beds—no offense intended, o’ course. He’s not going to be as he was. He… He’s going to become a god.”

  The scotch, the kiss, the destiny, so much swirled in her mind and body that Jade was finding it hard to stand up. She opened her mouth to say something, to snap at Rucksack and Kailash, to tell them to go away and take their legends with them. But no words came.

  “Jade?” Kailash said. “Are you all right?”

  “Thank goodness you’re all here,” said a voice near the bar.

  Everyone turned to see Jay standing in the pub, pulling closed the door to the stairs and dorms. Did he hear any of this? Jade thought.

  “What’s wrong, Jay?” Rucksack asked.

  “I didn’t know what to do,” Jay said. As he walked over he took his daypack off his shoulder and unzipped it. When he touched the dia ubh he cringed, as if the contact were painful.

  “It happened after I left here, Jade,” he said.

  “Left here?” Rucksack said.

  “We had dinner,” Jade replied. Kailash studied her with a gaze that indicated that she understood everything Jade hadn’t said.

  “I wanted to see the dia ubh again before going to sleep,” Jay said. “But it’s different. When I took it out, well, see for yourselves.”

  He held up the dia ubh and took his hand away. As before, the world was lit with the sun, its white clouds, brown and green lands, and blue waters shining. In the dark parts of the world, such as India, all lay serene under night’s soothing blanket. At first, all seemed exactly like before, but Jay was right; it was different. The small globe floated but not smoothly. It shuddered and flickered. Every time it did, Jay cringed and winced.

  “You’re connected,” Jade said.

  “I guess so,” Jay replied. “It hurts. Why does it hurt?”

  Rucksack and Kailash said nothing. Are they not going to tell him? Jade thought, her feelings for Jay surging with anger. It’s his own destiny. Shouldn’t he know?

  She started to open her mouth to tell him everything. But another part of her mind, trained and experienced from years of being a Jade, rose in her thoughts too. Yes, it’s his destiny, said the voice, calm yet compassionate. But destinies aren’t stories to tell. They’re decisions to live. It’s not our place to give that away.

  Jade said nothing. You didn’t tell someone their destiny. You just gave it to them and let them figure out the rest. That wa
s the only way it worked.

  But I don’t want it to work.

  “Jay,” she said, “there’s something you need to know.”

  Jay looked at her. “What?” he said. He then winced and gasped. He said no more but his mouth hung open. His eyes bulged wide. He yelled, his pain filling the pub and making everyone wince.

  Silent again, he fell to the floor. Jade rushed to him and held up his head. He was barely conscious.

  “It’s starting,” Rucksack said, staring with a mixture of fear and excitement in his eyes.

  No, Jade thought. She didn’t want to, but she looked away from Jay, to where Rucksack and Kailash were staring.

  The dia ubh still hung there, but not as before. The white clouds, the green lands, the brown lands, the blue seas—all were gone. A gray, featureless rock, smooth as an egg, floated in the air between them. The dia ubh jerked and wobbled. For a moment longer, it hung in the air then fell to the floor.

  A sharp crack made Jade cover her ears. She looked to Jay, her eyes wide.

  “Huh,” Jay said, his voice tired and ragged. “I liked it better when it was pretty.”

  Then he passed out.

  II

  “I’VE NEVER heard you do that before,” Kailash said.

  “Do what?” Jade replied.

  “Sing.”

  “I wasn’t singing.”

  “And I was born yesterday.”

  Jade said nothing, but Kailash’s reply made her look more closely at Rucksack’s mother as they walked through the city toward the Everest Base Camp. No, Kailash hadn’t been born yesterday, but until recently she’d looked hardly any older than Jade. Two weeks after Jade had met her, though, Kailash’s young, maidenly appearance seemed to have matured, deepened, changed.

  When you were as old as Kailash—however old that was—did you still mind if someone mentioned that you were looking older? Jade decided not to ask. “Okay,” she said, “I was singing. A little.”

  “You’re always singing and smiling lately. I’m glad your time with Jay has been so good for the both of you,” Kailash replied. “It seems that if you aren’t working, you’re off somewhere in the city with him.”

  It was true, Jade thought. From the early morning wanderings through the narrowest back streets and alleys of Agamuskara to that afternoon at the edge of the city, studying the carvings on the erotic temples and winking at each other, all her time had been spent either at Everest Base Camp or with Jay. Sure, when she was working he was off with Rucksack, looking in on Asha and Jigme or hunting for Mim, Pim, and his passport. But these last two weeks with Jay had brought a happiness she hadn’t realized she’d forgotten how to feel.

  Maybe lately he was spending a little more time on this passport quest than he was with her, but that was probably just a mistake. What mattered was how close they’d gotten, how happy they felt.

  I haven’t been this happy since… The image of a man from long ago, his bright eyes similar to Jay’s, cut off Jade’s thoughts. She never knew what had happened to him. Her abrupt departure, all those unanswered questions, were the only things she knew right now that could pull down her happiness.

  “A girl’s entitled to a bit of bliss,” Jade said.

  “Oh yes, oh yes,” Kailash replied. “I would never disagree. But you chose not to be a normal girl. How long can that bliss last, Jade? What will happen once the mirror eclipse falls and the dia ubh opens?”

  “We don’t even know for sure that it’ll be a mirror eclipse. Could be just a regular, boring eclipse. Just because you and Rucksack keep saying Jay’s destiny has to be this one thing, doesn’t make it so.”

  “True. So what does make it so?”

  I do, Jade thought. But I refused to serve him that destiny. We got each other instead. “Jay could make it so,” Jade replied. “If he wants. If he chooses. But maybe he won’t. Maybe something else will change. Maybe you’re wrong and it’s not going to happen at all the way you think.”

  “It wouldn’t be the first time. I don’t claim to know the future. I just read where things are going. Perhaps we should tell him then. Doesn’t Jay deserve to know what the world wants from him?”

  “No,” Jade replied. “I agree with Rucksack. There’s no use in telling Jay yet. Soon. But not yet.” It’ll spoil everything, she thought. She and Jay were together and falling into whatever people fall into when they like being with one another. Even The Management seemed to have changed course. Despite her refusal to follow their instructions, there had been no reply, no retaliation.

  Had they just decided to let it go, to let her have this happiness?

  As Jade and Kailash rounded a corner, the sign for Everest Base Camp came into view. “We’re meeting Jay and Rucksack at the hospital, right?” Jade asked.

  “Yes, in an hour. That’s when Asha is being released.”

  “Good. I just need to pick up something, and we can go over there.”

  Kailash nodded. “Does it bother you that Jigme doesn’t seem happier about his mother’s recovery?”

  Jade stopped at the heavy mahogany doors. “What do you mean?”

  “The boy is different of late. There’s disquiet, like something is burning in his mind. Some question, some doubt. I don’t know,” Kailash said. “But of late he seems unhappy. I would have thought that this time, when his mother seems to be getting better, is when he would be the happiest we’ve ever seen him.”

  “He’s a teenage boy. Who knows what all is happening in him.” Jade unlocked the door. “Do you mind waiting out here? I won’t be long.” Kailash bobbed her head and Jade went inside, closing the door behind her.

  The broken table still needed to be cleared away, but she would do that before opening the pub later. She thought back to the fight, how abruptly it had blazed out of nowhere. Nothing in the two Indian men, locals, had suggested violence, nor had any twining tendril of their helixes warned her.

  Maybe I missed it, Jade thought, but she dismissed the thought as quickly as it shot through her mind.

  One mention of the disappearance was all it had taken. Within a few minutes, angry words had become shoves and blows.

  Jade had immediately gone from the bar to the middle of the fight. Her presence was enough of a shock to make the men pause, giving other patrons the chance to pull them away from each other and hold them still.

  “What’s going on here?” she had asked.

  “He says that the one who disappeared won’t be missed!” said one of the men. “My son is gone! Where is my son?”

  The other man said nothing.

  “Do you have children?” Jade asked him.

  The quiet man nodded. “A daughter,” he said. The pain in the words told her he was admitting that his child was at risk of vanishing too.

  “You will sit together,” Jade replied. “You will speak to each other of your children.”

  The men glowered.

  “You don’t have to,” Jade said. “You can also choose to leave here and never come back.”

  The men said nothing. Their eyes were still angry, but they did not argue with the Jade of Agamuskara.

  With healthy dollops of understanding and peace added, Jade set hot drinks in front of them. When next she checked, the men went back and forth from pride and laughter to the sadness of parents sharing fear, loss, and lack of control.

  The men had met as enemies, but they left as friends.

  None of it should have happened to begin with, though, she knew. What was this disappearance? Jade thought. Is it the only one, or have others been disappearing too? Clearly, it’s rattling the city, and even the pub isn’t immune.

  What will I do the next time something like this happens?

  Jade wondered if she should be helping Rucksack and Kailash more. While they deepened their understanding of the Smiling Fire and the dia ubh, she was off kissing Jay.

  Then again, no one had any indication that anything had changed at the black temple at the heart of the city.

&
nbsp; It’s all okay, she told herself again. It’s not as bad as we feared.

  But beneath the rush in her blood and the thrill when she kissed Jay, the questions beat at her as constantly as her pulse.

  The visible helixes, burning out like singed paper.

  The dia ubh turning gray and lifeless, no longer floating.

  A child gone.

  And Jay’s destiny.

  His damned, damned destiny, Jade thought, which I should be bringing about, not averting. Love has no place in decision and destiny. Or do decision and destiny have no place in love?

  A soft pthump made her turn and face the bar.

  The Management hadn’t sent a note in weeks. Jade went over to the phone, which never rang, and opened the special cabinet.

  She tried to think only of the night ahead, though. After the pub closed, she and Jay were meeting for a drink. Just the two of us, just like that first night, Jade thought. After that, we’re going back to my room for the first time. I’ve got more than a black silk dress to show him tonight.

  Jade grinned, imagining the hours to come. She reached for the note inside the cabinet.

  As she read, all thoughts of the night drifted away like ash.

  We have been long in discussion, Jade Agamuskara Bluegold. What you have done was wrong for a Jade to do. Another would have been dismissed immediately. But because we understand the lonely rigors of your role and because of your long service, we present you a choice:

  Love is not the traveler’s path. Influence him with the mixture below. Remain a Jade. You will be forgiven and rewarded.

  Continue resisting your duty and the needs of the world, and you will cease to be a Jade.

  You have three days to choose your destiny.

  Jade read it again and again. The paper crinkled and crackled like the cone that had held the bhel puri she and Jay had shared yesterday, smiling as they passed a spoon back and forth, crunching puffed rice and tasting the sweet tang of vegetables spiced with tamarind sauce.

  “I’m getting used to this,” Jay had said.

  “To snacks?” she had replied, grinning.