Liam rolls his eyes and I know that it’s to my actions rather than my blasé subject change. He doesn’t want me any farther away than I do him, and I’d be willing to bet that he was counting on me giving up easily and apologizing for my innocent game before. But I refuse to do any such thing. I won’t apologize for enjoying his touch and if he wants to play, well then we’ll play.
When he answers, his voice sounds a little hoarse.
“Not if you’re careful,” he nearly growls. There seems to be a double meaning to his words, but I could be imagining things.
“I’ll try not to knock any of them over.”
“Good idea.” He sighs. “All right, I give up. Are you going to come over here?”
I fight a smile because of my small victory and try to look confused when I answer.
“But you were stepping away from me. I thought you needed the space.” I shrug. “I’ll just stay over here until you’ve changed your mind.”
“You know I want you. I don’t need the distance. Ten feet might as well be ten-thousand miles when I'm away from you. If only you weren’t so stubborn, you could’ve just opened your eyes and saved us both this torture,” he finishes while crossing his arms. “I only wanted you to look at me so that I could tell you…” he trails off playfully. “I guess it’s not important.”
Liam is clearly taunting me in return; however his posture says he isn’t in the taunting mood. His stance isn’t relaxed as it once had been and he seems to be standing on the tips of his toes as if he’s reading himself to spring toward me.
“Right. Okay. Not important.” I nod coolly.
I wait for a long minute before I say anything else. It’s obvious that this is becoming a game of who will crack first. My stubborn ways have already made my mind up for me; it won’t be me that crumbles.
“So… it’s getting late. It's been a pretty long night. Maybe I should get home.” My voice has become extremely teasing now. I play with a strand of my hair and concentrate on a curl that has managed to survive the night while I wait for his next move.
“If you prefer,” he finally answers. Liam’s trying to sound just as taunting as I had, but his voice cracked on the last word. He clears his throat.
“Alrighty then, let’s go.” I say, shrugging my shoulders.
I start for the ladder leading down toward our exit. Liam stands to the right of the tiny opening and I brush past him before I reach the way out, causing our skin to graze against each other. As my arm lightly sweeps across his skin, his hand finds mine. He clasps my hand and snaps my body swiftly back to his. In the matter of a second, I’m now tightly pressed against his body. I stare at his chest, slightly dazed, until he puts his index finger beneath my chin to slowly lift my gaze to his.
Liam places one hand on the back of my head, softly tangling his fingers into my hair while the other hand finds the skin under my shirt at the small of my back. My rapid breathing matches the tempo of my frantic heart and I automatically close my eyes for what’s to happen next.
There is no longer any reason to prolong this moment. No one is standing between Liam and I being together in the way I’ve imagined for so long – in the way that he and I both want so badly. I feel almost giddy now, like a small child waiting to open a birthday gift. This is it. The anticipation of what’s to happen next has me feeling extremely eager and nervous at the same time. I’m scared but elated. Our innocent little teasing game between us is no longer fun.
Liam holds me tightly to his chest and begins to kiss my hair. He moves his gentle lips to my neck and then to my collar bone. I can feel that his breathing has become just as ragged as mine when he exhales shakily against me. I’m just short of hyperventilation as his lips move back to my neck and as he lets out a low groan against my skin, I all but come undone.
I tangle my hands into his hair, pulling myself even closer to him. Liam chuckles quietly against my throat and it becomes quite evident that he’s still teasing me. And here I’d thought that I had been so good at it before. He obviously knows what he’s doing.
Liam pulls away again but doesn’t let go of me. He looks into my eyes for a long moment and I’m not sure if I’ve ever really witnessed the intensity of his stare before this. It’s as if he’s searching for something in my eyes. I gaze back, hoping to show just how much I want him to stay in my arms and I in his. I want to tell how much he already means to me and that I can’t imagine my life without him in it. I knew within a matter of minutes from our first encounter that Liam had to be in my life someway, somehow. I didn’t understand it then and I’m not so sure I understand it now. But I love him. Love him more already now than I have ever loved anyone in my life. I have to tell Liam how I feel even though I’ve tried before. But this time when he hears it, I won’t jumble what I want to say, I won’t have any feelings of guilt to lace with my emotions. I know he won’t hesitate, nor will I.
“Liam, I -” is all I get out.
I’m quieted by Liam’s soft lips crushing against mine. I lose all train of thought and suddenly nothing else matters as what I had wanted to tell him sinks into the back of my mind. I’m too consumed now with the movement of our lips together and how my body seems to quiver deliciously under his touch. He starts the kiss out gently against my mouth, but as I allow myself to tighten my grip around him, his kiss becomes much more passionate and inflexible. It’s wanting and desperate. Liam’s grasp on me becomes tighter – which I don’t at all mind – and he parts my lips with his as he bows my body within his embrace. I feel his tongue trace around my lips and when he pulls away, I’m rewarded with his audile gasp of breath. He looks forlorn and slightly wonderstruck, his eyes wide with emotion. Before I can read into his expression much more, he ducks his face to my neck and kisses my throat. As he does so, I let go of his hair and trail my hands down his chest. He sucks in another uneven breath to my touch and when his lips find mine once more, I can feel that he’s smiling against my mouth.
Sounds of our rapid breathing and the noise our lips make each time they meet echo in the air around us. I faintly note the crackling of the candle flames in the background but otherwise can only hear the rhythm of my blood pulsing in my ears and all I can feel is how ecstatic I’ve become in this moment. How long I’ve waited for Liam to kiss me and now it’s happening. Each new time his lips touch mine, another wave of sultry tingles travel down my spine, radiating outward extending to the tips of my fingers and to my toes. I’ve never been kissed in a way that leaves me completely breathless and weak-kneed, and there isn't just heat now sparking between the two of us; it’s pure fire.
I’ve been picturing this moment for so long that I was sure in my mind that I’d gotten the moment right – that I’d known exactly how it would happen and feel. But I was wrong. It’s so much better.
I lose all track of time as Liam continues kissing me in a way that makes my legs flimsy. I don’t want this moment to end, but inevitably it has to. When Liam takes his lips away from mine, I’m left gasping for air and I’m pleased to see that he’s just as winded. He keeps his tight hold on me as I bury my face into his chest. He rests his chin on the top of my head and begins our bodies swaying back and forth to an unheard tune.
“There’s no music.” I whisper.
“Yes there is. Don’t you hear that?” he asks in a husky voice. I’m quiet for a moment, listening for what he’s hearing. Liam laughs silently when I don’t respond. “I’m listening to our hearts. It’s the most beautiful song I’ve ever heard.”
I smile and now understand what he’s hearing. My heart is hammering against my ribs, threatening to break my bones, and as I hold my ear to Liam’s chest, I can hear that his is working just as hard.
“They’re both pounding to a synchronized cadence.” Liam boasts proudly. “It’s like they were made to beat together. Yours is thumping so loudly I’m surprised that it hasn’t jumped right out of your chest. I don’t think that I’ve actually heard someone else’s heart before… I can fee
l it against my body. It’s lovely.”
We both continue to listen to our hearts while Liam slowly continues to turn our bodies around in a small circle. While we dance, he continues to kiss my hair, my forehead, my nose, and I delicately wrap my fingers around the collar of his shirt to take in his scent. I lightly sniff the fabric and store it to memory. I move my nose to his neck and I suck in the scent of his skin next. His fragrance is soft, mild, and slightly sweet. It reminds me of a new spring morning and freshly cut hay, the scent filling the air with its novel, pleasant scent. While I have my face so close to his neck, I take advantage and kiss him beneath his jaw.
“Breckin,” he whispers.
I don’t want to take the chance of him stepping away again so I look up without hesitation. His eyes are soft and his expression patient. He reaches a hand up to my face and sweeps away a strand of hair. Stopping our dance and leans down to kiss my mouth. When he pulls away to look at me, his face has changed from patient to adoring. I gasp and he smiles slightly.
“Breckin,” he begins again. His voice is gruff still, but not out of frustration. It’s something else.
“Yes? What is it?”
He strokes my cheek and looks over my face with affectionate eyes. “I love you,” he says tenderly. “It makes no sense that I do. But I do. I love you.”
“You do?” I ask in real surprise.
“With every beat of my pounding heart,” he murmurs while taking my hand and placing it over his chest.
I smile and stand up on my tiptoes to kiss him once more. Liam notices what I’m trying to do and leans his face down to meet mine. When our lips touch, I kiss him eagerly and excitedly. Liam kisses me back and I can feel him begin to laugh beneath my lips. When he pulls away, he places his hands on either side of my face and then looks at me with a vulnerability that surprises me. I’m so giddy with happiness that I have yet to return his words. I allow another huge smile to spread across my face and then respond eagerly.
“I love you, too. I love you, so much. Even if it doesn't make sense.” I’m so excited that my legs quack once more beneath me. I couldn’t hold still even if I tried.
Liam smiles almost triumphantly and then laughs again.
“Will you stop bopping around so I can kiss you? I’ve waited what feels like lifetimes to do it, and I’d like to do it again.”
I’m instantly able to become still, amazingly, and Liam slowly lowers his face to put his lips to mine.
Chapter Twelve
The rest of the weekend is euphoric. There really is no other word for it. After Liam had dropped me off Friday night, he promised to call me first thing Saturday so that we could plan our day. He had already told Mr. Schumacher that he wouldn’t be out for work and so the day would be all ours. Another realization that my thoughts of panic the night before were stupid; Liam had already planned to be with me for the duration of the weekend.
It winds up raining all day, but it’s perfect in my opinion. Liam and I spend the day curled up on the floor of my room watching movies. First he allows me to watch one of my favorites – a romantic comedy, and then I patiently watch one of his favorites – a movie about fast cars that include crooked cops and scantly covered actresses. It’s exactly the type of movie I had mentioned to him before when asking about his own car the day he drove me home from school. When I roll my eyes to a scene that involves the beautiful lead in the film, he notices.
“She’s nothing compared to you,” he whispers in my ear, allowing his breathtaking smile to spread across his face. His seductive voice mixed with his British accent sends a delicious tingle to flutter down my back.
We both dress in comfortable sweats and lounge across our make shift bed; a mound of thick, soft blankets and oversized pillows. He proves that he has no fear for dogs as Abigail lies comfortably across his feet. During the fourth movie I fall asleep on his chest and when I wake to the ending credits, he’s twirling a piece of my hair. I look up to him through groggy eyes and smile. Part of me can’t believe he’s here.
“Sorry, I guess that I’m still a little tired from last night.” I say in a thick voice. I do a quick run over his shirt to make sure I didn’t drool.
“No need to apologize. I kept you out quite late,” he replies soothingly. “A queen needs her rest.”
“Har har,” I roll my eyes.
As I’m leaning up to kiss his soft lips, I notice Abigail’s ears perk up and that’s when Elly pops her head into my room. I abruptly bolt upright, looking like a convicted felon that’s been caught red handed in a crime, but Liam stays casually perched against two pillows looking as cool as ever. My mom hadn’t been home when Liam arrived – called into the hospital – so I haven’t had the chance to appropriately introduce them. I look to Liam with wide eyes and he chuckles quietly while then rising to stand.
“Ms. Nicolai, I’m Liam Francis.” He offers while extending his right hand out toward her.
“I’m glad to finally meet you… officially,” she answers while shaking his hand. “And you can call me Elly.” They both laugh lightly. I’d forgotten that Liam had made a side trip to my house the night before to gather some of my clothes. “Well, I’ll let you two be. Good weather for a movie day. I just wanted to see what you were up to.” Elly says as she turns toward my door.
I nod and shoot her an uncomfortable smile. Elly never has had any reason not to trust me alone with a boy. This trust comes from many late night talks and a very open and honest mother/daughter relationship. I always tell her the truth about my life and she in turn gives me much earned trust. I cherish and enjoy my privacy, so this isn’t something I’m about to break.
Liam lies back down after putting another DVD into the player. I sit cross legged next to him and after the movie starts, he begins to rub my back. I look to him over my shoulder and he opens his arms in invitation. Of course I can’t refuse.
“What’s your favorite kind of day?” I ask him while I mindlessly pet Abigail.
He strokes my hair. “A day with you.”
I shake my head in disbelief. “Okay… before me, and before you came to this sorry town, what was your favorite thing to do? Something you did for fun?”
He thinks about that for a long second. “You know. Stuff.”
I make a face. “What kind of stuff?” I inquire sarcastically.
He reflects over my question for a couple of minutes before answering and I wait patiently. If he wants to tell me, he will. If not, well then I guess he won’t. I trace imaginary pictures on his beautifully sculpted abdomen while I wait and am surprised when I find a ticklish spot next to his waist. He jumps and tenses when my finger flits across his skin.
“Whoa,” he gasps.
“Sorry.” I’m not sorry at all. I grin like a naughty child and do it again.
“Hey!” he protests. He grabs both of my wrists and has me pinned on my back in a quick second. “Two can play at this game,” he growls.
Liam raises my hands above my head and shifts both of my wrists into one of his hands as he swoops in with the other hand to start tickling my ribs. I squeal loudly, embarrassingly, and try to thrash against him. But I’m no match for his strength. I wriggle and writhe beneath him as he continues to torture me with capable hands. I’m out of breath and gasping when he finally takes pity on me and stops. He’s lying on top of me, effectively pinning my entire body with his, and when I blink laugh-tears away from my eyes, I see his own eyes are burning with an intensity I don’t understand. It causes my insides to clench and my blood to heat. Whoa.
“Give?” he whispers.
I nod, totally caught in his trance.
“Good. Because I’m merciless,” he smirks.
He sits up on his knees and pulls me up with him. I try smoothing the hair out of my face, but he reaches over to do it for me and then trails his fingertips over my cheekbone, down to my jaw. I feel shy all of the sudden and tuck my chin against my chest.
“Hey.” Liam murmurs. “Don’t do that. I c
an’t look at you when you do that, and I’ve spent enough time not being able to.” He clasps my chin with strong fingers and forces me to look up at him. “You okay?”
“Yeah. I’m perfect.” Good grief, I’m a total sap. What is he doing to me? “Um, you didn’t answer my question,” I say hoarsely.
“Which was?”
“I asked what you liked to do for fun before you moved here.”
Liam’s face turns from playful to troubled after that, and I suddenly feel like my innocent question is something I shouldn’t have asked. It seems there are a lot of questions that I ask to make him feel uncomfortable. I start to worry and he meets my gaze then, reaching his hand up to smooth away the worry lines crinkled across my forehead.
“It’s nothing I’m proud of,” he sighs. “As I look back on it, I admit that it was quite stupid.”
Oh. I wait.
“After… the accident, I was having trouble accepting the fact that I had… survived,” he begins quietly.
Oh. I shudder to the thought of never having met him. Liam takes my hand and kisses it while then holding it in both of his to go on with his story.
“I became distant and withdrawn. I took one day at a time. My mum didn't want me going back to boarding school at first, so she arranged for a tutor to come to the house and help me with my studies. I’d get up in the morning every day, go through the motions of a daily life in a zombie-like state, and then go to bed at night without ever having said a word to my family or anyone else. I became restless with the tutor, though and begged to go back to school and to what I felt was normal.”
I can see that this is a difficult subject for him. I want him to continue but not if it upsets him. How odd that my simple inquiry in an attempt to get to know him better would turn into a moment of such discomfort. I’m beginning to think that maybe I shouldn't ask Liam anymore questions because the answer is never one that is simple or lacking of a bad story to go along with it. Perhaps I should just allow Liam to offer information when he feels like it. But deep down I know that if I never ask, he’ll never offer the information.
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