Hollow Sight

by Kristie Pierce

  It’s quiet for a long moment, but I’m surprised to find Liam breaking the silence this time.

  “Have I hurt your feelings with my reaction?” he asks as he lowers his gaze to mine.

  I shake my head, but realize that maybe his words are truer than I might have thought.

  “I’m so sorry that you had to see me that way. What a turn this night has taken! I never intended for you to fully know the amount of pain that Evie’s memory brings to me.”

  “No. I mean I’m glad that you feel comfortable enough with me… for me to know. It’s just that I’m a little surprised at how it made me…” I stop short. I don’t want Liam to feel bad for telling me the truth about Evie and to have any regret for his feelings. It would be selfish of me to turn his pain around, to make it about me. It causes me to feel guilty for even thinking it. Sure, I’m a little… jealous to hear Liam talk about his first love. A true love. But I refuse to make this about me. “Thank you for telling me.” I say instead.

  Liam scrutinizes my expression for a long moment and I don’t know what he’s looking for or what he sees. Luckily it’s relatively dark, so hopefully my doubts and fears are well disguised. I’m sure that he knows that I’m holding back something, although he obviously has no idea what. I promise myself in this moment that I’ll never let Liam know how it feels for me to hear him talk of Evie. He shouldn’t have to hide his emotions; it would be unfair of me to want that.

  Elly pops her head into my room then. “It’s getting late guys. Breckin, you need to rest. And I’m sure your coach is wondering where Liam is.”

  “Mom,” I start to object. I’m grateful that she doesn’t seem perturbed with Liam’s arms around me.

  “No, she’s right, Breckin,” Liam interrupts. “I should be going. Thank you for allowing me to come over at such a late hour, Elly. I appreciate you allowing me to see Breckin.”

  “No problem.” Elly doesn’t linger, but leaves my room after that with my door left wide open.

  Liam chuckles as he sits up to put his shoes back on. His back is to me so I take advantage and wrap my arms around his waist while he ties his laces. Then I lean in to kiss his neck. He sighs, but not in unhappiness this time; it’s in contentment.

  “I wish you didn’t have to go,” I whisper, pouting.

  Liam twists his torso around so that he can face me. “Maybe I don’t,” he murmurs darkly while allowing a mischievous grin to spread across his glorious face. The bad boy is just below the surface.

  “What do you mean?”

  “You have a window,” he hints.

  I smile. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

  “Why not?”

  “Well first, Camille would probably call here after too long looking for you. And second,” I add as Abigail trots happily through my door. “I’ve got quite a protective dog that more than likely wouldn’t go allowing someone to crawl through my window. She would be in attack mode and ferociously growling before you could crawl through and show that it’s you.”

  Liam reaches down to scratch behind Abigail’s ear. “She likes me. I don’t think she would attack.”

  She proves that he’s probably right as she closes her eyes and relaxes against his thigh, tail wagging, ears twitching when he hits that sweet spot on her neck.

  I laugh. I like – no, love – the idea of Liam staying all night with me, but I know that it won’t be possible. However the subject piques my curiosity. He seems to be in better spirits and so I don’t want to drag his feelings through the mud again, but interest suddenly wraps its grueling arms around me.

  “You seem to be pretty knowledgeable about this sneaking in stuff.”

  “Do I?” Liam leers playfully. “Perhaps I should try my persuading skills on you.” Liam leans in closely to my face with an expression that makes my stomach flip and heartbeat quicken. I take his face in my hands.

  “Not a chance, sir.”

  “A guy can try.”

  I regroup.

  “Did you ever…” I begin while a lump rises in my throat. “You know… well, did you and Evie ever… stay… together…?” Oh God, I can’t believe I’m allowing myself to ask him this. Liam smiles patiently and puts a hand to my hot cheek.

  “Does it matter?” he says quietly.

  Oh. Oh.

  I shrug. “I guess not. I was just…”

  “Let me ask you something,” he says, interrupting me. “You were with that arse for a long while.”

  “That’s not a question.” I observe sarcastically.

  He rolls his eyes. “When you love someone and you’re with them for a long time, don’t you think it natural, for lack of a better word, to be with them?”

  “Sure. Yeah. I guess so.” Holy crap. I’m a virgin and he’s not. Did I really expect him to be? Maybe the naïve side of me did.

  “Does it matter?” he asks again, reading my unsure face. His expression looks a little worried but at least he’s being honest. “Didn’t you and…”

  “No.” I say flatly, cutting him off. “I never loved him enough to.”

  Liam looks a bit surprised then, but also cautiously elated. Maybe he’s just glad that I’m being truthful and that is something he will never have to worry about with me now. Perhaps he was expecting me to answer differently. Probably. I mean, now-a-days, being a virgin at my age is an anomaly.

  “So. You’re a virgin?” he asks hoarsely.

  “If you have to be so technical, yes.” I snap.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he says, abruptly ending the conversation. “Would you like me to pick you up for school?”

  “No, I’m not going to school. Doctor’s orders.”

  “Oh,” his face falls. “Well, then I guess I’ll see you after I get out of practice.”

  “You're going to come over?” I ask, not able to hide my excitement.

  “Of course,” he laughs.

  “Okay. I’ll be here.”

  Liam bends down to kiss me so that I don’t have to get up. I try to prolong the moment by grabbing the collar of his shirt. I feel him smile under my lips, but when he releases me from his kiss, his look is now solemn.

  “I love you, Breckin,” he says severely.

  “I know. I love you more,” I answer with embarrassingly brutal honesty.

  He considers that for a second. “I don’t think so,” he whispers quietly. I’m not sure I was meant to hear.

  Liam leaves after that. I hear the purr of his exhaust a minute later and concentrate on the sound it makes as he drives away. I’m so overcome with exhaustion that sleep finds me very willingly. It doesn’t take long for me to be overtaken by unconsciousness.

  It’s bright outside when I wake. I don’t have to open my eyes to know that it’s later in the day than it should be. I don’t know how long I’ve slept, but my body is stiff with sleep as I haven’t moved an inch in my slumber. I didn’t even hear Elly come in to check on me throughout the night. I stretch out in my bed, allowing my arms to reach into the air around me as far as they will go as that delicious feeling of blood pumping faster through tired veins revives me.

  I jerk back when my arm rubs up against something unexpected. I wrench open my eyes in shock but quickly relax when I see the tropical crystal of Liam’s eyes staring back at me.

  “Hi,” he murmurs.

  “How… did… you…” I begin, feeling utterly confused. Have I slept the entire day away? Is it after Liam's practice time already?

  “I have my ways.” Liam shrugs nonchalantly.

  I can see that he’s been sitting on the floor in front of my bed, and he’s made himself a little lounge area with the same pillows we’d used over the weekend. He has the television on low and I’m surprised that the sound of it hadn’t woken me. The thought of morning breath suddenly hits me and I pull my comforter up over my mouth before I talk again.

  “Um… okay…” I’m not totally sure that I’m awake.

  Liam laughs. “Relax. I convinced Elly
that it would probably be better if you weren’t alone today. I promised to wait on you hand and foot, and to do whatever you needed me to do. It turns out my duties have been much simpler than I originally thought they’d be since you’ve slept the morning away.”

  “You’ve been here since before Elly left for work?” Yeesh, that’s early.

  “Yes.”

  “What time is it?” I ask through my blanket.

  “Twelve-thirty. I’d offer you breakfast in bed, but it seems a little late for that. So how about lunch in bed? What would you like?”

  “I need to brush my teeth before I do anything,” I answer in a raspy voice. I feel that my throat still unfortunately hurts.

  Liam chuckles again. “Okay, you do that and I’ll look around the kitchen for something to eat.”

  I get up slowly due to the stiffness in my body. I stretch and the movement makes me dizzy. Liam swiftly catches me as I start to wobble.

  “You okay?” he asks, eyebrows furrowed, his jaw tense with worry.

  I nod and set my mouth into a stubborn line. I still don’t want to talk for fear that I might knock him out with my dragon breath. Even though I’m sure that I’m okay, Liam holds me by one arm as if to support my weight as I stumble toward the bathroom.

  “Any requests?” he asks as he sits me down on the side of the tub.

  I casually place my hand over my mouth to speak and trace my lips with my fingertips. “Something wet. My throat still hurts a little.”

  “I had a feeling you’d say that. I’ll be right back.”

  I brush my teeth thoroughly and rinse with mouthwash – twice – before heading back to my room. Of course after being asleep for so long my bladder feels like it’s going to explode. So I very stealthily take care of that as well.

  Liam walks through my door with an oversized cup that has steam rolling off the top of it. I cover up with my blankets again and take the big ceramic cup he proffers to me.

  “Careful,” he warns.

  “Thank you. Smells good, what is it?”

  “A very old and trusted English remedy. It’s been around for centuries. Chicken noodle soup,” he smirks.

  I take a tentative sip and notice that it isn’t the normal condensed kind Elly keeps in the cupboard. This soup is rich with thick curly noodles and freshly cooked vegetables. The broth is delicious and thicker than canned soup, too.

  “Where did you get this?” I ask while taking another small sip. The hot liquid feels glorious against my raw throat. Liam nonchalantly shrugs one shoulder as he flips through television channels. “Oh my goodness! Did you make this?” I gasp as realization hits.

  “Maybe,” Liam answers vaguely.

  “It's great,” I gush too enthusiastically. “When did you find the time to make this?”

  “You slept all morning,” he reminds me and produces a spoon from out of nowhere.

  “Right. Thanks. So what compelled you to bore yourself to death by staying here all day with me?” I ask after now diving in to the delicious soup.

  “It’s not boring if I’m with you.”

  “Camille just let you ditch school to stay with me?”

  “Yup. I think she’s feeling a little guilty about last night. You could probably ask for just about anything right now and she’d bend over backward to do it.”

  “That’s silly. Why does she feel guilty?”

  “She thinks that she should’ve been there for you – that she should’ve been able to stop you from…”

  “But no one could’ve known that was going to happen. Least of all me.” I shudder at the memory of the empty man glaring at me. “It shocked the hell out of me! I’m not used to feeling vulnerable in the water. And the pain…” I trail off.

  “Just the same, she feels motherly toward you.”

  “I know.” I sigh. “She’s a good woman.”

  Liam lets his attention drift toward the TV although I know he isn’t paying any attention to what’s on. There’s a very overacted soap opera playing on the screen. I sip at my soup silently and begin flipping through the channels with the remote. I was right, Liam shows no interest to the television screen as he keeps the same expressionless face as I skip through the channels. He’s thinking about something and I want to know what. But after he bared his soul to me last night, I’m not about to ask. I think that I’ve inquired about enough, and if he wants me to know, he’ll tell me.

  When I’m finished with my cup, I start to get up to take it out to the kitchen.

  “Done?” he asks, holding out a slender hand to take the mug.

  “I can get it.”

  “Nope. I promised your mum that I wouldn’t let you do a thing today. Would you like anything else while I’m up?”

  “A glass of water?”

  Liam smiles sweetly and then kisses the top of my head before heading out toward the kitchen. He’s back in record time with a tall glass of ice water. I practically salivate upon seeing it.

  “Can I ask you something?” he murmurs while handing me the glass. The way he says it makes me a little wary.

  “Okay?”

  “You can tell me to mind my own business if you want.”

  Right. Like I’d do that. After last night, nothing is off limits.

  “You are my business. Does it have to do with me?” I ask cautiously.

  “Mm, yeah. Sort of about you and me.”

  “Then it’s definitely your business. Just spit it out.”

  He sucks in a deep breath and sits down next to me. He plays with my fingers and I can tell that he’s a little nervous. This surprises me as I’m not used to Liam being this way. He’s always so confident. Sometimes even a little bit cocky, but I admit that I sort of like it. Seeing him this way makes me even more wary.

  “So, I was thinking about what we talked about last night,” he begins.

  This surprises me further. I really wasn’t expecting Liam to bring up that conversation again. The memory of Evie had made him so miserable and I can’t stand the thought of seeing him that way again. I don’t want to talk about that.

  “Um, so, you were thinking about what you told me about E-”

  He begins shaking his head before I have the sentence out. “No, not that. About the last part.”

  I quickly struggle to recall what we had talked about after that. The memory is a little fuzzy from my exhaustion. The only part that sticks out most is Liam’s agony over his lost love. I feel bad again for realizing that the reason it sticks out so badly for me was that it was not only pain for Liam that I’d felt; I’d felt a little sad at how much Evie had meant to him and to think that maybe he won’t ever be able to love me that much. Then I remember with a snap that she was in my room last night.

  “OH!” I gasp.

  “What? What’s wrong?” Liam says anxiously.

  “Er, nothing,” I lie. “Never mind, please continue.” I say trying to get back to what he was talking about. I am not about to tell him that his dead girlfriend popped in while he was being consumed with grief over her. Yeah, not going to happen. Even though I’ve promised myself that I’ll never lie to him, I don’t feel so bad about this one.

  “Okay, um, I was curious I guess, as to why you and… Ben,” he still spits his name, “never, you know…”

  My mouth pops open in shock, but I quickly regain my composure so that he won’t notice. It’s fair of him to ask. I had asked him the same personal question last night, so it shouldn’t surprise me so much that he wants to inquire about it. I decide to be honest now.

  “I told you – I never loved him enough to. I was raised to believe that the first time, well not just the first time, each and every time, should be with someone you really care about and love. As time went on, Ben and I’s relationship didn’t grow in intensity as one might think it should. Instead, it fizzled out and became more like a lot of work to keep it going. It was never… passionate.”

  “Right, passionate,” he agrees while nodding his head. He still seem
s distracted. “Is it a religious thing?”

  “Do you mean, am I waiting for marriage?”

  “Yes. Are you waiting to get married?”

  I shrug. “I haven’t really thought about it I guess. Up until now, I haven’t had a reason to.”

  “Until now?” he asks while raising an eyebrow. He looks slightly amused and befuddled at the same time. Well, hell.

  I can feel the sudden heat of embarrassment flood my cheeks and I quickly look down. Well, I was definitely being honest – so honest that I’d forgotten to sensor what I was saying. Damn my broken mouth filter.

  “Soooo… have you thought about me then?” he asks while leaning his glorious face down to mine.

  I start to fiddle with the edge of my blanket, refusing to meet his suddenly curious stare.

  “I dunno.” Cheeks are now turning from pink to beet red, I can feel it. Ears too.

  “No? You don’t know?” Liam chuckles. It’s obvious that he can tell that I’m not answering entirely truthful now. “You’re playing with your fingers,” he comments.

  I stop and ball my hands up. The red torture of embarrassment is now traveling down my neck.

  “I just… I… well…”

  “So, would you like to watch a movie since there seems to be nothing of interest on the tele?”

  Oh, he’s taken pity on me. Thank heavens. I nod fervently and Liam gets up to rummage through the stack of DVD’s resting on my floor next to the TV. I lay back down and he joins me after popping in a movie that could easily be labeled a “chick flick”. He wraps his arms around me but stays on top of the covers. After I start to doze again, Liam whispers in my ear.

  “I think about being with you, too. You're all I think about and dream about. But not until you're completely ready. I just hope that you love me as I do you.”

  I smile hugely as my heart sets off into a full tilt sprint, but otherwise don’t acknowledge what he’s said. I drift off with delicious and somewhat naughty images of Liam and I embraced in intimate embraces.