Hollow Sight

by Kristie Pierce

  I marvel at the snow that’s begun to fall and continue to think of him. He’s something I’ve been trying not to think of for so long now, that even though I’m unsure I'll ever be with him again, I think of him gratefully now. I think of the simple things rather than the unpleasant. Liam was wearing a dark blue sweater and he’d had the sleeves pushed up just below his elbows. I recall the way his muscular arms seemed to tense when he’d realized that Joseph was there; the veins and tendons protruding beneath his soft skin. I could see every contour of each muscle in his forearms standing out. His eyes were just as beautiful and as intense as I’d remembered. The aqua pool of color didn’t fail to leave me in awe when he focused on me. His eyes almost took on a crystallized effect, looking like chards of glass rimmed in deep blue sapphire – ribbons of glass that might shatter if his stare had become any more intense. His eyes are something I’ve tried hard to not focus on or think about. It was just too painful.

  “I told you he didn’t want to stay away from you,” Sera says as she sits cross legged in the passenger seat.

  “No you didn’t,” I snap.

  She rolls her green eyes and becomes impatient. “No time for technicalities. We have to focus on the bigger picture now.”

  “Right. One problem. I have no idea what I’m doing.”

  “Another technicality.”

  I’m the one becoming impatient now. “It’s kind of an important technicality, don’t ya think?”

  “We DO NOT have time for this nonsense.” She groans.

  “I hardly think that -”

  “No,” she interrupts. “I wasn’t talking about that,” she says referring to my insecurities of helping Joseph crossover. “That!”

  I glance over to her as I pull into my snow covered drive. Sera’s gazing toward the house and so I let my curious eyes follow hers. Parked in my drive is a dark car, standing out against the newly fallen snow like a sore thumb, sitting in my way of getting into the garage.

  Ben.

  “Oh.” I gasp in disgusted surprise.

  “Get rid of him. We don’t have time for this,” she repeats.

  “Ha! Right. Easier said than done.”

  “What is he doing here anyway? It’s been months. He needs to get over it already.”

  As I pull in behind Ben’s salt covered car, I can see that he’s watching me out of his rearview mirror with sad eyes. I try hard not to seem like I’ve noticed him watching, but it’s a lost cause once we’ve made eye contact. I crank down my window.

  “You’re in my way,” I shout.

  Ben opens his door slowly, and when he emerges from the car he’s holding a huge bouquet of flowers. It’s a Christmas themed collection; evergreens and poinsettia’s and red roses fit together in a beautiful gathering with a bright red ribbon wrapped around the bundle.

  “For the love of Pete!” Sera gripes with narrowed eyes.

  Tell me about it, I think with agitation.

  “This oughta be good.”

  “Hey,” he says in a melancholy tone as he reaches my door. Oh, goody. He’s pouting.

  “You’re in my way. I’d like to get into the garage,” I snap.

  “Stay strong, Breckin. Don't let him get to you,” Sera says. “No time for guilty feelings.”

  “Okay, sorry. Here, these are for you,” Ben says while offering me the flowers.

  Don't worry, I'm way too annoyed for nice. “I’ll back up so you can move your car,” I respond as I begin to roll up my window. I don’t bother to take the bouquet.

  Ben stands dumbfounded as I begin to back up. When he looks to me, I impatiently wave with my hand for him to do the same. He maneuvers around me so that I can pull in and I speed too fast into the little opening made for my oversized rust bucket. The wet tires screech against the cement as I slam on the brakes.

  “Good luck,” Sera mutters sarcastically.

  Gee, thanks.

  I hop down from the vehicle and didn’t bother waiting for Ben as he’s running up the drive toward me, flowers still in hand. I hope he falls.

  “You didn’t move your car far enough,” I snap as I unlock the door to the house.

  He glances over his shoulder towards his car. “I’m plenty out of the way.”

  “No. You’re about ten miles or so in the wrong way. Your house is that way,” I hiss as I point into the direction from where he’s come.

  His eyes pop open. “Jeesh, Breckin.”

  “Why are you here, Ben?” I ask with a tired voice. Sera was right; I don’t have time for this and I have no desire to have Ben in my house. I certainly don't have any tolerance for him to be standing here while I watch him mouth breathe, gaping at me.

  “It’s Christmas. I thought I’d stop by and say hello. Hello.”

  “A phone call could’ve done that,” I mumble as I wonder to myself if Liam had felt as aggravated by my unannounced visit today as I do with Ben’s.

  “I know, but you wouldn’t’ve taken my calls,” he answers quietly.

  “You’re right. I wouldn’t have.”

  “Can we go inside? It’s freezing out here.”

  I sigh. “Just for a minute, I’m expecting company.”

  “Who?” he asks while scrunching his eyebrows. “According to Axel, you and your new boyfriend broke up. You’re a single woman again.”

  “That’s none of your business,” I growl through my teeth. “You’re treading on thin ice, Ben.” He’s really testing my patience. Time away from him has not alleviated my irritation. And damn Axel all to hell! I had no idea they still talked.

  “Oh, come on, don’t be like that.”

  I open the door to the kitchen and turn on my heel to face him. “I think you should leave. And you can take those flowers and shove them right up…”

  “Okay! Good grief, Breckin. Can I just talk to you for a minute?”

  “We have nothing to talk about.” I say acidly.

  “Just a minute?” he pleads.

  “If I say no, will you go away?”

  “No. Probably not.”

  “Fine. You’ve got two minutes.”

  Ben follows me up the three stairs to the kitchen as I start removing my winter attire. “Speak. You’re down to one minute, fifty-two seconds.”

  He squares his shoulders and sucks in his newly college-acquired gut. “Well, I’ve really missed you. And I’m sorry that things ended the way they did. I never intentionally meant to hurt your feelings, ya know? I began thinking of all the things I said, and well, I realize now that they weren’t very nice. I’m sorry.” His tone is anything but apologetic. And he’s smiling. Bastard.

  “And?” I ask annoyed as I close the distance between us.

  “And what?”

  “Is that the best you’ve got? Really? That’s all you have to say for yourself?”

  “Huh?”

  I narrow my eyes. “Did you think that if you came over here and gave some half-assed apology that I’d just come running back to you? That I’d be, oh-so-glad to have you standing here and I’d just say, ‘oh that’s okay, Ben. It’s okay that you’re incredibly immature and ignorant and I know that you never meant any of it.’ I don’t think so.”

  “Okay…”

  “Sorry, Ben, not so easy. The fact is, the reason we’re over, well, it’s for a lot of reasons. None of which you seem to understand. Your immaturity is just one of the many. There are so many other factors that can’t be fixed or taken away and unfortunately for you, that means no such luck in the rekindled romance department.” I shrug.

  I’m surprised at how mean I’m actually being because this just isn’t me. But the truth is, having Ben standing in my kitchen almost makes me sick to my stomach. It’s wrong to have him here and I’m mad that he’s come at all. Every being in my body wants him to leave.

  Just then, as I continue fighting with my nauseated stomach, I hear a knock at the front door. My heart drops into my uneasy belly as I realize who it must be. It was hard enough trying to convince
Liam to come over, and having Ben here will just confuse things.

  “You need to leave,” I say as I head toward the door. “Like I said, we have nothing to talk about and that was the worst apology I’ve ever heard. Good bye.”

  Ben follows me.

  I glance out the living room window and spot a black car parked behind Ben’s. Whoa, he came sooner than I thought he would. My sunken heart jumps back up into place and doubles in speed.

  “I mean it, Ben. Go away.”

  I yank open the door without hesitation.

  Liam snaps his head up as I open the door. He looks right passed me and straight to Ben. I start to panic as I feel the sudden and immense tension in the room billowing around us like a storm cloud. It takes me a minute to realize that I don’t have any chest pain or headache accompanied with Liam’s arrival. I look around quickly and notice that Joseph hasn’t followed him. I sigh quietly in relief. The current situation is going to be hard enough without Joseph causing me blinding pain in the process.

  Liam lets himself in without the invitation, walks passed me and over to Ben. He stands, toe to toe, slightly towering over Ben’s awkward stance as my eyes widen in horror. Oh God, it’s like that day at the city pool.

  “What are you doing here?” Liam says to Ben, his voice dripping with disapproval. I’m not sure if the disapproval is meant for me or for Ben.

  “Well, since Breckin was all alone on Christmas, I thought I’d drop by and give her some company.”

  I make a face.

  Liam nods one hard nod. “I see. Were you invited?” Liam glances over to me and I shake my head.

  “No, he was waiting for me when I got here,” I explain, trying to defuse the situation. I don’t think it’s helping. It actually seems to make Liam more agitated and I see his eyes are that peculiar gray-blue color.

  Ben crosses his arms and takes a step back. “I was under the impression that you’d broken up with Breckin, so why are you here?” It’s clear that Ben is trying to sound just as acidic as Liam had, but he doesn’t come close. He sounds like a kitten trying to be a lion.

  “I was invited,” Liam growls. I step in between them and put my hand on Liam’s chest.

  “He was just leaving,” I whisper.

  “No, I think I’ll stay.” Ben says in a mocking tone.

  “But I don’t want you to. As I said before – repeatedly – you need to leave.”

  Liam takes a step toward Ben, ignoring my stance. “It looks as though you’ve worn out your welcome. Shall I show you the door?”

  As Liam speaks, I glance over to Ben and he meets my annoyed gaze. He then grabs my hand and snaps me harshly and awkwardly to his body, leaning his mouth down to mine and kisses me very sloppily. He has a hand dug into my behind and the other holding my face to his. It hurts. He’s being rough. I push against him with every ounce of strength I have, but my efforts are futile.

  “Stop!” I yell against his mouth. My next thought is to bite him.

  Before I can really make sense of anything, Ben is now across the room. As I catch up in my head, I make out that Liam had pushed Ben. Actually, Liam had thrown Ben across the room. Liam had picked him up by the back of his shirt, as if he were no bigger than a small child, and heaved him into the wall. Ben’s head snapped back against the hard drywall and he slid down to the floor. Ben now sits in a crumpled ball, incoherent, as Liam protectively and possessively steps in front of me.

  I watch, horror struck, and automatically reach for Liam. Jealousy and anger rage in his face and he’s shaking with his arms rigid at his sides. His hands are in hard fists causing his knuckles to whiten over the bone.

  “What the hell was that?” Ben yells while placing a hand to his head and then staggers to get up. There’s a small dent in the wall where his head had made contact.

  “Don’t ever touch her,” Liam snarls. His voice is so low and menacing that it scares me into silence.

  “What the hell do you care? You dumped her, remember?”

  “A misunderstanding,” Liam says in the same dark tone.

  “Sure,” Ben snorts. “Whatever, man.”

  “Now, as Breckin has pointed out to you more than once, I think it time you left.”

  Ben is steadier now and starts walking toward Liam and I. I hurry to stand in between them so that I can stop what I’m sure will happen next. I put my hand on Liam’s chest again and without taking his glare away from Ben, he wraps one of his slender hands around mine. The touch is simple, but it makes me feel as if I’m a complete person again. I glance up to Liam’s rigid face and peel away the layers of anger to recognize the beautiful boy I’ve fallen in love with. I hardly notice Ben standing next to me and it seems everything else in the room has disappeared with the warmth of his touch. My ashen heart feels healthy again and every nerve ending in my body is electric and alive. For that split second, colors are more vibrant and I can see clearer than I have in months. All the bad I've lived through vaporizes into little particles of nothingness around me.

  “Get out, Ben,” I snap.

  “Want another kiss goodbye?” he asks in a cocky tone. He eyes me and steps forward. God, is he dumb. Liam drops my hand and maneuvers me out of his way. He’s now nose to nose with Ben, although looking down as he’s taller.

  “Would you like me to rearrange your face next?” Liam says in a low voice. “Perhaps shut your mouth permanently? Then all you'll be kissing is your twisted reflection in the mirror.”

  “Back off, psycho,” Ben retorts.

  “You have no idea what I’m capable of,” Liam purrs threateningly. It’s menacing and I realize that I’ve never seen him quite so unhinged.

  “Hey, hey,” I say in a nervous voice. “Ben, please leave. I’m asking nicely. You need to go.”

  “I can’t. He parked his stupid tin can behind me.”

  “I’ll move my car,” Liam says in a tone faking pleasantries. “I’ll only be a minute,” he murmurs as he passes me. He kisses my forehead and my heartbeat pounds against my ribs threatening to break through my chest.

  Ben narrows his eyes.

  I watch in amusement as Ben stumbles down the walkway to the drive as he continues turning over his shoulder while Liam walks behind him. It’s as though Ben’s expecting Liam to jump him from behind. I can’t exactly blame him after what I’d just witnessed, though. I quickly recall the memory from that day at the pool. The day Liam had felt the need to stick up for me before I knew how he felt about me, or how I thought he felt about me. I remember thinking that Liam had a dark side, a dangerous side. I appeared to have been very right, although I have a sinking feeling that I’ve yet to see just what he really is capable of.

  Liam silently moves his car so that Ben can leave, and I become wary as I expect him to pull out of the drive completely. I’m glad to have him here, and extremely elated that he’s come at all. A little part of me honestly didn’t expect him to show up. After all, I’d probably seemed a bit crazy as I babbled on about needing to talk to him on Christmas day – his birthday – showing up unexpectedly to Coach Dawson’s house while there was company present. Could the timing be any better?, I think sarcastically.

  I rush toward Liam when he comes back inside the house. I can no longer wait to wrap my arms around his neck and have him hold me so tight that I don’t know where I start and he ends. I want to feel whole again, and Liam’s touch does that. He turns to face me after shutting the front door and my frantic heart stops beating as he grabs my wrists with his capable hands – constricting me – and places my arms back to my sides. He leads us to the couch and I fall into the cushions feeling completely defeated and utterly confused. Tears are very close to spilling over.

  “What was it that you needed to talk to me about?” he asks in a patient tone. He’s all business.

  I blink a couple of times, fighting back the traitor tears, and attempt to figure out what’s going on. Hadn’t he just kissed my forehead before he went outside? He’d wrapped his hand around
mine when I touched him – right? I thought that to be some sort of reassurance. Stupid. But what about that little stunt with Ben? That clearly was something to make me think he was here for me. Standing up for me because he wanted me…. Right? Otherwise he wouldn't have gotten so angry with Ben. Yeah? Or at least that’s what I’ve allowed my crumpled , damaged heart to hope to think.

  Now I’m trying to remember the words as I struggle to answer him. The real reason why I’d wanted him here is being overshadowed by my confused state of mind. I watch him with a puzzled expression as he takes off his coat and scarf.

  “What?” he asks when I don’t say anything.

  I don’t know what to say. “I guess … I’m confused…” I begin. Yeah, that works. Because I’m definitely confused.

  “What about?”

  “Well you just…. And I thought…. And then you…..” I can’t wrap my head around anything.

  “Oh, that,” he says as awareness hit him. “I did that for your benefit.”

  “For my benefit?” I repeat, incredulous.

  “He was touching you inappropriately. He needed to be shown some manners.”

  “So you don’t… I thought that maybe… but what about the… then why would...” I’m still confused. Throwing Ben across the room for my benefit seems a bit extreme.

  “I’m sticking to my decision, Breckin. I’m only here because you said it was important.”

  My chest feels like it’s just been kicked in. “Oh,” I whisper.

  Liam is still all business. “So what is so important that you needed to talk to me today?”

  I’m still concentrating on what had just happened. This isn’t the reason I’ve asked Liam to meet me today, but now that it’s sort of out in the open, I won’t let it rest until I have some answers. An unexpected but brief feeling of assurance sweeps over me and so I take advantage. What’s the worst that can happen? Liam could leave. Well, he’s already done that.

  “Change of plan. I want to discuss something else first.” I’m shocked to find that my voice is relatively even and calm. It’s a far cry from how I’m feeling inside. Nervous, confused, sad, angry… All of them are swirling in a chaotic mess inside my stomach as the sudden assertion dies away. Liam closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger.