Giving Up the Ghost

by Phoebe Rivers

“She cannot help you!”

  Conjured up my father’s crinkly-eyed smile.

  “Nor can he! He is not like us. He distrusts your powers. He’s constantly worrying about you. People who worry, who fret, do not advance in life. They do not climb high. You are different.”

  I conjured up Lady Azura’s wise, bright face. Skin like crepe paper, but eyes that were still full of life. Intelligence. Wit. Love. Love for me.

  “Ha! She tried to thwart me every moment. She is not someone you should turn to at a time like this. Listen to me, Sara. . . .”

  The dark cloud continued to swirl around us. I felt isolated. As though she and I were the only two beings in a vast wasteland. And she was a spirit. I kept concentrating. Positive thoughts.

  “But you came to her. To Lady Azura. You asked her to help you. To rid yourself of the bad energy. You haven’t changed. You must still wish for this,” I said.

  “I had a moment of weakness. I took the power back.”

  I pushed the negative thoughts—the fear, the anxiety, the worry—from my mind. She had tried to get rid of the power. I’d seen her do it with Lady Azura. I’d seen the cloud leave her and get released into the house. Maybe she didn’t mean what she was saying right now. Maybe it was the cloud that was controlling her now. Controlling me.

  Had I made a terrible mistake in bringing her back here? Had I made the negative energy reattach itself to this spirit? I had to be strong for both of us. For me and for the spirit. Lady Azura had told me I was strong. Now I had to prove it.

  I thought of my love for my family. For my mother. I reached deep and put myself in Nina’s place. I felt sympathy for her, for the sad life she must have led. I felt forgiveness.

  The dark cloud began to swirl faster. Around and around us.

  Then it started to break up. Interspersed with the black cloud, I started to see white, silvery light. That lighter cloud was back. And it was fighting the dark cloud. Had I made it appear?

  Now I could see the objects in my room. The darkness was becoming sparkly. Silvery. Lighter.

  I thought harder. Clutched my crystal. Watched the cloud lighten.

  “What are you doing?” gasped the spirit.

  “Nina,” I said, in a pleading tone. “You must let go. Really. This ability to read people’s thoughts? It’s not a good thing. I’m trying to fight it. You can too.”

  “Stop,” she said, but her voice was now trembly, wobbly, weaker. The firm, angry tone was gone.

  I grew more confident. “I liked the power I had to read minds too. At first. But then I realized it just made me feel bad. It made me upset with people I love. It’s really not a good thing. I figured out how to put up this block thing, so their thoughts couldn’t get through. Couldn’t get into my own mind.”

  The spirit began to weep. Her ghostly hands flew to her face, her shoulders hunched up, and she began shaking, her body racked with sobs.

  I stood there awkwardly. Should I say something? Apologize? Try to pat her on the shoulder? I decided the best thing to do was to just stand there, quietly, and wait for her to say something.

  Soon she did.

  She pulled her hands away from her face and regarded me silently, no longer sobbing. But her face was all twisted up with sadness.

  The black cloud appeared to be gone.

  “I drove away my family,” she whispered. Her voice was suddenly much weaker, much softer. I wasn’t sure whether she was talking to me or to herself. “I behaved very, very badly. I told my daughter, Dolores, her husband was a fool. That he had huge second thoughts about marriage. That he still loved his old girlfriend.”

  I cringed. I wasn’t a grown-up, of course, but even a twelve-year-old kid can tell those are not thoughts that should be revealed.

  “I told my son, Sebastian, that his new wife was shallow. That she wasn’t his intellectual equal. That he would grow tired of being married to such a dimwit. He grew very angry at me. But I heard her thoughts! I heard her vacuous, empty, shallow thoughts!”

  I gulped. How many times had I had vacuous, empty, shallow thoughts myself? Didn’t everyone daydream from time to time? Think about dumb stuff? I didn’t say anything. She looked upset enough already.

  “And Harold. He told me I drove him crazy, knowing what he was thinking all the time. He said he felt like he was in one of those dreams, where you show up for work without any clothes on. He felt exposed. Vulnerable. Frightened to think anything. He left me.”

  New sobs.

  I wished Lady Azura were there. She’d know what to say. She always knew what to say. All I could do was just stand there awkwardly, first on one foot, then the other. Scratching the back of my calf with my big toe. Then the other calf with the other big toe. Finally she stopped crying. Again.

  “What should I do? Tell me how to make it better.” She was now staring at me, appealing to me. Like I knew?

  I took a step back. Me? How would I know what to do? I thought about asking her to wait. To stay right there, while I ran downstairs to wake up Lady Azura and ask her what to say. But I couldn’t. Lady Azura had told me she hadn’t been upstairs in years. And anyway, she’d probably be furious with me for conjuring a spirit without her knowledge. And who was to say the spirit would be willing to hang around, waiting for me to return? No. I had to think of something to say all by myself.

  “Well,” I began, trying to stall for time. My mind was rapidly calculating. I began again. More confidently. “You should go visit them. Your family. Even if they can’t see you. You can send them positive thoughts. Loving thoughts. Ask them to forgive you. Tell them you understand why they turned their backs on you. Tell them that you still love them.”

  Suddenly she looked like a small child. “Do you think that would work? Really?”

  I had no idea if it would work. But I nodded confidently.

  She smiled at me. She looked different now. Nicer. Less angry. More willing to listen.

  “Thank you,” she said.

  Before I could say anything, she vanished.

  Chapter 12

  I blew out the candle. The room was still light, from the moon outside or from the silvery cloud inside, I wasn’t sure. I saw no sign of the dark cloud anywhere. And I felt better. Happier. More upbeat in practically every way.

  I glanced at my mother’s picture as I climbed back into bed. I think I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

  And woke up a few hours later, wide awake.

  I glanced at the clock. It read 3:33. My room seemed brightly lit. As my eyes adjusted to being open and awake, I realized that I was enveloped in the silvery cloud. My mind felt peaceful. Happy.

  I sat up. This must be what positive energy feels like, I thought. As I watched, the silvery cloud began to move. It swirled around my bedroom, illuminating objects one by one. It reminded me of the time my dad had taken me to the circus, and there had been a spotlight that beamed and swept the crowd, the rings, the performers. I felt giddy with happiness—the opposite of the way I’d felt about the dark cloud, which had made me feel scared. Anxious. Upset.

  The cloud swirled beneath my door and vanished. I practically leaped out of bed, borderline skipped to the door. Pulled it open and followed the silvery light.

  I saw it swirl into my dad’s bedroom. His door was open. I tiptoed down the hall, avoiding the familiar places on the floor that I knew would squeak if stepped on. I glanced into his room.

  He was sleeping. And I could see his dream. Was that wrong? Should I have put up the bubble? Somehow it didn’t feel wrong. Just for a minute. He was dreaming about my mother. I could see her. The two were having a picnic on the beach. They looked young. Happy. I could smell the salty air. Hear the roar of the surf. The cawing of seagulls in the distance.

  That was enough. I didn’t need to stay. It was enough to know that my dad was dreaming a happy dream.


  The cloud whooshed toward me and enveloped me in the doorway of my dad’s room for a moment. During that short second or two, I felt a wave of—what did Lady Azura call it one time?—euphoria. That’s what it was. And then it was past me, and swirling down the hall. I had the distinct feeling it wanted me to follow. So I did.

  I tiptoed as quietly as I could down the creaky front-hall stairs and into the shadowy front hallway. I saw the cloud swirl into the kitchen. I followed it. I was just in time to see it vanish under Lady Azura’s door.

  Laughing lightly to myself, I stole across the kitchen and opened the door that led to her room. I tiptoed down the short hallway and glanced into her room.

  She was sleeping peacefully. Her hair was tucked up into a frilly white cap. I had no idea people still wore such things. Her thin arms were outside the covers, and her hands were clasped serenely across her stomach. She looked like she was dreaming. A happy dream.

  And then I saw her dream.

  Her daughter, Diana, just a few years older than me. That was my grandmother. And Lady Azura’s husband, Richard. My great-grandfather. The three were sitting at the dinner table in the kitchen. The kitchen looked almost the same. Different curtains. Different coffeemaker. An old-fashioned stand mixer on the counter. But the table was the same. The color was the same. I stared at my grandmother-to-be. The three of them were laughing and chatting. Lady Azura looked so young!

  That was enough. I didn’t want to intrude any further. I turned away from her room, out of the kitchen, and back upstairs. I fell into bed and sank into a dreamless sleep.

  When I opened my eyes a few hours later, the clock read 6:37. But I felt awake. Refreshed. Maybe it was a day-before-my-birthday sort of feeling. Or maybe I felt this way because I’d succeeded in ridding the house of negative energy. And filling it with positive.

  Whatever the reason, I was humming to myself as I walked into the kitchen ten minutes later. Lady Azura was still sleeping. That was a good sign. Maybe she hadn’t had any more bad dreams to keep her awake. My dad wasn’t there either. He’d left for work early, in Lady Azura’s huge light-blue car.

  I hummed my way through breakfast.

  Lily was waiting for me when I reached her house.

  “Hey!” I said. “How is the party planning going?”

  She made a face. “Fine. A pain. But fine.”

  “Need any, um, help?”

  “I think I’m good. Miranda and I are going shopping together this afternoon.”

  I nodded, staring at the ground as we walked. I felt no urge to read her thoughts, but my feelings were definitely still hurt. Hadn’t she said she was going to visit her aunt this afternoon? And didn’t I know, from having read her thoughts before, that she and Miranda were going to shop for a present for Jayden together? I knew I should talk to her about it. But while I was trying to figure out a way to bring it up, we were joined by Jayden.

  “Hey!” he said, falling into step with us.

  “Where’d you come from?” asked Lily cheerfully. “I thought you took the bus to school.”

  “Usually I do,” he said, “but my mom is on a mission right now. Heading to the home store for boxes and stuff. And I saw you guys walking, so I had her drop me off to walk the rest of the way with you.”

  I was pretty sure I had the usual dopey grin on my face that I always got when I was near Jayden. He had that effect on me. A combination of making me feel totally foolish and totally comfortable when I was in his presence. I darted a glance at him. Something about that lanky, athletic stride. That dark, wavy hair. It was tragic that he was going to be moving away. But then, we were only twelve. What was the guy’s name we’d studied in English class last semester? Alfred, Lord Someone. As Alfred put it, “’Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.”

  Now I was sure I’d banished the negative energy. A few days ago I had been unable to even think about Jayden leaving, because it made me feel too confused and upset. And now . . . well, I still felt sad, but it wasn’t the same. I felt at peace with it.

  “So are you still planning on coming to the party tomorrow night, or did you get a better offer?” Jayden asked, nudging me with his elbow playfully.

  “Yeah, I thought I’d put in an appearance,” I said with a little shrug. “I had to turn down five other invitations, but that’s fine. Whatever.”

  “Thanks. I’m so honored,” he said.

  We heard the first bell ring as we approached the front steps of the school.

  “Oops. Gotta run,” he said, breaking into a trot. “Forgot my grammar workbook and have to do it before the second bell rings!”

  “Good luck with that!” I shouted to his departing figure.

  Lily and I headed into school with the rest of the kids.

  “I wonder if he even knows it’s my birthday,” I said, more to myself than to Lily, as we made our way to our lockers through the crowded hallway.

  Lily turned to me, stunned. “Wow. Never even occurred to me to tell him. I just assumed he’d know. But then, if you haven’t told him, how would he know?”

  “Well, I might have mentioned it a long time ago,” I said. “But don’t tell him, okay?” We were at our lockers. “He’d just feel bad that he forgot, and I want this party to be about him, not me.”

  “Good point,” said Lily.

  “But it did occur to me . . . ,” I said as we hustled to class. “I don’t have a going-away present for him. I guess I should get one.”

  “Oh! Yeah, you might want to get on that,” said Lily.

  “Gee, thanks!” I called after her as she raced away to her first class.

  As I sank into my chair in class, I thought again about how Lily and Miranda were going shopping this afternoon. For Jayden. And hadn’t invited me. I sighed. I was determined not to let Lily’s new-best-friend kind of friendship with Miranda bother me. Maybe it was just a phase. Because they were in the same dance class or something. But I really needed to talk to her about this.

  Chapter 13

  After school that day I found Lady Azura in the kitchen, having her usual cup of tea. She had put out a cup and saucer for me. I would have preferred milk and cookies, but then I realized I was almost a teenager. I should start acting more grown-up.

  She poured me out a cup of steaming tea. My stomach growled. Lunch today had been dismal again. I was pretty sure they had used the leftover taco meat from the other day for the meat loaf they had served today.

  “So did you sleep better last night?” I asked, tipping a lot of milk into my teacup.

  “Much,” she said mildly. “No bad dreams. No waking up in a mass of worries. But then, that probably does not surprise you.”

  She did not look up to meet my gaze. She just took a dainty sip of tea and set her cup down gently into its saucer.

  “Um, that’s good,” I said. Did she know that I’d conjured the spirit of Nina Oliver? Was she mad at me?

  “How is your work going?” she asked me.

  I knew what she meant. My work with blocking out others’ thoughts.

  “I’m getting pretty good at it,” I said. “The more I try, the easier it seems to get.”

  She nodded approvingly. “Your powers grow stronger and stronger. And your self-confidence as well.”

  What did she mean by that? Now I was worried again.

  “I am glad to see you are growing and maturing into a strong-willed person,” she continued. “I believe you inherited that from me,” she added with a wry smile. “But like me, you appear also to have good judgment.”

  I was still percolating what she’d said when I heard the Boat pull into the driveway. My dad was home already! I couldn’t remember a time in recent months he’d been home so early from work.

  A minute later my father burst in, laden down with a huge shopping bag filled with something that smell
ed delicious. I jumped up to greet him and ask him what he was doing home already.

  “I took off early and stopped at Thai Taste on the way home,” he said as he set the shopping bag on the counter. “Figured we could have a little birthday celebration tonight, since my daughter is such a social butterfly these days and doesn’t have time to spend with us on her actual birthday.”

  I knew I was smiling from ear to ear, but this was perfect. Exactly what I needed. To be celebrated by my loved ones. To eat delicious Thai food. And to forget all about friend drama, at least for a little while.

  “You went all the way to Thai Taste?” I asked as I peered into the bag. Thai Taste was, hands down, the best Thai place in a twenty-five-mile radius, but there were several places much closer to our house and my dad’s work. I smiled even more as I realized that he had driven miles out of the way just to go to my favorite restaurant. He shrugged like it was nothing and grinned back at me. He looked happy that I was so happy.

  It was a delicious meal. Midway through, my dad finally admitted that this was quite possibly the best Thai food on the planet, and vowed to never make us eat takeout from any of the so-so Thai places nearby again. And then Lady Azura brought out a tiramisu cake from Prudente’s, which is this amazing Italian bakery in town. Lily’s mom always has cakes from Prudente’s at their family get-togethers; I was pretty sure the Randazzos were somehow related to the Prudente family. We’d had the tiramisu cake at Lily’s on Christmas Eve, and I think Lady Azura must have remembered how much I loved it. It was the perfect end to the perfect meal.

  As I was scraping the last bits of gooey goodness from my plate, I saw my dad and Lady Azura exchange a look. Lady Azura stood up and went into her bedroom. She returned a minute later with a rectangular box and placed it in front of me. It looked like it might be a picture frame. People give me those a lot, I guess because I’m a photographer.

  I tore away the paper and gasped. A brand-new, latest-model, computer graphics tablet, with image-editing software. The kind of thing that can edit photos and that lets you paint and draw and sketch with the electronic pen. I’d been dying for one but hadn’t even dared mention it, knowing how tight money was.