Break of Day

by Mari Madison

  “Well, I’ve heard through the grapevine that the Santa Barbara ABC affiliate is looking to hire an associate producer for their investigative unit. Would that be along the lines of what you’re looking for?”

  I stared at her, shocked. That was so not what I was expecting her to say. At all.

  “I admit it’s not the most glamorous job in the world,” she added before I could reply. “From what I understand much of it will just be answering phones and emails from people reporting scams and rip-offs.” She shrugged. “But it would be a foot in the door—and more along the lines of what you’re looking for long term, correct?”

  I swallowed hard. I didn’t know what to say. It sounded like the perfect job. And yet . . .

  “I don’t . . . want any more favors,” I managed to spit out. After all, that was what had gotten me in trouble in the first place.

  “I wasn’t offering one,” she returned. “I can’t give you the job, Piper. I can only give you a recommendation—as I would give any potential employee who was looking to move on. You’d still have to apply and interview and convince them you’re the right person for the job.” She smiled. “I can open the door, Piper. But you’d still have to walk through it.”

  I gave her a skeptical look. “And what do you want, in exchange for opening that door?”

  Her smile twisted. “Come on, Piper. You take this job and everyone wins. Asher gets to keep his surf school. Those sweet kids get to experience something amazing and your mother gets to stay in rehab. I get to keep my advertisers happy and you . . . well, you get a second chance to prove yourself. A real chance this time.”

  I swallowed hard, my mind racing. “I need to think about it,” I said at last, realizing she was waiting for some kind of answer.

  She nodded. “Of course,” she said. “Think it over. I’m sure once you do, you’ll see this is for the best . . . for everyone involved.”

  thirty-four

  ASHER

  And to finish up—do we ever, ever go into the water alone?”

  “No!”

  “What do we do instead?”

  “Use the buddy system!”

  “All right!” I cried, walking down the line of kids and high-fiving each one of them. “You guys get an A plus today. Tomorrow we’re actually going to get in the water!”

  The kids broke out into cheers. I grinned. “Okay. Bring it in.” I put my fist out. They circled around me, adding theirs to the pile. “On the count of three—go Team Surf! One . . . two . . . three!”

  “Go Team Surf!” they cheered, raising their hands.

  “All right!” I slapped Ramon on the back. “Now hurry up and put your boards back. The bus driver is going to kill me if I get you back late.”

  They all moaned, but did as I said, working to put their boards back into the lockers before shuffling out the door and toward the waiting bus. I watched them go, not able to help a small smile on my face. I had to admit, I’d been a little nervous about the first lesson and how my new pupils would respond. But, it turned out, I had no reason to worry. They had listened, they had been engaged, they were raring to go. Tomorrow was going to be epic.

  “Hey, Mr. Asher?”

  I turned to see Jayden had left the pack on its way to the bus to approach me alone. “Yeah?” I asked with a grin. I had made him my honorary partner—since he’d already gotten a few lessons on his own—and he’d been relishing the role, to say the least.

  He looked up at me now, his eyes wide and shining. “Thank you,” he said. “For doing this, I mean. We were all talking about how awesome it was last night.” He shrugged. “No one’s ever done anything like this for us before.”

  “Yeah, well that’s their loss,” I told him. “You guys are going to be the best surfers ever. And I’ll get to take all the credit.” I ruffled his hair. “Now go—get your butt on the bus before you get me in trouble!”

  I shooed him out the door, my insides dancing. I watched him climb onto the bus and sit down with his friends. Piper had told me that Jayden had had a tough time making friends at the Holloway House. But now that he’d been instated as my right hand man, he was suddenly quite popular.

  “You’re really good with them.”

  I whirled around to see Piper, standing in the back doorway. How long had she been watching? I felt my face heat, and I gave her a shrug. “Thanks,” I said. “They’re good kids.”

  “Not to everyone, trust me,” she said with a laugh. “You must have the magic touch.”

  I looked at her, my mood suddenly deflating. “I wish I did,” I said sadly.

  She sighed, walking over and sitting down on the bench. Leaning over, she scrubbed her face with her hands. “Look,” she started. “I’m sorry about what I said at the press conference. I know you thought what you did was for my benefit. And I appreciate that—I really do.” She gave me a regretful face. “It’s just—another reminder of how complicated things are.”

  “No,” I said. “I’m the one who should be sorry. I know I should have just kept quiet. But how could I? I love you, Piper. And I wanted everyone to know it. Is that so wrong?”

  “No. It’s not wrong.” She stubbed the floor with her toe. “But it’s not realistic, either. Our whole relationship, I mean. When I agreed to do this, it was under the promise of it not affecting my job. But now I see how impossible that is. Nothing we do is in a vacuum. It’s going to affect us—and the people we love.”

  I raked a hand through my hair, frustrated. Mostly because I knew she was right. But what was the alternative? Dating in secret? I couldn’t bear to disrespect Piper like that. She wasn’t a dirty secret. She was the one thing I’d actually done right in my sorry life.

  “I love you, Asher,” she continued before I could speak. “But I also live in the real world. This is not just about my job, either—if it was, maybe I’d be willing to take the risk. But too many people are depending on us now. If we keep going down this road, your mother will find a way to close down the surf school. And those kids—the ones who are counting on you—they’ll be the ones to pay the price.”

  I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to reset my sanity. “I can raise the money,” I protested. “Get grants, whatever. Like we talked about. Whatever it takes!”

  “And what if she targets your father instead?” she asked. “Are you willing to let him pay the price as well?”

  I fell silent, my heart wrenching in my chest. I thought of my father. Of my mother making good on her threats and telling him the truth. It would kill him. And any relationship the two of us might have left would be over forever.

  “Asher, there’s a job opening in Santa Barbara,” Piper said quietly. “For an associate producer in the investigative unit. Pretty much the job I’ve been waiting for my entire life.” She paused, then added, “I think I’m going to apply for it.”

  I stared at her, her words hitting me with the force of a punch to the face. I had expected her to break up with me. But leave altogether? To another city? To another life? Leaving me behind? I swallowed heavily, my whole body feeling like lead. For once in my life, I had absolutely nothing to say.

  Except I did have something to say. I had everything to say. A million reasons whirling through my head for why she shouldn’t take the job. Why she shouldn’t give up on me—on us. That we were worth fighting for. That I would do whatever it took to keep her safe and that I would never stand in the way of her career.

  Except I already had. I was the reason she felt the need to leave. I was the problem. She’d worked so hard, for so many years, to get to where she was. And I hadn’t respected that enough. In my effort to protect her, I’d thrown her to the wolves. And now she was forced to pack up and leave because of me.

  Part of me wanted to be angry. To yell at her and accuse her of choosing her career over me. But why shouldn’t she do that? What did I have to offer that w
as worth staying for? She’d asked me for one thing—and I hadn’t respected her enough to give it to her. Like everything else in my life, I’d turned it into a punch line.

  I didn’t deserve her. But I did love her. And because of that, I had no choice but to let her go.

  “I understand,” I said, my heart smashing into a thousand pieces in my chest. “It sounds like a great job. I think you should go for it—if it’s what you want.”

  Her shoulders sagged. She looked so sad, and for a brief moment I thought maybe she’d change her mind. That she’d tell me she was just kidding—that she’d never leave me. That she and I belonged together forever.

  But of course I was the Joker, not her.

  “It’s what I want,” she said at last.

  And like it or not, I knew I couldn’t stand in her way.

  thirty-five

  ASHER

  Piper left immediately after the conversation. After all, what good would it do for her to stick around? Only prolong the inevitable, the torture of the Band-Aid being pulled off slowly. It was better for her to head home, to go apply for her dream job. I’d stood in her way long enough. As she walked out the door I managed to mumble something about giving her a reference if she needed one. Which was ridiculous, but I couldn’t think of anything else to say.

  After that I found myself alone in the surf school. Alone with all my torturous thoughts and what-ifs that would never come to pass. And soon I felt a familiar hunger begin to grow inside of me, twisting through my stomach like barbed wire.

  No. Not a hunger. A thirst. I needed a drink. And I needed one, like, yesterday. So, with an aching heart, I locked up the school and jumped in Fiona and drove down to the one place I knew I couldn’t get one.

  Miguel’s.

  I parked the car and stumbled into the restaurant, my head whirling with thoughts I didn’t want to think, feelings I didn’t want to feel. When Angelita saw me enter, she started to smile. But her smile quickly faded as she caught the look on my face.

  “Miguel!” she barked. “Get your ass out here. Now!”

  A moment later, my angel of mercy, a swarthy bearded Mexican with arms sleeved in tattoos, appeared before me, putting an arm around my shoulder and leading me through the restaurant, toward the kitchen. I could feel the other diners’ eyes on me—as usual, the place was packed—but I ignored them as best I could, focusing my attention on Miguel. Once we were in the back room, I collapsed onto a nearby chair, scrubbing my face with my hands. My stomach was churning now and I didn’t know where to begin. Luckily, unlike his wife, Miguel wasn’t a big talker.

  “Carne asada?” he barked at me. I nodded, and he went to the grill.

  As he cooked, I stared down at the cement floor, the conversation with Piper replaying over and over in my mind. Crazy thoughts swirled through my brain—like maybe she wouldn’t get the job and this would all be for nothing. But of course I wanted her to get the job. If it was the job she wanted—I wanted her to have it. Of course I did.

  But at the same time, if we were being honest, I wanted her to want me more.

  Was that wrong? Selfish? Was I just being a spoiled brat again? Asher always gets what he wants—that’s what she always said. But now I wanted her. Desperately, irrevocably, more than anything I’d ever wanted—I wanted—needed—Piper in my life.

  But that wasn’t going to happen. And I needed to come to terms with that. Or I was going to drive myself insane. I needed to be happy for her. She’d been waiting for a job like this her entire life, after all. Who was I to begrudge her that?

  Still, it hurt. Goddamn, it hurt. To know she’d looked at both lives—one with me here in San Diego and one with a new job far away. She’d looked at both of them and chosen the job over me. Just as my own mother had done over and over again. Choosing News 9 over her husband. News 9 over her son.

  But my father hadn’t. He’d turned down all those offers to work at the National Weather Center over the years, choosing to stay with his family. And look where that sacrifice got him. His wife had cheated on him with another man; he’d been reduced to life in a wheelchair. Maybe he should have left us high and dry. Maybe he should have chosen that amazing job.

  Maybe Piper should, too. Of course, she already had.

  It wasn’t as if she hadn’t warned me. She’d told me from the very first day how important her career was to her. And I understood it—I loved that about her, actually. The idea that she worked so hard, that she went after what she wanted with such gusto. I loved that. I just wished what she wanted was me.

  God, I was a selfish bastard.

  I wondered what she’d say if I suggested I go with her. Be like my father and give up my own stuff to follow her. But how could I do that? I had just started the surf school and she’d never forgive me if I walked away from that. Plus, I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself—disappointing those kids. They needed me. I needed to be here.

  Miguel handed me a paper plate of steaming hot tacos. I blew on them to cool them, then took a bite. The spicy meat kicked at my taste buds and I felt a little better. Something about carne asada, the meal I’d had on my first night at Miguel’s, always helped me quell the urge to dive into the bottom of a bottle. It put things back into perspective.

  Okay, so I was now eating my troubles instead of drinking them, but at least I’d be able to drive home. And still look at myself in the mirror the next day.

  Miguel sat down in the chair across from me, leaning forward and propping his elbows on his knees. “So,” he said, “what happened?”

  “Ah, you know.” I tried to snort. “Girl problems. What else is new?”

  I tried to say it with as much bravado as I could muster. Just as the old Asher would do. The one who liked to pretend he didn’t care about anything.

  But Miguel only narrowed his eyes, looking at me with disbelief. He had never bought into my bullshit—not from the very first night I had walked through his front door. Why would I expect him to buy it now?

  “What happened?” he repeated.

  And so I told him. About Piper. About how I’d tried to defend her honor and how it had blown up in my face. About the new job she was applying for and how soon I would lose her forever.

  “I was willing to give up everything,” I said. “But it wasn’t enough.”

  At last I fell silent, staring down at my hands, feeling the frustration well inside of me all over again. I could feel Miguel’s eyes on me, regarding me thoughtfully. Then, at last, he opened his mouth.

  “So you want her to stay.”

  “Of course I do!”

  “Have you given her a reason to?”

  I looked up. “What?”

  Miguel met my eyes with his own. “Sounds to me like she has a very good reason to leave,” he said. “Maybe it’s time to give her a reason to stay.”

  “But how do I do that?” I demanded. “Without sounding completely selfish?”

  Miguel shrugged. “You give up everything. Like you said. Don’t talk about doing it. Just do it. Take the risk.”

  I stared at him, my heart pounding in my chest as I digested his words. Don’t talk about doing it. Just do it. Take the risk.

  Lightning struck me—square in the face. Of course. It made perfect sense. Time and time again Piper had forced herself to face her fears. She’d conquered her water phobia, she’d stood up to her mother, she’d risked her career to be with me. And what had I done in return? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I’d winged the whole relationship—just like I’d done with everything else in my life, never looking at the big picture.

  Of course she didn’t believe me. I’d done nothing to inspire belief. Of course she wanted to leave. I’d done nothing to inspire her to stay. Sure, I’d said all the right words. But to a girl like Piper, words were meaningless. People had made promises to her her entire life—only to break them. Why would
n’t I be the same? I needed to show her I was serious—that she could count on me.

  I needed to take a risk, as she had.

  I needed to prove she was wrong.

  thirty-six

  ASHER

  My hands were shaking as I walked through the front door of my family’s La Jolla mansion, my feet echoing on the marble floors. I didn’t get three steps in before the housekeeper met me at the door. She looked down at my muddy feet and frowned.

  “Your mother’s at the station,” she told me.

  “I was actually looking for my father.”

  She raised an eyebrow, looking surprised. But then she shrugged and pointed in the direction of his study before going back to her dusting. For a moment I just stood there, feeling frozen in place. Then, I kicked off my shoes, sucked in a breath, and headed into the room.

  “Asher! This is a surprise,” my father boomed as he turned his wheelchair to face me. I stood in the doorway, my whole body trembling, as he wheeled himself over and reached out to clasp my hand. “My son,” he said with a smile.

  It was almost too much, and I half wanted to run out the door and never come back. Instead, I forced myself to return the greeting.

  “Hey, Dad,” I said, trying to swallow down the huge lump that had formed in my throat. “How’s it going?”

  Looking down at him now, at his dark brown eyes, his cleft chin, his strong nose, it was hard to believe anyone could think we were related. But people only saw what they wanted to see, I supposed. After all, I’d lived my entire life and never doubted it once.

  I let go of his hand, retreating over to a nearby leather armchair, collapsing down onto it. I could feel his eyes on me, watching me steadily. “I take it this is not a social call,” he observed in a wry voice. “But then, you don’t do those anymore, do you?”

  I winced at the jab. Before his accident we had been so close. I’d come over to the house and we’d spend hours together, talking about everything and anything. When I had a problem, he’d been the first number on my phone. Back then I would have done anything for my father. And I was pretty sure he felt the same way about me. Still did, most likely. Though maybe not after this conversation.