Berserk

by K. S. Adkins

  “Hallmark, fucker,” growls Bishop. “It’s Hallmark, and those movies are classic, dickhead.”

  “Moving on!” says Max. “Who’s hungry?”

  Just like that we order, make jokes and even a bigger mess. Once everyone is full and having conversations that are all over the place, I sit back and take it all in. For me, I’m used to my team and seeing my friends maybe every few years. This, this feeling of fullness is new for me, and for the first time I am truly afraid. Because now I just don’t have something to lose, I have everything to lose. Max must pick up on my distress, because when he whispers to me I have to tell him the truth. “Everyone I love is in one room,” I whisper. “Together.”

  “And?”

  “I’m overwhelmed.”

  “You’re loved, Blue,” he whispers.

  “I am,” I agree, looking in his eyes then around the table. I really am.

  After my cake is cut, the Boone’s is gone, and the place cleared out we get down to business. To date we’ve got a dozen cops who refuse to be bought, another dozen give or take who haven’t been bought yet, and given that Detroit has twelve precincts we have a shit ton of territory to cover. We started with the Captain’s precinct and are working our way through based on any officers with conduct unbecoming first, pending legal suits second and known debt, third. Here’s where it gets interesting. Lina is friends with a local bookie, Rion, who she called in a few favors with.

  Rion is a crazy, tiny female that half the city and suburbs are indebted to. If anyone knows which cops have a debt, it’s her, and in return of getting her help hopefully she recovers some money, too. The best part about it is most who bet with her think she’s a man. Not because she looks like one, because she doesn’t. She looks like a little sprite, but because of her enforcers. Talk about two bird’s one stone and all that. Well that and they think Ryan is a man when Rion is a woman.

  Hours of scouring the books, feeds and shadows we confirmed Hank was in fact trafficking women from Lush. Max is struggling with that, as I suspected he would but he's handling it well. He’s out to right his father’s wrongs. I can’t blame him for that. The big unknown is across the bridge. Hopefully Homeland Security steps in to help us with any issues involving what’s coming and going over the border, but until Mack says otherwise, we wait. We suspect the girls that were taken from Detroit ended up in Canada. Each of us are hopeful they can be recovered.

  Although we’ll never know for sure, someone got to Gary and offered him Venessa. Whether they paid him in money, drugs, or both, he went for it. Got dead for it, too.

  The dirty cop who held Macy in that basement on Ben’s orders was one of many doing someone’s dirty work. Brigg’s, who was once a decent cop—although nothing special—decided drugs and money were more important than Macy and succumbed to greed, too.

  The good news is none of them are alive to continue being greedy.

  Travis Walker was given a quiet funeral, which I attended from a distance. He wasn’t given an officer’s sendoff, which bummed me out, but that’s not a huge surprise, either. His family and close friends attended and he was loved, which was good to know.

  The cop I shot was not one of the good guys; in fact, if he were alive he’d be in every category of the lists we generated. Hacking into the precincts database, I read that he also had numerous complaints from citizens, as well as three rape charges that he was never tried, suspended, or reprimanded for.

  Good riddance to that asshole.

  The Captain is doing his best to give Rogan and Rafe shit jobs even rookies would balk at. But at the same time, he’s trying to get in our good graces, too. Not fucking likely. Whether it’s to allow them the time they need to help us or to keep them out of his hair, I can’t be sure. But I will say, neither one of them appreciates his tactics.

  We still have no leads on who the drive-by shooters were, and it’s not looking like we’re going to strike it big in that arena anytime soon. Detroit is full of bullet ridden black on black SUVs, period. Needle meet haystack.

  On a positive note, we decided to keep the name and the concept of Shadow Squad going. Max demanded to fund us, while Mack backs us up from DC. Lina, with Tony’s help (whether she likes it or not), is doing what she said she would: giving us our army.

  As for me, looking around this room, I’m reminded of second chances. I was given a second chance at life, at love, and at making my city a safer place.

  When Max pulls me onto his lap and runs his fingers lightly over my healing wound I know he’s remembering the moment we came close to losing it all. I know I am.

  We’ve had our distance, our tests, and our misunderstandings. We’ve made serious mistakes trying to put the other first, while hurting each other in the process, but we learned from them, and that’s what counts. Some days I look at him and the only words I’ve got are I love you. Because that really says it all. No other words are needed, no deep conversations, just the facts.

  I love him.

  He loves me.

  I kill for him, he kills for me.

  I may not be immortal or possess superpowers, but the one thing, the only thing that will cause me to put everything on the line is him, my husband, Maxwell Allen.

  Because that’s what a good wife does; she does what it takes.

  I married a berserker. A man that loses it when he thinks I’m hurt, a man that will take on a room full of people to get me, and a man that, in the end, came for me.

  He put me first.

  “Boss is happy,” he says, hugging me again. Jesus, this guy likes to hug. “That means I’m happy.”

  “That’s good,” I tell him sarcastically. “You’re happiness is important to me.”

  “Did you just make a joke?”

  “I don’t joke.”

  “Told you she’d need a partner,” he says, punching me really fucking hard. “Needed a husband, too. Love you, Mad Max.”

  “I swear to god if you kiss me I’ll fucking choke you,” I warn him, laughing.

  “Bitch, please,” he says, walking away.“You ain’t my type.”

  Lush has never been fuller. Not just because of the crowd that shows every weekend to see what Kharma will do next, or my new and improved bouncing staff that the women stand in line to flirt with. No, it’s full because of her. My new head of security, my wife. The security system now has no flaws, no shadows to worry about, and I am no longer stuck behind my desk monitoring my club. Well, our club now. My first order of business was making it a full partnership with Blue, adding her name to everything and asking her input as well. Lush is full now. Full of friends, family, and safety.

  Even better is all the time I get to spend with her. Learning her, watching her and most of all laughing with her. During her recovery we both matured quite a bit. We made a mutual decision not to take our honeymoon until this was over. Neither one of us wants to travel with a cloud hanging over us, and in the event of an attack, we refuse to leave our family vulnerable.

  Each night after closing we sit down to a family-style meal, talk business and pretty much enjoy the hell out of each other. I never thought I’d be a part of team especially one like this. Turns out that old saying is true, friends are the family you get to choose.

  I thought I was content keeping myself apart; turns out I wasn’t. Being content is about accepting the good, the bad and always facing change. I can do that now without excuses because she’s with me. The new and improved Shadow Squad is pretty fucking impressive, too. I did lay down the law, though; whether we are all together or apart the chunk of bank I spent on Kevlar had to be worn at all times. Luckily the vests are so lightweight they aren’t noticeable. The girls’ only complaint was it hid their racks, but we men thought that was the best thing about it.

  Lately, Bishop and Duffy have been training with me exclusively. Who knew underneath all this skin was a fighter? They call me Mad Max or beg me to hit a beserker rage, both of which are funny to me. I’m not mad or crazy, but apparently
when I blow it’s a sight to see. Jules watches us train, gives us tips, and even invites the rest of the crew into the mix. Rafe won’t allow Macy to spar with anyone but him, and Venessa gets seriously bitchy when she has to spar with Jules. Why? Because Jules is probably the one female that Venessa can’t beat and that pisses her off. The thing about Venessa is, she comes back for more. She wants to learn, be better, and channel her anger, because that woman has a lot of it and Jules is a patient teacher.

  Lina and Tony are the anti-couple couple. When Tony isn’t stalking her he’s trying to invent new ways to stalk her. He’s a man obsessed, and from my angle, Lina could not care even a little bit. She’s focused on tipping the balance into our favor and she’s succeeding. Tony hates it.

  Looking back on my life I can admit I’ve made a lot of mistakes. It wasn’t until she stood up to me, fought for me, and defended me that I realized it was all about getting here, to this moment. That moment where you don’t just see it, you feel it. You just know you’ve got soldiers that are so fucking loyal to you, and you to them, that you’d put life and death on the line for them.

  My wife taught me that.

  She’s been teaching me since the night she first straddled my bike, and she’s been teaching me ever since. I started out a slow learner, but eventually I caught up. She said yes twice, and I’ll spend the rest of my life making her happy she did. Yes, we’re at war. It wasn’t a war of our choosing, but one we are determined to fight.

  Because, Detroit is worth it.

  Fuck, she’s worth it.

  She’s worth everything.

  She’s who I go berserk for.

  Every fucking time.

  K.S. Adkins is a full time everything. When I'm not wifing, mothering or being bossy; I'm reading, writing or shooting. A full time Realtor, lifelong Michigander and all around lover of all things guns and Detroit. I believe in freedom of foul language, gratuitous nudity, tattoos and mosh pits. I've recently taken up drinking wine and feel like I'm really making progress with it. I think my chances at finding a place within the romance genre is 50/50 but I suck at numbers so what do I know?

  My stories are written with heavy dialogue and are Detroit based. If you don't like heavy dialogue or Detroit don't read my stories. My characters are typically dark and fairly fucked up so if you want sappy characters without issues, don't read my stories.

  I love violence, guns, blood, naughty words, awkward sex, rap, metal and untraditional people. Every fight scene was tried and tested by me. I have the bruises to prove it too.

  I write romance but my characters are not romantic, each is a work in progress. My stories are about strong women and the alphas who try to tame them but never do.

  At the end of the day you may not like my stories, you may also think I suck as an author and that's okay, but I have to tell you I had the best fucking time writing them and for me that's what it's all about.

  Word to your Mother.

  Big thank yous and fist bumps go out to every single fucking human who took a shot when they said, ‘this book looks interesting’ and bought it. Lap dances to those that actually liked it! Hugs and kisses to my family and friends for loving me always.

  Venessa, Courtney, Maya, Jill, Julie (Love you so hard) Chelle Bliss, Tara & Dawn (Vagina’s United!), Melissa Gill (for my wicked killer cover), Gitte &Jenny (The Totallybooked Babes!), Black Firefly and the hardest rapper to stalk and my inspiration; Eminem.

  I love feedback, if it’s bad be diplomatic or I’ll show up at your house, kay?

  Hit me up on Facebook @ K.S. Adkins or Twitter @Hoodwrites

  And to Detroit Rock City!

  The tracks that inspired Berserk are super personal to me. Hell, music is super personal to me. Now I’d like to share it with you. If you can please support these artists, they’ve inspired me more than any words in a story can say.

  ♦ “Berserk” by Eminem

  ♦ “Fancy” by Iggy Azalea

  ♦ “All I Wanted” by Paramore

  ♦ “Shot at the Night” by The Killers

  ♦ “Ring the Alarm” by Beyonce

  ♦ “Sanctified” by Rick Ross

  ♦ “Same Love” by Macklemore

  ♦ “Sadness is a Blessing: by Lykke Li

  ♦ “Walk Away” by Ben Harper

  ♦ “Pompeii” by Bastille

  ♦ “Doo Doo Brown” by Luke Skywalker

  ♦ “Push Pull Destroy” by Battlecross

  ♦ “When a Man Loves a Woman” by Percy Sledge

  ♦ “A Falling Through” by Ray LaMontagne

  ♦ “I Just Wanna Love You” by Jo Caine

  ♦ “Elastic Heart” by Sia

  ♦ “My Life” by 50 Cent ft. Eminem

  ♦ “Grandloves” by Purity Ring

  ♦ “Story of my Life” by One Direction

  ♦ “Girl with the Tattoo” by Miguel

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