You Can Stop Humming Now

by Daniela Lamas

  In a way, I, too, am still navigating unfamiliar territory. I have spent the entirety of my medical training with a narrow focus on clearly defined outcomes, such as days on the ventilator, readmissions, and, ultimately, mortality. These are necessary starting points. But the stories in this book have helped me to see that that’s not all there is. A walk through an intensive care unit, a conversation over coffee at a support group, or a clinic visit to a doctor who can explain what happened to you in the ICU has real value, even if that value is something we don’t yet know how to measure. As we continue to usher men and women toward the uncertain worlds that lie beyond survival, it is a start.

  It has been nearly ten years since that intern year winter, when I pulled a central line from a young man’s neck and responded to his Facebook friend request. In a way, I think, the entirety of this book grew out of that exchange. The details have changed a little in this retelling, I’m sure, as memory fades and distorts, but the essential pieces remain. And I find that I’m still not sure what I would do if I could return to that bedside, that winter day in the ICU. Maybe I should have ignored the request altogether. That undoubtedly would have been more professional. But even now, years later, there is a greater part of me that wishes I still had the chance to reply. “Yes,” I could have written. It would have been a simple message. “You can stop humming now.”

  Acknowledgments

  The path to becoming a doctor is relatively clear; the path to becoming a writer, less so.

  For showing me the way, thank you to my agent and friend, Lorin Rees. Lorin first reached out to me by e-mail a few years ago, after reading a piece I had published in the New York Times. Through his skill and advocacy, I’ve had the opportunity to work with Tracy Behar, Ian Straus, Peggy Freudenthal, and the staff at Little, Brown. Together, this team has helped me turn what still feels a little like fantasy into something real.

  I would also like to acknowledge my friends and colleagues at Brigham and Women’s Hospital, Ariadne Labs, and the Spaulding Hospital for Continuing Medical Care for their encouragement throughout this process. Bruce Levy and Gerald Weinhouse have helped me create a home for my interests in the Brigham’s pulmonary and critical care division. I have been extremely lucky to benefit from a fantastic mentor, Susan Block, without whom I never would have had the research or clinical experience that ultimately led to this book. I have also enjoyed the uniquely good fortune to learn from one of my heroes, Atul Gawande, whose work inspires me to become a better doctor and thinker.

  Thank you to Emily for her red pen and red lines, her patience throughout this project, her enthusiasm and, always, support.

  To my brother, who fascinates me with the nonmedical career he has chosen, and who never fails to make me laugh. To my father, who instilled in me an early love of medicine, and has served as my unofficial overnight cardiology consult and medical fact checker, far too many times to count. I would not have become a doctor without his influence.

  Most of all, I thank my greatest fan and first editor—my mother. For as long as I can remember, she has been my champion, encouraging me to “reach for the stars and beyond.” Her pride, unconditional love, and unwavering belief in me mean more than I can ever say. This book is for her.

  Finally, my deep gratitude goes to the patients who allowed me into their lives and shared their stories. Thank you. It has been an honor.

  About the Author

  Daniela Lamas is a pulmonary and critical care doctor at Brigham and Women’s Hospital and is on the faculty at Harvard Medical School. Following graduation from Harvard College, she went on to earn her MD at Columbia College of Physicians and Surgeons, where she also completed her internship and residency. She then returned to Boston for her subspecialty fellowship. She has worked as a medical reporter at the Miami Herald and is frequently published in the New York Times. This is her first book.

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