Plan Cee (Secrets, Lies, and Second Chances Book 2)

by Hilary Grossman

  Why get my hopes up? Why hadn’t I realized by then that I’d end up disappointed or hurt?

  “Wow, look at the time,” Eric, ever the diplomat, said as he rose to his feet. “We’d better start heading over to my parents’ place.” Jaye and I scooped up the now-empty martini glasses and rinsed them out in the sink. We locked up the condo and walked over to the house where Eric’s parents were staying only a few blocks away, as they tried to escape the cold Canadian winter.

  As we strolled, I watched Marc begin to relax ever so slightly. Approaching Eric’s parents’ front door, Marc let out an audible sigh of relief. I know he felt that the pressure of the night was over.

  If only he was right…

  Lois, Eric’s mom, greeted us excitedly at the front door. She was so happy to have us over for New Year’s Eve, as well as her other son, Marno, who was staying with them for the holiday week. “Come in, come in,” Lois sang as she hugged and kissed us all.

  As soon as we were inside, Jaye announced, “Mom, guess what? Marc and Hilary just got engaged!”

  Lois, who had known Marc for about twenty years, and wasn’t aware of Eric and Jaye’s little joke, brought her hands to her face to try to mask her happiness and shock. She started to screech in joy. Not knowing what the commotion was, her husband, Irvin, and Marno came running into the house from the backyard, fearing something was wrong.

  If Irvin noticed us, he didn’t show it. He didn’t even greet his eldest son, Eric, as he ran to his wife’s side. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” he asked, panic present in his voice and demeanor.

  “Wrong? Nothing is wrong. Everything is great!” Lois had an ear- to-ear grin. “It’s good news! Marc and Hilary just got engaged!”

  Irvin and Marno caught the enthusiasm. “What? Really? You?” Marno asked, shocked. “I never thought you would commit. Ever! To anyone! Man, I guess if you live long enough, you see everything.”

  Eric turned to his brother, and with a smile said, “Shocking, huh?”

  Before Marno could reply, Irvin exclaimed, “Champagne for everyone!”

  Lois floated into the dining room to get the champagne flutes out of the hutch. Irvin popped the top of the champagne bottle that was chilling in the fridge, and Marno started congratulating us. As Eric stood by watching his family, Jaye disappeared from the group and slipped into Lois and Irvin’s bedroom. She emerged minutes later with a costume rhinestone ring. “Here.” She turned to me. “Give me your left hand.” I slowly raised it and she slipped the ring on my left ring finger. “For tonight, this will be your engagement ring!” We both chuckled. Then I hugged her tightly, a goofy smile on my face.

  We meandered to the backyard, which was on the inter-coastal, champagne flutes in our hands. Although I knew it was a joke, I couldn’t help it. I kept admiring the ring on my finger, pretending it was really my engagement ring. I expected Eric or Jaye to fess up and admit to Eric’s family that our engagement was a joke, but they didn’t. They just kept letting Eric’s family think we were really engaged. Lois kept on beaming, tossing out questions about our engagement. She wanted details. Jaye ended up answering almost all of them for me. After all, if not for Jaye, this “engagement” would not be happening.

  “So… when did this happen?” Lois asked.

  “Tonight, Mom,” Jaye answered quickly. “Would you believe it happened right before we came over?”

  “Really? Wow. Were you expecting it, Hilary?”

  “No,” I honestly replied. “It came out of left field.”

  “Oh, I love a surprise engagement,” Lois beamed.

  “Yeah, it was a surprise all right. Hilary wasn’t the only one that was caught off guard,” Jaye clarified as I tried to keep a straight face.

  “How did Marc propose? Did he get down on one knee? Irvin didn’t, and I was so disappointed.”

  “Don’t feel bad, Mom, Marc didn’t get down on one knee either. But I think he did get weak in the knees.” Jaye added, “But you asked how he proposed. Let’s just say… I don’t think he planned for it.”

  Lois smiled and took a delicate sip of her drink. I still had a stupid smile plastered on my face. I was having a blast. Well, I was until I glanced over and saw the pained look in Marc’s eyes, which was growing more noticeable with every additional comment out of Jaye’s mouth.

  He was trying so hard to be a good sport. I could see it was getting increasingly difficult for him to let this charade continue. As he got agitated, so did I. In an instant, the joke stopped being funny. It was sad and hurtful. No matter how hard I pretended, Jaye’s proposal wasn’t real, nor was it going to magically become so. Instead, it started to become crystal clear to me, while looking at Marc’s troubled face, that he had no intention of proposing to me now—or, I feared, ever. Would I be okay always just being his girlfriend?

  It’s amazing how devastating disappointment can be, especially when it’s over something that you didn’t really expect to occur in the first place, if you are truly honest with yourself...

  I removed the rhinestone ring from my finger and thrust it at Jaye. Before bursting into tears, I managed to utter, “I can’t do this anymore.” Not wanting to cry in front of everyone, as I was humiliated enough, I ran about three houses away and squatted down at the ledge of the inter-coastal. Part of me wanted to just jump in and disappear. Seriously, I was contemplating it. But instead I just stood there, tears streaming down my face, staring into the blue water. This was so not how I’d envisioned this night!

  It didn’t take more than a moment before Marc was at my side. “Come on,” he said, grabbing my hand and leading me back to Lois and Irvin’s house. But instead of rejoining everyone, he ushered me around the house to the front porch. “Sit,” he commanded.

  I did and he quickly sat down next to me. I was sobbing and I didn’t care. I tried to cover my face with my hair, but Marc gently swept a long lock away from my face and tucked it behind my ear. He wiped my tears away with his fingers and pulled me towards him, holding me close and tight. Still, he didn’t utter a word. I felt safe and protected in his arms, which made me cry harder, until my tears saturated the shoulder of his shirt.

  Eventually my sobs started to subside. When they did, Marc slowly pulled away. “Are you okay now?” he asked softly.

  I was afraid my voice would crack and bring a fresh set of tears, so I just nodded my head.

  “I am really sorry for what happened,” he said quietly.

  I started to hiccup. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “No, you didn’t do anything wrong. I am the one who’s sorry. I could have stopped Jaye and I should have. But did I? No. I’m a fool. I encouraged her to continue. I just wanted it to be true. And now look.” Crying again, I didn’t want to look at Marc, so I buried my face in his neck, and held onto him tight.

  He began to gently stroke my hair, trying to comfort me as I continued to cry. I have no idea how much time passed. It could have been five seconds or five minutes. I was in an emotional fog. Finally, he separated himself and grabbed my face in his hands. “Look at me,” he said.

  My eyes darted around nervously before I was able to focus on his eyes, bracing myself for what he was going to say.

  “It is okay. Stop crying. Please. I want to talk to you.”

  “I don’t really want to talk,” I mumbled, as Marc wiped my tears again with his fingers and pushed my hair away from my face. “I’ll stop crying. Let’s just forget it and go back to everyone.” I really didn’t want to talk. It would have been easier for me to ignore the disappointment I felt than get hurt more.

  “No, we need to talk.” I took a deep breath, trying to regain my composure, as he continued. “You know I don’t put my feelings into words very often, right?” Marc asked.

  “Right,” I whispered.

  “And you know how hard it is for me to say certain words, right? That is why I try to show you how I feel instead. And I do, right?”

&nbs
p; “Yeah, you try.” He really did. In my heart, I knew that it was much better to have someone treat you right, rather than make empty declarations about their love and be unkind or unfaithful to you. Normally, I didn’t mind the fact that he didn’t accurately articulate his feelings. It was a male characteristic I was used to. My father had the same difficulty with words. He hardly ever expressed his feelings. He kept everything bottled up. While he did show both my mom and I his heart and his love for us, he couldn’t utter the words. If he did try to say “I love you”, it sounded foreign rolling off his tongue. Marc had always reminded me of my father in this way.

  But sometimes, actions aren’t enough. Sometimes a girl needs to be told what a guy feels, rather than trying to decipher the signs.

  As if reading my mind, Marc continued, “So this should mean even more to you, then. I know I don’t tell you often enough, but I want you to know just how much I love you. Hilary, I really do. I never thought I would love someone this much.”

  I honestly knew this already, but when someone has such a difficult time expressing himself, as Marc does, it is natural to wonder and have some doubts. Because of that, I couldn’t stop myself from asking, “Really?” Or maybe I just wanted to hear him say it again. Hearing his words was like grabbing onto a life preserver while drowning.

  “Yes, really,” he replied, wiping another tear from my face. “And I know that you want to get married. I don’t need Jaye or Eric or anyone else to tell me that. But we have to do it when we are both ready, not when everyone else is ready for us to be.”

  “But what does that mean? You never want to talk about it. And I am afraid to bring it up. I worry that I will freak you out. I don’t want to be your girlfriend forever.” I was never one of those girls who dreamt about a fairytale wedding. I didn’t want to be married for the sake of being married, unlike so many people I’ve known. I wanted to spend my life with someone I loved, while experiencing both good times and the bad ones with them. I didn’t want to be stuck in a perpetual dating situation where we only enjoyed each other’s company when it was convenient, fun and easy. I wanted a life partner…

  A few months ago, Marc needed minor outpatient surgery. I brought him to the hospital, sat with him while he waited, held his hand when he came to from the anesthesia, and cared for him when he returned home and had difficulty sitting and walking. Although he’d probably disagree, because he was the one that actually had the surgery, it was a wonderful experience. It was so simple and real. We felt like a family. Every step of the way, I’d hoped it would help him realize that he couldn’t live without me…

  “I know you want more,” he answered.

  “Is it something you want?” I asked.

  “I don’t know. I am getting less and less opposed to the idea of marriage. I just can’t rush into anything. I have to do it in my time, in my own way. You can understand that, right?” He didn’t wait for me to respond; maybe because he sensed my answer would be no. Instead, he just continued. “We have to take our time. We have to wait until we know it is right.”

  “Know it is right? I already know we are right for each other,” I said tenderly. I wanted to add that he did too, but he was just too scared to admit it. But although it was difficult, I managed to hold back those words.

  “I know you do. And, honestly, in my heart I do too. But I am not ready yet. We both have to be ready for this to work. Just bear with me. Okay?”

  I didn’t reply. What was I going to say? No? We wouldn’t have even been having this conversation in the first place if not for Jaye.

  “I promise you,” he continued. “I won’t disappoint you, and I will never hurt you. You believe me, right?”

  I nodded in agreement, although I wasn’t really one hundred percent sure.

  Marc grabbed me once again, held me close, and whispered, “I love you, really I do.” Then he started to sing one of his favorite Led Zeppelin songs to me, “You will be mine, by taking our time…” I wanted to believe him as we sat on the front porch, snuggled up together. Finally Marc asked, “Are you ready to head back?”

  “I guess so.”

  “Good, dry those tears. Give me a smile, and remember it will be okay.” Marc took my hand in his, and together we went back into the house and out onto the back deck.

  When we emerged, everyone fell silent. Eric was the first one to come over and apologize. “I am so sorry, guys,” he said, hugging both me and Marc simultaneously. As he did, I spotted Lois, with both hands firmly planted on her hips, glaring at him from across the room. Eric may have been a grown man, but it was apparent that he’d been reprimanded by his mother for his actions that evening.

  Jaye grabbed me as soon as Eric let go and guided me away from the group. Jaye was ten years older than Marc, and has a son from her first marriage who is only a year younger than me. So while Jaye and I were friends, she often took me under her wing as if I were her daughter. Because of this, we had a special bond. “I’m so sorry for everything. You know that I never intended to hurt you. I know that Marc was originally my friend, but you are my friend now, too. I think of you like a daughter, and I don’t want him to take you for granted. He has to understand that you can’t be expected to stick around forever.”

  “I know,” I said, tearing up again. I hugged her tight. “Thank you,” I said, looking deeply in her eyes. “Tonight was horrible, and I am upset, but I am also thankful for what you did. It had to be done. We had to talk about marriage. We couldn’t continue putting it off forever, skirting around it, like we had been doing. Tonight, thanks to you, we were forced to speak. I don’t know what will happen next, but whatever does, I think that tonight was very important, and had to happen. And for that I owe you.” Despite the reassurance I offered her, I wondered if we would have been better off just letting nature run its course.

  “Yeah, I feel the same way too,” she smiled. “We can’t wait for men to handle anything important. If we did, nothing ever would ever get done!”

  Smiling, Jaye and I made our way back to the group. Irvin replaced our champagne flutes with wine glasses and Eric opened a nice bottle of Cabernet. Lois emerged from the kitchen with a tray of cocktail franks and stuffed mushrooms. As we nibbled, we tried our best to put the engagement, or lack thereof, behind us. It was difficult at first, but Eric, always quick with a joke, was able to break the tension and get us all laughing.

  Before we knew it, the steak was on the grill and Jaye and I were in the kitchen tossing a salad under Lois’s close supervision. Slowly but surely, we began to have the New Year’s celebration that we’d expected, although my heart was still heavy.

  By the time the third bottle of wine was empty, my tears had been replaced by laughter. However, the emotions of the evening took their toll on all of us. There was no way that we were going to be able to stay at Irvin and Lois’s until midnight. I don’t think Irvin, Lois, or even Marno could have handled it either. About forty-five minutes before midnight, after Jaye and I had washed and dried all the dinner dishes, we said our goodbyes and walked silently back to the condo.

  When we got there, Jaye gave me another quick hug, and then we retired to our separate rooms. Marc tenderly made love to me as fireworks illuminated the sky over the ocean. “Remember, I really love you,” he assured me once more, holding me close. He soon drifted off to sleep. Although I was exhausted from the evening, no matter how hard I tried, sleep just wouldn’t come. My mind just kept racing. Sure, I knew that he was telling me the truth, but would he ever really be able to fully open himself up to me and embrace a lifetime together?

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  It has been one crazy year for me. I’m shocked in the midst of moving and renovating a house, having my former publisher go out of business, and continuing to work at a high-pressure day job I was able to complete Plan Cee. But during my most stressful days, I found comfort hanging out with Cecelia, Annabel, Bryce, Keith, and of course my favorite lady, Bea. I hope you had as much fun with this crazy cast
of characters as I did.

  I often can’t believe I have accomplished my life long dream of writing a book three times! My dream is a reality because of all the amazing people I have in my corner who encourage me to keep going.

  Mom, thank you for teaching me anything is possible as long as you try your hardest. You are so much more than a mother to me. You are my best friend. I am so thankful I can talk to you about everything and anything.

  Dad, I can’t believe twenty-eight years have flown by since you passed away. We missed out on so much together, but I know you are always looking down on me, guiding me, helping me through the tough times and laughing with me during the good ones.

  Marc, I am so thankful to have you in my corner. You always know just what I need. You calm me down when I am stressed. You make me laugh when I am sad. And you always make me feel loved and special. Have I told you lately I love you?

  Meredith Schorr, while we may not see each other often enough, just knowing you are a few keystrokes away means the world to me. I don’t know how I would have gotten through this year without our frequent chats. You are an amazing friend, and I am so thankful you are in my life.

  Paul, Carl, and Hannah thank you for being such cuties, with the help of your mom, gave personality to Dylan and Donovan.

  Helene Warhit, you came into my life so unexpectedly but made such an impact. Thank you for teaching me you can’t clap with one hand.

  Samantha March, you have been such a dear friend and such an incredible part of my journey as an author. I have learned so much from you.