Strength

by Jane Washington

  Something about that statement warmed my heart. No one had ever done that for me before, except Emmy.

  I rose up onto my tiptoes to kiss Rome on the cheek. He still had to bend down for me to reach. “Go to your sol,” I murmured to him. “Before she knocks this entire building down.”

  He let out an exaggerated grumble, his chest shaking. “Don’t stay away too long,” he finally said to us. “I have this feeling we should stick together as much as possible, just in case.”

  He didn’t say in case of what, but we all knew there were more than a couple of situations which could spring up and would require the full might of the Abcurse brothers.

  “Willa Knight!” The shout had me spinning around, my hands slamming against my chest as my heart pounded hard. “You broke the rules again! Seriously.”

  Emmy stormed into the room, her long hair flowing behind her, her eyes shooting daggers. Apparently, this was the section of the marble forest designated to people who wanted to kill me with their eyes. As she got closer, I braced myself to receive the full force of her wrath. She had made me promise I wouldn’t disappear without her, and then I’d gone and done just that.

  “It’s not my fault,” I protested when she was a few feet away. “Cyrus made me go and collect something for him—that was my punishment.”

  At that thought, I remembered Crowe’s chain, and my hands flew to my shoulders.

  “They’re in a safe place,” Coen told me, leaning down so that no one else could hear.

  I narrowed my eyes on him. “You took them the moment I fell asleep, didn’t you?”

  He just grinned, and I couldn’t find any energy to be mad at him.

  “Are you even listening to me, Willa?”

  Emmy had still been talking. I had not been listening. I was the worst kind of friend and sister.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, interrupting her next tirade. “I know I’m being a terrible sister to you right now … I mean, even worse than usual, and there was nothing to brag about before. But so much is going on—I can’t keep up, Emmy. I … I just need you to stick with me. Please. I’m going to try harder.”

  Rome chuckled. It burst from him, and I reached out to slap his chest.

  “I am going to try harder,” I said.

  His expression softened. “You care too much. Emmy-dweller might be your family, but she needs to try and understand as well. You’re different now. You don’t always have time to pander to her emotions and feelings.”

  Emmy gasped loudly. Everything stilled. I tried desperately to think of something to fix this moment, all the while waiting for her to rip us all a new one. Her eyes were the only part of her that was moving; she looked at me first, and then at Rome and Coen.

  “He’s right,” she finally murmured, shocking the hell out of me. “Never thought I’d say that about a god, but he is right.”

  She reached out and grabbed my hands. “I’m sorry, Will. I’ve been struggling to accept the changes in your life. Struggling to let you go after all the life-cycles of being the most important person in your life. But … I realise now that I’m being unfair.” She swallowed roughly, and I felt a lump form in my own throat. “You’re the happiest I’ve ever seen you,” she continued. “As much as ALL gods are pissing me off these sun-cycles, the Abcurses are fulfilling you. Completing you. I have to start accepting this reality.”

  I shook my head fiercely, tears springing to my eyes. She always did this: forgave me for my flaws, while beating herself up for hers. She had lost her person. She had been left to fend for herself in a world where everyone had been taken away from her. She should not have been apologising to me—I should have been the one empathising with her.

  “Emmy, you’re the most important person in my life, too. I can’t live without you. You’re as essential to me as the Abcurses, just in a different way. And I am so sorry that I haven’t been there for you lately. There is no excuse for that. It kills me that my life has been taking me on a path that is no longer parallel to yours. But our paths will come back together again. I feel that with every part of my being.”

  Emmy and I were the forever kind of friends. We were family. It was difficult right now with me being undead and tied to five gods, but that didn’t lessen the truth of what I knew.

  We were forever.

  She hugged me so tightly that all breath rushed out of me. “I love you, Willa. I should say that more often.”

  I went so many life-cycles never hearing those words. Now, I was overwhelmed by all of the love in my life. I didn’t even know how to handle it.

  “I love you, too,” I murmured back, before we pulled apart.

  I realised, then, that she was wearing a dress. Not just any old dress either, but a very nice, well-fitted, dark purple number that swished around her ankles and gave her impressive cleavage. I tried to remember the last time she’d been out of her sensible ‘work’ clothes. The girl had actual boobs.

  Rome and Coen both chuckled then, no doubt thinking about all the times I’d flashed mine to the world. This was a first for Emmy.

  “Are you still … uh, unemployed?” I asked her.

  Gods that sounded wrong.

  She grinned, bringing a hand up to wipe a few tears away. “Cyrus and I reached an agreement. At the moment, I’m a free agent. I don’t have any duties. I don’t answer to any of the gods. He has given me a free pass.”

  No one else seemed shocked by that, but I think my eyes were wide enough that there was a scary chance my eyeballs would fall out. “A free agent…?”

  What the hell did that even mean? There was no such thing. Even sols weren’t free.

  “Cyrus might be the boss here,” I finally said, “but what about all the other gods? What if they tell Staviti? How are you hiding this?”

  Emmy shrugged. “Cyrus said he was taking care of it. It was his way of apologising after the drinking incidents.”

  I felt like I’d stumbled into an alternate reality. Was this really Emmy? Or were we once again being fooled by a sol who could change her appearance?

  “It’s Emmy,” Rome confirmed.

  There was something different about her, though. It was more than just the dress. Emmy had always been confident, but in the live-by-the-law-of-the-land way. She knew her place, and she outshone every single one of us while sticking to her place. This was more than out-shining the others, though. This was something else.

  “You seem happy, too,” I said slowly. “I never thought you could survive without all the dweller stuff.”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know how to explain it, but when I quit, something released within me. Like a tether I didn’t even know was there. I was so tied to my identity as a dweller, that I’d never even stopped to think about who I was without that.”

  Rome distracted me then by swinging his head toward the back of the room. “I’ll be there in a click,” he bit out in annoyance. “Just keep doing what you’re doing.”

  Peering around him, I realised his sol had left her stone and was now standing near us. She was glaring, arms crossed as she replied.

  “Stop wasting time with these ridiculous dwellers. Seriously. Do you realise that there’s a possibility that all of us will die? Even you, if you can’t manage to make me strong enough to ascend to godhood?”

  Rome didn’t look at all concerned, but her words were enough to remind me of what Staviti had declared back on his platform. If the Betas didn’t make their sols strong enough to become third Beta Gods, he would kill the Betas as well.

  At the time, I thought it was an empty threat, something to get them motivated. But … who knew with Staviti. He had crazy eyes. You can never trust someone with eyes like that.

  “Go,” I said, pushing him gently. “Go teach her crushing stuff. I’ll be fine.”

  I turned to Coen, then. “You should go as well. Emmy will stay with me while I see if I can heal my mum. Apparently, she’s a free agent now.”

  “What’s wrong with your mum?” Emmy
interrupted, drawing closer to me.

  Her concern brought my own worries back to the forefront of my mind.

  “Something happened when we brought her here.” My voice shook as the guilt of what I’d done hit me again. “Something about her transition into Minatsol messed with her … with whatever Staviti did to turn her into a server. The healers couldn’t help, so I’m going to see if I can.”

  Coen did that rumbly chest thing, which always got my attention. “It’s too dangerous for you to be wandering around here alone. The sols we’ve been saddled with aren’t the only assholes gunning for you, Willa.”

  I waved him off. “You know I can burn a god. I’ll be fine.”

  His jaw went rigid and I knew there was nothing I could say to convince him. I was just about to concede when a large man entered the room, a scowl twisting his features.

  “I’ll escort Willa and Emmy,” Cyrus said without preamble. “No one will bother them if I’m around.”

  What the hell is going on here? Were these rooms some kind of central hub for people to pop in and out of at random?

  “Fuck no. Not happening.” Coen didn’t even hesitate. “I trust you less than I trust Staviti. Let’s not forget what happened the last time you were alone with her.”

  Cyrus threw his hands into the air. “I’ve explained that to you all multiple times. You’re going to have to let it go at some point.”

  I almost laughed out loud then. He was talking about us ‘letting go’ of him killing me in the same way one might talk about accidentally borrowing someone’s clothes and tearing them.

  The rest of the Abcurses drifted closer to Emmy and me, forming a wall behind us. “We will never let it go,” Siret said, somewhat calmly. “We work with you because there is no other choice. But what you did … there is no forgetting.”

  “Okay, okay.” I held both hands up. “We don’t have time for this, and whether we like it or not, we’re on the same team right now. We’ve managed to stay hidden from Rau and Staviti, we’ve managed not to die … again … so we’re all good. Right now my focus is on Donald, and since it’s my choice, I’m going to go with Cyrus and Emmy. You five …” I swung around to see them. “Go and fix your sols. Make them better.”

  The five sols were about six feet away, and they heard me clearly. The Pain and Strength sols flipped me off. Trickery just swung around, her purple hair flying in a pretty arc behind her. The other two looked bored. Like they were past giving a shit.

  Yael started to protest, but I cut him off. “Please,” I said. “Let it go just this once.”

  His teeth clinked audibly as he slammed his mouth shut, his face unyielding.

  “Straight there and back,” he finally relented. “No detours, and if anything weird happens with your mum, you get your ass right back to us. Understood?”

  I exaggeratedly saluted him. “Yes, sir.”

  Before anyone else could start protesting again, I blew them a kiss, linked my arm through Emmy’s, and then dragged her out of the room. I didn’t look back to see if Cyrus followed, because I really didn’t care.

  As we started to walk, my stomach protested. I’d fallen asleep before I’d managed to eat, so of course now my body was reminding me of its current food-deprived state. Hopefully I’d be able to eat as soon as I healed my mum. I couldn’t focus on anything before I did that.

  Fourteen

  Cyrus caught up to us when we entered the main hall. Up till that point, I’d been silently dragging Emmy along, unable to carry out any conversation with all of my worry. When Cyrus joined us in the uncharacteristically quiet hall, he broke that silence.

  “How was your trip to Topia?” he asked, sounding casual. “Did you get what I needed?”

  I shrugged. “Funnily enough, the panteras didn’t have anything of yours. They said you must have been mistaken.”

  They hadn’t exactly said that, but … whatever.

  Cyrus didn’t react. No anger, no annoyance, no slow boil of disbelief followed by fury … in fact, his eyes were very clear. Less bloodshot than usual. Maybe he really had cut back on the drinking.

  “Hmmm,” he murmured. “I could have sworn there was something there for me. Maybe I left it somewhere else.”

  I doubted he had been confused like that about anything. Which made me wonder if he’d set the entire thing up just to get me to the panteras. I mean, I never would have expected that much help from Cyrus, but it wouldn’t be the first time he’d tried to be of use. In his own, unique way—a way that usually wasn’t that helpful.

  “Did you learn anything while you were there?” Emmy asked me.

  “Actually, I did.” I halted for a moment, so I could focus on what I was about to say. “Can you tell me anything about the history of Minatsol’s royal family? How long ago was that? Oh, and … what happened to destroy the monarchy?”

  Emmy just blinked a few times at me. A quick look at Cyrus told me he was doing the same thing. I barely resisted an eyeroll. “Come on, I like to learn things every now and then.”

  Emmy recovered enough to snort laughter at me. “Willa, you literally fell asleep during history class every single rotation. You never missed a nap.”

  True. Very true.

  “It just never felt relevant. Plus, it was always so sol and god focused. I really didn’t care to listen about how great the world used to be for dwellers—since everyone was one in the old times—only to now be living in a world where we were relegated to nothing more than slaves. Where our world was slowly being leeched of life, and the expectation was that one sun-cycle there would be nothing left of Minatsol.”

  Emmy shook her head. “You’re missing the point, though, Will. You learn about the past to change the future. Nothing stays the same, ever, but the past often repeats itself. History can teach us a lot. Important things.”

  “So teach me these important things then. I want to know about the monarchy.”

  She narrowed her eyes on me. “Cyrus has an entire library just off his office. I doubt he’s ever stepped foot in there because I’m almost positive he can’t read, but that’s a good place to start looking.”

  Cyrus smiled. An actual real smile. His eyes were locked on Emmy. “You amuse me little dweller,” he said slowly. “You would have made a very interesting god.”

  I caught the slight flush of pink to Emmy’s cheeks before she turned away. “A god is the last thing I want to be,” she murmured, before her voice grew louder. “Come on, the infirmary is this way.”

  She continued on without looking to see if we were following. I narrowed my eyes on Cyrus as he fell in behind her.

  “Stop smiling,” I muttered to him. “It’s creeping me out.”

  The smile turned into laughter, and I threw my hands into the air and hurried my steps to fall in next to Emmy. Creepy Cyrus was not someone I wanted to be alone with.

  Emmy led us through the maze of training rooms and out into the elements. We passed down to another level of the mountain—where the dining hall was located—and then further down still, to another main hall. It was on the western edge of the cliff, positioned far back from the trail, so that you had to pass through a tunnel of rooms to get to it. I could see the ocean through the large, round windows spanning the rock wall.

  “Patients respond positively to fresh air and sunlight,” Emmy explained when she saw me gawking at the view. “It’s very peaceful here.”

  There was a peaceful feel to the room, and I wanted to spend more time enjoying the water beyond, but my mum needed my help.

  Two healers met us near a front desk.

  “Can we help you?” the first one asked. She was a pretty woman with strawberry blonde hair hanging in ringlets past her shoulders.

  “Uh, yes, I hope so. My mum was recently brought in … Donald?”

  She blinked at me for a click, before turning to the man at her side. He ran a hand through his inky black hair, letting it fall in disarray around his face. He had a nice face, kind of boring, but
not as mean as a lot of sols. The healing-gifted ones were more compassionate in general.

  “Your mum’s name is Donald?” he finally asked me.

  I tapped my fingers on the bench. Nice face or not, I didn’t have time to mess around. “Trust me, it’s better than Mole. Her name really doesn’t matter. Is she back there?”

  They both jumped to attention.

  “Yes,” the woman said, “she’s right back here. We tried to heal her, but … Donald, isn’t responding to anything so far.”

  The sick feeling I’d had in my gut since we crossed burst back to life. “I’d just like a few clicks with her,” I told them, and no one held me up any longer.

  Emmy and Cyrus—who was uncharacteristically quiet, but had at least stopped smiling—followed me. My mum was in the second room along the hall; her wall had the same round windows set into the stone, displaying a calming view of the ocean.

  “Just call out if you need anything,” both of the healers said, before they exited, drawing the curtain across the entrance.

  For a moment, when I first crossed to my mum’s side, I thought she was dead. Her skin was a sickly grey, her frame sunken, and there was no sign of chest movement to indicate she was breathing. My heart thundered in my chest, and I forced myself to reach out and place my hand on hers.

  She was warm, and under my fingertips I felt the faint buzz of her pulse. Alive. She was alive—or at least some version of it.

  “What happened to her?” I murmured, hoping that Cyrus would hold some answers.

  I felt him move closer, his energy buzzing along my skin. “I have no idea. Servers can usually leave Topia, as you saw when Staviti sent everyone to attack you. There’s something different about your mum, something that impacted her transition to server.”

  I let my gaze rest on her weathered face, the fly-away hair and tired features.

  “There’s always been something broken in her,” I whispered. “Maybe she just had too many cracks to ever be put together right, even as a server.”

  Emmy stepped forward to the other side, her back to the windows, and took mum’s right hand. Both of us held on, fearing that we were already too late.