The Death Dealer Diaries

by Joy Johnson

  The wind howled in the trees above us as he stared down into my eyes, his hard body rested to the side over my left thigh. His fingertips traced the line of my jaw as he propped himself up on one elbow. He was waiting. I almost laughed when I realized that this was what he had been waiting for all along; for me to want him to touch me. My lips found his and all my fears disappeared.

  When we began to realize that the sun was setting, Garhet became very serious and squeezed me in his arms. When my eyes met his, he whispered that he didn't want to share me with anyone; that if we ever came across other humans ever again, he wanted me to promise that we would always be one with each other and no one else.

  I put my head to his chest and we agreed we would never share ourselves with any other human ever again.

  April 30, 3078

  Ephram and Aleena have taken to going for long walks whenever Garhet and I become, 'too friendly,' in the shelter. The weather is beginning to show signs of the change for spring. The snow is all but melted, and the summer animals are beginning to make their return to the area. This makes us question when we should leave. The shelter has become quite a lot like home, and we all don't like the idea of leaving it now. However, five nights last, Ephram was scouting up on the high ridge to the south, and said that he thinks he saw a green flash in the distance. We've tried to convince him otherwise, but he believes whole heartedly in what he saw. He returns to the ridge line almost every day now to check.

  Aleena is especially keen on moving to a new place. The idea that Reapers could be closing in terrifies her more so now than ever. The lower part of her belly is beginning to rise. We all wonder what their child will be, a boy or girl. Either way, though, if she is to give life to the child, she will need a place that will be safe for her to scream.

  May 7, 3078

  We have tried everything that we can to shake them. Aleena and Ephram's only prayer now is to hide. Four days ago, we left the comfort of our last campsite. We took everything we had brought with us and tried to make the site look as it did before we had arrived.

  Our efforts have failed us. The Reapers must have happened upon our old campsite a day or two after we left it and then followed our trail. We saw the first Reaper's green flash two nights past. It was close to us but did not see us. Since then, we have been running blind with fear as fast as we can.

  It was only today, however, that I realized Aleena would not be able to keep up in her present condition. She has run as far, and as fast as her poor, child laden body can take her. Ephram has been trying to help her along, but to no avail. There are no clear paths, and the terrain here is rocky. Moving forward as fast as we can takes determination and energy. A kind of strength that Aleena's body is giving to her baby and not to her for the efforts at escape. There is nothing we can do about this, and they have been falling farther and farther behind.

  Garhet denied the notion at first, and insisted that they would catch up. We waited far beyond the time in the day for which we should have confronted the issue. Eventually though, as the sun set on this day, I was able to make Garhet see that there was no way around it; we were forced to confront the only two options the four of us had left.

  The first option, that I proposed, was to find the best hiding place we could; leave Ephram with Aleena and all our rations while Garhet and I lead the Reapers away. With this idea though, Ephram countered that all we could do is pray that the Reapers wouldn't find them once they came into the area. Garhet also mentioned, that even if Ephram and Aleena did manage to survive hiding with Reapers near, that there would be no way for Ephram and Aleena to find us again. He said that as there would be no way for them to track us that the Reapers wouldn't also use to follow us.

  The second option that Ephram proposed, was for us to gather as many provisions as possible and all hide together. I refused this notion entirely. It isn't that I don't want to stay with Aleena; I love her like a sister, but it is just that in my heart, I know that we would not survive if we all tried to stay together.

  A heavy notion has been weighing on me since the day Aleena and Ephram told us that they were expecting a babe. I knew that sooner or later, I would have to separate from them because of this. I once saw a whole family ravaged to death by a mated pair of hungry mountain lions. They all died because their newborn child had begun to cry uncontrollably. My mother never let us sleep near others again after that night. She said that a child's cries in the wilds are like a beacon of light against the blackest night, and that this is true not only for the wild animals, but for the Reapers as well. After witnessing what happened that night, I believe her whole heartedly.

  I was hoping to have another few months before discussing this problem with Garhet; but our circumstances have changed, and now I am forced to be the bad guy. I've given Garhet until sunrise to decide what he wants to do. I've told him that it is my deepest desire that he join me, but that I would understand if he did not. Garhet is having an especially hard time with this problem and for good reason. Not only am I forcing him to choose between staying with his brother and future niece or nephew, but I am also forcing him to accept that he may never see his only living family ever again. He has tried to sway my determination in every way possible. He has yelled at me, cried, and begged. I feel terrible about this, but I know that there is no other way.

  I've known that this was going to have to happen eventually, as did Aleena. She and I both know from experience that surviving in the wilderness means making sacrifices you don't want to make. My heart breaks for her. I want to give her my strength and carry her through to safety. But these are just children's wishes. We both know that our first option is really her only chance now. She has not argued with me as the others have. She is crying but has already said her goodbyes to me.

  We are now resting in the confines of a well-hidden cave made from fallen mountain slide. As I lay here, my mind is adrift with all my worries. I am not excited about the prospect of being alone in the wilderness again. The fear of being hunted by everything and having no one to talk to cuts me to the bone. Memories of my tenth winter keep surfacing in my mind, and in this time of sadness I briefly wonder for the millionth time why my mother left me…

  May 25, 3078

  Today I reached a shoreline. It is not an ocean, but a lake that I can see the other side beyond. The once cold winds of winter have passed now, and as I lay in the shade of some thick shrubbery, I long for the cooler temperatures of winter in the heat of this afternoon. My skin can barely stand the days' wait to feel the cold water of the lake. I haven't had a proper bath in more than a week.

  Garhet believed that we should wait until after the sun set to bathe. He and I have become prone to traveling at night. We believe that the darkness of the evening shrouds our presence better from the Reapers making travel safer.

  I am thankful that he decided that morning to journey with me. Saying goodbye to Aleena and Ephram had been hard, but not as hard as it would have been to face going into the wilds alone. His hand rests upon my lower back now. It gently brushes against my machete as he sleeps. He has taken to doing that often; sleeping with one of his arms touching me. I know that if I move to far, or his hand falls to the ground, he will wake suddenly.

  I believe that after everyone he has lost, he has become a little possessive of me. This, I can't say feels bad. Out here, we feel completely alone. While touching each other reminds us that we are not, it still feels at times as though we are the last two humans left in the world.

  Though I pray that we are not.

  May 28, 3078

  The silence, I believe, was what first roused me. Not a single bird, or cricket let free a note. Even the wind seemed to still for the arrival of what was to come. Before I opened my eyes, I knew something was wrong. I felt it in my blood.

  Terror ripped through my heart as I realized what was happening. Immediately I guessed that Garhet had fallen asleep on his turn to watch for Reapers, but then I realized that Garhet wasn't anywhere nea
r me. The weight of his arm was not upon my back as it usually was, and my spirit felt as alone in this world as it had the day after my Mother left. A cold shiver ran up my spine as I slowly opened my eyes to see what the night might hold.

  Before me, the late rust color of the sunset was just beginning to fade into the dark violet of evening. The tall grass of the field all around me stood still as death to a lover's heart. I had not wanted to sleep in the open of a grassy field, but Garhet had insisted that it would be more comfortable than the forest floor. In the end I had given into the idea because I too longed for a soft place to sleep just for one night. Now, though, I knew what the price might be for our imprudence.

  The world seemed at peace, though I knew that it was not. My breath came in short, quick pulls as I rolled into a crouch. My fingers found the hilt of my machete strapped to my thigh. As quietly as I could, I pulled it free, and said a quick prayer to the guardian spirit. My heart pounded in my ears as I slowly arose to peak just above the ends of the grass.

  Suddenly, like a blast of lightning, a grand blaze of green fire burst forward from the ground high into the sky. It began to separate at the ground. The rift was opening; the doorway that would hold a Reaper was opening not ten feet before me. I did not wait to see the Reaper I knew would come.

  My body catapulted through the night. I don't remember the sound of my feet hitting the ground. I don't remember the sound of the Reaper behind me, or of the wind in my ears. I remember only the sensation of flying through the grass and the Reaper's hot breath on my back.

  Now I sit high in a tree as I watch the sun arch into the hottest part of the day. I have run all night and all day. I have just barely managed to get away. The sun is driving me to sweat precious drops that I know my body will miss later. My only hope remains that this is also the case for the Reaper that now hunts me.

  May 30, 3078

  Today, as the sun sets beyond the edge of the world, I feel the coldness of the night before its time. I am exhausted and angry. Sweat and dirt create a collage of disgust over my body. This does not compare, though, to the darkness that has blossomed in my heart toward Garhet, Ephram, and Aleena this night.

  As it turns out, nearly a month ago, Garhet chose to leave with me not because he loved me; but because he and the others wanted to use me as bait to catch the Reaper that now sits before us. They planned to do this while I slept that night in the cave made of mountain slide.

  They decided that I would leave with Garhet, and that he would pretend to be sad over leaving his family. All the while, though, Garhet was using my machete to leave a trail. Once Ephram and Aleena saw a Reaper catch the trail from where they were, they followed at a careful distance. They have been tracking it, as it has been tracking Garhet and I, for nearly the whole of the month.

  Then, last night, when the Reaper was close enough to us, Garhet lead me into an open field of grass where he believed the Reaper would think it was safe enough to step away from its gateway of green fire. Garhet left me then; exposed and alone in the middle of a grass field with no place to hide. He headed for the heart of the woods to the East. He said that he did this because he believed that was where I would run. He hid there to wait for me to lead the Reaper to him.

  Unfortunately, that is not where I ran. My animal instincts took over and I headed for the place where the trees met the water to the North East. Two days I have spent running for my life with a Reaper on my trail, and for two days I nearly died because I trusted them. By the time Garhet did manage to catch up to the Reaper, I was nearly dead from dehydration. The Reaper had all but to reach out and place its hands upon me when Garhet smashed the rock over its head from behind us. The massive creature fell upon me when it lost consciousness, but the look in its eyes as it fell was not one of fear, or anger. Its black eyes reflected that of something else… a kind of resignation. Ephram and Aleena arrived a while later and helped Garhet to confine it.

  After I had emptied more than half a water skin, Ephram and Aleena said that they didn't tell me because they wanted my performance to be believable to the Reaper. They each apologized for their betrayal and said that this was the only way they could bring it all to an end. Garhet, on the other hand, didn't apologize. Instead, he took my hands into his and whispered that he just couldn't keep running anymore.

  Disbelief filled me, then anger. I stared at my hands in his. The hands that I had once trusted with my life while I slept. They seemed so foreign to me now. I could feel the love and trust that I had once felt for him drain away like blood from a slit vein.

  As my hands fell away from his, Garhet made no effort to stop them. On some unknown level I believe he understands now that I will never trust him or his family again. I cannot bring myself to even look at them now. They decided that night that my life was negotiable, and in doing so, they violated me.

  I sit separately from Garhet, Ephram, and Aleena tonight. The fire that dances between us used to bring us closer together. It used to bind us in our solitary efforts to stay alive. Now, it stands as a separation; I on one side, and they on the other.

  The Reaper and I sit on the same side of the fire now; strangers to one another, both a part of a different world, and yet both so utterly alone.

  June 1, 3078

  The Reaper is massive in the light of day. It has shaggy brown hair all over with brilliant streaks of gold and red. It has the body of a great cat, but massive wings in the form of a bat. Small tusks sprout from the corners above its twitchy ears. Its four black eyes stand in line upon its head; two to either side, the first pair closer to the nose being the larger set. The others view this being as hideous; a thing to be destroyed, but somehow now that I can see the creature clearly, I cannot bring myself to say the same.

  Its eyes never leave me; they watch me wherever I go. They hold no fear, and they carry no malice. They simply watch with a hidden intelligence. This frustrates Garhet because I believe he still has feelings for me. It seems to hurt him that I do not return those feelings anymore, though it should not. He made that choice for the both of us.

  It has been two days since my reunion with Garhet, Ephram, and Aleena. There is not much to be said between us, and I am beginning to think of when I should strike out on my own. This is not something I do lightly, but I cannot bring myself to trust them again. This makes sleeping very difficult, especially with their new pet tied to a tree right beside me.

  My eyes stray every so often to the Reaper sitting just a few yards yonder. The way it looks at me makes me shiver. It is as though it is measuring me somehow. Testing me without my knowledge or consent.

  I wish to be gone. I want nothing to do with this creature. It was not my idea to capture it, and not my idea to tie it to a tree whilst harassing it for the answers to questions it probably couldn't answer if it wanted to.

  My gut tells me that it is only a matter of time before it breaks free of the tree. I do not want to be here when it does. The three of them take shifts guarding the Reaper, as they do asking it questions. It never speaks a word, struggles with its binds, or makes a sound. It only stares at me.

  June 5, 3078

  It has been a week now since the Reaper's capture. The boys have taken to throwing rocks at the creature's head when it won't answer their questions. The three of them have begun to wonder if the Reaper even has a language that it can speak.

  This is Ephram's biggest concern. His whole plan rested on this one idea; and now it may turn out that the Reapers can't even make speech to tell him the answers that he so longs to hear. I would laugh if it weren't all so pathetic.

  The real summer heat has fallen on us this day. I have drank three water skins today alone. The others have drank more. None of them have bothered to feed the Reaper, let alone give it water. I see in its eyes the need, but it will not let the others have the satisfaction of knowing that it wants something. Yes… It is intelligent, I think.

  June 7, 3078

  The sun had not yet brought crimson to the sk
y's cheek, when my mind wondered back to the realm of Earth from the land of dreams. It was a strange sound that lassoed my consciousness. It projected through my being like music does to a deaf man's body. The deep vibration of it cantered around in my mind searching until it found a meaning, and then I understood its purpose.

  “Water,” was all it said. My eyes opened. The canopy of trees above me rustled in a gentle breeze. Ephram and Garhet were passed out near the dying embers of last night's fire, and Aleena was slumped against a nearby tree. She was supposed to be on guard, but I could tell that her pregnancy was getting the better of her once more. Her snores were easy to hear even from where I was. Then my eyes found the Reaper.

  It looked beyond desperate when our eyes met. Briefly I wondered if it was possible, but then dismissed the idea and rolled back over onto my side.

  “Water,” again came the voice, more urgent this time. I jolted upright. My eyes danced around, but none of the others seemed to have even heard it.

  “Water,” said the voice once more, only this time gently. The Reaper was staring right at me as I turned toward it. I tried to think of what to say or do. For a moment my mind was frozen.

  “Water,” it said yet again, then after a moment, the Reaper added, “please.”

  A hesitant smile came to my lips then; I was glad that I had been right in the notion that the Reaper was intelligent. The Reaper tried to mimic my smile, however, it ended up looking more like a snarl than a smile. Yet, somehow I could also tell that it didn't mean to snarl.