The Secrets of the Universe (Farther Than We Dreamed Book 1)

by Noah K Mullette-Gillman

  “This is ridiculous. Couldn’t we just try word after word for a few months until something works? I mean why do we even need workers?”

  “I don’t know, but you can be sure the last you thought we needed them pretty badly. Imagine how many important things we’re going to be unable to do without our captain’s approval?”

  “Alright. We can figure all of that out later. Where’s your lab?”

  The two men walked back into the street and down the cobblestones, and then up the hill in the other direction. It was strange for Charlie to see all of the empty buildings. He thought about the cities he had lived in on Earth, how crowded and dirty they were. It seemed a massive waste to him to see all of that empty space. He breathed in, and the air was clean. He thought about all of the years he had lived in filth and poverty and done his best to survive it.

  The same vanilla-blackberry scent which had hung in the air when Charlie first walked out into the streets decorated this part of town. The city didn’t feel abandoned, or deserted. It was newborn and untouched. Charlie had the feeling that many of the doors up and down the street had never been opened. The buildings had never been entered.

  Potential, purity, fabulous wealth. It felt to Charlie like he was in a fantasy realm. If there were only twelve of them in the crew, surely they had been all given treasures beyond any king or emperor Earth had ever known.

  But why? How could an exploration mission require all of this?

  There was a second cubical building at the other end of the street. This one had windows. Most of the ones at street level had been smashed, and some as high as the fifth floor. There were two dead Mud Men in front of the building and a third living one which sat in a flower garden chewing on the plants.

  As Charlie and Aelfwyrd walked up, the Mud-Man in the garden saw them, stood up, and began to slowly approach them.

  And then another came shambling out of the front door.

  Still some distance away from the creatures, Charlie and Aelfwyrd looked at the buildings around them to see which one might be the doctor’s lab.

  Two more Mud Men walked out of the building.

  “That’s where they live, isn’t it?” Charlie asked.

  “Yep.”

  “There could be a hundred of them in there.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Well, if you were you, which one of these buildings would you pick to put your lab in? And please tell me you would pick one that we could barricade ourselves inside of.”

  There were now seven of the Mud Men walking slowly and awkwardly towards Charlie and Aelfwyrd. The flesh of the upper bodies was swollen and distended from their bones, as if even at this distance their meat was trying to reach out and touch them. They were pink and red. They gently moaned and grunted as they moved. And the two men had no choice but to walk towards them.

  “I don’t know. Maybe that one?” Aelfwyrd pointed at one of the buildings closest to the Mud Men’s home. There was no storefront and there were no large glass windows on the ground floor. There was a walk-up to the building’s entrance and a number of flower-pots containing purple fat-budded stalks had been placed outside.

  “You like flowers?” Charlie asked, readying his sword.

  “Purple alien flowers designed in some distant galaxy? Yeah, I’m a fan of that sort of thing.”

  “Alrighty then.”

  Charlie started running towards the building Aelfwyrd had chosen. Aelfwyrd followed, but more slowly. He found running with the polearm to be quite difficult.

  He had no choice but to confront one of the creatures in order to get to the door. He tried to hit it with the butt of his sword, but the weird loose flesh kept moving, almost like a sail, and he couldn’t get the right angle. Suddenly aware that the monster was about to pounce on him, he had no choice but to slash two quick swipes of his weapon at the Mud-Man. The wounds might not have been fatal, but it did force the creature down to the ground.

  Another one reached for him. Charlie leaned back and managed to jump out of the way. He sprinted ahead, closer to the building with the flower pots.

  Aelfwyrd watched as Charlie slashed at the first Mud-Man and then avoided the second, but as Charlie got past the second one, Aelfwyrd found himself face to face with it. He tried to lift up the polearm, but the creature was suddenly too close. Instead he gripped the metal shaft as widely as he could and shoved the pole towards the creature’s neck. He ended up impacting against its collar bone. The monster fell backwards. However, Aelfwyrd lost his grip and the polearm fell with the Mud-Man.

  He let it go and ran as fast as he could after Charlie. By that point there were a lot of the monsters coming after them.

  February 2180

  “London, New York, Paris, Mumbai, Armstrong City, Bowie City, glory to the glory of Queen Gloryyyyyyyyyyyyannana!”

  A montage of images appeared on the screen. She poured spaghetti and meatballs over the head of a chef. She was skiing down the Alps with a monkey on her shoulders. The monkey wore tiny goggles. The Queen was break-dancing in zero gravity with the cast of Tres Miserables. She was laughing as lemon meringue pie dripped down her face. She was riding an elephant with two of the guards from Buckingham Palace. She looked into the camera and coquettishly rubbed her finger over her plump lower lip.

  Her theme song played:

  “God save the Queen, she’s just stolen my heart…

  God save the Queen because I’m trying not to fart!

  She’s beautiful! She’s original!

  Long may She rule over us all…

  Yeah!

  God save the Queen for just one more niIIIIIiiight…

  God save the Queen just one more night…. Gloryannana!”

  The band played on as the Queen emerged from behind a set of massive multi-colored curtains. The in-studio audience applauded thunderously as she began her monologue. She wore a white dress, and a hat which was shaped exactly like her. As she moved, the hat moved, echoing her movements.

  “Meow! Meow!”

  The crowd laughed.

  “Meow, Bobby!”

  A chubby and posh man with black hair and a fancy black moustache appeared on screen. He laughed.

  “I had a dream last night that I was a cat.” the Queen said.

  “A cat, Your Majesty?” her sidekick played along.

  “Meowoar!” She shouted, and then jumped forward towards the in-studio audience. She feigned brandishing claws.

  “We’ve got a great show tonight. Doctor David Aelfwyrd is here to talk about the future of the Mars colonies.”

  The crowd applauded.

  “ Comedian Wasqui Xeph is here.”

  They clapped politely.

  “And we have music from Life is Love.”

  The crowd went wild.

  “Sounds like we have some Life is Love fans here tonight, Bobby.”

  The chubby man with the villainous moustache replied, “I believe they call themselves Love-heads, Your Majesty.”

  “Love-heads, is that right?” She asked the audience.

  They hooted. They hollered.

  “We’ve got Bobby Withergrove.”

  The camera focused on her sidekick. The crowd continued to applaud.

  “And Jimmy Valvolovo and the Kick-ass-ateers! Jimmy?”

  The house band began to play. The music was aggressive and futuristic. The camera focused on the Kick-Ass-ateers for a while. When it turned back to Gloryannana she had changed outfits. She now had a skimpy dress made of stardust. The sparkles clung to the shape of her body, and yet also seemed to hang here and there a few inches in front of her creating a 3D effect.

  “Hello, Universe. Hello, everybody everywhere. I was thinking about you.” She laughed.

  “We have a really historic show for you tonight. Something is going to change in the universe. The direction of the cosmos is being altered. Because of the events on this little telvidja program tonight, the human race is going to upgrade from a historical footnote into a mature and
permanent piece of eternity. It will be our eternity, our nevereverending.”

  “You are correct. We’ll be the gods now,” Bobby added. He then twisted his face up so that it looked like he was farting. A sound effect mimicking a massive expelling of air from his butt was played at the same moment. Confetti was launched out of a cannon behind him.

  The crowd laughed.

  “But first, more importantly, have you heard this? Did you hear? Cross my heart. McDonalds has announced that their locations on Mars are going to start serving old fashioned hamburgers again, made with real meat. This is true. “

  “That sounds delicious!” Bobby added eagerly.

  She laughed. “Bobby, have you ever even tasted synthetic meat?”

  “I have! I mean, not lately, but I tried it once.”

  They laughed.

  “Anyway, they have announced that McDonalds locations will be serving real beef hamburgers in the new year. No word yet as to when they will be bringing back caffeine or high-fructose corn syrup…”

  The crowd laughed.

  “Or heroin!” Bobby added.

  She laughed. “That’s right, Bobby, or heroin. Could you imagine? Hey, give me two happy meals and a Chasing the Dragon meal!”

  They laughed.

  “War continues in the former India. You know, Bobby, they say it’s going to take thousands of years for the radiation to subside, and there’s talk of another ionic exchange before Christmas.”

  “Terrible,” her sidekick shook his head.

  “Yes, this is serious. United President Goliath Breugger has said that he stands ready to send Congress over to help in any way they can. Including just lying in the radiation, maybe rolling around a little, just soaking it up?”

  They applauded.

  “Hey, Bobby, have you ever thought about what it would be like if our world was ruled by fruits and vegetables?”

  The crowd laughed.

  “Vegetables? My Queen, you mean like broccoli and tomatoes?”

  The crowd laughed.

  “I mean like broccoli and tomatoes and rutabaga and asparagus, and especially cumquats.”

  “Constantly.”

  They laughed hard.

  “Cumquats, your grace?” Bobby was struggling to not burst into laughter. He looked like he might cry.

  “Cumquats. Is something wrong, Bobby? You look… uncomfortable.”

  “He wiped a tear away. It’s nothing, your grace. I just – just – I just had a cumquat in my eye.”

  “Come with us as we examine what a world would be like, with humanity enslaved to a race of hyper-intelligent vegetables…”

  An animated scene began. It was a preview for a new cartoon which featured a naked woman, a cow, a pig, and a chicken trapped in a world ruled by evil alien vegetables. The only one of the vegetables she trusted was a Cucumber named Cooko who fought against his own people. It was both zany and wacky. When it was finished, a link on the screen told the audience when they could catch new episodes of “Freedom Meat.”

  Then the commercials rolled.

  When the program returned, Queen Gloryannana had changed into a blue business suit. There was a lorikeet on her shoulder which she was feeding. Bobby sat on the couch next to her desk. They appeared to be talking. As the music faded, she seemed surprised to see the audience.

  “There you are!” She looked thrilled. Millions of people felt like she was talking directly and individually to them. “My first guest is a good friend of mine. He’s a total genius. Please give a warm welcome to my shy friend, Doctor David Aelfwyrd!”

  The curtains opened and Aelfwyrd walked out. The lights were bright and the crowd was overwhelming. He stood there half-frowning and half-smirking for a full five seconds. Finally, Bobby walked over and ushered him towards the Queen.

  She descended, embraced him. He lifted up her hand and kissed her finger, bowed to the audience, and then they both sat down.

  The queen held her just kissed hand up towards the camera. “I’ll never wash it again!”

  “Then, I’d better not kiss you anywhere else…” Doctor Aelfwyrd mumbled.

  The crowd laughed hysterically. He looked at them nervously. He looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

  “David, darling. You’ve been living up on the red planet for yonks.”

  “Yes.”

  “Tell us what you’ve been doing.”

  “Hu-humanity has to spread out into the universe. We have to. If we stay we’ll kill the Earth. We’ll kill ourselves. But imagine if we had two worlds. Imagine if we had twenty.”

  “Twenty Earths?” The Queen looked shocked.

  “Yes. Twenty. Or more. Some a little smaller, like Mars, but perhaps some many times larger. It will bring in a new era of wealth. It will expand what we are, what we can dream about.”

  “So, how do we do that? Terraforming?”

  “No. Well, yes, we can do a little of that, but really we could wait a thousand years for Mars to be merely a terrible place to live. We need to change. We need to change the human race so that we can breathe Martian air, so that the radiation is good for us. Imagine if the dust were pleasant? What if the cold were nice? The planet Mars is smaller than the Earth, but there’s actually more dry land there.”

  “Sounds lovely…” the Queen said sarcastically.

  “You’d hate it. I hate it. But you and I have been engineered over billions of years for life on Earth. We aren’t suited for anywhere else. I have taken men and women – brave men and women - and evolved them for the fourth planet. There are families already living without any space suits, without any air tanks. They’re building farms and homes. The foundations of cities which will stand for millennia are being dug by people who can walk around the land of Mars just as happily as you or I could walk down the streets of London.”

  “I hate walking,” Bobby harrumphed.

  “Is it possible?” the Queen asked.

  “It is already happening.”

  A clip began to play. Beautiful and fit families were shown growing plants in the red soil. A lovely red-haired girl with strange eyes and flaps of skin over her nostrils smiled at the camera. “Me and my Mum like to grow apple trees. I love apples.”

  A little boy spoke. “I want to try new McDonalds hamburgers.”

  The camera focused on the Queen again. She had a new outfit on. The lorikeet was gone, but her clothes seemed to imitate the bird’s plumage.

  “This is amazing! This is the biggest event since Leif Erickson discovered America!”

  “It’s bigger than that, your Grace,” Bobby added.

  “It’s the biggest event since the human brain developed its linguistic capacity, maybe the biggest since life began,” Aelfwyrd said calmly, without hesitation.

  “Well. And how do the good people at home sign up for it? I’m sure there are many, many people living in their tight and cramped conapts simply dying to live a fancy free life on another world.”

  Aelfwyrd replied. “This is a benefit offered exclusively and without charge to employees of the British Corporation with lifetime contracts. Applicants should go online and just send us their resumes and blood samples. We can find a place for almost anyone who is willing to work for a future. The process takes only a few weeks.”

  “It’s that easy?” the Queen asked.

  “It’s that easy,” Aelfwyrd replied.

  8

  PRESENT DAY

  Once Aelfwyrd and Charlie were inside the building they barred the door and then laid a heavy statue of an elephant-man against it.

  Aelfwyrd lean back against the wall and said to Charlie, “Do you believe in trolls?”

  “Trolls?”

  “Elves, trolls, magical creatures.”

  “Like in fairy tales?” Charlie smirked.

  Aelfwyrd smiled as well. “Yes, like in fairy tales, but I mean in the real world.”

  “No. And before you ask, I don’t believe in Muppets or Smurfs either.”

  “Aw, y
ou should always believe in Gonzo the Great and Super-Grover. Anyway, my grandmother used to tell me that they were both real and imaginary. Then she’d lean back and try to read my face to see how I would process the contradiction.”

  The monsters began banging on the outside of the door. It wasn’t loud, but it was constant.

  “I never knew my grandmothers,” Charlie muttered as he looked around the room.

  It had once been a circular showroom of statues and paintings, an entranceway into what looked like an apartment building. Majestic stairways led up and down. The artwork had been roughly moved all off to one side, as far as was practical. Instead, the room was full of large metal boxes, thick wires and tubes, and scientific equipment.

  Aelfwyrd walked over to one of the machines and examined it more closely. “There are limits to our human brains. We are built to function in a specialized environment. On the savannah there was no need for concepts like infinity or an understanding of the sub-structure of reality. The truth is that the better we understand the nature of reality, the less it conforms to common sense.”

  “What does that have to do with trolls?”

  “Let me ask you, how old is the universe?”

  “I don’t know. I think I read something like fourteen billion years.”

  “And what caused it?”

  “The Big Bang?”

  Aelfwyrd laughed. “I forget how long ago you lived. Alright, fine. Let’s go with the Big Bang. So, what then caused the Big Bang?”

  “God?”

  “Maybe. Where did he come from?”

  “He was always there.”

  “Was he there for fourteen billion years?”

  “Maybe.”

  “A hundred billion?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Was there ever a first day in God’s life, a day when he was born?”

  Charlie frowned. “I don’t know, David. Is your point that it doesn’t make sense?”

  “Yeah. That’s my point. Let me tell you, I studied physics for decades. The more you understand, the less it makes sense, and the reason is that we were never designed to grasp it. Using a human brain to understand reality is like using human lungs to breathe underwater. It doesn’t work well.”