Twice Shy

by Patrick Freivald

  "I do, I really do, but I can't have you over tonight. My mom's like a CSI. She'll pick up on the tiniest detail, and she'll kill me."

  "So we'll hang out outside."

  "Fey, it's five below zero. You'd be dead in ten minutes."

  "So we'll go to Jakes."

  "He's grounded."

  "Jesus, Ani, if you don't want to hang out with me, just say so."

  "I—"

  Fey hung up. Dammit.

  Chapter 17

  Her mom spilled no details about her date, save that it was nice, and so was the play. They'd gone to see Over the Tavern at the city theater, then out for a late bite. Her mom had gotten home around three a.m. She went out again Saturday night, not quite as dressed up. This time Fey didn't call.

  Tuesday, Fey got on the bus and passed her the headphone, like nothing was amiss. She took it and put it in her ear. "Sorry about Friday."

  "Don't worry about it," Fey said. "I'm a big girl." They sat in silence for a moment, but it was comfortable. "Your mom's a bit of a tyrant, isn't she?"

  Ani bit her lip. "Um, you could say that." You have no idea. None.

  "She seems nice at school. No-nonsense, but nice."

  "She's like that at home, too, until you break the rules. Then she locks you in the coal cellar and throws away the key."

  Fey cranked the iPod by way of a reply, and they rode the rest of the way to school serenaded by Dashboard Confessional.

  Ani was reading in study hall—she'd cut the cover off of New Moon and glued it on to Stephanie Rowe's Unbecoming Behavior—when a shadow loomed over the page.

  "Twilight again?" Keegan asked, leaning on her desk. "How many times have you read that?"

  She snapped the book closed. "Some things are timeless," she said. Then she looked up at him. "Other things get old real fast."

  She expected him to walk away. Instead, he leaned closer and whispered. "Ask to go to the bathroom once Mike's out of the room. He wants to talk to you without"—he jerked his head toward Devon—"some people catching on."

  Her heart skipped a beat. Or it would have, if it were not for electrical stimulation. Mike wants to talk to me? What for? He's been avoiding me for weeks.

  When Mike left the room, she gave it forty-five seconds and then shot up her hand.

  Mr. Betrus raised his eyebrows. "Yes, Miss Romero?"

  "Can I go to the bathroom?"

  He shook his head and looked back down at his paperwork. "Only two people out at once."

  "But...."

  He raised his gaze, so she tried to look as nervous as possible.

  "It's female issues. It can't wait." She looked at the door, then back at him, chewing furiously on her lip.

  He jerked his chin toward the door. "Go."

  She hurried out of the room. Mike was at his locker, thirty feet away. She shambled over to him, cursing her dragging foot. "How was your weekend, Mike?"

  He shrugged. "Same as usual. Mom was bitchy; Dad was unavailable."

  "Speaking of your mom, when is she going to call me for lessons? I haven't heard a peep."

  "She sold the keyboard and bought clothes."

  "That sucks," Ani said. Even grumpy, his proximity intoxicated her, and she tried not to look in his eyes. "Mom's been riding my ass since I got suspended. She's merciless."

  "She was so nice growing up." He looked at her, and she couldn't help it. She raised her eyes to his and drowned in a sea of green. "I guess she kind of changed..." He looked away, and the spell was broken. "When you did."

  Ani self-consciously raised her hand to the safety pins in her cheek. They were no longer necessary, but she'd gotten used to them. "I guess so, but I don't think it's me. I think it's this job. She hates it here. More than I do."

  Mike looked up and down the hall. "High School's not so bad." Yeah, if you're popular. Or not a decaying freak.

  "So anyway, Keegs said you wanted to talk to me?"

  He brought his dazzling attention back on her, and she had to remember to breathe. "Yeah. I was wondering if you could do me a favor. A really big favor."

  Anything. Everything. "You ignore me for a month and then ask for a favor?"

  "Yeah, I'm sorry. Devon's under a lot of stress. She's got the Algebra II Regents next week, and she's been a real bitch. And she's jealous that I took a knife for you. Really jealous."

  Ani scowled. Why is it that when a girl gets bitchy she's a bitch, but when a guy's an asshole nobody even comments? "Well, since you saved my life... Maybe. It depends on the favor."

  "I need you to go to the Valentine's Banquet and Dance with Keegan."

  She choked. "Excuse me?"

  "He's already agreed, if you'll do it. It's just to get Devon off my back. No romance. She'll calm down if she sees you're interested in someone else."

  Are you freaking KIDDING ME? She throttled the shrieking harridan in her head enough so that she could formulate a reply. "So let me get this straight. Instead of acting like a grownup, you want me to go to a dance with a guy I don't like and who doesn't like me so that your psycho girlfriend stops being irrationally jealous of a social outcast you almost never talk to." She looked him in the eyes, too furious to fall prey to them.

  He returned the stare and nodded. "Yeah. That's the favor."

  Not in a million years. "Five hundred dollars."

  He rolled not only his eyes but his whole head. "I saved your life."

  "True. Okay, three hundred dollars. And if Keegan tries to kiss or grope me it goes back to five hundred."

  He opened his mouth and closed it several times. Finally, he forced the words out. "Two hundred. And Keegan won't try to kiss or grope you."

  "This isn't a negotiation. Three hundred dollars and I will stoop to this disgusting, filthy level for you, but only because you're my friend and you saved my life. Take it or shove it."

  "Deal." Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit!

  * * *

  It took her over a week to scrape up the courage to tell her mom. It helped that she could soften the blow with a report card of mostly A's and B's. She walked into the nurse's office at lunchtime and sat on the bed nearest the door. It felt like death row.

  Her mom was up from her desk and across the room in a flash. Her shirt was a little low cut for a school nurse. Is that a new bra? "What's wrong, sweetie?"

  Ani waved her off. "No, nothing like that. I just need to tell you something." She cringed.

  "This doesn't sound good."

  It all rushed out of her mouth at once. "Mike paid me three hundred bucks to go to the banquet and dance with Keegan so Devon won't be jealous anymore."

  Her mom sat back with a grunt. "Is this a joke?" Ha ha, right? He was supposed to say "no" when I asked for money.

  She shook her head. "I know I'm supposed to ask first, and I know you said no boys, but Keegan and I don't even like each other. There is zero chance that he'd try anything."

  Her mom developed that calculated scowl that almost never meant fun times.

  Ani looked at the floor and didn't move.

  Finally her mom spoke. "Look, sweetie, you'll be on your own. I can't chaperone either one."

  Ani opened her mouth but her mom raised a finger so she closed it.

  "I was going to tell you tonight. Mike surprised me with plane tickets." Her shrug was too casual by half. "What was I going to say? We're leaving Friday and won't be back until Tuesday." What? Where... um... you're abandoning me for a guy? And will you please for the love of all that is holy stop dating a man named Mike? "But of more concern to me is that you'd be willing to compromise your integrity like this. Going somewhere with a boy for money is just... sleazy." She lowered her finger.

  "But I'm not doing it for Keegan. We're both doing Mike a favor." And you're supposed to be here for me.

  "Unless you're wrong. Keegan had a crush on you in middle school, if I remember correctly."

  "Middle school was a long time ago, Mom. A lot has happened since then."

  She
leaned in close, exposing too much cleavage. "True, but boys don't change much from twelve to eighty, and they'll take what they can get when they can get it." She leaned back with a self-satisfied smirk.

  "Mom, don't be gross!" And please, please turn back into my mom. This weepy cougar thing is freaking me out.

  She frowned. "You'll learn."

  Ani changed the subject. "So where are you going? This sounds exciting!" Too exciting.

  Her mom smiled, but it didn't touch her eyes. "We're going to Key West. Mike rented a villa there, so I took three days off." The smile faded to sadness. "You're going to have to learn to be on your own, take care of yourself." What the heck is that supposed to mean?

  Ani hugged her. "You gave up so much for me, Mom. It's okay. I'll be fine. Go have fun." What's happening to you? And why now?

  She widened her eyes. "I'm planning on it."

  Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!

  * * *

  The approaching dance filled Ani with certain dread. Keegan stopped to talk to her for the millionth time—in view of Devon, of course—said nothing of consequence and strode away as Fey approached. The Hearts on Fire banquet is Saturday, and the dance is next Monday. After that, this'll all be over.

  "What is up with that kid?" Fey asked. "Every minute he's creeping on you."

  "I know," Ani said. "He's like obsessed or something."

  Fey watched him walk away, then looked at Ani. Her eyes narrowed.

  "No he's not. When he's on to a girl he gets a certain swagger." She let out a disgusted grunt. "Trust me, I know." She waggled her finger down the hall after him. "This.... This is something else. Something weird." She looked at Ani. "Watch your back. He likes them small and pale, and he'll kiss and tell."

  "Is it bad that I find it somewhat flattering?" Got to plant the seed, make it at least halfway believable.

  Fey rolled her eyes. "Maybe not. But don't end up on your back with that kid. He's a two-pump chump."

  Ani recoiled. "Oh, Fey, that's disgusting."

  She stared after him. "It's worse when you're there, trust me."

  * * *

  Maybe it was the stress, but the roller-skating party bugged her this time. She grabbed the razor and put her hands in her sleeves, frowning. Her stomach was off, like a mosquito's whine in her ear, unnerving and unsettling. It had been so long since she needed to cut, and she winced against the pain as she dragged her razor through the old scars. She sighed in relief as the tightness flowed out of her body, into the air and away. She leaned her head back and breathed a sigh of relief.

  Her mom walked over from her perch against the wall, her eyes full of concern. "Are you alright, sweetie?" She had to yell over the Black Eyed Peas.

  Ani nodded. "Just a little stressed. I'm fine."

  "You're sure? You can go if you need to."

  "I'm fine. I'm sure." Her mom walked away, and she turned her attention back to the music, her inner soul dancing while her body sulked.

  * * *

  As they walked out of the party, Jake's beat-up Ford idled at the curb, pumping bass through the neighborhood. All the kids were gone, as were the rest of the chaperones. Jake leaned against the fender, arms crossed. He lifted his chin at her in acknowledgement. She gave him a little wave.

  "Hi, Mrs. Romero. Ani, can I talk to you for a second?"

  Ani looked at her mom, who hated it when kids called her "Mrs."

  "Go ahead, honey. But just for a second."

  Ani walked over. He reached inside and turned down the music so that it was no longer shaking the cab. "What's up?" He smelled like weed.

  "Hey, um...." Jake shifted his feet. Oh, no. Please don't ask. Please. "Do you want to go to the banquet with me?" FML.

  She kept her face flat, devoid of affect. "It's really nice of you to ask, but someone already asked me."

  His face wrenched, he looked up at the clouds, then in her eyes. "Who?"

  "Keegan Taylor."

  His laugh was despair. "Keegan. Wedgies in the hallway Keegan. Kidney-punches in gym Keegan. Keegan." He turned around and put gloved hands on the hood of his truck, held the pose, then turned back, his palms to his forehead. "On what planet does Keegan fucking Taylor ask you out, and you say 'yes'?"

  She opened her mouth, but didn't get the chance to reply.

  He ran to the driver's side, got in, and slammed the door. Tires squealed as he pulled away, fishtailing across the slippery parking lot. Ani walked to the car, her mom already inside, the windows frosty.

  She got in and closed the door, and was greeted by a raised eyebrow.

  "That looked exciting."

  "He asked me to the banquet."

  The eyebrow dropped. "Interesting. Under other circumstances, would you have said 'yes'?"

  She didn't have to think about it. "Not in a million years."

  "Good. That kid's bad news."

  * * *

  Fey sat down next to her and the bus lurched forward. "Keegan Taylor is taking you to Hearts on Fire." There was no sign of the iPod.

  "Yes," Ani said. She kept her eyes on the seat in front of her. "He is."

  Fey shifted in the cramped seat so that she was wedged in backward. She looked in Ani's eyes. "Spill."

  Ani glanced at her, then out the window. I knew this wouldn't work. "He asked me out, I said yes. That's it."

  "Bullshit." Fey grabbed her by the chin and turned her head. "You look me in the eyes and tell me the goddamned truth or we're not friends." She stared at her, waiting. "I'm serious."

  Oh, Fey. In another life I'd never stand for such a stupid ultimatum, but I need you. "Mike is paying for us to go together to get Devon off his back."

  Fey's jaw dropped. "Shut up!" She punched Ani in the shoulder. "How much?"

  "Three hundred." Ani grinned.

  Fey's eyes moved up and down Ani's body. "You're screwing Keegan for three hundred—"

  Ani sucked air through her teeth. "I am not screwing him. We're just going to the banquet and the dance, and that's it. No kissing, no groping, no nothing. It's just for show."

  "Sure."

  "It is."

  "Well," Fey said, getting out the iPod. "You keep telling yourself that."

  Chapter 18

  Ani looked at herself in the full-length mirror mounted on the bathroom door. Her black dress was form-fitting from neck to ankles, with a high collar, long sleeves with lace cuffs, and lace flair at the bottom. With high-heeled leather boots, the only skin showing was her face and hands. Red lipstick and nail polish popped against her white skin, and for the evening she'd toned down the black eyeliner and mascara from 'emo freak' to 'emo lite.' Except for the eyebrow rings, lip ring, nose ring, and safety pins in her cheek—which she had reduced to six for the evening—she thought she looked downright good.

  She touched up her lipstick, then called out. "Hey, Mom, are these boots too much?" She shook her head. It's weird not having her in the house. Or the state. She snuffed the incense, spritzed a cloud of vanilla perfume, and stepped through it.

  She used the railing to totter down the stairs, opened a bottle of water, and sat at the piano. She walked her way through Grigor Iliev's Remains from the Past. She didn't much care for modern composers, but Iliev's work was special, and this piece in particular was haunting and beautiful. When she heard the throaty rumble of Keegan's Camaro in front of her house, she cut the piece short and grabbed her purse.

  The doorbell rang. She took a shot of the water into her mouth, inhaled it, then clopped across the floor in her heels. She looked through the peephole. Oh, great. A rose. She opened the door. Keegan looked respectable in an olive-green suit, goldenrod shirt, and crimson tie. He'd gotten a haircut—high and tight—and wore a little too much cologne. His eyes wandered up her body to her face.

  "Is that for me?" she asked, plucking the rose from his hands.

  "Yeah," he said. "You look nice." It's called not eating and a padded bra.

  She tossed the rose onto the piano without smelling it and s
aid, "Let's get this over with."

  His cocky grin collapsed a little. "Yeah, sure. Sooner in, sooner done." That's what Fey said. His eyes left her, then alighted on the deadbolts. "Dylan?"

  She nodded. "Had them installed after the concert. Decided they were a good idea either way."

  "Yeah," he said. "That was some freaky shit."

  "Um, yeah."

  She herded him out the door and locked it, and Keegan stepped off the stoop into the snow to let her go by. Ladies first, I guess. Her heels clop-scraped their way down the dry sidewalk, salt crystals crunching underfoot. Keegan tried to open the door for her, but she did it herself and got in. He held it, then shut it after making sure her dress wouldn't be caught.

  His car was immaculate, without a trace of dust or dirt. It smelled clean, like Febreeze and lemon zest. He'd better not be trying to impress me. Keegan got in and turned up the heat. "Are you comfortable?"

  "Sure."

  Ani drummed her nails on her purse as they made their way toward school. Keegan watched the road, hands at ten and two, and almost obeyed the speed limit. The radio protested the awkward silence with low-volume Led Zeppelin.

  Keegan laughed, short and harsh. "You know, I used to dream about taking you to the Valentine's Banquet when we were in middle school." Oh, great.

  "Wish fulfilled," she said. Now shut up.

  "Not exactly how I imagined it, though."

  "What a shame." A tiny part of her meant it.

  "Look," he said, raising his voice. "I know you're here because Mike asked you to be, bribed you to be. I get it. People suck, life sucks, high school sucks. But if we're going to pretend to like each other, you need to get the stick out of your butt."

  She smirked. "Very well, consider it removed. I'm sorry I'm not the girl I was in junior high, and I'm sorry that our friendship suffered for it. We can pretend we're back in sixth grade if you want." She looked at him sidelong. "I'm warning you, though, if you try to put snails in my hair it will be the last thing you ever do."