A Primary Decision

by Dr. Kevin Leman

  “So I tried. I dated several eligible women. Because Victoria had the kind of breeding that made my mother happy, I married her. Life settled into a routine when my political career took off. Then I became president, and my moments were filled with different matters.”

  Thomas sighed. “Then one day I received a call from Bill. He said he and Ava missed seeing me and wondered if we could get together while our boys were still little. Victoria, Spencer, and I were heading soon for Camp David, so I invited Bill, Ava, and Will to come for a short vacation. We all looked forward to catching up.”

  Thomas cleared his throat. “I never intended for events to happen the way they did that night. But Bill had only been there a few hours when he received a business phone call. He said it was urgent and he needed to leave. I saw the hurt in Ava’s eyes, and it reminded me of the pain she’d suffered from his lack of attention during university. Later that day Victoria decided she’d had enough of ‘camping,’ as she called it, and demanded that we leave immediately. I refused and said we had guests. I pleaded with her to stay for just a few days, at least until they were gone. But she left an hour later, taking Spencer with her and two of our Secret Service detail.

  “When Victoria left in a huff, Ava looked at me and said, ‘The only way to solve any of this is to breathe deeply and have a glass of wine.’ We both laughed, and it broke the tension.” Thomas smiled. “That was the best afternoon and evening I could remember since college. We walked comfortably around Camp David, like we used to as friends at university, and caught up on the years in between. We both were lonely. Bill traveled a lot and seemed distracted when he was home. I knew that Victoria would not stay in our marriage once she was no longer first lady. The only things holding us together were Spencer and her desire for position.”

  Thomas shook his head, and his expression filled with regret. “Victoria ruined him. Made every wish come true. Gave him no boundaries. Raised his expectations until he became a spoiled bully, focused on himself. The power and status he gained as he climbed quickly in political circles made him even more of one. The worst thing is, I helped him get there.” Thomas waved a hand. “But that is a story for another time.”

  “Would you like some coffee?” Elizabeth offered. “I’ve got some brewing, and I might be able to find some dessert in the freezer. We haven’t been home long, so no grocery runs yet.”

  “Coffee sounds wonderful. No dessert, though. My waistline has expanded enough over the years,” Thomas replied, patting it.

  51

  “Sarah knows,” Will informed Drew late that evening. “It wasn’t the way any of us wanted her to find out, but it’s a done deal.”

  “Is she okay?” Drew asked.

  “Not yet, but she will be. Jon’s already partway to Chautauqua to meet her.”

  “I see,” Drew said. “Then she will be all right.”

  “You said the secrets would be revealed sometime. Now they are.”

  “And you’re caught between being troubled and being relieved?” Drew asked.

  “Yes. I can’t help wondering how Mom and Dad, and Sarah, and Sean, are dealing with the secrets.”

  “Your parents are handling the news about the photos well. Bill said he told Ava, and she was furious someone was playing with the Worthington family like that.”

  Will pictured his mother’s range of expressions when hearing that news. No one would want to go a round with Ava Worthington when she was in her protect-my-family mode. He and his mother were very similar in that way.

  “On top of that, Thomas just flew in to meet with Sean and Elizabeth,” Will added.

  “Ah. No wonder you called. You’ve got a lot on your mind.”

  “Indeed.”

  “Will, there’s nothing easy about any of these situations.” Drew paused. “But easy isn’t the route of a Worthington. Over the years you’ve faced numerous hurdles as you’ve each pursued your destinies. Your relationships with each other, forged by those hot fires, have strong, unbreakable bonds. The only things separating you—those secrets—are now on the table for all of you to examine. They’ve lost their power over you.”

  Will sighed. “As usual, you’re right.”

  Drew laughed. “Of course I am. Just ask anyone except my wife. Because she’s always right.”

  “Our wives share that in common,” Will quipped back. “Mine’s always right too.”

  They ended the call on that note.

  Later, Laura interrupted his reverie with a Skype call. After he filled her in on the day’s happenings thus far, she nodded. “That’s why you’re quieter than usual. You thinking about Sarah? Sean?”

  He nodded back. “Yeah. Can’t help that protective big brother urge. I just hate seeing either of them get hurt.”

  “You hate more that you can’t do anything about it when they do,” she added. “But that’s life, Will. Good and bad come. You can’t control everything about your own path or anyone else’s. That’s where faith comes in.”

  “Agreed.” He shrugged. “Doesn’t mean it’s easy, though. I can handle the tough things when they happen to me, but when they happen to someone I love, that’s another matter entirely.”

  She smiled. “In the business world, you’re a force to be reckoned with. But deep inside, you’re a softie. Don’t worry, tough guy. Your secret is safe with me.”

  With those words, his burden became bearable.

  Sean, Elizabeth, and Thomas cradled cups of steaming coffee with a dash of Kahlúa.

  Thomas took a sip. “Wow, this is even better than dessert.”

  Elizabeth grinned. “Another of Sean’s favorites. You two share a lot in common.”

  “I hope we can find out more about that,” Thomas said. “Now, to continue with the most difficult part of the story.” He looked purposefully at Sean. “You can stop me anytime you don’t feel comfortable.”

  Sean gave a nod.

  “That night at Camp David, after we’d tucked Will into bed, we opened another bottle of wine and reminisced over our meaningful senior year. As I looked into the eyes of the woman I had loved for years, my resolve crumbled. I told her what I’d longed to—how much I loved her and still loved her.”

  Sean flinched.

  Elizabeth asked gently, “What did Ava say?”

  Thomas’s eyes misted. “She asked, ‘Why didn’t you tell me back then?’ I told her I respected her and Bill too much. And that she had chosen him. I couldn’t hurt either of my friends that way. ‘But you didn’t give me a choice,’ she said, and started crying. I never could stand seeing her in pain. That moment was my undoing. Loneliness and pain washed over me. I took her in my arms and held her.” He blinked as if to clear the memory. “I’ll never forget the warmth and intensity of that love I’d desired for so long. Nor can I forgive myself for what happened next. I betrayed my two best friends in a time of weakness.”

  Sean held up a hand. “Those intimate details I don’t want to know.”

  “The next morning Ava and Will left Camp David while I was in an early teleconference. Only her note remained in the room where she had stayed. I read it so many times, I still have it memorized.” Thomas closed his eyes and quoted:

  Thomas, my friend,

  I loved you then, and I love you now. That hasn’t changed. Thank you for the reminder that we mattered back then, and that I matter now.

  But we can’t turn back time, nor can we alter the course of relationships set long ago. We have chosen different paths.

  I must do what I know to be right. I must leave you and return to Bill. He is my family, and the one who holds my heart.

  Ava

  Sean closed his eyes. He’d heard what he needed to hear, as hard as it was. His mother had always loved Bill. Her heart wasn’t torn between the two men then or now. But needing a reminder that she mattered told Sean volumes about the difficulty of her life at that time.

  He felt a warm pressure on his hand and opened his eyes. Elizabeth’s gaze was tender. She
knew the confirmation he’d needed.

  Thomas continued brokenly. “I wanted to call her, to beg her to come back, but I knew that would never happen. She had given her heart to Bill, and the woman I knew would never take it back.”

  CHAUTAUQUA INSTITUTION

  As Sarah sat in her mother’s green room, she recalled the day Ava had given her the heritage ring reserved for her. Sarah had wondered then about the timing. Laura had received a ring from Ava after she and Will were engaged. Sean had received a ring to give Elizabeth when he was making plans to propose. But Ava had given Sarah her heritage ring with no sign of a man in her life.

  Sarah blinked. Was it because her mother had given up on her, still unmarried in her midthirties? Or something else?

  Sarah recalled her mother’s words: “I want you to know how much I love you. How much your father loves you. You always have been, and will be, our princess. I hope the ring will be a reminder of that when you need it most.”

  With Sarah’s penchant for exact recall, she remembered her mother’s face—the sadness, the regret.

  So her mother had known this time was coming, and how much Sarah would need that precious tourmaline ring.

  In the evening’s darkness in the green room, Sarah couldn’t see the heirloom she wore on her right index finger. But she felt its presence. The gem was indeed a reminder of her parents’ love when she needed it most.

  She simply needed to find her way out of the darkness back into the light.

  52

  NEW YORK CITY

  “When did you know about me?” Sean asked. “Did she tell you?”

  Thomas shook his head. “No, I didn’t see Ava or talk with her after she left Camp David. I read about your birth in the society section of the New York Times. When I saw your picture, I knew. You had to be my son. Your baby picture had similarities to mine. And Ava had shared with me how much she longed for another child after Will but was unable to conceive. Her calling you ‘Sean Thomas’ confirmed my gut feeling. I somehow guessed it was her way of giving you a piece of our shared Irish heritage, and a bit of the father you would likely never know.”

  “Did you try to contact her after that?” Elizabeth asked.

  “Yes. I tried. But she wouldn’t respond.” Thomas’s eyes pleaded with Sean. “I will never be sorry for giving Ava what she wanted most—a child. That child of her heart and my heart was you. You were created out of an intense love between two best friends. For yours, Bill’s, and Ava’s sakes, though, my love had to be at a distance. I tried three times, out of desperation, to cross that line.”

  Sean tilted his head in question.

  “The first was after I saw your baby picture in the paper. The second time, I watched from a boat on Lake Chautauqua as you, Bill, and Ava reunited after you’d realized the truth, fled, and then returned. In that moment, I understood the depth of Bill and Ava’s love for you and the strength of the Worthington family. The third and last time, I phoned Ava at Chautauqua before your wedding.”

  Sean stiffened, and Elizabeth reached out a cautioning hand.

  “But I will never cross that line again,” Thomas assured Sean. “You need to know that Ava has never wavered from the words in her note to me—that her love would remain with Bill, the man she chose. The man who became your father.”

  Thomas tightened his trembling hands around his coffee cup. “Bill has shaped you into the man I wish I had been at your age. He’s been more of a father to you than I could ever have been. Look at Spencer. Look at you. A vast gulf divides the two of you. Ava, in her wisdom, knew she had to protect you from my mistakes. Knew Bill was the steadier, better man. She was right. So she held the secret all these years. I didn’t try to see her or you as you were growing up. I stayed away until she decided that it was time for you to know.”

  “But you still followed me,” Sean said.

  “Yes. All those years. You and your siblings. I saw the way Bill and Ava raised the three of you to do what’s right, to stand your ground. To care about, help, and defend those with few resources.” Thomas paused. “Sean, I’m so proud of you. So many times you could have caved under the pressure and temptations of being in the spotlight. But you never did.”

  Sean’s mind flicked back to the night he’d been tempted. If it hadn’t been for the voice calling him to stay on the right path, how easily he could have fallen—like his mother, like Thomas. Instead, he had entered his marriage with no regrets.

  “No, I never did,” Sean said.

  “You are like Bill, even more than you think,” Thomas explained. “Honorable men. Bill even shook my hand at your wedding, as hard as it must have been for him.”

  In that instant Sean realized how much he had underestimated his father—perhaps both his fathers.

  “Someday,” Thomas continued, “I will find a way to repay him. Nothing I could do will ever be enough, but I need to try. One action—my action—changed history. It altered the trajectory of all our lives. But it also brought you into this world.”

  “And without that, I wouldn’t have you,” Elizabeth told Sean. She got up from the table and circled behind Thomas. Then, without warning, she enveloped the ex-president of the United States in a hug. “Thank you for that gift, Thomas.” She dropped a kiss on the top of his head.

  CHAUTAUQUA INSTITUTION

  Sarah had no idea what time it was—the middle of the night?—but a slight noise alerted her to look up from where she still sat on the floor of the green room. There, framed in the entry to the dark room, was a shadowy male figure. It moved slowly toward her.

  “Sarah?” a quiet voice said.

  Jon.

  He stepped closer until she could see him clearly. Wearing rumpled light khakis and a wrinkled shirt, he gazed down at her.

  An instant later, he was sitting on the floor beside her. His arm circled her and drew her closer until her head rested against his shoulder.

  Then he simply held her while she cried.

  A SECURE LOCATION

  “We were able to secure the item,” he told the man.

  “So we have the extra leverage we need?” the man demanded.

  “Yes, if it comes to that.”

  “And it contains the information we thought it did?”

  “That, as well as direct links to the parties involved.”

  They would know shortly if they would have to play that highest card in their deck.

  53

  CHAUTAUQUA INSTITUTION

  Sarah woke to bright sunlight late the next morning. Sensing a presence close to her, she opened one eye. She was lying on the sofa in the green room, her mother’s favorite afghan over her. Jon was fast asleep with her across his lap, his arms still cradling her protectively.

  She remembered talking long into the night, sorting out the details with Jon’s help. His words had soothed her aching heart. “Sarah, they only wanted to protect you.”

  Finally, she had fallen asleep, exhausted, on the floor. He must have carried her to the couch.

  Even after she’d basically thrown him out of her life twice, he hadn’t left her side for long. He’d merely given her the respectful distance she’d asked for. Then, when she needed him most but hadn’t known that herself, he had shown up.

  She gazed up at him, his head tilted toward her as if still watching over her in sleep. Why hadn’t she admitted it to herself before now? Jon was the most fascinating, intelligent, and loyal man Sarah knew. He didn’t even orbit the same planet as the TV producer she’d dated, who was only about himself.

  After she’d unleashed her anger and grief on Jon, he still moved closer to her. Not only that, he stayed. He had been straightforward and honest with her always. Darcy was right. Jon was a keeper. And, Sarah suddenly realized, their relationship was more than a deep friendship.

  But did she love Jon? The kind of love that wanted only the best for him? That could sacrifice anything for him and weather any storm? She’d thought her parents had that kind of love until her mo
ther’s affair had surfaced.

  Could I myself fall into an affair, given similar circumstances?

  The possibility nearly paralyzed her.

  Then a memory stirred—or was it merely wishful thinking? During her exhausted sleep, a whisper had edged into her consciousness. “Sarah, I love you.” She’d felt the gentle caress of a kiss on her cheek.

  Her heart fluttered strangely. Had she finally found her true north? The person she wanted by her side for life? Like Will had found Laura, and Sean, Elizabeth?

  At that moment, Jon slowly opened his eyes. The tenderness she saw in their blue depths both unsettled and calmed her.

  NEW YORK CITY

  Sean still felt groggy, even after a double shot of espresso. Thomas Rich had taken his leave late the previous night, though Elizabeth had kindly offered the use of their second bedroom. Sean’s body ached from the intensity of the conversation with his birth father. Elizabeth hadn’t pushed him for his thoughts. She had simply let him be until midmorning, when she’d brought him his first espresso.

  His gaze lingered on Thomas’s leather journal on the table. He liked the plan he and Elizabeth had just discussed—to read it together, even a page at a time. Sean needed her insight. He couldn’t think of anyone he trusted more to walk through this most personal book and its revelations.

  This morning he’d asked her to read the first page to him. But he’d stopped her after just a few words. The emotion of reading how Thomas felt when he’d discovered he’d fathered Sean . . . well, Sean hadn’t been able to handle it. He had wept uncontrollably within the safety of Elizabeth’s arms. Now he felt exhausted, even with the caffeine.

  On his own, he lacked the courage to follow the journal. But with Elizabeth, he could get through it.