He undid my bra, letting it fall onto the couch next to us. His hands returned. His lips lingered on my earlobe and slowing moved down to my neck and lower. He ran a finger over the faded scars right above my right breast, and I prayed he wouldn’t ask about them. Nothing would kill my mood faster.
He didn’t. “God, I want you, Becca,” he said breathlessly, removing his lips for just a moment before returning them to their path. I loved the way my name sounded when he said it.
“I want you too.”
I groaned in protest when his lips left again, but I stopped worrying once he picked me up. I wound my arms around his neck and let him take me into his bedroom. He laid me gently down on his bed, sliding my skirt down over my hips and out of the way. I watched as he took off his shorts. I looked away long enough to notice the floor to ceiling windows he’d mentioned earlier. It was too dark to see the ocean, but the moon gave the room a silvery glow.
“You are so gorgeous.” He lay down next to me, running a hand down my stomach, stopping right at my panties. He kept his hand there for a second, before removing them. I tugged off his boxers, amazed that I was actually lying naked on a man’s bed. For all the times I’d thought about getting this far, I hadn’t ever really imagined it happening. I hoped he wouldn’t figure out how inexperienced I was.
I closed my eyes as his hands and lips found me again, giving myself over to him completely, wanting to feel his closeness, and loving his whispered words. I let my hands explore as well, loving every plane I touched. He was so muscular, so solid, so strong. I knew I was safe with him.
He moved away, and I realized he was getting his wallet. He pulled out a condom, looking down at me to make sure I was ready. I nodded, unable to form the words. I expected pain, I expected fear to take over, but I didn’t feel either of those things—instead I felt pleasure—I felt alive—I felt complete.
***
My head pounded, and I groaned. I promised myself I’d never drink that much again. It took a few minutes for the events of the night before to reach me. I felt Gavin stir behind me, and I closed my eyes, trying to get the courage to roll over. As hung over as I was, I didn’t regret sleeping with him.
“Good morning.” He spoke softly, likely hearing my irregular breathing and realizing I was awake.
I took a deep breath and rolled toward him. “Good morning.”
I expected a smiling face to be waiting for me, but instead I found a frown. “So, um… yeah, about last night.”
“I guess we were pretty drunk.” I tried to smile.
“Yeah, very drunk.”
I waited for more. There had to be more.
“So, I think we can both agree it was a mistake, and I’m sorry I let it happen.”
I felt like someone had dropped a Mack truck on me. The headache from earlier was nothing. A mistake? I was a mistake? “Oh. Yeah.”
“I think the best thing to do would be to forget it ever happened, just keep it between us.” His voice sounded strained.
“Yeah, good idea.”
I felt the tears sting the corners of my eyes. I rolled over and pulled the sheet around me, yanking it off the bed so I could pick up my skirt and panties from his bedroom floor and my top and bra from his den. I didn’t bother to turn around to see how he reacted. The last thing I wanted to see was his face. It was probably smug—or worse, full of that regret he’d been talking about.
I stumbled into my clothes, not using the bathroom even though I had to go.
I heard him moving around his room and didn’t wait for him to come out. I opened the door, letting it slam behind me before running back to where I left Molly’s car in the public lot at the beach. There was a ticket on the windshield—perfect. Didn’t it count for anything that I left it there because I was having sex with one of their officers?
As soon as I closed the car door, the tears spilled out. I had to sit a moment before pulling out back toward the Mathews’s house. I really hoped I wouldn’t run into anyone.
Safely inside the pool house, I slunk to the floor just inside the door. How could I have been so stupid? Why would Gavin be any different from other guys? Why did I expect more from an alcohol-fueled hook up? I had been sure there was a connection, but it was one sided—and now I felt like the idiot I was. And why did he want to keep it a secret? Was he embarrassed? Was I that bad? I could have sworn he’d enjoyed it, but how would I have even known?
I stripped off my clothes, fighting the urge to throw them in the trash instead of my hamper. I took a scalding hot shower, trying to wash away any evidence of Gavin from my skin. I’d have to find a way to avoid him for the rest of the summer. It was only a few months.
I heard my phone ring as I wrapped myself up in a plush towel. I ignored it. Whoever it was, I didn’t want to talk.
By the time I got dressed, I knew I’d have to cancel my lunch plans with Molly. There was no way I was facing her. There was no way I was facing anyone. I didn’t even want to face myself.
Chapter Twelve
Gavin
I flinched when the door slammed closed. I’d just let the most gorgeous and incredible woman I’d ever been with walk out my door, but I had no choice. For once, I wasn’t going to be the loser who came on too strong and read too much into something. I’d give her what she wanted: a one night fling.
She hadn’t even said goodbye. I think that’s the part that got me. I threw on some boxers and walked into the living room as soon as I heard her leave. The sheet from my bed was in a ball on the couch. Just looking at that damn sheet reminded me of the night we’d shared. I needed to stop thinking about it, about her. What was done was done. Hopefully, I’d be able to steer clear of her until she left in August.
After a horrible weekend, I returned to work on Monday. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t get Becca out of my head. I’d done the impossible and worn Max out on Saturday running him too hard. I didn’t know what else to do. I kept replaying it all. Starting with running into her, our conversation, the most unbelievable sex I’d ever had, and the way I’d treated her the next morning. I needed to remember that I’d protected myself, and she was probably relieved.
Tom called me out on my miserable mood when we stopped for lunch. “What the hell’s up with you?”
“Nothing.”
“Sure. I’m not buying it. You’ve been as moody as a little girl lately. You seriously need to get some.”
I choked on my Coke. “That’s not my problem.”
“Sure it isn’t.” He smiled wickedly. He loved giving me a hard time about my pathetic dating life, but he was married. He didn’t get it.
“Just let it go.”
“Why? Something is obviously up with you.”
“You’re not going to let this go, are you?” I knew Tom well enough to know it wasn’t worth the effort of arguing. He’d pull it out of me eventually.
“Not a chance.” Tom grinned, stretching out his arms on the booth behind him.
“I need a change.” That might have been the biggest understatement of the century. I needed a lot more than that.
“A change?”
“Yes. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”
“Anything in particular you can’t take?” Tom eyed me skeptically, like he was trying to figure out if I was being serious or not.
“The thought of spending my life as a cop in this town.” Talking to Becca about it had just forced me to admit what I’d been thinking for months: how pathetic my existence had become. There’s only so much of pulling people over and stepping in on property disputes that a man can take.
Tom straightened. “And you’re suddenly questioning your career path because…”
“I get it’s different for you. You like this place—no, you love it. Your family’s here, your wife. I get it. But it’s different for me. This was just supposed to be a stop while I figured things out. It’s been three years.” Without meaning to, I’d raised my voice.
“And you think
the job’s the problem? It’s not the job. You just need to meet someone.”
“You say it like there’s a thousand girls to choose from. We live in a town the size of a cereal box. And don’t start in on how you found Kelly. It’s different—you both grew up here.”
“It’s not going to happen if you don’t give anyone a chance. When’s the last date you were on?” He shoved a few fries into his mouth.
I focused on eating my burger.
“It was with Ronny’s cousin two months ago, wasn’t it? Two months. And what was wrong with her?”
“I just wasn’t interested. Besides, she lives in Charleston.”
Tom shook his head. “So is that your excuse with Becca too? She lives too far away? Because a second ago, it sounded like you were tired of this town anyway.”
Becca. The last thing I needed was to hear her name.
“Becca and I aren’t going to happen, so just drop it.”
“Not until you tell me why. It’s obvious you’re interested, and she is too. Where’s the issue?”
“Forget it.” I threw some cash on the table and walked out. I was going to lose it on Tom if he didn’t shut up.
“Come on, man. Chill out.” Tom caught up with me outside.
“Just forget I said anything, okay?”
“It’s going to blow over. You’re just having a rough patch. Maybe you should take some vacation, visit your family or something.”
“Maybe,” I mumbled, but I knew I wouldn’t actually take his advice.
Chapter Thirteen
Becca
I hid out all weekend, telling Molly and Jake I was sick and didn’t want them to catch it. I rewatched my movies again, making another mental note to ask Jake to borrow some of his. If I didn’t keep my mind occupied, it just went back to Friday night. That night was now firmly on my list of events I wanted to erase from my memory. Maybe some people would have been able to handle a dumb hookup, but I just felt gross and worthless.
Mrs. Mathews came by on Sunday evening. I reluctantly opened the door and found her holding a large Pyrex dish.
“Hi, hon. I made some extra lasagna, and I thought you might want some.” She had her hair tied back in a low ponytail that made her look younger.
“Oh, wow. Thanks. That wasn’t necessary.”
“Nonsense. It’s always easy to make a little extra when you’re cooking.” She adjusted the foil covering the dish. “I’ve told you already, you are always welcome to join us for dinner.”
“Thank you, but I don’t want to impose. You’ve already done so much.” They might have given me a place rent free, but they had no obligation to feed me like I was part of the family.
“It’s not imposing. We’d love to have you, but I won’t push you.”
“Well, thanks for the lasagna.” I accepted the dish and carried it into the kitchen. Mrs. Mathews came in and waited as I placed it in the fridge.
“So how are you doing? Is there anything I can do to make you feel more at home?”
“No, I have everything I need. But thanks for thinking of me.” She looked disappointed when I didn’t ask for anything. “Well, I do have one question.”
“Sure, what is it?”
“Is there anywhere to get sushi around here?”
“Sushi?” She smiled. “I wouldn’t trust anything with that name in town, but I’m sure there’s something decent in Wilmington. I can ask around for you.”
“Oh, that’s okay. I just thought I’d ask.”
“It’s not a problem. I’ll get a name of a place. Maybe Jake knows. Speaking of which, has he been bothering you too much? Be honest. If he has, I can get him out of your hair.”
Jake definitely wasn’t my problem. “No, he’s been great.”
“All right. I just wanted to check.”
“Thanks, but he’s been nothing but nice.”
“That’s good to hear. I’m going to get going, but I’ll find that restaurant name for you.”
“Thanks so much.” I closed and locked the door behind her, feeling better than I had all weekend.
***
Monday morning came agonizingly slowly. As much as I dreaded seeing Matt, it would provide a welcome break from sitting around feeling stupid—even if he did eye me like I was a piece of meat. I got dressed, ready, and into Molly’s car.
Matt was waiting for me with a smile. “Have a nice weekend?”
“I was sick, but it was fine. You?”
“My in-laws came to visit.” He said it like it explained everything.
“Oh, I’m sure your kids enjoyed seeing their grandparents.”
“They did. I’m just glad to have my house back. You know how it is when family visits, right?”
I didn’t, but I nodded.
He gave me some more research to do, and it kept me busy for a while. I called the garage to check on my car again, but the owner gave me the same answer he had when I’d seen him the last time. They were waiting on a part.
I checked my email around eleven and got the message I was dreading. My grades for the semester had started coming back in, and they’d dropped for the second semester in a row. Any hope I had for keeping my scholarship was gone. Even if I got A’s in my last two classes, I was sunk. I tried to push it out of my head, but by lunch, I decided I needed to call the dean and see if they could make an exception and give me another semester to prove myself.
I went for a walk around the square as I waited for the dean to call back. I picked up as soon as I heard the first bar of my familiar ringtone. I really needed to change the song. The dean didn’t beat around the bush. He got right to the point. “I’m sorry, Rebecca, but we can’t make an exception. I know you had a difficult year with your mother’s death, but there’s nothing we can do.” His sympathetic tone did little to ease the impact of his words.
“I understand you can’t make exceptions. I’ll just apply for extra loans, thank you.” Seriously, what else could go wrong?
I shouldn’t have asked. Matt found every excuse in the book to put his hands on me that afternoon. It took all of my strength to avoid snapping at him. I couldn’t afford to lose the job.
***
“All right, enough is enough.” Jake pounded on the door Saturday evening. I’d successfully avoided everyone all week. I’d begged out of a barbeque at Kelly and Tom’s. I knew Gavin would be there. There was no way I was letting him see how much he’d hurt me.
I opened the door, afraid Jake would tip his parents off if I didn’t. Mrs. Mathews was nice, but she was also really nosy.
“Yes?” I asked as he pushed his way past me.
“What’s going on?”
“Nothing. I’m just watching TV.”
“Molly called me. You cancelled plans with her for the fourth time this week. You cancelled on me twice.” He took his usual spot on the couch.
“So?”
“So, that isn’t like you.”
I laughed dryly. “How would you know what was like me? You barely know me.”
“I know you well enough.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” Just thinking about Gavin made me angry. I felt so used and so stupid. And the worst part was that there was some side of me that wanted to see him again—that kind of missed him. I was seriously messed up.
“Come on, tell me what’s wrong,” he pleaded.
So Jake wanted me to open up? He was going to get what he asked for. I sat back down on the couch. He sat down next to me.
“Have you ever been with a girl who was so bad in bed you wanted to pretend it never happened?” I couldn’t make myself meet his eye as I asked. I was sure my face was bright red.
“What?” He looked at me as if I were crazy.
“Answer me.” I felt hot tears of embarrassment forming.
“No. Never. But where the hell is this coming from?”
“I think I’m that girl.” That was it. I couldn’t hold back.
“What happened?” Jake moved closer to
me, and I leaned into him. “Are you trying to tell me you slept with someone since the last time I saw you?”
I was sobbing too hard to answer him, so I nodded.
He pulled back and took my face in his hands. “Look at me. I don’t know what happened, but I promise you, you didn’t do anything wrong, and you certainly weren’t bad in bed. You got that?”
I nodded again, humiliated to be having the conversation. He released my face.
“Okay, now that we’ve established that. Who the hell is the asshole? And what exactly did he say to you?”
I took a few deep breaths while Jake went to grab a box of tissues from the bathroom. “I can’t tell you. He wanted to keep it between us.”
“What the hell? Tell me, Becca. I swear I’m going to go ballistic if you don’t!”
“Calm down.” I took a tissue.
“No. Who was it?”
I was so pissed at Gavin that I let it out. “Gavin.”
“What? You slept with Gavin? Why?”
“I don’t know. We were drunk, and it just happened.”
“And he told you he didn’t want you to tell anyone?”
“He said it was a mistake, and we should forget it ever happened, or something like that. He said we should keep it between us.”
“What? What a fucking idiot.”
“Jake. I’m an adult. I made the decision to sleep with him.”
“Yeah, but he’s the one who treated you that way. And he goes around acting all holier than thou. What a crock of shit.” Jake drew in a deep breath. The anger on his face was such a contrast to his usual grin.
“I just feel dumb. If I could find another job somewhere, I’d just get the heck out of this town.”
“Becca, don’t say that. And don’t feel dumb. You wanted to do something, so you did it. It’s not your fault he acted like that. You belong here as much as he does.”
“He lives here. I don’t.”
“For now. He’s not from here either. And hey, you could always come back after you graduate.”
I laughed. “And why would I do that?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. Why not?”
Veer (Clayton Falls) Page 7
