“As much fun as I’m having working at Morgan and Morgan, it’s not like it’s my dream job.” I’m sure he heard the sarcasm in my voice.
“It’s not the only law job.”
“True, but I’m not coming back. Any chance of that’s gone. I am so embarrassed. And can I admit something?”
“Of course.”
“I actually felt something. I really thought we might have had a connection or something.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” I relaxed. It felt good to get it out.
“Interesting.”
“Not really, but if you say so.” I curled my feet up under me, trying to get more comfortable.
“Are you okay?”
“Uh huh.”
Jake stood up suddenly. “Okay, so I need to go do something.”
“What do you have to do now?”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll call you later though.”
“Okay.” I tried to hide my disappointment that he was leaving, but he had his own life.
When he left, I tried not to dwell on Gavin or the scholarship. I could take out loans, but just like Gavin, losing my scholarship reminded me of how much of a failure I’d become. If there had been one constant in my life, it was that I could handle academics, and now I couldn’t even do that.
Chapter Fourteen
Gavin
If I’d had any doubt before, by Saturday I knew for sure that I’d made a huge mistake. One night with Becca and the damage was already done. How much worse could it have been if I’d let it become something more, assuming she was even interested in that? But it’s not like it was a one night stand or forever. We could have tried.
I agreed to go to Tom’s barbeque in hopes of seeing Becca. If I could just talk to her, I could gauge how she felt about things.
I rang the doorbell, but Kelly yelled for me to come in. I walked into the kitchen and found Molly and Kelly deep in conversation. “I’m telling you something’s up with her. I just don’t know what it is.”
“Are you sure this isn’t about her mom? It’s only been a few months, right? You were pretty messed up about your dad.” Kelly pulled some beer out of the fridge.
They had to have been talking about Becca.
Molly glanced over at me before lowering her voice slightly. “I think it’s more. Becca’s a glass half full kind of girl. She takes everything in stride. I always envied her that ability.”
“What was her excuse this time?”
“She didn’t give one. She just texted me to say she wasn’t up for it and to tell you sorry.” Molly looked back over at me. “What are you still doing in here? The guys are outside.”
“Okay…” I reluctantly turned to leave. I wanted to know what was going on with Becca, but I didn’t feel like crossing those two.
“Here, take these with you.” Kelly shoved a bowl of chips at me and handed me a beer.
I joined Tom and Ben outside, placing the bowl on a table.
“Hey, man. We were wondering when you’d get here.”
“So, is it just us then?” I spent way too much of my time with those two couples.
“Yeah. We invited Becca, but she isn’t coming.”
“Other plans?” I fished for information.
Ben put his hands in his pockets. “Who knows? She’s got Molly all bent out of shape. You know how Molly is, blaming herself for everything.”
“Yeah.”
“Maybe she met someone.” Tom smirked. “She could be holed up with him right now. Hasn’t she been spending a lot of time with your brother, Ben?”
I tensed. There was no way Becca was with Jake.
Ben leaned over to grab a chip. “You don’t think Molly’s already grilled him? He swears they’re just friends.”
Tom moved on to his next suspect. “She went out with Ronny last week, but he’s out of town for the weekend.”
I said nothing. There was no reason to bring it up. I’d told her we should keep it between us, and I’d meant it. Word would have spread like wildfire.
“There you are, you fucking prick!” The screen door banged shut as Jake stomped toward us. I saw it coming from a mile away, but it still surprised me so much I was almost too slow to block his punch. Almost. I caught his fist with my hand.
“What the hell, man?” Ben grabbed his brother before he could stupidly try again.
“You’re going to pay. How could you have treated her like that? Do you even realize how amazing she is? I can’t believe she was stupid enough to pick you, but she did—and you treated her like a cheap fuck?”
“What the hell?” Tom looked back and forth between us.
I ignored Tom and turned my attention to Jake. “She told you?”
“Oh yeah, I forgot you swore her to silence. What, afraid of hurting your reputation as a saint? Bullshit. Yes, she told me. Someone had to figure out what was going on with her.”
“What are you talking about, Jake? Did Becca and Gavin sleep together?” Molly came over. This was just getting worse.
“Yes. And this winner decided to tell her it was a mistake and that they should forget it ever happened.” Jake stood with his arms crossed and a scowl on his face.
Molly marched up to me, shoving my chest. “You slept with Becca?”
“Yes. It wasn’t a big deal. We got drunk, and it happened.”
“You got drunk, and it happened? It wasn’t a big deal? Because that’s how every girl wants her first time to be. I can’t even look at you.” She stormed off with Kelly right behind her.
“Her first time?” I slunk down into a chair. “She was a virgin?” I put my head in my hands. Wouldn’t I have known that?
“Such a waste. Such a fucking waste, but for some reason, she picked you.” Jake still hovered.
“Are you sure she was a virgin?” Shit, I’d screwed up.
“Whoa, man. You really dug yourself a hole.” Tom shook his head.
“Is she okay? Am I the reason everyone’s worried about her?”
Jake put his head in his hands for a moment before giving me a deadly stare. “What the hell, I’ve already made her info public. Yes. She’s convinced she did something wrong. She actually asked me if a girl could be bad in bed. How could you have let a girl feel that way?”
“She asked you that? She was amazing—she’s amazing.”
“Then why’d you tell her it was a mistake?” Jake finally backed off a little.
“I figured she felt that way.”
“And even if she did, what would possess you to tell her that?” Ben asked.
“What was I supposed to say, ‘thanks for the fuck’?”
“Unbelievable.” Tom shook his head again. “Unbelievable.”
“What?”
“You have great sex—” Tom started to say.
“Nope, amazing sex. He said amazing,” Jake butted in.
“Okay, amazing sex, with a gorgeous girl, and you didn’t know what to say to her the next morning? Are you really that much of a loser?” Tom wrung his hands in disbelief.
“What’s done is done. Now, how do I fix it?”
“Fix it?” Jake asked incredulously. “You mean how do you apologize?”
“How do I get another chance?”
Tom laughed. “Man, you’re dreaming.”
“What? We had something. I just didn’t realize it at the time. I need to talk to her about it.”
“I’m still not buying your excuse,” Jake added.
“What do you mean?”
“If you like her, why did you tell her to forget about it? Not knowing what to say doesn’t cover it.”
“I told you. I figured that’s what she wanted to hear.” I wasn’t about to admit to the guys that I was protecting myself. I was so sick of being the loser who the girls left behind.
“It’s about Dawn, just admit it,” Tom challenged.
“Who the hell is Dawn?” Jake asked.
“Shut up, Tom.”
“No, I’m
right. This is about the fact that you are still hung up on your girlfriend dumping you. It’s been three years. I think that’s enough time to grow a pair.”
“Don’t go there, Tom.”
Jake glared at me. “All right. I don’t give a damn who Dawn is, but you’d better fix things with Becca. She belongs in this town, and I’m not letting you run her off.”
“I know I have to fix it, but she’s only here for the summer. Don’t make this what it isn’t.”
“Bullshit. You think she wouldn’t come back if there was a reason? She has nine months of school left and then nothing planned. She has no family in Boston and no job. Her best friend lives here—why wouldn’t she come back?”
Ben chuckled. “I think hell may have frozen over. Jake is actually trying to help someone other than himself.”
Jake turned to his brother. “I’m trying to help Becca. She’s cool, and I want her around.”
“Yeah, exactly. You want a girl around and it’s not because you want to sleep with her. Impressive.”
Jake punched Ben’s arm. “Shut up.”
“Okay, can you stop long enough to help me figure this out?” Discussing my screw up or how cool Becca was wasn’t going to help me win her back.
“You’ve got to try to talk to her.”
“I know. I’m going to go now.”
“I’d wait a little.” Kelly joined us. “Molly just went over to talk to her.”
“I hope that goes well…” Ben looked worried.
Kelly broke off the flip top from her Coke. “Yeah, she’s pretty hurt.”
“Why’s Molly hurt?” I asked.
“Because Becca didn’t tell her about what happened. Girls are supposed to tell their best friends that kind of stuff,” Kelly explained.
Jake brushed it off. “Oh, that’s bull. It’s obvious why she told me.”
“Care to enlighten us?” Ben asked with a smile.
“Because she cares what Molly thinks, but not what I think. She thinks she messed up and didn’t want anyone whose opinion mattered judging her. She may have only known me a week or so, but she knows nothing she can do is worse than what I’ve done.”
“That’s all very nice, but I’m going over there. I need to talk to her. I can’t let her think I actually meant anything by what I said.”
“Do you really want to cross Molly and Becca when they’re mad?” Ben asked. “Two angry girls can be brutal.”
“I’ll risk it.” I stood up, putting my beer, of which I’d yet to have a sip, on the table.
Chapter Fifteen
Becca
“Open this door up immediately, Becca!” Molly yelled.
I pulled the covers over my head. I’d actually resorted to getting into bed at eight o’clock on a Saturday night.
“Becca? I mean it, or I’m getting the key from Ben’s mom and then we’ll both come in.”
That did it. I was up and at the door within seconds. “Hey.”
She pulled me into a hug, propelling us back into the room. For such a petite girl, she was strong.
“I know what happened.”
“Oh. Listen, I’m sorry I’ve been ignoring you, I just couldn’t face you.” I walked over to sit on the couch.
“Couldn’t face me? You can always tell me anything.” Her voice revealed a level of hurt I wasn’t expecting to hear.
“Not this.”
“I knew you liked him. That much was obvious.” She took a seat next to me.
“Really? I didn’t even really know it…”
“Well, I did. I knew it was just a matter of time before you guys got together. I just wouldn’t have thought it’d be like this.” She squeezed my hand reassuringly.
“Yeah. I know I’ve been blowing it out of proportion. I just felt dumb, and like a failure yet again.” I buried my face in my hands.
She moved closer. “Why’d you think you were a failure?”
“I can’t even have sex well. What does that say about me?”
“Becca, please tell me you don’t actually believe that. It had nothing to do with the sex. It was just Gavin being a jerk. Although I have my suspicions there too.”
“Suspicions?” I wondered what she was implying.
“I kind of think he got scared.”
I half coughed-half laughed. “Scared? Of me?”
“Of how he felt. This just doesn’t feel like Gavin. Tell me, what was it like?”
I shook my head. “I’m not going there, Mol. No way.”
“Not the details, but what was it like to be with him?”
I dared to look at her. “It felt good. It felt safe.”
“I think he felt something too, but he knows you’re leaving at the end of the summer. That’s the only explanation I can think of. I think he was shocked when Jake told him you cared—he thought he was giving you what you wanted—a clean break.”
“When Jake told him? What? Oh my god. I am going to kill that boy!”
Molly laughed. “Finally, you’re making sense.”
“Who else did Jake tell? Please tell me, it was just you and Gavin.”
She looked away. “Tom, Kelly, and Ben were there too.”
“What!” I couldn’t believe it. “How am I going to face anyone now? I just need to leave and go home.”
I got up, ready to start packing. I’d have to find a job back in Boston. “Becca, stop it. They’re your friends.”
“No, they’re your friends. Big difference.”
She looked hurt by my words, but they were the truth. “They want to be your friends too.”
“I can’t do this.”
“If anyone should be humiliated, it’s Gavin, not you. What do you have to be embarrassed about?”
“You’re joking right? Because being completely inexperienced and flipping out when a guy didn’t want me isn’t embarrassing?”
“Being inexperienced isn’t shameful, and you got upset because a guy treated you badly—it’s not that he didn’t want you.”
“Whatever you say.” Even I could hear the coldness in my voice.
“You could have told me though. You didn’t have to shut me out and hide.” The hurt in her voice was crystal clear, but I was the one who had to live through the experience. Still, my telling her brother-in-law first might have been a slap in the face.
“I didn’t want to be that girl, you know?”
“I know.” Something about the way Molly said it made her words ring true. She’d certainly been through her share of hard times, so she probably understood the need to keep things private.
“I don’t see how I can face any of them, especially not Gavin. He’s probably regretting what happened even more now.” It hurt to say those words. I didn’t want him to regret it.
“I already told you he didn’t regret it. You don’t have to be embarrassed to face him, and it’s no reason to leave.”
There was a louder knock on the door. I knew with a sinking feeling it wasn’t Kelly.
I looked at Molly, letting her know I wanted her to deal with it. She opened the door and slipped outside, but not before I saw Gavin looking in at me. I wanted to disappear.
Molly came back inside, closing the door most of the way. “He wants to talk to you. But you don’t have to, you know.”
“What is this, sixth grade again?”
I tried to fix my hair a little, glad I was wearing yoga pants and not pajamas, and walked to the door. “Yes?” I made myself look up at him.
He looked nervously down at me. “Can we talk?”
“Sure.” I walked over to sit on the lounge chair I’d been sitting on when I opened up to Jake about my non-existent sex life. Real great decision that was.
Molly looked at me.
I nodded. “You can go. I promise we’ll hang out tomorrow.”
“Okay, if you’re sure.” She waved and slowly walked away.
I looked back at Gavin, who sat down next to me. “So…”
“I’m sorry.”
> “What exactly are you sorry for? For sleeping with me?”
He shook his head and looked alarmed. “No! No, that’s not it. I’m not sorry for that.”
“You sure seemed that way last week.”
“I was just being an idiot.”
“So why are you here exactly?”
“I can’t stop thinking about you, Becca. I only said those things because I thought it would make everything easier, but obviously all I did was screw things up more.”
“And?”
“And, well, would you maybe want to go out some time?” He gave me this half smile that did something to my stomach—but I ignored it.
“Is this a joke?”
“No, of course not.”
“Listen, Gavin. You didn’t have to come here to apologize. I’m a big girl, and I can handle it. I’m only going to be around another few months—so it’s not that big of a deal.”
“But it is a big deal. I don’t want to avoid you. I want to see you more.”
“You had it right the first time.” I picked up my chin and forced myself to meet his eyes.
“What are you saying?”
“Let’s just pretend it never happened. Good night.” I got up and headed inside.
“Becca, wait. Please, let’s talk about this.”
I closed the door behind me without turning around.
Chapter Sixteen
Gavin
Of all the stupid things I’d done, letting Becca slip out of my place was the dumbest. The full reality of it hit me as I walked through the gate and down the Mathews’s driveway. I don’t know what I was expecting her to say, but throwing my own words back at me, and telling me she wanted to forget it ever happened was as bad as it could get.
“I never took you for being an idiot.” Molly leaned back against Ben’s truck where she’d parked it along the street.
“Thanks, I needed that.”
“I heard what you said to her.”
“Eavesdrop much?”
“Do you want to give me a hard time, or do you want my help?” She crossed her arms, daring me to argue.
“You think you can help me?”
“Yes. But only because I think it’s what’s best for Becca.”
“You think I’m what’s best for Becca?” This could be good, really good.
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