Lovefool (Introduction)

by Amalia Angellinni

#60 TREMBLE FOR MY LOVE

  As she woke up, he wasn't there anymore. She tried to move and could manage it. Mia felt much better and she didn't know why. It was just as if she had already rested for a week and in this time, her internal and external wounds would heal so far that she was able to live without being reminded of them with every move she made.

  Mia sat down on the bed and looked around. He really wasn't there. She didn't feel him. It was strange to be in this weird and wonderful house again and to wake up alone here. Somehow, she expected to see his face after she had opened her eyes.

  Mia pulled off the blanket and looked at her body. She couldn't believe that she was doing so well. She had to see her wounds to know that they were real. She remembered how painful the last days were and how she decided not to visit Sebastian, because she wasn't sure whether she would be able to overplay her condition. Until now, these visits to Sebastian helped her to gather some courage to put her damaged parts together. It was easier for her to deal with her body when she was between people, because her motivation to not catch any attention pushed her to her limits. When she was alone in her apartment, she suffered more.

  Apparently, Julian changed a bandage and she was surprised that she didn't feel it. The bandage was whitey white and clean. Moreover, the wound wasn't as painful as it was before. Mia didn't dare to move her leg to check whether it was so or whether it was just her imagination. Maybe she had received the best medicine and she wasn’t able to feel anything.

  Indeed, she felt much better. It was hard to explain, but this house seemed to have good vibrations. Mia could sleep well here and she always felt more recovered here than anywhere else. It felt like home somehow. Her memories of home were not so real, they were quite old and fuzzy like her knowledge about dinosaurs, but she had a strong feeling how it should be. It was the feeling of being safe and happy. She always felt this way when she was here, in Julian’s house.

  She looked at her bruises, which made her look rather like a violet hill than a human. She saw some scratches in the area of her stomach and some already healed cuts on her arm. She remembered every slap of Jonas. The one on the shoulder when she thought, she would never again be able to move her arm. He hit her so hard that she literally flew across his room and landed on a wall. Because she had moved a little, he didn't hit her exactly where he wanted. Therefore, she got a slap to her shoulder and scratched herself at an already damaged cabinet with splinters of wood. Some of these splinters got under her clothes and stuck into her body. Mia hadn't noticed it back then. Only when she came back home and saw herself in the mirror, she saw the whole picture of the damages. Last time he arranged some mirrors in the room and as she got there, she couldn't locate him. Jonas was smiling frosty from every mirror she was looking at and she even didn't notice when she got the first strike. She fell into a mirror and broke it. The glass cut her skin, but at that time, it wasn't important.

  Jonas played with her until all mirrors were broken and it seemed to last forever. Jonas had fun. He was laughing loud and didn't even ask his questions. He just appeared shortly in front of her and slapped her so hard that she flew into another mirror. He was quick, effective and straightforward. When he was finished, Mia was laying on the floor between millions of mirror’s pieces and every piece was laughing at her with Jonas’s cruel smile. This was her scariest experience up to now: these laughing pieces of mirrors.

  As Julian came back into the room, he saw the fear in her face. He was surprised, because he didn't know what was going on. Was it his fault? Did he screw up something? Did she get too much energy? Was she in pain?

  -Are you OK? – He asked insecure.

  She looked at him, her fear disappeared slowly, and she even tried to hide her emotions with a smile. After a short while, she noticed that she was sitting in her underwear and she was confused how she should solve this situation. Mia stretched her arm after a blanket and before she even took it, Julian was already at her bed and covered her. Mia thought he could read her thoughts. She was almost sure about it. In addition, he was very fast. She remembered the run yesterday and the feeling of the wind in her face. She trembled.

  -No, no, everything is fine.

  Mia didn't look like it was the truth and he hugged her impulsively, but very carefully. She let him pull her closer. Julian didn't notice that his hug was a little bit too hard, even if he tried to be careful. However, Mia enjoyed it. She couldn't remember someone ever hugged her. She had no memories of cuddling. And his spontaneous behaviour was so sweet and somehow she needed it.

  He stroked her hair back and said something she couldn't understand. It sounded like apologizing.

  -Are you sure? Do you feel any pain? I brought you some medicine. You surely have fever.

  Julian was speaking too fast, almost unnaturally fast. However, he wasn't out of breath. He was somehow calm, but at the same time quite chaotic.

  -I am OK. – She said after a while and Julian stepped back, a little bit too quick.

  She wondered about his speed. It reminded her at Jonas. Jonas was fast and furious. The speed of both of them was indeed amazing. Mia thought already that she was the crazy one, because such things were not possible. Superman and other heroes don't exist in the real world. There was no supernatural strength and there were no superheroes. However, Julian and Jonas were different. They were fast and they were simply different from any human she knew.

  Jonas for example didn't need to wait for answers. He asked something and then he looked at a person. It looked like he would read thoughts. He didn't wait for any answer. He already knew it. On the other hand, it wasn't logic enough, because it didn't work in her case. Furthermore, when he couldn't read her thoughts, maybe it was just a trick to scare her. Mia was very confused. Maybe it was just her imagination playing with her, because of all this slaps and emotions lately. It wasn't easy to explain and it was odd. She couldn't let these thoughts go, they were absorbing her every time she had to think about Jonas or Julian. It was quite often. Especially now, when she had some days off.

  Julian looked at her and saw her confusion. He observed her very carefully and wasn't able to follow her thoughts. She was changing her mimic, almost inconspicuously for a human being. He understood that she was confused, but didn't know why. He blamed himself that he had possibly done something wrong and her energy balance was out of order. This could have bad consequences. Besides, he was afraid she wouldn't tell him if she wasn't doing fine. She wasn't the type of girl who talked much. Moreover, she kept some secrets and it didn't look like she would entrust him anything, before she trusted him completely. She didn't object when he took her from her apartment and when he caressed her. In fact, it didn’t have to mean much. However, it could be a step in the right direction.

  Julian gave her some medicine and she took it without questions. She swallowed the pills down, drunk the water that he brought in a cup and laid herself down again.

  -That’s just something against pain, like aspirin, and some things against your…

  -It’s OK. - She interrupted him. Julian looked cautiously at her and didn't say any further word.

  -The doctor said you should rest. In addition, you should eat. You are too thin and you are like a feather.

  -OK. – Mia nodded and closed her eyes.

  -Do you want to rest now? – He asked quietly.

  -I just think. The best way is to close my eyes and to concentrate at my thoughts.

  -I won’t disturb you.

  Julian stood up and went quite fast to the door.

  -Oh no, don’t go away. – She said very quietly without moving. – Stay, if you want to.

  Julian missed a beat. He turned around and he was going to sit down in the chair.

  -No, please, this bed is so huge; and you can lay down here with me.

  She didn't even open her eyes; she was just laying in the bed and breathing as deep as she could.

  He was surprised about this proposal and c
ouldn't believe what Mia said.

  -Are you sure? – Julian wanted to insure himself.

  -Yes, please.

  Julian came closer and still looked at her with amazement, but she kept her eyes closed. He stepped forward cautiously and very slowly. He was still stunned, insecure and couldn't believe it. Julian followed her words and laid down next to her. He stared at the ceiling and tried not to move. This situation was quite suspicious. He didn't know why she proposed it and what she was planning.

  They laid side by side for a while. Julian was a little bit strained. Her veins were as well intent, but she was breathing regularly, although she had to cough sometimes. It was strange. He turned his face into her direction and looked at her. They had never been so close before. She was laying next to him. He could see every detail of her face. He saw some little scratches at her temple and her barely visible freckles. Mia had a nice nose and it was quite interesting for him to see her breathing in and out through her nose.

  She was calm and kept her eyes closed. She didn't move.

  For the first time, he had problems to measure the time. This moment was at the same time very long and very short for him. Losing his feeling for time was strange. He wasn't able to guess how much human time passed since he laid down next to her. It was awesome. He enjoyed this situation. It was somehow like feeling free for the first time in his life.

  Julian was happy. She turned his head and looked him into the eyes.

  However, she wasn't smiling... She was serious.

  -What are you?

  He felt as if she would slap him in the face. He was taken from cloud number nine right back to reality.

  -What? – Julian asked confused.

  -What are you? – Mia repeated. Her face was seriousness. She was deeply sober.

  He was more than confused. He had just two ways to get out of this: he could tell her the truth or he could lie. The first alternative was seductive, but it wasn't allowed to speak about it with humans. That was the rule. The second alternative was more realistic and he should choose it. So far nobody and asked him this question, because nobody was so near to him to realise it. He already broke some rules, which was no excuse. He should lie and that was his reflex. On the other hand, he had this instinct to trust her, to let her know him, he dreamt about her, she was someone special and if she knew he was lying, she wouldn't never ever trust him. It would be over before it even started. He was thinking and analysing his situation, trying guess how much she already knew.

  -What do you have on your mind? I am Julian. I didn't introduce myself up to now, you’re right. – He started mystified.

  -You know exactly what I have on my mind. – Mia said and didn't stop to look into his eye.

  -No, please, feel free and explain.

  She was still carefully watching his reaction.

  -You don't eat. You don't drink. You are faster than every car and you don't have a heartbeat. So, what are you? You are not human.

  He wondered how she tricked him. That was the reason why she wanted him to lay next to her. She wanted to check something and she was successful. She was smart. She was intelligent. And he was a loser. Now it didn't make much sense to lie to her. Mia could keep something secret and he didn't want to lose her.

  -Let us assume that you’re right. Let us suppose that I am special. Does it change anything? So what? – Julian kept laying next to her and his eyes were serious as well.

  -So what are you?

  Julian took some time to decide. It wasn’t an easy task.

  -I can’t talk with you about it. – He said finally.

  -Why?

  -We don’t know each other.

  -Oh, I am Mia and I already introduced myself.

  Julian had to laugh. Her eyes stayed solemn, but a shadow of a smile showed in her mouth’s corner. Then, they shook their hands. Julian stopped laughing and kept looking in her eyes. She really wanted to get answers.

  -Will you tell me your secret?

  -No, then you look at me in another light and I don’t think I want to let it happen. – Julian’s voice was clear.

  -I already know some of your special gifts, and I am not scared. – She added quickly.

  Mia was right. She noticed already things about him that nobody perceived up to now. Julian was still undecided.

  -You should be scared. Where is your human instinct? You’re not normal.

  -You are not normal, either.

  Her reactions were like cuts of a sword: clear, quick and successful. Julian wondered how she influenced him. It was a step-by-step strategy, and she was really good in realizing it. Furthermore, she was right. Mia wasn’t normal. Julian wasn’t normal. Two non-average beings met and wanted to get to know each other. Julian already knew many things about her, and she was at a disadvantage. He thought about everything over again and she waited patiently.

  -It’s an easy question, but the answer is not simple. – Julian started carefully. Now, he had to choose his words very cautiously. Moreover, it was better to answer her questions than to make a speech.

  Mia waited for some connecting factors. In addition, Julian knew that she wouldn't stop and she was hard to please. He could read it in her eyes.

  -I don’t know how you describe me in your human language. There is no word for me. I am just Julian. – He joked.

  Outside he looked still cool and relaxed, but inside he was sweating bullets. She wasn't satisfied with his answer and she waited for more. Julian wouldn't get out of this situation just with such answers.

  -But how did you get it? With my heart? I am breathing.

  -You are not breathing. You don’t have any pulse. Normally a person has veins, which pulsate – She turned herself towards him and a little tensed, she touched him with her hand. – Here, this area should thump, at least a little bit. – Normally, you feel coldness or warmth from someone else. – She touched him with trembling fingers at his cheek and then she took her hand back. - You don’t feel any of it.

  -Ok, maybe I have just a very weak pulse? And what’s wrong with my temperature?

  -You couldn't define yourself whether I have fever. You needed to compare temperatures and you assumed it because of other symptoms. Moreover, you don't even have a weak pulse. I don’t feel it at all.

  Julian took her hand carefully and laid it at his chest.

  -As you can see, I am breathing. – He said.

  -No, it’s not breathing. You are behaving as if you would breathe. You don't need air; you don't breathe it in through your nose or through your mouth. You are lazing here without breathing. You were too confused by my request and that betrayed you.

  She was completely right. She got more than he was assuming.

  -And what if you are hallucinating?

  -I am not. – She opposed quickly and looked even more carefully at him.

  It was the moment of truth.

  -If I tell you the truth, will you be scared about it? I don’t want to lose you and I don’t want you to delete me from your memory. – Julian repeated.

  -I could never forget you.

  -Why not?

  -You’re trying to change the topic.

  -I am just curious.

  -I am curious, too.

  She looked serious, but her eyes were full of sparkles. Her eyes were vivid like never before.

  -OK. – She started. – Tit for tat. You get an answer from me for your answer. If we talk about nothing, nothing will change.

  He nodded. She was so right.

  -What are you? – Mia started with repeating her first question.

  -I am something different than a human.- He answered looking her into eyes. – Why would you never forget me?

  -Because you’re special.

  -Are you scared? – He had doubts.

  -Should I be scared? Up to now, you have not done anything that could alert me. Should I expect something different now? Are you dangerous for me?

&nb
sp; -It is indeed dangerous. I broke rules and you will have to take consequences of my actions.

  -Which rules? Which consequences?

  -It is a long story. You should rest now. I will prepare something to eat for you.

  -No, please, explain me everything. – Mia requested, but he was already at the door and in another second, he was gone.

  Julian got scared. He was unsure of what he was doing and he couldn't imagine that this was the reality. He left the house and started to run. He was running in the woods and avoided cities and villages. Sometimes Poland was quite small. There was no open landscape if Julian wanted to run without barriers. The taiga in Russia or plains in Asia or even woods in the United States were much better. There he could run without thinking about any villages or people crossing his path. He needed to turn off. He needed to shut his mind in a box and try not to think for a moment. It was too much for him: too much responsibility, too much light-headedness, too many emotions, too much pressure. He was running so fast that people, who crossed his path, thought there was a strong wind coming from nowhere.

  However, he could die for her if it was necessary. If there would be someone who should be blamed, it should be Julian. He almost betrayed his “family”. Mia hadn't anything to do with it. Nevertheless, she would get any information from him if she wanted to, because he promised her. Tit for tat. Question for question. Answer for answer. He wanted to get to know her better and the only way was to give her some answers about him.

  Why was it always so complicated? He heard so many incredible stories from humans how they were prepared for anything to protect their families and beloved ones. So far, he never understood it completely. Now, he was in such a situation where he had all the responsibility. It wouldn't be easy to lose Mia. Just the thought of it was hurting him. There were some doubts about his behaviour, but he was convinced that this way was the right one. He couldn't explain much, he was just confiding on his emotions.

  This situation was new for him. Up to now, he never felt such strong feelings. He felt a range of emotions when he was guiding different people through their lives, but these emotions from the past were nothing compared to the situation right now. There was a difference in the intensity like between day and night. Nobody was so important for him like Mia was. What he felt up to now was like looking at pictures from Africa on television. You see elephants, lions, zebras, gazelles, and you sigh with admiration for the wild nature. Then, you are between these wild animals, you smell them, you touch their fur, you feel how they prepare to run and how they move.

  It was incredible. It was so overwhelming like a tsunami wave, which crushes a village at a coast. It was as wonderful as a bleeding heart, whimsical, almost fairy-like blossoms that are red, pink or white. He sometimes saw them in the landscapes ranged from California to British Columbia, originally from Siberia up to the south of Japan. These flowers are pendulous, formed much like hearts people draw on their Valentine’s cards, and raceme bearing have many individual flowers, each one 1-2" long, with intensive red-pink outer petals and white inner petals. These flowers really look like hearts, which would bleed, and their beauty always impressed Julian.

  At the same time, he was scared. He didn't know what she would think about it, what she would feel about it. He didn't want to scare her, but maybe she would think about him like a monster? He was stronger, faster and extremely different from any other person she knew. In addition, if he explained her who he was, she would wish she never met him at all.

  Julian stopped. He was standing deep in the woods, full of oaks and pine trees. It was a beautiful day and the sun was shining through green leaves with different intensity and shades of green colour. It was very quiet. There were no animals around here. However, he felt the heart of this wood. He dropped down onto the green and cosy floor and laid there for a long while. This ground was gentle and kind to rest on.

  He managed to turn himself off or rather to concentrate at the wonderful surrounding here. These green trees and blackberries and blueberries bushes around him with spider webs between them were gorgeous. This wood was very old and never walked in. It was a virgin territory and creatures, which lived here, didn't know humans at all. Julian felt it in the atmosphere. The air was clean and had such a mixture of nature and virginity in it you hardly meet in Poland.

  Julian hadn't any clue where he was. Maybe on Masuria? He didn't see any lakes, but he didn't pay attention where he was running. He enjoyed the nature and if he could see himself at this moment, he would look like a wonderful sapphire surrounded by rays. He was in a sapphire ball between all that green plants.