Nick went next, “I’m thankful for family and being able to have this together. This is something that I can look forward to every year. The holidays always seem to bring out the best in us and well, some of our important moments happen at these times. I’m hoping that this year proves the same. I’m thankful for having Lucy’s cooking again.” Dean frowned in confusion and I arched my eyebrows. He actually fucking acknowledged me. I laughed in my head, no he acknowledged the food. I’m sure they were living off of takeout these days.
Landon followed. “I’m thankful to being here and knowing that the people I love the most are always here. I’m thankful for my family no matter how annoying.” He said shooting a look to Erica who shrugged sheepishly. “I’m thankful for my dad keeping us altogether.”
It was Dean’s turn. “I’m thankful for every one of you kids. This is a real family what we have and no matter what you have to remember that. No matter how much you fight and argue, know at the end of the day the people you love are the people you can depend on. Each one of you brings something different and special to our family and not one of those should ever be taken for granted. Appreciate each other and what you have.” He said. I’m sure he’s addressing all of the tension he’s noticed between us. Between the calls and us not knowing how each other were or how we’ve been avoiding each other and not talking. It’s hard not to notice when the normal dynamic in the house is us all loud and bantering with each other. Dean is an observant guy. He watches and learns and says something only when necessary.
I was next. “I’m thankful for James finding me and bringing Sam with him. I’m thankful that he looked at my family as his own without question. I’m thankful to Dean every day for choosing to take me in even though there wasn’t a reason for him to do it. I’m thankful for actually being able to look forward to having a real thanksgiving.” I didn’t meet anyone’s eyes. I kept my head down. Erica went next but I tuned out until I saw Max lift his fork and I began eating. I spent the entire dinner silent keeping my eyes on my food. Once in a while I would look up at Max when he was speaking to me but I avoided everyone else. When Dinner was done I took out the deserts I made and went up to my room. Dean mentioned one of the clients he was trying to get finally had an opening in their schedule to meet tomorrow. He was taking off now and getting a room at a hotel close by the place so he could make it with the storm. It was already raining cats and dogs outside.
It might’ve been an hour later when someone opened my door without knocking. I looked up to see Nick. He came inside and looked at me warily. I sat up and held his eyes. “Lucy?” was all he said in question like he was asking if it was ok to be in here with me.
I nodded and some of the tension left his body. He walked over to my bed and started to sit but hesitated and stood back up. I sighed and moved over then patted the empty spot next to me. He took the invitation and sat next to me leaning against the headboard. He just sat there for a while and didn’t say anything. All you could hear was the angry rain against the house and the howling of the wind, so I focused my attention back to the TV.
After about thirty minutes I heard Nick say, “why are you both so damn stubborn?” under his breath.
I turned to him startled. “What?” I asked.
He sighed, “You and Landon. Why can’t you two just put on your big boy pants and work this out. I can’t stand seeing you both so damn miserable.” He told me.
I raised an eyebrow, “hey you weren’t talking to me either.” I pointed out.
He glared at me. “Lucy yes I was mad at you. But what did you do? You fucking ran away from me. You didn’t come talk to me or anything. You know I’m here for you but you shut me the fuck out. How am I supposed to feel about that? That shit hurt me. I thought we were more than that Lu. We’re supposed to be family and family doesn’t do that shit. You work it out. You didn’t even come seek me out when enough time has passed to cool off. I was fucking hurting but watching you two like this hurts more. So I’m man enough to put my pride away and reach out.”
I sighed and grabbed his hand. “You’re right Nick but I couldn’t stand you being angry at me like that. I didn’t think you would ever forgive me, either of you and I couldn’t face it so I didn’t. I did what I could to avoid it. Nick, you know I love you no matter what but sometimes I don’t know. I’m not good with confrontation. I know you see me and Landon going to war but that’s because I’m angry and I can’t control it. I get you guys were mad at me for what I did but you didn’t think I was hurting too from the decision I made. That shit gutted me I didn’t want to do it. I did what was necessary.” I explained.
“So why didn’t you just say that to me? Am I that much of an asshole you felt that you couldn’t tell me your side and I wouldn’t understand? That’s all I ever wanted Lucy, just to understand. I’m not going to lie because regardless of your reasons it was still fucked up to make that decision alone but it’s not like I wouldn’t rationalize. I was hurt that I was kept out of the loop too. You knew I would make you talk to Landon didn’t you? That’s why you didn’t want me to know? You do realize that was the right thing to do don’t you?”
I nodded. “I know and I regret it every day. But I knew he wouldn’t agree with me. He would fight me tooth and nail. We can want anything but we have to be reasonable and I knew he wouldn’t see reason. I thought that it wouldn’t hurt anyone else if it were just me. I didn’t intend to hurt him and that’s another reason I didn’t want him to know.”
He reached out and grabbed me pulling me into him. I fell into his embrace and wrapped my arms around him. “Nick I miss this. I miss you. You have no idea how lonely I’ve been. Not just missing Landon but you too. My life is dull and well even cooking for your greedy asses made me happy. I thought I’d never have this again. Thank you.” I told him honestly.
He sighed and kissed my hair. “Babe you’ll always have me. Remember that. Even if I’m mad at you you should never feel lonely. You call me and I’ll come, always.” He reached down and put his finger under my chin tipping my head up. “You’re my family and I’ll do anything for you. Don’t ever do that shit again. If you need someone you don’t hesitate to call me. I’ll come spoon you and grope you whenever you need me to ok?” he asked. I giggled and nodded. “Now give me a big smooch for old time’s sake. I haven’t had my hands on you in a while.” He said and waggled his eyebrows. I smiled and sat up. I grabbed his face with both hands and placed a big sloppy peck on his lips. He held me for a few more hours while we watched TV. When I started dozing he got up and turned off the TV and the light. He placed a kiss on my forehead and whispered, “Goodnight sleeping beauty,” before he left my room.
I was in a deep sleep when I was woken up by a noise. I tightened my eyes trying to bring the sleep back but it wouldn’t come. I groaned when I realized it was my phone. It stopped ringing and I smiled and tried to settle back into sleep when it went off again. I growled and reached out to the nightstand feeling around for it. I refused to open my eyes and be woken up fully. I found it just as it stopped ringing and thought about forgetting it when it started right back up and I answered. I moved my finger around the screen until I heard wind in the background.
“Hello” I answered.
“Lucy? Get up now it’s important.” My eyes popped open it was James and his voice sounded weird. I turned my head to the side to see that the clock said 3:29am.
“James? What’s wrong? It’s 3 in the morning.” I asked him now fully awake. I sat up and my hands immediately started to sweat from the anxiety taking over my entire body instantly.
“I need you all to get up and go to Lexington General Hospital as soon as possible. I will meet you there, I’m already driving.” He said.
My body began to shake, “James, what happened? What’s going on?” I asked.
“I will see you when you get there. You kids drive slow and safe. I can’t talk I’m driving and the weather is horrible. I’ll see you shortly.” He said then disconnect
ed.
I looked at the screen indicating the call ended and I freaked out. I jumped out of my bed and ran down the hall and into Landon’s room. “Landon? Landon wake up.”
I heard a groan and I ran over to his bed. “Landon.” I said a little louder. He stirred but didn’t get up.
I got down on my knees on the edge of the bed and began shaking him, “Landon wake up. I need you to wake up.” The terror had fully taken hold and my body was shaking.
“Lucy?” he said still half asleep.
“Landon come on get up. I need you to get up.” I almost cried.
His eyes opened and he looked at me. He put his hand on my arm to stop me from shaking him and then frowned. He sat up quickly almost knocking me off the bed. “What the hell happened? Why are you shaking like that? What’s wrong Lucy?” he asked.
I shook my head. “I don’t know. James just called me and said we all need to get to Lexington hospital now.” I told him.
He frowned. “What happened?” he asked.
“I don’t know Landon.” I admitted as the first tear fell. “I don’t know but it’s important and I’m scared. I don’t know what to do. But he said for us all to go he couldn’t talk because he was driving and said it’s pretty crazy out there in this weather so he needed to pay attention. He just said for us to come and drive safe.”
He pushed the covers back and got up. “Go get dressed, wake up Erica and I’ll wake up Nick. I’m going to need you to calm down some. We’re going to have to take Max with us and I don’t want to scare him. He’s going to get scared if he sees you freaking out. Ok?” he asked.
I nodded and he shook his head. “No Lucy, answer me. You’re going to calm down?” he asked.
“Yes Landon I will.” I told him.
He hugged me and whispered “It’s going to be ok. Now let’s get there.”
We woke up Nick and Erica and everyone was ready within 15 minutes. We decided not to wake Max and put his shoes on him. I grabbed a small comforter you would use for a kids camping bed and his jacket to make sure he’s warm. Landon carried him out and we made our way to the hospital. The weather was horrible and Landon had to drive slowly since you could barely see anything. You could feel the wind pushing the car and I was shaking. Erica was sitting next to me and she had a death grip on my hand. I was the only one visibly scared but you could see the wariness on everyone. When we got there it took us a few minutes to find James in the ER. He was pacing and he looked disheveled. Sam was there are her face was red and her eyes bloodshot. I was confused as to why we were here.
Landon went up to him. “Hey James, what’s going on?” he asked.
James shoulders dropped in defeat. He nodded to Max, “let Sam take him and I’ll talk to the rest of you.” He said. Landon was holding Max who was still out cold. I’m happy I grabbed the blanket because it kept him from getting drenched like the rest of us. Landon walked over and handed Max off. He gave her a kiss on the forehead and she gave him a watery smile. She looked like a fucking train wreck if I’m being honest. When he came back my dad asked around for an empty room for us to talk. When one of the nurses began to say no he shot her a look that clearly said don’t fuck with me and she immediately showed us to a room. When the door closed he turned to us.
“Look kids, I don’t know how to do this.” He began.
Erica spoke up. “James, what’s going on? I thought maybe something happened to you or Sam. I was worried sick but you’re both here and you seem fine.” She said confused.
James sighed. “Oh Erica.” And then a tear escaped. Once that one fell it opened the flood gates and he let out a sob. I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around him for comfort. I had no idea what was happening but he was usually so strong.
“Dad?” I whispered. He opened his eyes and looked down at me.
“You know you only called me dad once.” He told me. I did refer to him as my dad or father in introductions but I normally call him by his name. I could only remember that night after Dan raped and beat me when he was looking for me that I called him dad. I pushed those scary memories from my mind and focused on the present.
I shrugged, “you’re my dad. Now can you tell us what’s wrong? I’m freaking out over here.” I admitted.
He gave me a tight hug and kissed my hair before letting me go. He met Landon’s eyes. “Sam and I were at her parents about an hour away. I got a call saying that I was listed as an emergency contact in his phone. Dean got into an accident on his way to the hotel and they have him here. He was going through an area where the street lights weren’t working and with this very low visibility he ran into a pole. He’s hurt really bad. He’s in surgery and they’re trying to help him but the last I heard was that he was in critical condition. He has only a small chance of making it.”
My knees gave out and James caught me. I heard Erica sob and I couldn’t stop it. The fear I felt before was nothing compared to what I was experiencing now. I let out a strangled cry and someone grabbed me. I didn’t care who it was and I let them hold me as I clung to them. I felt the shoulders underneath my arms shake and I looked up into Landon’s eyes. His eyes were glossed over with unshed tears and he was trying to hold me together. This was his dad. I hugged him tighter and leaned my body into his. James ushered us out of the room since they might need it for anyone else that might come in that night.
We went back out to the waiting room. Nick and Landon seemed to be trying to hold it together while Erica and I were a mess. I was sitting on Landon’s lap where he placed me with my arms wrapped around him. He was rubbing my back telling me everything would be ok, but I think it was for both of our benefits. When the tears subsided Landon passed me a tissue. I used it to collect my tears then wiped my nose on the shoulder of his shirt.
“Did you just wipe your snot on my shirt?” he asked.
I looked up at him guiltily. “No?” I said. But it came out more as a question.
His eyebrow rose, “you still lying about that?” he asked.
I nodded because I was. It’s not the first time I’ve had a breakdown and ended up wiping my nose on him. When he calls me out on it I automatically deny it.
He leaned his head down so his mouth was by my ear. “It’s going to be okay Lucy.” He told me.
I nodded and met his eyes. “Landon I love you.” I told him.
He gave me a sad smile. “I love you too Lucy. You know that and I’ve been waiting for a while to hear those words from you but now isn’t the time for that. I know you love me babe. You never took off the swings I saw them at dinner.” He said bringing his hand up to toy with the necklace.
I leaned up and kissed him on the side of his mouth. He turned his head and placed a soft slow closed mouth kiss on my lips. When he lifted his head I sighed and sunk deeper into him. I looked up to see Nick and Mel watching with sad smiles. They were happy about us but fucking torn with this situation. It was in that moment I realized how much I needed Landon. Just like before when I needed help the first person I sought out was Landon and as always he was there. He didn’t give me any shit. He sensed my fear and knew I needed something and he didn’t even think about it. I tightened my grip on him and I ignored his questioning stare.
We were sitting in the waiting room for about six hours. No one could do anything but worry. James was raising hell every 30 minutes for an update but they kept telling him they won’t know until he comes out of surgery. James was a frantic mess. We were bordering on hitting the seventh hour when the doctor came out.
“James Fielder?” he asked.
My father jumped from his seat. “That’s me. Please give me an update.” He pleaded.
The doctor nodded and looked down at his chart. “Dean suffered some traumatic injuries. He had already been sitting in the car after the accident for a couple of hours before someone saw and reported it. He suffered a massive amount of internal bleeding and damages to his organs. We did everything that we could do for him, but it appears we got to him too
late. We couldn’t save him. I’m sorry to tell you this sir, but he didn’t make it.”
There wasn’t a dry eye in the room. That was it, confirmation that we had lost Dean. Why did this happen? Landon shed tears but he didn’t actually cry and I became concerned. James didn’t want anyone driving so we walked over to a hotel two blocks away. Max woke up on the walk I guess from getting so wet. We checked in and the hotel had a souvenir store that sells clothes. We all got some dry gear and headed to our rooms. Landon and I shared a room and Max wanted to come with us but I asked him to stay with Samantha. Landon needed time to mourn and I didn’t think it would be healthy for him to witness us breaking down especially since he didn’t know why. We went to the room and I got in the shower he came in with me and I grabbed a rag without a word and began washing him. When I was done he did the same. I didn’t bother with my hair. We got out and dried off then went into the room. We climbed in bed naked since the sweat suits we found weren’t going to work for bed.
He grabbed me and pulled me close. He held me tightly. I brought my hand up and ran my fingers through his hair. I looked up into his eyes and saw nothing but pain there. “Landon?”
“Yea Lucy?” his voice was gruff.
I rubbed his face and changed my position so I was on the pillow next to him. I grabbed his face and brought it over mine. I placed a gentle kiss to his lips and told him, “It’s okay to cry. That’s why you have me. We both loved him, but he was your dad. We can cry together but I can be the one to hold you while you do. Don’t save it for when you’re alone. I love you.”
Keeping Her (The Lexington Series Book 2) Page 5
