Faking It d-2

by Jennifer Crusie

  “Known her long?” Tilda said, feeling annoyed.

  “Yep. Find a painting yet?”

  Tilda took a deep breath and pressed into the closet. The damn thing was huge, and she moved to the back, trying to avoid Clea’s shoes, feeling around for an eighteen-inch-square piece of evidence that she’d been a forger. She heard Davy push the clothes back, and she said, “I need a light,” just as he closed the doors.

  “Hey,” she said, turning and he put his hand over her mouth.

  “Shut up, Betty,” he whispered in her ear. “There’s somebody in the hall.”

  Tilda froze as she heard Clea’s bedroom door open. Great, she thought. They’d asked Gwennie to do one little thing, and-

  Davy took his hand off her mouth, and she sucked in air, staving off panic, which would lead to asthma. He moved his hand to the small of her back and patted her there, the way she patted Steve to calm him down, and Tilda pressed closer to him, trying not to wheeze, her heart pounding.

  Outside, a drawer slammed shut with a bang, and Tilda jerked and clutched Davy’s shirt. He patted a little faster, and she thought, As long as I’m in here, I’m safe, nobody knows I’m here, nobody but him, and she put her arms around him, grateful he was there. He stopped patting, and they stood like that for eons while Tilda grew warmer and whoever was outside rustled and shuffled. She felt Davy’s fingers slide against the small of her back, felt his palm go flat there, not pressing, just flat and hot there, and something kicked up low in her solar plexus and spread, waiting for him to pull her close. When he didn’t, she lifted her face through the darkness, and when he bent closer, her breathing went ragged, and when his mouth brushed hers, her body stuttered and when she closed that last inch between them, his arms tightened around her, and she kissed him in a closet again.

  He was a damn good kisser, and Tilda felt breathless as she leaned into him, good breathless as she pressed him against the back wall of the closet and sank into all that good heat. I don’t do this enough, she thought as she came up for air, and then she went back for more, unleashing her inner Louise, or at least her inner Vilma.

  Then the closet door opened and somebody pawed through Clea’s shoes and grabbed her ankle, and she kicked back hard on panicked reflex, and connected with something hollow and something heavy hit the floor.

  “Oh, great.” Davy let go of her and shoved the clothes apart, kneeling to see whoever was on the floor. “Damn it.” He stepped over the body and dragged it out of the closet by its shoulders.

  Tilda followed him out, trying not to panic. “Is he dead?”

  “No,” Davy said, “but he’s unconscious. You have a kick like a mule, Matilda.”

  “I was tense. He grabbed my ankle.”

  “Something I must remember not to do. Christ, you really nailed him.” Davy stood up and frowned. “Do you know who he is?”

  Tilda bent cautiously to look at the guy. He was a weedy thirty-something with dark hair and a bleeding lump forming on his temple. “No. I never saw him before.”

  “Okay.” Davy took her arm and moved her toward the door. “Out.”

  “What?” Tilda tripped as she tried to see back over Davy’s shoulder. “We can’t just leave him-”

  “You can.” Davy kept her moving into the hall and down the stairs, his hand on her arm like a vise. “This just changed from a small heist to a major crime. Get out of here, walk straight home and do not talk to anybody.”

  “What about you?” Tilda said, trying to keep her feet on the stairs as Davy picked up speed. “I’m not leaving you-”

  “That’s very sweet.” Davy steered her down the hall and into the kitchen and opened the back door. “Goodbye.”

  He shoved her out the door and slammed it behind her, and she was left on the back steps, shivering in the warm June night, with nothing left to do but go home.

  MEANWHILE, GWEN was thinking envious thoughts about Tilda, who was only breaking and entering, much preferable to being stuck with Mason and Clea.

  “Man, the times we had here,” Mason said, looking around the gallery. “I can almost hear that big booming laugh of Tony’s. What a guy.”

  What a guy, Gwen thought, and put the files for 1988 on the table in front of him. Across the table, Clea watched her like a hawk, for what, Gwen had no idea.

  “Remember that opening for the New Impressionists he did? Nineteen eighty-two.” Mason smiled at Gwen. “Tony wore a blue brocade vest, and you had on a black halter dress and gold hoop earrings the size of dinner plates. I’ll never forget it.”

  Gwen straightened a little, startled by the memory.

  “You were amazing, Gwennie,” Mason said, his face softening as Clea’s hardened. “You moved through the crowd, and people smiled looking at you, and Tony and I stood at the back of the gallery, right by the door over there-” he nodded at the office door “-and we watched you. You know what he said?”

  “No,” Gwen said, trying to hold on to her memory of Tony-as-son-of-a-bitch.

  “He said, ‘I’m the luckiest son of a bitch in the world,’” Mason said. “And I said, ‘You sure as hell are.’”

  The early Tony came back to her, laughing down at her, wrapping her in love and excitement, and she tried to push him away, to get back to the later Tony, desperate because the gallery wasn’t doing well, growing grimmer, laughing less, making Tilda paint the Scarlets.

  “He was a great guy,” Mason said. “And he built a great gallery.”

  “Yeah,” Gwen said. “So the records for eighty-eight are right here. That’s when we sold the Scarlets.”

  “Wonderful.” Mason pulled them over in front of him. “I’ve always wanted to know how the gallery worked, how Tony did it. The building’s an asset, too, isn’t it? Real estate is always a smart move.”

  Maybe we should let the creditors have it, Gwen thought. Maybe we should bum it down, set everybody free.

  “So what other assets does the gallery have?” Mason said, picking up a new folder.

  “What?” Gwen said.

  “Assets,” Mason said. “Besides the building and the inventory. How does a gallery work? What other assets are there?”

  “Uh, none,” Gwen said, confused. “The paintings are on consignment.”

  “Well, the good name, of course,” Mason said.

  “Oh, yeah,” Gwen said. The good name of the Good-nights.

  “God, I envied him,” Mason said. “His gallery, his parties, his charm.” He smiled at Gwen. “His wife.”

  Clea stirred.

  Gwen smiled back stiffly and thought of Tony, introducing her: “This is my wife, Gwennie.” One night she’d said to him, “Just once, can’t you introduce me as Gwen, your wife?” and he’d stared at her, not comprehending.

  “I couldn’t believe it when I heard he’d died,” Mason was saying. “It didn’t seem possible. I wrote, but there wasn’t really anything I could say.”

  “Your letter was lovely,” Gwen said, not remembering it. There’d been so many.

  “You’ll probably never get over him,” Clea said sadly, and they both turned to look at her, surprised. “Real love is like that.” She put her hand on Mason’s sleeve and smiled at him dreamily, and Mason looked at her, incredulous.

  I hope she’s good in bed, Gwen thought.

  “It must be hard running the place on your own,” Mason said to Gwen, picking up the first file.

  “I have family,” Gwen said, trying to sound brave. “So the records…”

  An hour later Mason said, “These are all the records for 1988? Are you sure?”

  “Pretty sure,” Gwen said and then realized if he was done, he’d go home. “But you know, Tony was a pretty sloppy recordkeeper. Better check eighty-seven and eighty-nine, too. I’ll get them.”

  Mason nodded happily, Clea sighed, and Gwen headed for the office. Hurry up, Tilda, she thought. I can’t keep them here forever. It’s too damn painful.

  WHEN TILDA got back to the office, she saw Gwen out in th
e gallery with Mason and Clea. She sat down on the edge of the couch, still shaking, and Gwen came in with a backward glance at Mason, followed by Steve, who spotted Tilda and lunged for her in ecstasy.

  “I don’t know what’s wrong with that man,” Gwen said, as Tilda scooped up the little dog. “He’s looking at every old file in the place and he’s enjoying it. He’s like a kid. It’s like his whole life, he’s always wanted to look at gallery files.” She stopped when she got a good look at Tilda. “What’s wrong?”

  “Everything.” Tilda sank down on the couch, holding on to Steve’s long wriggling body for comfort. “There was a man there. I never saw him before, I knocked him out by accident. Davy’s still there, fixing it, and he’s going to get caught.”

  “Okay,” Gwen said, looking rattled. “Be calm. Because you’re never like this and you’re scaring me.”

  She went to the cupboard and got out the vodka and poured a healthy shot into a glass.

  “Oh, God, yes, thanks.” Tilda let go of Steve and held out her hand in time to see Gwen knock back the glass.

  “You want one, too?” Gwen said.

  “Yes,” Tilda said. “Listen, I can’t do that again, go into somebody’s house and steal. I am not designed for that. I’ll fix this some other way.”

  “Okay.” Gwen handed over the glass and the bottle. “Okay. We’ll think of something else. Where’s Davy?”

  “I told you, he’s still there.” Tilda heard her voice crack from guilt. “He told me to go. Oh, Gwennie, he’s a mess, but I don’t want him in jail because of me.” She poured the vodka with a shaking hand.

  “He’s not a mess,” Gwen said. “Do you think he-”

  “Gwennie!” Mason called from the gallery. “Did you know Tony sold to the Lewis Museum?”

  “Really?” Gwen called back. “Imagine.” She turned back to Tilda. “He’s driving me crazy. He thinks this dump is Disneyland. Do I still have to keep him here?”

  “Yes,” Tilda said. “Until Davy gets back safe. It’s the least we can do for him since he’s out there…” She knocked back her own shot and felt the alcohol seep into her veins, calming her a little. “You want another one?”

  “No.” Gwen looked through the glass door at Mason. “I have to go pretend nothing’s wrong. I have to go pretend I like it here. I have to go pretend that I don’t want to throw up when he talks about the good old days.”

  “Gwennie?” Tilda said, taken aback by the anger in her voice.

  Gwen shook her head. “I’m having a bad night.”

  “Me, too.” Tilda said as Steve crawled back in her lap. “I am not cut out for a life of crime.”

  “You always were more my daughter than your father’s,” Gwen said, and went back to the gallery.

  “No I wasn’t,” Tilda said miserably, but Gwen was already gone.

  Davy came into the office and kicked the door shut behind him, looking frazzled and carrying a brown-paper-wrapped eighteen-inch-square package, and Tilda forgot everything else and let Steve slide onto the couch as she sprang up to meet him.

  “Are you okay?” she said, pressing the glass and bottle into his chest.

  “Yes.” He held up the painting so she could see the torn corner with the sky and the edge of a brick building, and then he put it on the table and took the vodka.

  “I can’t believe you stayed,” Tilda said. “I can’t believe-”

  Davy drank a belt straight from the bottle, and she offered him the glass as an afterthought.

  “What happened?” she said. “Did he come to? Did you get caught? Are you okay?”

  “Shut up, Betty.” He slopped some vodka into the glass and handed it to her. “I dragged him into an empty room, found your painting, and left. I am not cut out to be a thief. Let’s not do that again.”

  “Oh, God, no, let’s not,” Tilda said. “And you got the painting. You’re a good, good man.”

  “I looked before I took,” Davy said. “Stars and houses.”

  Tilda clutched her vodka, her eyes closed in gratitude.

  She didn’t even want to see the painting, she never wanted to see any of them again, she just wanted her old, boring, mural-painting life back. “Thank you, God.”

  “Hey!” Davy said and pointed to himself.

  Tilda opened her eyes to look at him. “Thank you, too. I’m sorry I was so bitchy, I’m sorry for every lousy thing I ever said to you, I’m sorry-”

  “I got it,” Davy said. “You’re sorry.” His voice was calm now, and he had a rueful half-smile on his face. “You’re an interesting woman, Matilda Veronica.”

  “No, Matilda Veronica is a bitchy control freak.” Tilda turned away from him to look into the gallery.

  “That, too,” Davy said. “Where’s Gwennie?”

  “Out front,” Tilda began, and then she stopped.

  Clea Lewis was looking through the window in the door, her face slack-jawed in surprise.

  “Where?” Davy said and then followed Tilda’s eyes. “Hell.” He lifted the bottle in a toast to the door. “Hey, babe,” he said, and Clea’s eyes narrowed and she jerked her head toward the street door to the gallery. “Oh, yeah, I want to talk to you,” he said, but he put the bottle down on the table. “I’ll be right back,” he said to Tilda and went out the side door.

  Tilda sat back on the couch and caught Steve as he scrambled up beside her and licked her on the chin. There was something to be said for a male who loved you desperately, was always glad to see you, and never made you mad. “I’m glad we’re keeping you, Steve,” she told him as she cuddled him close. “You’re the only good man I know.”

  CLEA STOOD out on the sidewalk, tapping her foot with impatience. “What are you doing here?” she snapped as Davy came out the side door. “Are you trying to ruin my life?”

  “I have no interest in your life,” Davy said. “I want my money back.” He looked her up and down slowly, and Clea braced herself for the insult. “You’re looking really good, Clea.”

  “Thank you,” Clea said, slightly mollified. He looked really good, too, for a treacherous son of a bitch. Hot memories came back and she stifled them. “Look, it’s my money,” she told him. “You stole it from me three years ago, you know you did. It’s mine.”

  “Not all of it.” Davy folded his arms and leaned against the storefront. “And you owed me. You dumped me, I took your money, that made us even until-”

  “I left you years ago. Get over it. Move on.”

  “You betrayed me,” Davy said, his voice tensing.

  “Oh, I did not,” Clea said, exasperated. “Look, I’m beautiful, I’m charming, I’m expensive, and I give the best head in America.”

  “True,” Davy said, looking taken aback. “But-”

  “But I’m not faithful,” Clea said. “I never was. There’s no point in it. If somebody who can take better care of me comes along, I’m going with him. That’s just sensible.”

  “It may be sensible,” Davy snapped, “but it’s pretty damn hard on the other guy in the relationship.”

  “What relationship?” Clea said, mystified. “What made you think we had a relationship?”

  “We were living together,” Davy said. “I thought-”

  “No you didn’t.” Clea folded her arms. This was why men were a pain in the ass. They only thought of themselves. “You didn’t think at all. You looked at me and saw what you wanted to see, a faithful hottie of a girlfriend. You didn’t want to know me, you just wanted to have me. Well, you had me. It’s over.” He was looking at her as if she were speaking Chinese, so she spelled it out for him. “I’m not responsible for you not knowing me, Davy. It’s not my fault you never looked-”

  “Oh, come on,” Davy said. “We were living together.”

  Clea shrugged. “I saved a lot on rent. I don’t see what that has to do with this. I mean, did I ever say, ‘Davy, you’re the only one’?”

  “No,” Davy said.

  “Did I ever say, ‘I’ll never leave you, thi
s is forever, you’re the love of my life’?”

  “This is really depressing,” Davy said, leaning against the storefront again.

  “So you’re mad at me for not being what you wanted me to be,” Clea said. “Well, I’m mad at you, too. I wanted you to be rich, and you weren’t, and I ended up with that bastard Zane.”

  “If you’d been faithful to me, you wouldn’t have,” Davy pointed out.

  “If you’d had money, I wouldn’t have,” Clea said. “It’s your fault. But am I still blaming you? No. I’ve moved on. You should, too.”

  “I’d love to,” Davy said. “Give me my fucking money back.”

  “It’s mine,” Clea said, amazed that he couldn’t see the justice of it all. “You stole it from me. You took my family home from me.”

  “Oh, please,” Davy said. “You’d have burned the family home to the ground if you could, you hated that place.”

  “It was worth money,” Clea snapped.

  Davy went on, ignoring her the way he always had. “And I stole a third of what you took. Keep the original stake, but I want the rest of it back. Hell, Clea, you were married to two rich guys, you don’t need it.”

  “You don’t know what I need.” Clea stepped back. She hadn’t been married to two rich guys, she’d been married to two poor guys, at least they’d been poor when they died, and she didn’t need that thrown in her face, thank you very much. “It’s my money, and I need it.” She looked through the gallery window and saw Mason take Gwen’s hand. “I want to get married,” she said savagely, “and rich men do not marry poor women.”

  Davy followed her eyes. “You think you’re going to marry this guy? No. Guys like him marry Jackies, not Marilyns. He’s stringing you.”

  “Very funny,” Clea said. “No, he’s going to marry me. He brought me home to Ohio with him.”

  “Which does not make him the first man to transport you across a state line for immoral purposes,” Davy said. “I’ve done it myself.”

  “But you never will again,” Clea said. “Now go away.”

  “You really think I’m going to?” Davy said.