Holding On To Hope

by Mystique Roberts

  Then reality smacks me in the face and I can’t believe I actually did this. I recollect everything that happened yesterday; leaving home, saying goodbye to my family, flying to Toronto and seeing Rising Aggression. I can’t wait to see how the festival is when everyone is there and how much of a rush it will be. I go through an array of emotions within a matter of minutes. I’m shocked that I had the freakin’ guts to do this, me of all people, the girl who was scared to even take her driving test at seventeen for crying out loud. I am in a whole new country, I am traveling, What!? Damn Hope, you grew a pair. A tinge of sadness hits me because although I am ecstatic, I’ve never been hundreds of miles away from my family like this. All I can think about is what they are doing. Sleeping obviously, but soon they will wake and go about their day. Will they miss me?

  With the thought of missing someone, Josh invades my thoughts and all those feelings of sadness, longing and heartache hit me so hard it physically hurts. I remember when he called me a few months after ending things, saying “he missed me”. Apparently he just missed having a female around, because that only lasted about two weeks. I sure as hell ran back to him though, I bitched at him for how he ended things and how bad he hurt me, but as soon as I got out all of my feelings...I caved. Well, not all of my feelings, I still haven’t told him I fell for him. I just was so happy to have him back in my life one way or another. Then, he broke me again, now there is nothing left of my heart. It's been so long and yet, when it's quiet and there is nothing to distract me from the thoughts of him and memories creep in. That's when the pain succumbs me and hits me like a punch in the stomach. Out of all wounds, broken hearts are the most painful. Will it ever fade, will I ever be able to remember him and it not feel like my heart is breaking all over again? Will I ever be able to smile at the memories without the tears immediately flowing? Nearly a year has passed and the pain still feels like it was minutes ago. I just want it to go away, but at the same time, I'm terrified to forget him.

  I snap out of it realizing I am crying, wipe my tears and tell myself to be brave. This is all I ever wanted and it's happening. Screw that asshole. Deep down the pain reminds me that I love him still. So, I go to the mini fridge, grab the Irish cream I bought, make some coffee and pour a nice serving of cream in there. I take a sip and it calms me. I undress, hop in the shower and let the hot water relax my body.

  Once I pull my shit together, I get out and grab a towel, nearly slipping on the wet floor as I try to hurry out of the bathroom. Today is my first REAL day, yesterday was more observing than working. It’s down to business now, this is my dream and I am not going to fail. No more sulking Hope, it’s time to make your life everything you want. I throw on some Too Close To Touch, one of my favorite bands currently. I turn it up just loud enough I don’t bother the other hotel guests and dance around in my bra and underwear, playing the air guitar as I get ready. I choose to wear black skinnies, my combat boots and a tank, something I will feel confident in, while being comfortable. After blow drying and straightening my hair and put on just enough makeup to make me look like I am not zombiefied from the lack of sleep I had. Then I grab my jean vest and head out the door. This is it, my first official day at work and I am going to kick ass at this job.

  Chase:

  “Come on man! Get your shit together Ryker. We only have a few hours until show and I don't want any fuck ups. We all worked too hard to get here, I want it done right. First impressions are lasting.”

  I gripe to my guys as I start unloading the tour bus. Ryker seems to have the dropsies today and can’t carry a damn thing to the changing rooms without something ending up on the ground. I don't know if it's nerves or what but everyone seems to have their heads up their asses today and I'm not having it. I know we all worked extremely hard, but I went through hell and back to get here, so I feel like I have more to lose. I put everything into my Goddamned music, I kicked my ass to get back here and it was nowhere near easy. Now that I'm here, I'm not failing again.

  “Oh yeah and Aiden?” I yell back to the band, “Make sure to grab the freakin’ first aid kit. Ryker got a little too excited during his solo at practice last night and nearly whacked himself in the face with the drum stick.” I say smirking at him. I mimic him while I play the air drums, looking like a maniac. He just gives me the finger.

  “Psh, I did that on purpose, I was tired of hearing your mouth up there. Was that supposed to be singing man? Sounded like a cat dying to me. Hell, I thought about knocking myself out just to save everyone the trouble of having to listen to you anymore. Then at last minute you kind of pulled your shit together, so I decided otherwise.” Ryker says, nearly tripping over the mic wires he's laughing so hard.

  I toss the open bottle of water in my hand at him, hitting him right in the side of the head, soaking his face in the process.

  “Yeah, well I meant to do that on purpose too!” I say, and before he can react, I take off running to the bus to grab more equipment.

  “Oh damn you Chase. You better watch your back, I’ll get my revenge when you least expect it.” He says, with a pissed off expression.

  He may talk like he's a badass, but he's like a fucking teddy bear. These guys may get on my last damn nerve ninety percent of the time, but we've been doing this together for so long they've become family and everyone in your family pisses you off every once in a while.

  After everything is setup we are side stage getting ready for the show. Nerves and excitement overcome me. It’s been a long fucking time since I’ve performed for more than just a few people. The last time being the night before my accident. This is where I belong, but it’s a strange feeling being back after being off for almost a year. I don’t want to fuck up. I want to show my fans I am back and better than ever.

  “Dude, Chase! Are you ready?” I hear Cole’s voice and turn to see him pulling his long brown hair into a knot behind his head.

  I nod, “Yes I’m ready. I can’t lie, it’s a weird feeling since it’s been awhile, but this right here is why I live. The fucking music.”

  He nods and puts his ear piece in. Aiden and Ryker walk past me, bumping their fists to mine. I hear the crowd chanting my name then the bands. I shake my head to clear any thoughts other than the music.

  I glance across stage and see my manager and other workers. In the distance I can’t see them clearly, but I see another woman next to Ariel, I just can’t make her out. Must be a new assistant, or one of Ariel’s friends.

  We shake out our nerves and get in the zone. The crowd goes silent as they start to play. I close my eyes and concentrate, listening to the beat of the drum, and the guitars start to play. I take one final deep breath and run on stage, clapping my hands over my head. Well...it’s now or never. Time to put on a fucking show.

  ***

  Thank you, Toronto! Have a great night! I walk back stage and strip off my sweat soaked shirt. The guys sit down their stuff and we all grab some water.

  “That was a hell of a show, Chase.” Ryker says as he dumps water on his head to cool off.

  I smirk, “Yeah, it felt good to be back up there. Not going to lie my nerves were a bit of a mess before running out there, but when I walked on stage it was like I hadn’t left.”

  He and the guys nod in agreement and start talking about going to get some food with the crew after the shows.

  “Yeah, sounds good. After fan greets we can shower then meet up at the car at ten?” We agree and I sit backstage for a minute recalling the day. The fest is still going on for a few hours tonight and all day again tomorrow. We don’t leave for New York until tomorrow night. I glance up at the sound of Ariel’s voice, seeing her direct another girl a few feet in front of the stage. I stand up and walk to the edge of the equipment, watching as Ariel explains to her the meet and greet process.

  She turns her face to the right and I see her fully for the first time. Damn, she’s beautiful. Her eyes a blue grey, I swear when the light hits them, they look silver. With her dark brown hai
r framing her face, her bangs swoop across resting just above her eyes. She moves quickly in black tight jeans and a tank top, getting the meet and greet booth ready. I can’t help but watch as her toned, slender body rushes around getting merchandise organized.

  I move closer so I can get a better look, hoping she doesn’t see me. Then, someone calls her name and she turns and smiles. In that moment, it’s like the air is sucked out of my lungs. Her smile lights up her whole face. It’s so genuine and seemingly contagious, because I feel one slowly start to form myself. I start to walk towards her when I hear my name called. I whip around to see my manager motioning me to her.

  I shake my head in disappointment. Damn, I just feel the need to introduce myself to that girl. I need to know her name. I unwillingly, head over to Ariel. Glancing back to the gorgeous brunette, mystery woman. Praying to myself I see her again.

  Chapter 3

  Hope:

  Today has been insane and it’s barely started. I am working the meet and greet stand and since Ariel had to get things situated in my bus, I am working it alone. I’m freakin’ nervous, because yesterday I only watched. I guess there’s not much to it, just give the people their item and take the money. Still, this is a lot different than working retail in the local mall back home. There are hundreds of girls ranging from teens to their mid-twenties, rushing toward the stand to meet the guys.

  I start to panic a bit, but them remember that the security guard is behind the tent and the guys will be over here shortly. It takes me a second to pull myself together and I start putting out the merchandise and getting everything organized. It’s a little hard to concentrate with the sound of other bands playing, and thousands of people talking, not to mention the squeals and screams from the girls heading to the tent; but I just focus on myself and I eventually get everything set up.

  I start to chat to some of the girls in front as they ask about Rising Aggression and talk about the other bands on the Metal Madness tour. After a few minutes I see the guys and Ariel approaching the tent. The line starts to get excited as they give high fives and smile to the girls waiting. Ariel comes through the back tent and smiles at me.

  “Crazy huh?” She says, gesturing towards the screaming girls inches away from us.

  My eyes widen, “Umm yeah, I mean I’ve been to concerts, but being on the other side of the business is something else.”

  She smiles, “Yeah, it took me a little to soak everything in. You’ll get it.”

  I nod and she turns to the crowd.

  “Okay everyone! I’m pumped you are all so excited to meet Chase and the guys, I know they are excited too, but if we could keep this safe, it would make our job a hell of a lot easier. If you need anything I’m Ariel and this is Hope, just ask us! Have fun, talk to the guys and one another, but please no fighting, line cuts or thinking you aren’t going to have a chance to see everyone. We will stay until every last person in this line gets a chance to say hi, buy something or get something signed. Okay?! Great! Give me a second and they will be out here. Hope can you step out here really quick?”

  Ariel smiles and opens the back of the tent, I happily oblige and next thing I know I am face to face with Rising Aggression. I start to blush and the nervous feeling in my stomach returns.

  Before I can say or do anything but stare, Ariel puts her arm around me and starts to talk.

  “Hope Richards, this is Chase and the guys.” She says, gesturing to the four smoking hot men before me. I smile, and try to form a coherent sentence.

  “Hey.” I manage to get out and casually raise my hand to wave.

  My eyes meet Chase’s and I’m either crazy or he just winked at me.

  “I’m sorry for the lack of a formal introduction, but that’ll have to wait until after the signing. There are about a hundred girls out there waiting to meet the four of you and I don’t know about you, but I don’t think keeping them waiting too long is a smart idea. So, let's do this and we will all meet back at the main bus after, okay? Hope, we will stand in the back just as extra hands if needed.”

  I nod and take a deep breath as I watch the guys step inside the tent. As soon as they do I hear screams from the crowd. An exciting feeling overcomes me and I smile so hard my cheeks hurt. Once inside the tent, Ariel and I stand in the back and I take it all in as girls approach Chase and the guys. Some are crying, some speechless and others smiling and laughing so hard I start to join in with them. It is a surreal feeling being on this side of the music business. I love it already and It’s only been a day. I have a feeling I will never get tired of this job.

  Ariel asks me if this is what I expected and how I’m feeling about this whole life change and I am completely honest when I say that one - this is way more than I expected, but two - I am having the time of my life and wouldn’t have it any other way.

  About an hour or so later, the line has dwindled and only a handful of fans are left. We finish the meet and greet, pack up and head to the bus. I have had so much adrenaline running through me today, I don’t realize how sweaty and tired I am until we sit down in the cool bus.

  They guys are showering so it’s just Ariel and I for a few minutes. She puts her hair up in a sloppy bun and then I start to feel self-conscious of my appearance. My tank is covered in sweat and my hair is wavy from the humidity. I pull out my cell and check my face in the front facing camera.

  Fuck, my makeup is a mess and my hair looks like I haven’t washed it in a week.

  “Um, can I use the bathroom?” I question and Ariel looks up from her mirror and smiles.

  “Oh yeah, you’ll get used to being a mess after hot days. I barely wear makeup anymore. I just use self tanner, a tinted moisturizer and waterproof mascara. Go clean up, you have time.” She points to the door down the aisle.

  I hop up and half skip to the bathroom, passing what I assume is the boys bunks. I hurry and run my fingers through my hair, then pull it into a low ponytail. I dab my face with a paper towel and wipe the black from underneath my eyes, where my eyeliner has run. Then, I dig into my clutch and grab some chap stick. Checking my reflection, I shrug. This will have to do. Nothing but a shower will remedy the mess that I currently am, but it's better than before.

  I hear voices as I dry my hands and start to walk to the front of the bus. Ryker, Aiden and Cole are all seated by the table, and Chase leans against the front divider by the driver seat. I take my seat next to Ariel and smile.

  “Hey everybody.” I say quietly, all of a sudden overcome with shyness.

  The guys greet me pretty much all at once and Ariel stands.

  “Okay, like I said earlier, this is Hope Richards. She is our new tour assistant. Hope, these are the guys, Ryker Whitaker, Aiden Pierce, Cole Braxton and of course Chase Franklin.”

  I smile as they all approach one by one and introduce themselves.

  Ryker is tall, thin, with slicked back, jet black hair, and piercing blue eyes. Aiden is average height, not much taller than me with longer light brown hair, shaved on one side, green eyes, and a hooped nose ring, Cole approaches and the first thing I notice is his long beard, coming nearly to his chest. He has dirty blond hair, longer than Aiden’s, kind of like he started to have a mohawk, but just let it grow. His hair just kind of falls where it lays and I smile as I recall seeing it fly as he was headbanging on stage. They’re all attractive and I am just sitting there like a fan girl, ogling them all with my eyes.

  Chase greets me last, and my gaze is met with the bluest eyes I have ever seen. He pulls me in for a hug and I swear my heart stops.

  “Sorry, I’m a hugger.” He laughs as he steps back from me. “Nice to meet you.”

  “No, you’re just hot.” Cole interjects laughing.

  “It’s okay.” I smile and run my fingers through my hair.

  “Really?” Chase questions Cole.

  “Hey, I was just saying what we were all thinking. Plus, she is.” Cole nods his head towards me and I feel my face heat up in embarrassment.

&nb
sp; Ariel’s voice interrupts us and we all take our seats again.

  “Okay guys, just want to go over the next show and we can all grab something to eat after Hope and I clean up.”

  I focus on everything she is saying, trying to not be distracted as I feel Chase’s gaze constantly returning to my direction. It’s the longest twenty minutes of my life, as I try to not meet his eyes with my own.

  Eventually, Ariel and I leave to get ready for dinner and finally my pulse returns to normal, once out from under Chase’s intensity.

  Chase:

  I grab a change of clothes and head straight to the showers as soon as the meet and greet is over. Although, part of me just wants to stay and help the girls pack up, anything to stay near Hope, but I know I need a shower.