Holding On To Hope

by Mystique Roberts

  “And photography it seems.” He smiles and I laugh.

  “Oh, yes.” I nod. Although I am enjoying getting to know him, I hope that he doesn’t ask many personal questions. I’m not sure how much I’m willing to spill.

  “I’m twenty four too. This seems like the perfect job for you then. I’m glad you took this chance.”

  He stops for a second and reaches to my face, placing a loose strand of hair behind my ear. Causing goose bumps to erupt on my skin. I try to dismiss the feelings his touch gives me. But I recall the fluttering in my stomach I had last night when he pulled me into his arms for a hug. I wanted the moment to last forever. He could be flirting, or maybe he’s just like this with every girl. I realize that I have been so lost in thought that I’m just staring into his perfect, blue eyes.

  “Y- yeah it is perfect. I’m glad I took it too.”

  I turn my head away from him, to hide the bright red color that has become my new skin tone apparently and continue to walk towards the fire ahead.

  Chase:

  When the thought to ask Hope if she wanted to come to the bonfire crossed my mind, I nearly dismissed it. I’m still unsure why the fuck I’m doing this. I should be focusing on this tour, on re-launching my career, but the past two weeks this bright eyed, intoxicating woman has invaded my thoughts.

  Listening to her talk about her passions and life as we head to meet everyone at the fire, just does something to me. Just touching and holding her hand, feeling her skin connect with mine, sends an unfamiliar feeling through my body. I have this unwavering want for her. Not just her body, but her. I just feel the need to be near her and when I am, I can’t think straight. This has never happened to me before.

  I hear the chattering voices as we near the fire. I glance at Hope, who is fidgeting with her clothing. I smirk, she seems nervous.

  “Don’t be nervous.” I nudge my shoulder into hers, trying to reassure her.

  She smiles, “Is it that obvious?”

  She says, as she covers her face and shakes her head, laughing.

  “Well it was either nerves or you have something crawling in your clothes, causing you to readjust them every two minutes.” I gesture to her hands fidgeting with the bottom of her shirt.

  She gives me a glare and I laugh out loud at her “mean” face.

  “Is that supposed to be a threatening look? Because to me it was just cute.”

  I stop as we near everyone and run my fingers through my hair. Fuck, I didn’t mean to say that out loud. She must sense the awkwardness that just overcame us, because she just shrugs. Luckily, we reach the fire and I am interrupted by Aiden.

  I introduce her to everyone, and she grabs a hard cider, while I stick to soda. I haven’t drank in a long time and I don’t plan on accidentally over doing it the first time we hang out. Hope heads to say hi to Ariel, who is talking to some of the other girls that work for the tour. I must be staring, because Aiden calls me out on it.

  “Take a picture it’ll last longer.” I pull my phone out of my pocket and pretend to text someone.

  “What the hell are you talking about?” I reply, returning my phone to my pocket.

  Aiden scoffs, “I’m talking about you staring at Hope everywhere she goes. Like if she leaves your sight she will disappear. I can’t blame you, she’s fucking hot. Especially those legs and ass in those shorts.”

  I glance sideways at him and shrug.

  “Dude, don’t fucking talk about her like that. It’s disrespectful and I wasn’t staring. I was just thinking and spacing.”

  Aiden puts his hands up as to surrender.

  “Whatever you say man, but you’ve been watching her since she started. Don’t think that none of us guys have noticed. I wasn’t fucking being disrespectful. I was just saying, the girl takes care of herself.”

  I finish my drink and toss the can into the fire and head to meet Hope, not even giving Aiden a response.

  “I can’t thank you enough for this opportunity. The last two weeks have been amazing. All the music, the people and just the atmosphere in general. It’s more than I even imagined. I needed this. I’ve been craving a change and desperately needed something extraordinary.”

  I overhear bits of Hope and Ariel’s conversation as I get closer.

  I see Ariel smile and raise her bottle to Hope to cheers. I wonder what she is referring to.

  “Well, you’re welcome. I had been running through emails for weeks and no one really seemed to want the job for the right reasons. Your degree helped me make my decision, plus I’ll be honest I creeped your social media and your music taste, plus how passionate you seemed, just clicked. I knew I had to at least interview you. I think I made a perfect choice. Really, you’ve been doing great. You’re learning fast and I can see how happy you are even when we are crazy busy. That’s the passion, I needed someone like that. Someone like me, who would make this their life, well because that’s what it becomes. I really hope you choose to stay with us even after this tour is over. Lord knows I could use the help. Especially with this being Chase’s reboot. You really do take that thing everywhere don’t you?” Ariel asks as Hope focuses her attention to a the crowd forming around the fire, snapping a few pictures.

  I use the mention of my name as a door to enter the conversation and wrap my arm around Ariel.

  “Hell yeah she should. I saw some of her playlist when I stopped by her bus. The girl has taste.”

  Ariel nudges me in the stomach.

  “Thanks for scaring the shit out of me, you ass. Make yourself known. Seriously, Hope. Think about it. I can get the paperwork started tomorrow.”

  I laugh and look at Hope, her eyes meet mine and she smiles. Damn, the girl is beautiful.

  “Okay, I will. I mean I’m pretty sure that isn’t even something to think about. I love it here.” Hope says.

  “Great!” Ariel and I say in unison. The thought of having her here full time sends a warm sensation through my body.

  ***

  The next day I can’t keep Hope off of my mind. I recall the night before and wish I would’ve just been forward and asked her out. When we left the bonfire, I intentionally grabbed her hand, waiting to see if she pulled back. When she didn’t I smiled at my small victory. We made small talk while we walked, but it was mainly about the fire and her meeting everyone.

  The band and I are watching some of the other bands perform while we wait for our set and I am clearly distracted. I keep glancing around hoping I’d see her. I haven’t since I left her at her bus last night and it’s driving me crazy. How will she act? Will the guys give me hell?

  “Dude, earth to Chase.” I snap out of my thoughts to see Ryker snapping in my face.

  “Whoa, what?” Cole, Aiden and Ryker start laughing.

  “Where the fuck were you?” Ryker laughs, “The set’s been over for like five minutes and you were just spacing out.

  “Nowhere man, just thinking. Let's head to get something to eat before set.” I start walking back to our bus, as my thoughts drift back to Hope

  “Sure...I bet you were thinking about a certain new worker. You know, the one with long, dark hair, blue eyes and happens to be standing right over there by the bus with Ariel.” I hear Aiden laugh and I give him a look to shut him up.

  As we walk to closer I see Ariel motioning to the merch tent, saying something to Hope. I see the beautiful smile spread across Hope’s face as she nods with excitement. Then she takes off sprinting to the merch tent.

  “What sup?” I say to Ariel, but my eyes glance back to where Hope is running.

  “Hey guys. About time you get over here. I was beginning to think I’d have to herd you in like cattle. We go on in about an hour, you need to probably eat something, get some water in you and make sure everything is set up. I sent Hope to the merch tent to make sure that’s all ready for meet and greets as soon as your set is over.”

  I nod and start to go on the bus to eat, but take one last glance back to the merch tent. I see H
ope unpacking all of the shirts, posters, bracelets and setting everything up. Then she starts writing times on the whiteboard. She just looks so happy and in her element. I don’t know what she did before this, but she seems to fit in perfectly here. A feeling in my stomach increases and it’s one I haven’t felt in years, if ever. This girl is making me feel something and I’ve only held a real conversation with her last night at the fire. I head inside to eat, and wonder why I can’t get her out of my head.

  There’s just something about her. Ever since I laid eyes on her I haven’t been able to keep her off my mind. I’m never like this, I don’t know what the fuck is going on, but that woman just does something to me. It is something with the way she doesn’t even seem to know how attractive she is. I don’t just mean her looks, obviously with her toned body, long dark hair and piercing silver colored eyes, the girl is gorgeous. But I just mean her in general. She’s quiet and reserved but at the same time so passionate about life and her dreams. She seems to extrude with light and unknowingly draws attention to herself.

  Hope just goes after it, she does whatever is asked of her and seems genuinely happy to be here and work hard. I have only known her a couple of weeks, but watching her work is almost magic. She came into this job with a fierce attitude, determined to succeed and she damn sure has.

  She flows effortlessly around the shows, reaching out to fans, setting up the photo ops and organizing every meet and greet. You can tell she doesn't mind the hard work, the girl is busting her ass. Yet, she makes it look so easy.

  She has a fire in her that doesn’t seem to dull. She’s so kind and warm to everyone she meets. You can’t help to be drawn to her. I can’t help but to want her near me, every second I can. I almost want to make an excuse to walk over to her now, but I need to make sure I am ready for this set. I won't lose focus on my career, but damn it this woman just has me mesmerized.

  chapter 5

  Hope:

  We are in Cincinnati, Ohio, Chase’s hometown. Therefore, this is a big deal. It’s the first time he’s performing home since his accident. The tour has been going great and I love everybody here. The past week it’s been different, Chase has been different. I’m really trying to stay professional, but being around him is just so easy. Being here in general is. Life has never felt more right, even with Josh. That part is crazy to me, because with him, I would’ve done anything and been happy. But I had never been truly happy with my life before him, and this, this is happiness. I’m happy with my life even though I’m alone. I still wonder if I’ll ever move on, or when I’ll be ready, but right now I’m too distracted to care.

  I admit, the amount of attractive men on this tour probably helps me in that department, especially Chase. We are growing closer and I’m getting to know him on a more personal level. I’ve learned he gets his musical ability from his late mother, from his late mother, who’s voice, as Chase describes it, is beautiful…ethereal even. She passed when he was a teen and his dad raised him. His mother’s passing was hard on his dad, so their relationship isn’t the greatest, but he wants to be able to take care of him. He really isn’t like the media portrayed him, at least not anymore. We still haven’t talked about the accident, and although I’m curious, I know it’s not my place. I’m just his assistant, friend, coworker I guess, even though part of me wonders if there is more to us. I try to dismiss any thought of him that involves feelings, but it’s getting harder every day.

  I try telling myself it’s just because we work so closely together and soon it’ll start to feel like he’s family or something, but deep down I don’t really believe it. There’s just this feeling I have, one that’s getting really hard to ignore. So, I just keep working my butt off and keep pushing to keep this dream life of mine. Because now that I’m living it, I don’t ever want to go back to how I was.

  Ariel and I make sure everything is set up for the show tonight and decide to explore the city for a bit. So, we get an Uber and go grab a bite to eat. Chase said he was heading home to visit his dad before the show. We are sitting at a local diner and I ask Ariel if Chase’s dad or anyone will come to the show, when her expression suddenly turns serious.

  “Um, no, he probably won’t come. That’s why Chase went to see him.” She says, quietly, then continues to eat her eggs.

  I look at her questioningly, “Oh, that’s strange, I figured that since we are in his hometown a lot of people will come.”

  She sits down her fork and looks at me like she has bad news. My heart sinks a little as she starts to explain.

  “Chase and his dad aren’t really that close anymore. Chase lived there until this tour started to recover and help his dad around the house when he could, but I don’t think he plans on going back after this. They had quite the blowout at the hospital after his accident. His dad already lost his wife and nearly lost his son, he took it hard.”

  Before I can speak Ariel looks at her phone and her eyes widen.

  “Shit! That’s the time? We only have two hours before they start letting people in. I want to talk to everyone and have some time to chill before we go on. Sorry Hope, but we need to go in a second.”

  I finish my fruit and coffee as she pays, she calls an Uber and we head back to the venue. We have a silent ride back and once we arrive she hurries out of the car.

  “Please don’t mention our talk to Chase, I know we are all pretty close, but I want his head on right before show. He is already going to be nervous, okay?” I zip my lip and hand her my pinky, “promise.” I say and I mean it with all my heart. I don’t want to hurt him in any way.

  I haven’t seen Chase since Ariel and I got back from breakfast and I’m nervous that although I promised Ariel I wouldn’t say anything, my emotions will be written all over my face. I am never good at hiding how I feel and right now I feel terrible for Chase and his father. While everyone is backstage setting up for the show I can feel the tension surrounding me. Jeremy and Ian, two of the stage crew workers are hanging the band banner, adjusting the lights and Ariel and I are setting up the amplifiers. Cole and Aiden are tuning their guitars while Ryker slams out a few beats on the drums, but everyone is quiet as they work. Just then Chase walks on stage, throwing off his Jacket and grabbing a mic.

  The expression he wears tells me he is not in a good mood, moments later he confirms that by getting pissed when Ryker asks him if the set list is the same.

  “Well did it fucking change overnight? Unless you guys changed it in the last few hours while I was gone, it’s the same man.”

  He says harshly, before slamming the mic in the stand and storming back stage. I look at Ariel wide eyed and mouth, “Should we do something?”

  She shakes her head no and finishes something on her laptop before gesturing me to get backstage. I hear cheers from the stage across the field as another band finishes their set. I glance at my phone, we still have about twenty five minutes before show so I decide to grab a drink. I walk to one of the food stands, order a hard cider and take a long drink. I use the few minutes away from everyone to clear my mind. What could’ve possibly made him so upset? I know they don’t have a great relationship, but Chase has always seemed so professional, it’s unlike him to act like that, at least from what I’ve seen. After about ten minutes, I decide to head back to the stage, I see the crowd as I near our area and my mood lightens somewhat. I don’t want to let him ruin my day, I am just nervous how this performance is going to go.

  I go past security, showing my badge and approach Ariel cautiously. She smiles at me and hands me my headset. “It’ll blow over, he just didn’t have the greatest visit with his dad.”

  I nod and turn to face the stage as the lights dim and I hear the crowd go wild. My heart is racing and I’m holding my breath silently praying everything goes as planned as I see the guys head to the stage. Finally I breathe as Chase runs on stage and happily greets the crowd.

  ***

  The crowd is going crazy as RA finishes up their last song and I can’t he
lp but clap and cheer along with them. Ariel laughs as I hold my hands to my mouth and yell. I can’t help it, I was really nervous about his playing, but it’s like he put all his anger on the stage and it was probably his best show this tour. Ariel and I start grabbing our things as the stage crew begins to breakdown the set. We’re about to head to the showers when Chase comes running up to us, smiling widely.

  “Ariel, Hope, wait up.” We turn and I’m happy to see a huge smile on Chase’s face. He throws his arms around our shoulders and we walk towards the buses. My heart is racing and my stomach is doing flips with his body so close to mine.