Holding On To Hope

by Mystique Roberts

  I chalk it up to being crazy and reading way into his actions. Get your mind back on track Hope. forget it. You are here to work and experience life for once. That’s it. No romance.

  Then, I can’t even help it as thoughts of what life would be like if he were in fact interested in me drift to mind. I picture a whole new life for myself. It’s a crazy, beautiful, rollercoaster, but something I’d definitely love. I see us-

  I’m daydreaming about all the possibilities, when my phone rings, snapping me back to reality.

  “Mom.” I sigh as I hit the silence button, of course she is calling for the millionth time to check on me. I'll call her back once I get settled for the night. She can wait twenty minutes. Inside the bus I strip off my dirty clothes, shower and rap my robe around me. I throw together a turkey sandwich and grab a hard cider out of the fridge. Once I get settled I call my mom back.

  “Girl why are you ignoring your mother?” my mom says in her joking, angry tone.

  “I’m sorry, Mom. I’ve been so busy, I just got back to the bus, showered and made a sandwich before I called you.” I reply, trying to sound sorry, not tired and grumpy.

  “Mhmm...I’m just giving you shit, but I’ve been a little worried. Your sister and I have both tried getting a hold of you this week and you haven’t responded. How are things? Are you okay? Do you need to come home?”

  I sigh, of course she is pulling the home card.

  “No, I don’t need to come home, Mom. I’m great, I promise. Be worried if I start calling you all day, every day, okay? I’m traveling, seeing fantastic bands, we will be in St. Louis soon and you will see me! Okay!? I need to sleep, I’m exhausted.”

  “Okay hun, but when I call or text you, make sure you reply at least by the next day from now on! Promise! I love you, here’s your sister. She wants to say hi.”

  “I promise, Mom. Okay, love you.”

  My sister keeps me on the phone for twenty minutes, asking every question in the book about this job. “Is so and so as hot in person as he is in pictures?” “Have you hooked up with anyone?” “What’s Ariel like?” “Have you seen Jay from Fading to Light!?” “When can I see you?”

  I love her to death, but she’s giving me the third degree. So, finally when I pinky promise ‘over the phone’ to call her tomorrow, she lets me go.

  I curl up in my bunk and turn on Netflix to fall asleep. I can still hear some people outside as everyone gets ready to head to the next stop. I stare at my computer screen and try to relax, but all I can think about is Chase and Josh. I can’t believe Josh is fucking with someone. I know it’s been a year, but I honestly thought I was supposed to be with him, I guess I just feel used. The pain is pretty much gone, but I believed him and he flat out lied and used me. That pisses me off. How will I ever know if anyone is truly interested or just wants a hook up?

  That makes me think of Chase. Did he really try to kiss me today or was I just hoping that’s what was happening? Why was I hoping that? My focus is on this job and making my dreams come true. Yet, him showing me that slight bit of interest is making me wonder, which is dangerous and definitely something I should not do. I remember the other night and the fire. Just walking by him, talking to him, being near him had every nerve in my body on end. Damn it! These thoughts need to go away. Yet, I still find myself thinking about what it would be like with him. How the touch of his embrace would feel, and all of the positives that come with having a man in your life. Let alone Chase fucking Franklin. Alternative Rock star, sexy, every woman wanting him.. Chase Franklin.

  Girls would kill… probably literally to date him and for some damn reason he’s flirting with me… I think. Fuck Hope. Stop it. Even though being with him would be a dream come true for the majority of the women my age - including myself, all I can think about is what will be left when he changes his mind and gets bored. Because, he will get bored. I’m nothing special. I am just a girl from a small, boring town. No big star. No spectacular life story. This is the most exciting thing I’ve ever done and it’s his everyday life. Pus, he could just be flirting to see if he will get my attention or get a hookup out of it.

  Then again, I don’t know, he could get that from anyone. Damn I’m so confused. A million thoughts are running through my mind and I don’t know which one of them is even close to being the truth. Me being with him practically twenty four seven could be his interest. Then he could have a hookup whenever he wanted. What the fuck would he want with plain, Hope Richards? If I couldn’t even keep Josh happy, no matter how much I did for him or how much I love him. Loved-love, I - I don’t know. That’s another thing. I don’t know where my heart is, so this is just stupid to think about at all. Those feelings haven’t been figured out, but how in the hell will I keep Chase happy when he literally has his choice of millions? He terrifies the living hell out of me. Here on tour I see a passionate, down to earth man, who is focused on his goals, but his past tells a different story. It was full of leaping before he thought about his consequences, doing whatever benefited him at the time and dating girls who intended on playing the game just as well as he did. They didn’t want anything serious, then Chase would have them falling for him so fast they didn’t know what hit them. He would get bored, change his mind and move on to the next, repeating this cycle for years, leaving a pile of broken hearts in his path.

  I know I am being a complete girl and over thinking all of this, but what if he continues to flirt? Do I flirt back and risk my job? Do I not flirt back and possibly make him mad, again risking my job? I am so confused! I am already barely putting myself back together and that is because of this job. It’s my dream. If we end badly, what would be left when my already broken pieces become shattered again? I could lose my job, my dreams, on top of him. Then, I would really have nothing.

  Chase:

  I laid awake most of the night, tossing and turning, replaying the moment with Hope over and over in my head. Hope tripping was funny, I’ll admit. Her clumsiness is one thing I find cute and innocent about her. I had to keep myself from laughing, so I didn’t embarrass her further, but I was also nervous she was hurt.

  She definitely has more beneath her surface then she shows. She seemed off today and hurt. I know she tried to keep a front up, but I saw beneath her tough exterior. I wish she would’ve told me what was bothering her. The pain in her eyes was undeniable and all I wanted to do was take whatever it was away from her. All she should be doing is smiling, because when she does it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

  I turn over in my bunk and plug my phone in. A weird feeling trickles through me. Every day Hope intrigues me further, there is no denying that. I just can’t pinpoint the feeling I have when I’m around her. Is it lust? Attraction? Just because she’s new to me and not throwing herself at me? Whatever it is it’s working because it’s like I have a gravitational pull that keeps me near her as much as possible.

  I barely know her but I wake up each morning wanting to learn more and more. I make sure my alarm is set then try to shut off my mind, but when I close my eyes it’s her sweet face, dark hair and tantalizing eyes I see.

  ***

  The next morning I groan when my alarm wakes me up.

  “Damnit.” I mutter as I slap my hand around my bed aimlessly trying to shut off the loud buzzing. I sit up and look out the window, noticing we’re still on the way to the next location. So, I grab my phone to check the time. Only eight a.m. Fuck why did I set my alarm so early? Deciding to enjoy some downtime, I close my eyes and start to drift back to sleep when my phone goes off.

  “Really?” I grumble before looking to see who it is.

  Ariel: “Hey, I want to meet this morning so we can all discuss some plans and new ideas for the tour. With Hope here, I want to try a few new things.”

  I text back.

  “Okay. What time?”

  She responds in minutes.

  “I asked the driver to pull at the next gas station/rest stop so we can get food and all meet
in your bus if that’s fine.”

  I look around and notice how messy it is. Shit. I jump up and throw on some basketball shorts and a t-shirt.

  Then, text Ariel back.

  “Deal. See you then.”

  “See you in about fifteen.”

  I throw all of my trash away and toss my clothes into the empty bunk, shutting the curtain. Then, brush my teeth and the bus slows to a stop. I hop off the bus and smile when I see Hope coming out of hers. She’s in a grey dress that rests just above her knees and some strappy sandals. Her long, dark hair flowing down her back in loose waves.

  “Chase, are you getting something?” Ariel is standing a few feet away with a small smirk on her face and I realize Hope is already near the door of the convenient store.

  “Shit, yeah. I’m coming.”

  She laughs and we all stock up on snacks. It feels good to stretch my legs. After we all pay, everyone heads to my bus.

  Ariel waits at the door for me. “Ready?” She smiles.

  “Yep. How much longer of a drive do we have anyway?”

  “Um, I think only a couple of hours?”

  “Great.” I say and hop the few steps into my bus. Everyone is sitting around waiting for us.

  “Ryker, what the fuck?” I laugh when I see him laying down in my bunk.

  He shrugs, “I’m still tired.”

  Everyone laughs and gets comfortable.

  “Okay” Ariel starts as she pulls out her laptop. “I just wanted to go over some things.”

  I hear a chime and Hope blushes when I look at her, her blue/grey eyes bright, nearly matching the shade of her dress perfectly. I notice her clicking through her small digital camera.

  “So, Hope I guess we haven’t really talked about what goes on behind the scenes outside of the shows a whole lot. I apologize about that, this has just been kind of a throw you in type of deal. On one hand that’s good because it tests your ability to handle the rapidly changing lifestyle but on the other, it kind of leaves you ill prepared sometimes. So, I figured we’d give you the run down a bit today.”

  Hope nods and smiles.

  “Chase, clearly is the lead singer,” Ariel continues. “But, he also helped me with set ups for the shows, scheduling and organizing everything before you came along.”

  Hope looks at me curiously, obviously a bit surprised and I wink at her.

  “He knows some of the business and I’m hopppinngg…he decides to learn more.” She hints.

  Ariel has wanted me to finish school and learn more of the business side for a few months now. I think after my wreck she wanted me to have something else to keep my mind busy, so she started teaching me different aspects. Ariel clears her throat and gives me a snide look. I just roll my eyes. I have enough on my plate right now, but one day, maybe I will.

  “Which brings me to Keaton;” Ariel continues. “You met him at the bar in Cincinnati. He grew up with Chase and works in finance. So, we hired him to help with budget and finances. He works remotely with us.”

  She pulls up a document on her phone and hands it to Hope.

  “I’ll give you access to this, but Keaton, you and I will all be able to access it, change anything needed and when we do it notifies all of us when the change is made. You and I will sit down later for me to show you more in detail.”

  “Okay.” Hope replies.

  Ariel walks over to Aiden and Cole, pointing to them. “These two lovely gentlemen kind of work hand in hand. Cole studied graphic design in school. He creates all of our logos for our merchandise and works on the website, etcetera. Aiden helps Cole with this, but he also likes the behind the scenes production, music videos, the guys filming on tour. Like Braxton, our photographer. He has learned quite a bit from him.”

  “That’s so interesting to me. I never knew you guys did all of that stuff yourself I guess. I just assumed the label did it.” Hope shrugs.

  Ariel smiles wide and taps her fingers together like she just came up with the perfect evil plan.

  “Well….this brings me back to you, Hope. Ryker, I’ll get to you in a sec.” She reaches for Hope’s camera. “May I borrow this?” Hope raises her eyebrow and nods.

  “Sure, of course.”

  Ariel stands in the front of the bus and holds out her camera.

  “I don’t know if any of you guys noticed, but Hope brings this everywhere with her. Now, I know she’s taking all this in and capturing memories with pictures, but most people these days do that with their phone. The only other people I see with actual cameras out here are employees. That being said, I figured Hope would like to help Cole and Aiden with more behind the scenes promotions and graphics. What do you think Hope?”

  Excitement spreads across her face.

  “Really!? I’d absolutely love that! Thank you, so much!”

  She hugs Ariel and I can’t help but laugh at how genuinely happy she is. I never realized that she was so interested in photography, but now I see that it is something she is passionate about. Just like music for me.

  “You’re welcome. Seriously, I want you to stay with us for the long run, I think you knowing as much as you can about this industry is a good thing. Plus doing what you love is important. Okay, back to Ryker, his Chef Boyardee ass went to culinary school. You don’t get to see much of what he can do on the road, but trust me he can cook as good as he can play the drums.”

  I laugh, “If you mean nearly knocking himself out with the sticks then I agree.”

  “Dude, you don’t even play the drums, so fuck off.” Ryker retorts.

  Everyone laughs and we enjoy the rest of the bus ride just getting to know one another. We tell Hope how we all met. Aiden and I at community college, Ryker and Cole saw our auditions online and we all clicked well, so it worked. We didn’t meet Ariel until we were signed, but she quickly became a part of the ‘family’.

  I feel really good about this reboot. Things are perfect. I just am secretly crossing my fingers that they stay that way.

  chapter 7

  Hope:

  Ever since the near kiss with Chase a few days ago, things have been a bit awkward. For me at least. I am prepping for our next show and I can’t get the thought of his face so close to mine out of my head. Maybe it’s because deep down I wanted him to kiss me or maybe it’s just because I was reminded how long it’s been since I’ve been kissed. Hell, the last time I was kissed was New Year's Eve and well… that ended in disaster.

  I recall painful memories from one of the worst nights of my life, but thankfully Ariel calls my name, and I am brought back to the present.

  “Hope, are you all done over there?”

  I look up to see her walking from the meet and greet tent and I stand with a smile on my face.

  “Yes, all done! Do I need to do anything else?”

  She shakes her head, “Nope, we are all set. We go on in about ten minutes.”

  I head to the side of the stage and pull out my cell phone. I open Facebook and scroll through memories of last year. My head and heart are a mess as I reminisce about when my world was turned upside down. Although it seems to be for the better, I am still trying to work out my feelings.

  “Hey, you okay? Don’t take this the wrong way, but you just don’t look too happy right now.”

  I look up to see Chase sitting next to me and quickly lock my phone screen.

  I smile, “Of course! I’m great, just waiting for you guys to go on.”

  His forehead creases with concern and he lightly squeezes my thigh.

  “Mhm, okayyy, I’ll take that for an answer, for now. I was going to ask if you wanted to go somewhere with me after the show. I think we could both use a little time to clear our minds of all this.”

  He gestures to the stage and people as to say the work. I can’t help but feel a smile form on my lips.

  “Where are we going?”

  I’m intrigued but he just stands and winks.

  “It’s a surprise. Meet me after, okay?”

  I
nod and he walks to meet Aiden before I can say another word.

  After the show I decide to walk around the grounds a bit while I wait for Chase to shower. I haven’t had much time to just enjoy the atmosphere in a few days and I think Chase is right, I need to clear my mind today. I grab a Leinenkugel Summer Shandy and head to watch Fading to Light play. I’ve been following them for a while now and they are amazing live. I record a short video for Taylor, making sure to zoom in on Jay, sending it to her with a smiley face. For a few moments I allow myself to just be a fan and jump along with the crowd singing the lyrics. I love the feeling you get at a live show. The moment you see your favorite artists on stage, up close and personal and feeling the vibration from the speakers make their way through your body, nothing compares to it.