Abby in Wonderland (Special Edition)

by Sarah Mlynowski

  The Mad Hatter jumps out of his seat. “Is it tea time already? Why, I believe it is.” The Hatter marches toward the door. The March Hare, carrying the Dormouse in his hand, is right behind him.

  “Witness, come back here this instant, or it’s off with your head!” the queen shouts.

  The Hatter freezes and turns back. He walks to the chair. He adjusts his hat and sits down. “Make it fast!” He looks at his watch. “It’s six o’clock.”

  The Three of Clubs glares at the Hatter and repeats her question. “Did you witness these girls steal anything from the tea party?”

  “Those girls?” the Mad Hatter says, pointing at us.

  The Three of Clubs looks very frustrated. She stomps her foot. “Yes! Those girls!”

  The Mad Hatter scratches his chin. “They were invited guests at my tea party. Invited. Guests. So how could they have stolen anything?”

  Hah!

  “But —” the Three of Clubs begins.

  “The witness has spoken!” I yell. “He’s spoken! We didn’t steal anything! We were his guests! Case dismissed!”

  I high-five Penny and Robin and Frankie. I try to high-five Alice, but she tilts her head and doesn’t know what to do. She’s clearly never high-fived before.

  “Not quite,” the Queen of Hearts says. “Next witness.”

  “I call the White Rabbit,” the Three of Clubs announces.

  Penny and I both gasp. WHICH White Rabbit will it be? I look over to the chairs. I only see one White Rabbit. He’s wearing his red coat and little round eyeglasses. But what if it’s Gluck, the evil fairy? What if he transformed back into a rabbit after he disappeared from the hallway?

  The White Rabbit pulls out his pocket watch, checks the time, and then hurries to the witness chair. I crane my neck to see the time on his watch.

  It says six o’clock. Why am I not surprised?

  I wring my hands. If only I knew the time back in Smithville. I hope my parents haven’t come to pick me up from Penny’s yet.

  The Three of Clubs clears her throat. “Mr. White Rabbit, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?”

  “I do,” the rabbit says. “But you must hurry! I’ll be late!”

  “What could possibly be more important than a trial?” the Three of Clubs yells.

  “Off with his head!” the queen shouts.

  “Dear, let the rabbit give his testimony,” the king says.

  “What is testimony?” Alice whispers to me.

  “It’s what a witness says happened,” I whisper back.

  “White Rabbit,” the Three of Clubs begins. “Have you seen the girls drink or eat anything that does not belong to them?”

  “Well —” he begins.

  I hold my breath.

  “Actually, no, ma’am,” the White Rabbit answers.

  The courtroom erupts. Everyone is murmuring.

  “May I remind you that you must tell the truth!” the Three of Clubs snaps.

  “I am telling the truth, ma’am,” says the rabbit. “I saw the girls increase in size. And I believe they did some damage to my windows and possibly my chimney. But I did not actually SEE the girls drink anything.”

  “That’s right!” Frankie whispers to me. “He was sleeping in his bedroom when we drank the potion, remember?”

  Yay! This means it’s the real White Rabbit in the witness chair.

  “I am, however, told they ate my cake,” he says.

  “Objection!” I call out, jumping back up. “Didn’t your children throw the cake at our mouths? So doesn’t that mean they gave it to us?”

  He nods. “Yes. I suppose they did.”

  Ha! I’m good at this. I am going to be the best lawyer ever. “So we didn’t steal it, then! Case dismissed!” I yell.

  “I don’t think so,” the Three of Clubs says. “I believe you saw at least one of the girls drink the shrinking potion. Correct, rabbit?”

  He nods. “That’s right. I did. I saw Alice drink it. When she first got here.”

  Oh, no.

  Murmurs spread through the room.

  Alice pales and shrinks back in her chair.

  “But … but … there was a sign on it!” I say. “It said ‘Drink Me’! That was an invitation! It can’t be considered a crime to drink something that instructs one to drink it, can it?”

  “She makes a good point,” the king says, his forehead wrinkling.

  The White Rabbit looks at his pocket watch. “Oh dear oh dear, I’m very late. May I be excused now?”

  “Yes,” the Three of Clubs says. “As long as you have nothing else to testify about?”

  “I do not.” He jumps off the chair and hops out of the courtroom.

  “Next up is the caterpillar!” says the Three of Clubs.

  The caterpillar? Are they going to get everyone we’ve ever spoken with to testify against us?

  The caterpillar scoots his way toward the front. He sits down and blows a smoke ring right in the Three of Clubs’s face.

  “I heard the girls ate both sides of your mushroom,” the Three of Clubs says.

  “He told us to!” I say.

  The caterpillar nods. He blows another smoke ring. “Both true,” he drawls.

  “See? See?” I call out. “This is ridiculous! No one has anything on us! There’s no proof of a crime. So please let us go!”

  The queen nods. “If no one can prove that they stole my tarts —”

  “I can,” says a deep voice.

  We turn around.

  It’s Gluck. The evil fairy. In his human form.

  Noooooo.

  “He doesn’t have any evidence!” I cry.

  “Au contraire,” Gluck says, walking past us. “I have photographic evidence.”

  And then he lifts up Robin’s pink sparkle cell phone and smiles.

  My phone!” Robin cries. “I want that back!”

  “I’m sure you do,” Gluck says and lets out his evil laugh. “But it has incriminating evidence.”

  “The selfies,” Robin says, slumping into her seat.

  “How many did you take?” I whisper.

  “A lot,” she says.

  “What’s a selfie?” Alice asks.

  “It’s … a picture,” I say. “Of us. Eating the tarts.”

  “Oh, no!” she cries.

  “That’s not good,” Frankie says, shaking her head.

  “I can project them so everyone can see,” Gluck says. He pulls a little silver clicker out of his pocket. The next thing I know, there are huge pictures projected up on the wall behind the queen. Pictures of me, Robin, and Penny munching on the tomato tarts.

  “How did he do that?” Robin asks. “I don’t even know how to do that! Is it in the Cloud?”

  “He’s a fairy,” I say. “He can do anything he wants.”

  Gluck presses on the silver clicker and new pictures pop up. There’s one of me standing in the garden, my mouth stuffed with tomato.

  Great. Just great.

  “See?” Gluck says. “They’re guilty.”

  I jump up. “Okay, you got us. We’ll admit that we ate the tarts. But! We only ate them because Gluck told us to! We would never have eaten the tarts if we’d known they were yours!” I tell the queen.

  “She’s lying!” Gluck yells.

  “You’re lying!” I yell back.

  “Well,” the king begins. “I hereby declare —”

  “I’m the declarer!” the queen says. “I hereby declare that I will take the new evidence into consideration before I find you guilty.”

  That doesn’t sound good.

  “Order in the court,” the Three of Clubs shouts. “One-minute recess!”

  Order? What order? This place has order? Could have fooled me.

  Frankie, Robin, Penny, Alice, and I remain seated. We could try to make a run for it, but there are still those two guards posted on both sides of our table.

  I glance over at Frankie. She’s deep in thought, probably tr
ying to remember what happens next. Or what’s supposed to happen in the book, at least. Even Robin looks worried. Alice is sitting straight in her chair, her hands folded, with a perplexed expression on her face. And Penny — huh. She’s not exactly shaking in her sneakers. In fact, she’s doing what she does when she’s bored in class. Doodling on the desk with her pencil.

  Except, I have to say, this is more than a doodle. She’s drawing a really good picture of the Queen and King of Hearts.

  The Three of Clubs glares at Penny. “Now the thief is defacing the property of the court!” she yells. “She dares draw the likeness of the king and queen!”

  The King of Hearts gasps. “What! Only the royal artist can draw our likeness!”

  “Let me see that!” the queen shouts. She scoots off her throne, marches down to our table, and comes around to our side.

  Penny smiles at her. “I don’t think I got your pretty hair just right, but I don’t have my good pastels with me.”

  The queen looks at the drawing. She narrows her beady eyes and lifts her chin. “I do have pretty hair, don’t I?” the queen says. “And what lovely expression. My child, I’m impressed.”

  Penny looks at me and smiles. Then she looks back up at the queen and bats her eyelashes. “Do you think you could spare my head? And my friends’? Robin’s my BFF. Frankie is very smart and helps me with book reports. Abby can be bossy, but that made her a really good lawyer, don’t you think? You never know when YOU might be on trial, Your Majesty. Oh, and Alice didn’t even get to see Wonderland yet.”

  The queen stares at Penny. “Why would I ever be on trial?” She laughs for a good two minutes. “You’ve amused me. But I shall think about your request. Court is in recess for one more minute!”

  The queen rushes back to her throne. She and the king start whispering to each other. I lean forward, trying to hear. Lots of whispers. The queen stomps her foot. The king stomps his. The queen lifts her chin and smiles meanly.

  The Three of Clubs sounds the trumpet. “The queen has come to a decision!”

  I glance at Penny and Robin on my left. Alice and Frankie on my right.

  “You will now be sentenced,” the queen says.

  “As attorney for the defense, I must remind you that we haven’t been found guilty!” I say.

  “SILENCE!” the king shouts. “The queen has spoken!”

  “Indeed I have,” the queen says. “Off with their heads!”

  “What?” I cry. “No! I object! OBJECTION! I did a great job! I did not lose this case!”

  “You did do a great job, Abby,” Robin tells me. “I wouldn’t take it personally.”

  “However —” the queen continues. “Everyone wait, I’m about to sneeze!”

  The queen sneezes. Her cardboard body flutters. “As I was saying. The young artist will be spared. I am impressed with her talent, and would like her to come be my heir. But the other four girls ARE GUILTY AS CHARGED!”

  Huh? What? “NO!” I shout.

  “I’m not guilty!” Alice cries. “I just got here! I wasn’t even in their pictures!”

  “SILENCE!” the king bellows.

  Penny looks shocked. “Be your heir?” she gasps. “You want me to stay here with you?”

  The queen nods. “Yes. The king and I have no heir, and we have been looking to groom someone to take over the kingdom. You are a good fit.”

  “Excuse me? M’lady?” asks the Three of Clubs. “Wouldn’t you be better off choosing a card? Someone who shares your DNA perhaps?” She stands up straight. “Perhaps a club?”

  “I can choose whoever I want to choose,” the queen snarls. “And I want the girl with the pretty hair to be my heir!”

  “What about an actual hare?” the king says. “They make great heirs, too.”

  “Swallow,” Robin says.

  “Huh?” I say, turning to her.

  “Swallow,” she says slowly. “What if the Cheshire Cat meant something else? The way words have different meanings. Like heir and hare. Or feet and feet.”

  Frankie’s eyes widen. She gasps and points to one of the birds. “Swallow!”

  Are they losing it? They’re not going to try and eat one of the birds, are they?

  “Isn’t a swallow a type of bird?” Robin asks Frankie.

  “Yes!” Frankie exclaims. “It is! The blue-and-white bird! It’s called a swallow! That’s what I was trying to remember. It’s been driving me crazy!”

  It’s called a swallow? There’s a type of bird called a swallow?

  A swallow taken will bring you back.

  I draw in a deep breath. “Are you saying that the ‘swallow taken’ isn’t something to eat? Or drink?” I ask. “That instead it’s a, a —”

  “Kind of bird!” Robin, Frankie, and I say at the same time.

  Oh my goodness.

  I glance over at where the Cheshire Cat is sitting. He looks at me, grins, and gives me a thumbs-up. Make that a paws-up. Then he disappears.

  Yup.

  It’s the bird. The bird is going to take us home.

  “Hey!” I call out. “Come here, swallow!”

  The bird dives toward us. Before anyone knows what’s happening, I climb on his back. Since I’m still tiny, I fit on easily. “Come on, guys!” I call to my friends. “Let’s go!”

  Robin and Frankie immediately jump on behind me.

  “Penny, let’s go!” I say.

  Penny hesitates. “But … but … No.”

  “No?” I repeat. “What are you talking about? Penny, we have to leave. Now. Get on the swallow.”

  Penny narrows her eyes. “I am so sick of you telling me what to do! You are NOT the boss of me!”

  Is she kidding me right now? “Excuse me? I’m trying to save you!”

  “I don’t need your help,” she says. “I can save myself. And maybe I don’t want to leave.”

  Huh? “But you hate Wonderland. Remember? It makes no sense.”

  “The queen likes me! She wants to be with me!” She looks sadly at the ground. “That’s more than I can say about anyone in Smithville.”

  “What are you talking about?” I ask.

  “My parents are never there,” she says. “Sheila only takes care of me because it’s her job. I bet she hasn’t even noticed I’m gone. And you guys … well, you guys have each other! Robin is supposed to be my best friend, but we all know she’s really your best friend. She barely even talked to me today. If I stay here, no one will even miss me. And the queen kind of looks like my grandma.”

  “Your grandma looked like a card?” Robin asks.

  “Of course not,” Penny says. “But they have the same heart-shaped face and dark gray bun.”

  Aw. Poor Penny.

  “You will make an excellent princess,” the queen tells Penny, pursing her lips. “Come along, dear. Let me show you Wonderland. Would you like a tart? I don’t just have tomato. I have asparagus, too!”

  “Penny, no,” Robin rushes to say. “I’m sorry if I didn’t talk to you enough today, but you are one of my best friends. And I want you to come home.”

  “We need you to come home,” Frankie says.

  “Nobody needs me for anything,” Penny says sadly.

  “We need you,” I insist, meaning it. “You helped! That portrait you drew was amazing! You and I both agree that rules are good. We have that in common, right? And without you, we don’t have our P!”

  “Huh?”

  “Our P!” I say. “In our FRAP necklace! Who’s going to be our P?”

  She cracks a smile. “Really?”

  “Really! Now get on the swallow,” I order. “Pretty please with a mushroom on top?”

  She smiles again. And then finally, Penny climbs on behind us.

  “No!” the queen hollers. “Come back with my heir!”

  “I can’t be your heir,” Penny says. “I’m sorry.”

  Cliff stands up. “I’ll be your heir!” he calls out.

  The queen eyes him up and down. “You?”


  “A son!” the king cries. “I have always wanted a son.”

  “I thought you wanted to get out of Wonderland?” I ask Cliff.

  “I don’t mind staying,” he tells me. “It’s kind of groovy. As long as you’re going back to help her.”

  “To help who?” I ask him. “What do you mean?”

  “Do you have a talent?” the queen asks Cliff.

  “I can dance,” he says, swinging his hips. “Do you know how to disco?”

  “Okay, swallow,” I say to the bird. “We’re ready.”

  “What about Alice?” Robin asks.

  Oh, no. What about Alice? Should we bring her back with us? No. We can’t take her to modern-day Smithville. She needs to return to her sister and Dinah.

  I look over at Alice, who’s sitting at the table with her chin in her hands.

  “I know. We should pinch her,” Robin says. “That will wake her up!”

  “Good idea,” Penny says.

  Robin jumps off the swallow and pinches Alice’s arm hard, leaving a red mark.

  “Ouch!” Alice cries. “What did you do that for?”

  “I was trying to wake you,” Robin says. “But I guess it is a myth.”

  “Told you,” I say.

  “She’ll be fine,” Frankie says. “Don’t worry. She’ll wake up soon anyway.”

  “But what if she doesn’t?” I ask, biting my lip. “What if she’s stuck here forever?”

  “I agree with Frankie,” Penny says. “She’s going to wake up when she’s ready.”

  “But …” My voice trails off.

  Frankie puts her hand on my shoulder. “I know you’ve done this before. And you’re the expert. But you can trust us on this. Okay?”

  I nod. “Okay.”

  “Come on, Robin!” Penny calls.

  “One sec,” Robin says. She leans over to grab her cell phone off the evidence desk and then jumps back on the swallow. “Got it! I can’t leave this behind!”

  And with that, the swallow takes off.

  “Good-bye, Alice!” we shout, waving, as we rise into the air.

  “Good-bye!” she calls out. “It was nice to meet you, BFFs!”

  Aw.

  “Should we go after them, m’lady?” the Three of Clubs asks the queen.

  “Give them a fifty-two-second head start and then chase them down,” the queen says.