Life On Hold

by Karen McQuestion

  One time, when Gina wasn’t around, I asked my grandparents if they knew who my father was. Grandpa shook his head. “Sorry, Rae, she wouldn’t tell us. We didn’t see her for two years after she moved out, and then one Christmas Eve she just showed up with you in her arms. You were almost a year old by then.”

  “Best Christmas gift we ever got too,” Grandma said. “I loved you from the second I saw your little face peering out of the hood of your snowsuit. You were such a beautiful baby. We were so happy to have you in our family.” There were tears in her eyes, and she gave me a hug. I’m sure if they’d known the truth about my father, they would have told me.

  So those are Gina’s secrets, and here’s one of my own: as badly as Gina wanted to escape Madison, that’s how much I want to go back there. Grandpa took me once to the university campus in their town when I was about twelve. We walked around outside until our feet were cold and then went to the cafeteria for hot chocolate with whipped cream. The cashier gave me the once-over and said, “The freshmen look younger every year.” Grandpa handed her the money, laughed, and said, “She’s not a freshman yet, but just watch for her, she’ll be here in a few years.” When we got back to the car, he said, “You know, Rae, if you want to go to college here, Grandma and I will pay for it. You could stay with us or live in the dorms and use us as home base. We’d love to have you.”

  I nodded, but didn’t say much. Gina would have been furious. She only visits over Christmas because they give her a thousand dollars in an envelope every year, and I get everything I ask for, practically. Buying our love, she calls it, but I think it’s more of a bribe to make sure we come.

  Right after that I formulated my plan. If I schedule my classes right, I’ll have enough credits to graduate halfway through my senior year. My birthday is January 6, which is also the day I’ll be getting on a bus to Madison and heading to the dorms. Hopefully we’ll still live in Wisconsin because if we move back to Arizona or somewhere far away like that, it will be one long bus ride. Unless I fly, which I guess I could because I’ll be a legal adult by then. I haven’t worked out all the details yet, but I’m sure how it will end up.

  My mother doesn’t know about my plan. She thinks we’re going to live together forever. In her mind, I’m going to graduate from high school, then take courses at some community college. She throws out suggestions for jobs I’d be good at—things like dental hygienist or pharmacy tech. They always need these, apparently, and they pay well. After I complete my course or get certification or whatever they call it, I will, according to her, go on to get a job in my new field. With two combined incomes in one household, Mom and I will be living the high life: vacationing in Vegas, renting a nicer apartment, maybe even setting a little money aside in savings. This is how she sees my future.

  I’ve never told her that I have other ideas. I don’t know how to tell her I have other ideas. She would be so angry with my grandparents, she’d probably never talk to them again, and it would be my fault.

  If only there were two Raes—one to stay my mother’s roommate, and another to go off to the university. That would make everyone happy. But I can’t be two people, so I dread the future, even as I look forward to it.

  I know when I leave it will break my mother’s heart.

  Chapter 9

  Unlawful Entry

  When I got to my apartment building, I noticed Gina’s blue Saturn in the parking lot. Her work schedule changed from day to day, so I never knew what to expect. Even when she didn’t have appointments, she sometimes stayed at the salon in case of walk-ins or to help the stylists out by taking a turn at the shampoo bowl. But she was here now, which was good, because I wanted to tell her about my day—how Mr. Smedley had admitted to making up a fictitious program in order to get me to help a new student, a girl with some kind of emotional problem. This was the type of story Gina would get into. She loved hearing about my day at school, all the better if I acted a scene out and did impressions. I could absolutely do Allison walking down the hall, not answering my questions, purposely ignoring me while sticking to my side every bit of the way. I looked forward to telling Gina about the couple making out in the bathroom and how Kylie told me that Allison just took off.

  Opening the door to the apartment, I called out, “Hey, I’m home.” I let the backpack slide off my shoulder, and it fell with a satisfying thud onto the shoe mat we keep in the entryway.

  I heard laughter. “We’re in here, Rae,” Gina called out. Too bad she had company; my story would have to wait. I followed the sound to the kitchen. As I turned the corner and walked through the doorway, she said, “Here she is—better late than never. We’ve been waiting for you, Rae.”

  And I said…well, actually I didn’t say anything at all because I was too stunned to speak. Completely at a loss for words. Struck dumb by the fact that in my own apartment, sitting in my chair at the kitchen table, was Allison. Yes, Allison. She sat across from my mother, fingers wrapped around a glass of Diet Coke. Her hair was no longer pulled tight into a French braid; instead, it hung in waves around her shoulders. Her patent leather grandma purse rested on the floor against my chair.

  She sat there as relaxed as if she was the one who lived there, instead of me. I’d just learned the word “flabbergasted” in a vocabulary exercise in English. At the time, I doubted I’d ever get a chance to use it, but here I was—flabbergasted.

  “Sit down, take a load off,” Gina said, getting up to take a stack of magazines off our third kitchen chair. She turned to Allison. “See, I told you she’d be here soon. She always comes straight home. If not, she calls.”

  I sat down and cleared my throat, looking from my mother to Allison and back again. I said to Allison, “What are you doing here? I was looking for you.”

  “I missed my ride home,” she said, avoiding the main issue, while stirring the crushed ice with her straw. “My aunt wasn’t answering her phone, and I didn’t know what else to do. It’s too far to walk.”

  “You never mentioned having a friend named Allison,” Gina said, giving my shoulder a poke and then getting up from the table. She set the magazines on the counter and opened the refrigerator, rummaging around for God knew what.

  “I just met her today,” I said to my mother’s back. And to Allison I said, “How did you know where I lived?”

  She shrugged. “I found you in the student directory last night, after I heard you were going to be showing me around. I wrote down your address and phone number for just in case. When I showed the crossing guard your address, she gave me directions.”

  “Good thing you had it with you.” Gina handed me a bottle of water while looking at Allison. “Or you’d have been out of luck.”

  “So you live at Blake’s house?” I asked.

  Allison nodded. “For now.” From the look on her face, I knew not to go any further with the questions. She’d put her wall back up. Just two minutes earlier she’d been laughing with Gina, but now she was the same unreachable girl who’d stuck to my side while looking down on me at the same time.

  Gina, oblivious to the tension in the room, chatted on about the school and the neighborhood, ending up with, “Allison, you might not know this, but we just moved here not too long ago, didn’t we, Rae?”

  I nodded. “This is my first year at Whitman.” I looked straight across the table at Allison. “So it’s really odd that Mr. Smedley picked me, of all people, to be your guide. Why do you think he’d do that?”

  And cool as could be, she shrugged and said, “Couldn’t say.”

  “You should be honored, Rae,” Gina said. “He must have thought you were the right person for the job.”

  “Oh, I got that.” I pulled at the label on my bottle. “I just find it all very puzzling. I’d love to know the process, the reason I was chosen.” I raised my gaze to see Allison staring back at me expressionlessly.

  “Some things just can’t be explained,” she said, taking a sip through her straw.

  “It just st
rikes me as being really odd,” I said.

  There was an awkward silence until my mother spoke. “Anyway,” Gina said, “we’ve kept you long enough. If your aunt hasn’t checked her messages by now, she might be worried. We better get you home.”

  Chapter 10

  Lifestyles of the Rich and Obnoxious

  As it turned out, Blake Daly’s house was bigger than my entire apartment building.

  Allison, sitting in the front passenger seat, directed Gina through town, past the downtown business section, the industrial park, and outward to the newer subdivisions where all the rich kids lived. We pulled into the Dalys’ circular drive, and the Saturn came to a rest, creaking as if it had old bones. The three of us sat in the car for a second, just taking it all in: the white columns, the concrete gargoyles standing guard on either side of the porch, the stained-glass double doors. Both doors depicted the same family crest, a shield thing that showed in pictures that Blake’s ancestry could be traced to men who wore armor and jousted on horseback.

  “Just the one family lives here?” Gina asked, lowering her sunglasses to get a good look.

  “Just one,” Allison said.

  “Does Blake have brothers and sisters?” This from me in the backseat.

  “Nope, he’s an only child.”

  Gina whistled. “His dad must make some serious money to have a place like this.”

  Allison didn’t answer; I heard the click of her seatbelt unfastening. “Well, thanks for the ride. I really appreciate it.”

  “No problem,” Gina said. “Anytime.”

  Allison slung her purse over her shoulder and opened the door. “See you tomorrow, Rae.”

  Did I have a choice in the matter? No, I did not. Best to be nice. “Okay, see you then, Allison.”

  We watched her trudge from the car to the front door. She rang the bell and stood there for a minute or two. Blake finally came to the door with a scowl on his face and let her in. Allison turned to look at us one last time before she went inside.

  Gina smiled and waved, and then she turned to me. “That poor girl. From the look on her face, you’d think she was heading into the lion’s den.”

  “You got that right.” Of course, if I had to stay in the same house as Blake Daly, I wouldn’t be all sunshine and cotton candy either.

  “Well.” Gina tapped on the steering wheel. “Are you going to come sit up front, or am I going to have to act like a chauffeur on the way home?”

  The chauffeur thing was tempting. We hadn’t played that game in years, but I had a few questions for her and the conversation would be easier if I was up next to her.

  As we headed down the driveway, Gina said, “Can you imagine shoveling all this? It would take forever.”

  “They probably pay someone to plow it.”

  “I guess you’re right. That’s how the other half lives. They have people to take care of all of life’s little details.”

  I waited until we were on the main road before I asked, “So, Allison just showed up at the door, or what?”

  “She knocked on the door, I answered it.” Gina slowed for the turn. “To tell the honest-to-God truth, at first I thought she was selling something, the way she was dressed. She said she was looking for you. I said you weren’t home yet, and she asked if she could wait. I said okay.”

  “You said okay and let her in? A complete stranger?” Honestly, sometimes Gina really lacked common sense.

  Gina grinned. “She didn’t look like a threat. I figured if she tried anything funny, I could totally take her down. I work out.” She held her right arm toward me and flexed.

  “I don’t know about that. You might be stronger, but I wouldn’t underestimate her. She has a lot of rage.”

  My mom frowned, but kept her eyes on the road. “Why do you say that?”

  “She’s just so hostile. Mr. Smedley said she specifically asked for me to be the one to show her around the school, and then when I did, she barely talked to me all day. And you heard how she denied knowing anything about me getting picked. I gave her a chance to say it was her idea, and she totally blanked out on me. I’m getting a definite anger vibe from her.”

  “I don’t see it that way at all.” The car bucked as she accelerated onto the main road. “When I look at Allison, I see a really sad, lonely girl. I actually wasn’t too happy with you, Rae, back at home. Would it have killed you to be nice? You came off like you were accusing her.”

  Her words had a harsh tone that made me squirm. I wasn’t used to my mother criticizing me. Usually she thought anything I did was “beyond reproach”—to use an expression we’d just covered in English. There was a silence between us for a long minute or two. Finally I said, “I didn’t mean to act rude to her, but come on, she outright lied to me. That’s not cool. Plus, I’m sorry but she just doesn’t seem sad to me at all.”

  “Did you know that she’s living with her aunt and uncle permanently now? She didn’t tell me the circumstances, but it has to be something bad. She barely knows these people, but she needed a place to live and they were the only relatives who’d take her. She said they made it very clear to her they weren’t real thrilled about it. The uncle works a million hours a week, and the aunt is totally into her career too. She’s an accountant or something. And the cousin, the kid you know, is a little shit, she says.”

  “That’s for sure.”

  “The only one who talks to her is the housekeeper. Imagine living that life.”

  The part about having a housekeeper didn’t sound too bad. The rest of it would suck. “I didn’t know all that,” I said softly.

  “Well, now you do.”

  Man, Gina was getting all worked up over this. She was starting to sound like other people’s mothers. Was it my fault Allison wouldn’t talk to me, but she’d confide in my mom?

  “There’s something about this girl, Rae. I can’t even explain it, but I just feel like giving her a hug.”

  I looked out the window and watched as we passed the little shops that made up the city center. Outside the salon where Gina worked, one of her coworkers, Ben, was sweeping the sidewalk. Normally we’d slow down to honk and wave, but this time we just drove past.

  “Would you do me a favor, Rae?”

  “Sure.”

  “Could you be this girl’s friend? She really, really needs one.”

  Oh, please, anything but that. “She doesn’t want to be my friend, trust me. I’m telling you, Gina, I was nice to her all day, and she treated me like I was something nasty she stepped in.”

  “Could you just do it, Rae? As a personal favor to me? How often do I ask you to do something?”

  Hmm, how often did she ask me to do something for her? Like, never? Hard to believe, but it was true—Gina didn’t put any demands on me at all. Other kids talked about chores: taking out the garbage, cleaning their rooms, doing the dishes. Some even had chore charts or lists and they couldn’t leave the house until everything was done, and done well. At my house there was none of that. Free and easy, that was our motto. Granted, I’d always done that kind of stuff without being asked. I mean, how hard was it to take a bag of trash out to the garbage can? Besides, I was born with a natural sense of order. Messes bother me. Still, I had to admit that my mom never asked for much, which made it impossible to say no when she did. “I’ll be nice to her, of course I will. But being her friend—that I can’t promise. If she doesn’t want to be friends, there’s not too much I can do about it. I mean, I can’t hold a gun to her head and make her.” That would make an interesting story: How did you two get to be friends? Oh, she threatened to kill me…

  “Fair enough.” Gina reached over and patted my arm. “By the way, I invited Allison to spend the night on Friday. I thought maybe you could invite Kylie and the three of you could listen to music or watch movies or something?”

  I gave her my most exasperated look, and she laughed. “Come on, one night to help a little lost girl who needs a friend. Consider it an early birthday presen
t to me.”

  An early birthday present? Ha! That was a reach. I’d rather have picked up something at the mall.

  Chapter 11

  Too Late Now

  When we got home, my mom blended up two fruit smoothies, a popular meal at the Maddox house. Tonight’s version was a particular favorite of mine—rice milk mixed with banana and fresh strawberries. She filled a large travel mug, popped the top on, and ceremoniously handed it to me. “Dinner is served.”

  “You shouldn’t have gone to so much trouble,” I said.

  “Don’t worry, I didn’t.”

  I grabbed my backpack and went to my room to call Kylie and tell her the new development. She would die when she heard that Allison showed up at my house, won over my mother, and was going to be spending Friday night at my apartment. Of course, the Friday thing wasn’t for sure yet. Allison still had to ask her aunt, but Gina seemed to think it was pretty definite. I was flabbergasted (that word again) when Gina announced she’d invited Allison without checking with me first, but I kept it cool. Once Gina set her mind to something, there was no point arguing. The deed was done. And I certainly wasn’t going to be the one to uninvite Allison. How mean would that be? Plus, with Kylie there it would probably be okay. I’d never had Kylie to my house, but she was one of those sunshiny people you don’t get sick of. If anyone could make the whole thing fun, it would be her.

  I closed the bedroom door and fished my cell phone out of my backpack. We weren’t supposed to take them to school, but everyone did. I kept mine on mute and sometimes forgot to turn it back on until later. Like today.