Life On Hold

by Karen McQuestion

  “Oh no,” Allison shook her head. “You guys are the best. I don’t know where I’d be without you. It was at my other school, before I came here. I went through something when my parents died, and no one would believe me—” She blinked back tears, her voice breaking. “None of my friends would talk to me.”

  Kylie handed Allison a napkin for her eyes and put an arm around her shoulders. I could tell from looking at Mason and Nick’s faces that they knew Allison’s story. The guys looked uncomfortable at her show of emotion, and I was sympathetic, but once again, I didn’t know what to say.

  “You don’t have to worry about that here,” Kylie said firmly. “You’re safe with us. We don’t let our friends down.”

  To break the tension, the rest of the lunch hour was spent expanding on this concept. Kylie made a small flag using a fruit snack wrapper and a straw and embedded it in a marshmallow she found on the floor. It represented new territory, she said. There was some talk of a blood oath (Mason), but the rest of us thought that was kind of extreme. “The main thing,” Allison said, “is that we’re here for each other no matter what.”

  I knew they were half-joking, but still, it was the most intense lunch hour I’d ever had in a high school cafeteria. I hoped it wouldn’t scare Nick off. I liked having him next to me, watching him as he ate and talked. He had an easy confidence without being too full of himself. I could use some of that myself.

  The bell rang as we were cleaning up our wrappers and napkins. Mason gave a salute as he stood up to go. “Off to economics. Have fun at the dentist, Rae.”

  “You’re going to the dentist?” Nick said.

  “Yep, my mom called it in. I didn’t know anything about it until I got called down to the office for my pass. It was like—surprise!” I did jazz hands. “You’re getting your teeth cleaned today.”

  We were the only ones left at the table now, but neither of us was making a move to go. “I’ve always felt that clean teeth are really important,” he said. “That and really fresh breath are an unbeatable combination.”

  He made it sound so personal. Could it be he was flirting using dental metaphors? The boy was impressive. “I feel strongly about that too,” I said.

  “Rae, can I call you tonight? We could talk more about this teeth issue.”

  “I’d like that.” Look at me grinning like an idiot and opening up to another human being. It was easier than I would have thought.

  “Can I have your cell number?”

  “Oh sure.” I dug into my backpack and pulled out a sheet of paper, then wrote down my number and name. My hand was shaking a little. I hoped he wouldn’t notice.

  “Thank you very much.” He looked at the paper. “Rae Maddox. Good to have the name so I don’t think I’m calling some other girl.”

  I blushed, which I almost never do, but how stupid was that, putting down my full name? I just wasn’t completely sure he knew it, and I thought this would be a subtle way of telling him.

  “I’ll talk to you tonight.” He looked around the mostly empty lunchroom. “I guess I should get going. Don’t want to be late for class.”

  “Yeah, and I really shouldn’t keep the dentist waiting.”

  Chapter 21

  It’s Not Always What You Expect

  I stood looking out the west door at exactly 12:15, the excused absence slip in hand. I’d been ready to show it to anyone who questioned my leaving midday, but no one did. In fact, the office lady saw me and waved as I went by. Good-bye, Rae, wherever you’re going! The building was not nearly as secure as they’d have us believe.

  Ten minutes later, still standing there, I looked remarkably like someone whose mother had screwed up royally. She could be so lax about time; I hoped she wasn’t going to make me late. I stepped outside and got out my cell phone. Inside the building it was difficult to get a clear signal, but now that I was outdoors there was nothing between me and the satellite but some clouds and an American flag flapping against the aluminum pole.

  I pushed the button to turn it on, but before I could call, a car pulled up directly in front of me. Not my mom’s Saturn, but a large silver SUV. I took a step back as the passenger side window slowly opened. “Rae Maddox?” It was Blake Daly.

  “Yeah?”

  “Get in. I’m your ride.”

  I leaned in to look at him eye-level. “Get out of here. I’m waiting for my mom. She’s a little late, but she’ll be here any minute.”

  “She’s not coming,” Blake said. “I’m the one who called in for you. Get in.”

  WTF? “No, my mom—”

  “There’s no dentist appointment. I made that up so I could take you somewhere and show you something.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “It’s about Allison. If you really want to help her, get in the car.”

  He had to be kidding. “No, I’m not getting in your car. If you have something to tell me, just tell me already.”

  “It’s not that simple. Now look.” He pointed behind me. “That annoying woman from the office is coming. You better get in, or you’re going to get both of us in trouble.” The window slowly rose upward.

  “Rae?” Miss Jensen opened the outer door and stuck her head out. “Is there a problem?”

  “No problem,” I said. “Just leaving for my dentist appointment.”

  She showed no signs of leaving until I actually got into the car, so I did, waving as I opened the door to reassure her everything was fine. Blake drove off before I’d even fastened my seat belt. When we were a block away I said, “Would you please pull over and tell me what in the hell is going on?”

  He eased the car curbside. Down the block I saw an old guy raking his leaves, but he didn’t seem to notice us. “I already told you what’s going on.” Blake drummed his fingers against the steering wheel. “What else do you need to know, Maddox?”

  “You didn’t tell me what’s going on. Words came out of your mouth, but they made no sense to me. You were the one who called in my excused absence? How did that work?”

  “I do it all the time. I called in and said I was your dad and I was calling in because you forgot the note at home. It was easy.”

  “I don’t even have a dad.”

  He shrugged. “They don’t know that. If you call at a busy time, they just write it down. They didn’t have a clue. I made sure to spell your name the way an annoying middle-aged guy would. I said, ‘Maddox—M as in Michael, A, double D as in doctor—’”

  “Yeah I get it,” I said. “And why did you call in and say you were my dad?”

  “I told you, because I want to take you somewhere that will give you some insights into Allison. She’s your friend, right? And you want to help her, don’t you?”

  I wouldn’t exactly call her a friend, but the fact that I didn’t categorize her that way was no reflection on Allison; it was more of a Rae thing. Not taking on friends too easily was basic self-protection. Still, I was warming up to Allison, and I did feel for her. I wanted to help, but somehow I doubted that Blake’s motives were pure. “What if they call my mother to confirm my absence?”

  “Won’t happen,” he said. “They’ve already issued the pass. It would make them look bad if they found out it was bogus.”

  “What if I get out of this car right now and walk back to school, tell them what you did?”

  “You could do that.” He looked amused. “But I don’t think you will. You’re too smart for that. It would just get both of us in trouble, and then you’d never know what I was going to show you.”

  Chapter 22

  All in Your Head

  “So where are we going?” I asked.

  “You’ll see when we get there.”

  “Can you give me a clue? Is it even in Wisconsin? Are we driving out of state?”

  “Chill. It’s just a few blocks from here.”

  I shouldn’t have been surprised when he pulled up in front of the building also known as the Mental Health Unit for Children and Adoles
cents, but somehow I was. It looked the same as always, a giant brick with windows.

  “Do you know where we are?” Blake raised his eyebrows; his tone was smug.

  “Yeah,” I said. “This is the Mental Health Unit for Children and Adolescents, also known as the children’s division of the psychiatric hospital. Personally, I like to call it Mother HUCA.” I could tell I surprised him; the superior look left his face. “And yes, I do know that Allison was a resident here.”

  “She told you that?” he asked incredulously.

  “I know a lot of things.”

  “Well,” he said, taking the key out of the ignition, “let’s see what else you know.”

  He got out of the car and headed down the sidewalk. When I didn’t get out fast enough, he turned around and gestured for me to follow. I had to hurry to catch up. He took long strides and headed down a path to the left of the fence. We circled around the building until we came to what had to be the main door. It didn’t look very main though—just a regular-sized door with a metal canopy over it. Blake pressed a button on a box next to the doorframe, and a woman’s voice came over an intercom. “Good afternoon, what’s the reason for your visit?”

  “This is Blake Daly. I have a twelve o’clock appointment with Dr. Winfield.”

  Okay, this I did not know.

  She buzzed us in, and Blake led the way toward a large desk near the entrance. The woman sitting there said, “Hi, Blake,” and handed him a clipboard. He wrote his name and mine on the sheet, and under the column that asked “reason for visit” he wrote “appointment with Dr. Winfield / guest.” I didn’t know if I was supposed to be his guest or the guest of the facility. Either way wasn’t too thrilling for me.

  He handed the clipboard back to the woman and motioned for me to follow him down a long hallway.

  “Am I ever going to find out what this is about?” I asked as we walked.

  “Soon enough.” He stopped in front of the last door on the left. A sign holder on the wall next to the door read: Quiet please. In session. “We have to wait.”

  “Don’t you have to live here to see the doctors? I thought this was just for the resident kids.”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know how it works. My family had to start coming here because of Allison. I never even heard of this place before.”

  I was having serious doubts about this whole thing. The locked doors, the writing of my name on the sign-in sheet, me missing a half-day of school. How had this happened? I used to be smarter than this. I was the one who moved on when situations got sticky. My policy was to never get bogged down in other people’s problems. Was it too late to walk out? I could make it home on foot in ten minutes and just hang out there all afternoon. If Gina were home, I’d tell her the truth. We’d have a good laugh about it, I was sure of that. But what if she asked why I didn’t just stay and find out more about what Allison was going through? I was here now; maybe I should just stay.

  Before I had a chance to anguish over it any longer, the door opened and a boy about eight, wearing a baseball cap, bounced out. Behind him, a trim woman with dark curly hair called out, “Okay, Caleb, see you next week then.”

  “See you next week then,” he echoed, grinning. Such a happy boy. Whatever his problem was I’d take two of them.

  She turned to us. “Ah, Blake and friend. Come on in.”

  Friend? I had gotten promoted from disliked acquaintance to friend in no time at all. If I didn’t watch it, by spring we’d be going to prom together.

  Blake did the introductions. “Dr. Winfield, this is Rae. Rae, the doc.”

  Nice. We shook hands, and she motioned for us to sit. Her office had the traditional desk along with a sitting area consisting of two chairs and a couch. Beyond the desk was an area set up for little kids: a small table and chairs, a bookcase filled with toys, a dollhouse on the window ledge. The room smelled good, like gingerbread. I sat in one of the chairs, and Dr. Winfield sat at the other, a notebook on her lap. Blake sat back on the couch as comfortably as if he were at home watching a Packer game.

  “I’m not really sure why I’m here,” I said. “Blake said it was something about Allison?”

  Dr. Winfield stiffened. “Blake, you know I can’t legally or ethically discuss anyone besides you.”

  Blake laughed nervously. “Well, I had to say something to get her to come, right?”

  She turned to me. “I’m sure you’ve heard of physician-patient privilege. It’s intended to protect the rights of patients, and I abide by it.”

  Blake said, “I know, Doc, but we can talk about me, right? And how having Allison at my house is affecting me?”

  She nodded. “We can talk about you, and Rae, as your friend, is free to join in the conversation.”

  “I’m not really his friend.”

  She raised her eyebrows. “No?”

  “I barely know Blake. He said if I came I’d find out more about Allison and that I’d be able to help her.”

  The doctor tapped her fingertips together. “You were misled, I think, and so was I. Blake told me that he was bringing a friend who wanted to help him with what he’s going through.” We both looked at Blake, who grinned sheepishly.

  “Hey, whatever works, huh? Allison is my problem, and my mom said Rae is the one person she’s connected with. You said that if someone could break through Allison’s ice queen act you could get her the help she needs, and then she could move in with her other relatives in Iowa.”

  Dr. Winfield’s lips formed a thin line. “So that’s what this is about, Blake? Getting rid of Allison?”

  “She can’t keep living with us.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “My parents expect me to take her places with my friends. I can’t do that. You never know when she’ll start crying about nothing. I can’t handle it. Honestly, I think she’d be better off living somewhere else.”

  “Maybe,” I said, “she wouldn’t cry so much if you weren’t so mean to her.”

  That got his attention. “Okay, I know she told you what I said at the bonfire. I admit it was really mean to say she killed her parents, but I didn’t know she was there, or I wouldn’t have said it.” He leaned back. “It’s the truth, though. Even the cops up north think she burned down her own house. And another thing,” he said, pointing at me, “if she tells you no one in my family cares about her, that’s just wrong. My mom has tried everything to help Allison, and still she won’t talk to any of us. Just because she’s spilled her guts to you doesn’t mean she’s said shit to anyone else.”

  I raised a hand. “May I just say that Allison hasn’t opened up to me at all? She barely talks to me. If anything, she’s more friendly to Kylie and Mason and my mom.”

  “Your mom?” Dr. Winfield held her pen poised over the notebook. “Is your mother a very nurturing, maternal type?”

  Not hardly. “She’s nice,” I said cautiously. “Very nice. Everyone likes her. She takes an interest in people.”

  She turned to Blake. “Just for the record, and I’m speaking in generalities here, I never make promises about the children and teenagers I see in my practice. Each person is unique, as is their life and their progress in dealing with whatever problems they have. I would never say, for example, that if X happens, then Y will be done. If you somehow got that impression from something I said, I am sorry. That was never my intent.”

  Blake looked bewildered. His jock brain was overloaded.

  “She’s saying,” I translated, “that she never promised that if Allison made progress she could move out of your house and live somewhere else.”

  “No,” he said, “that’s not right. My mom said if Allison admitted she set the fire, you’d have to take her back here to live. And that after that she could move out of state.”

  “Maybe this is something we can discuss at your family’s next session,” Dr. Winfield said. “This isn’t the appropriate time with Rae here.”

  I picked my backpack up off the floor. “That’s okay, I have to get going a
nyway. I have this thing I’m supposed to be at.”

  Chapter 23

  Calling in Reinforcements

  So I headed for home, thinking about Allison the whole way. How awful it must be to live with Blake, who didn’t hide the fact that he didn’t want her there. I couldn’t even imagine how that felt. Every time my mom told the story of my birth, she made it clear how excited she was to have me, how much she loved me.

  Starting when I was three or four, she used to tease me by pretending not to know me. If I woke up during the night, I’d come into her bedroom, where she, night owl that she was, would be watching TV or reading a magazine. “What’s this?” she’d say in delight. “There’s a little girl in my bedroom!” I’d laugh and snuggle up next to her. She’d cup my chin and look me right in the eye. “You know, you look exactly like someone I love,” she’d say, and I’d squeal, “I am someone you love.”

  She did that for years, until I wouldn’t play along anymore.

  When I got home, I let myself into our apartment and called out, “Mom?” even though her Saturn wasn’t in the lot. Sometimes she let friends use the car. But there was no answer, and I remembered she was scheduled to work nine to three that day.

  I set my backpack down and poured myself some apple-mango juice. Actually, the label said it was apple-mango fruit drink, which accounted for its unnatural color and sweet Kool-Aid-ish taste. Still, it hit the spot. With a bag of Doritos, I could consume all of the required food group chemicals at one sitting.

  I was crunching, sipping, crunching, sipping when the phone rang. I picked up on the second ring. Hearing my grandma’s voice immediately brightened my afternoon. “Rae, darling girl, what a nice surprise. I was thinking I’d get the machine.”

  “I have the afternoon off of school. I just came back from an appointment.”