Tougher Than The Rest

by Shirleen Davies

  “I thought he wanted to speak with me?” Kate cast her father a confused look when the door slammed shut.

  “Well, he did. Guess the spectacle of you on your hands and knees with Josh sort of changed his mind,” Trent said, his voice a little more curt than he intended.

  Kate ran out the door. “Niall. Niall, wait!” she called as he passed the barn. He stopped Zeus, turned to glance over his shoulder, and reined his horse around to where Kate stood.

  “What is it, Kate?”

  “Father said you came by to speak with me. Hmm…” She paused to moisten her lips. “Do you still want to talk?” Kate was more hopeful than she should be. The odds were he wanted to talk about Beth, or his aunt. But she still held her breath.

  “It can wait. It’s late, I’m tired, and I still have to ride back to the ranch.” What he wanted was to jump off Zeus, wrap his arms around her, and tell her she was his. Not Josh’s. Not anyone else’s. Only his.

  “Well, if you’re sure. You’re welcome to come in for coffee if you want. I’m sure father would welcome the company.”

  But not you, he thought. “Thanks, but another time would be better. Good night, Kate.”

  “Good night, Niall.” She walked back to the house feeling a large hole open in her heart.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  It was a Saturday night when Kate first realized she was late. Her monthly courses were never late. Never. But, as she lay in bed and tried to calm her rising panic, she told herself there had been a lot happening, which she heard could have an impact on her timing. She was two weeks late—not much, she reasoned. She expected it would start tomorrow in church, because, well, that’s the way things happened.

  But it didn’t happen at church, nor did it start the following week, or the next. By then Kate was nauseous part of each day and doing anything she could to hide it from everyone. Her clothes were getting a little tight, but not so much that anyone else would notice.

  Kate felt utterly alone. Niall hadn’t tried to speak with her again the few times they’d seen each other at the ranch. He hadn’t announced plans with Jocelyn, but Kate still assumed it was simply a matter of time. She’d never be able to approach him. She couldn’t say anything to her father as his disappointment in her would be more than she could bear. Plus, he’d insist she tell him who the father was. No, speaking with her father wasn’t an option. She couldn’t confide in Alicia, either. There were no real friends she could count on in town, except perhaps one. Doc Minton. She needed to confirm one way or the other, and the one person to see was the Doc. Friday––if she hadn’t started by then, she’d ride to town and meet with the doctor.

  Kate didn’t start by Friday, and it wasn’t Doc Minton who was at the clinic. It was Caleb. Of all the awful situations. Doc Minton was in Phoenix and wouldn’t be back for a week. Well, she could swallow her pride and see Caleb or wait another week—another week of not knowing.

  Caleb stood in the clinic entry with a warm greeting, asking what she needed. But Kate just gazed up at the man who’d shared her fate in the stagecoach accident, then stared past him to the open clinic door, nausea creeping up on her at the realization of what she must admit.

  “Kate?”

  “Oh, sorry, Doctor McCauley,” Kate said, but the doctor cut her short.

  “Caleb, Kate. I think you and I can be informal, don’t you?” His voice calmed her.

  “Caleb, then.” She nodded to him as he moved to the side so she could pass into the office. This was humiliating. What would he think of her? Would he feel compelled to tell her father? Or worse, ask about the baby’s father?

  “Are you going to tell me why you’re here, Kate? There must be some reason that brought you to the clinic.” Caleb’s voice was quiet, soothing her jangled nerves.

  “I…I just don’t know where else to go for this,” she said, and the tears started to flow.

  Caleb looked at her for a minute, then ushered her into the exam room in the back. He sat her down on one chair while he took the other.

  “Why don’t you tell me what’s going on and we’ll go from there, all right? Whatever it is, there will be a solution.”

  She swallowed, trying to clear her jumbled thoughts and let her tears dry. She never cried, but now she couldn’t seem to get control. Kate couldn’t bring herself to look Caleb in the eye. Her throat worked, but the words wouldn’t come.

  “Kate, look at me.” Her head came up as she tried to focus on Caleb. “That’s it. A little more so we can see each other while we talk.” She followed his instructions and took a ragged breath as his eyes met hers.

  “Oh Caleb, I’m so stupid,” Kate started.

  “Well, you may be many things Kate, but I have yet to see you do anything stupid.”

  She glanced away, gathered her courage, and plunged ahead.

  “I need you to tell me if I’m pregnant.”

  An audible whoosh of air escaped Caleb’s lips before he recovered. “I see. Well, let’s start with the basics. How long since your last monthly?”

  “Over nine weeks.”

  “Are you pretty regular?”

  Kate nodded. “Yes. Very.”

  “Nauseous, vomiting?”

  “Yes. Off and on for the last few weeks. But then I feel fine the rest of the day.”

  “All right, Kate. I’ll need to do an exam to be sure, so why don’t you get ready while I step outside. Holler when you’re ready.” Caleb could feel the misery rolling off Kate in waves. Of anything she could have told him, this was the last thing he would have suspected, but it was imperative Caleb not let Kate sense his thoughts. He didn’t want his reaction adding to her distress.

  Thirty minutes later Kate was sitting in his office, listening as Caleb confirmed what she already knew in her heart. Yes, she was pregnant. Based on the date she had given him, the baby would be close to eight weeks along. There wasn’t much to do about the sickness. It would subside soon and she’d feel better.

  “Does the father know?” It was a standard question, but somehow asking it of Kate was harder than with other patients.

  “No, Caleb. You’re the only one I’ve told. I don’t want anyone else to know about my situation.”

  “Kate, you have to understand that the idea of keeping this concealed is unreasonable. You live on the ranch with your father. You work for the MacLarens. You attend church and shop in town. Unless you move from the area, it will be impossible to keep it a secret after the next couple of weeks. Is that what you want? To move until the baby is born?”

  Kate was miserable. “I don’t know what I want, except telling the father is impossible. He has plans to marry someone he’s been seeing for months. This will ruin all his plans.”

  “But, Kate, what about his responsibility to the baby? Maybe he’d want to know, want to wed you, and give the baby his name. Have you thought about it from his side?” Caleb was being reasonable, trying to talk it through with her and offer opinions. It wasn’t what she’d expected, but it was what she needed.

  “No, he wouldn’t want my baby, Caleb,” she said, remembering Niall telling her he’d never be able to love her, and he sought marriage for the sole purpose of furthering his ambitions. The tears started again and ran down her checks. She brushed them away, took another breath, and stared at nothing in particular.

  “Kate, the Niall I have come to know would want to take full responsibility.”

  Her head snapped up at this. She hadn’t mentioned Niall to Caleb, yet he knew. “How do you know the father is Niall, or what he’d want?” Kate’s voice had risen with a hint of desperation.

  “For three reasons. One, he broke it off with Jocelyn. It’s not common knowledge, but he mentioned it to me a couple of weeks ago. Two, I see the way he is with Beth. He’s a caring person and loves his daughter, his family. Niall wouldn’t let a child grow up without a father if he had a way to stop it. And three, the man’s in love with you.”

  “Loves me? Now I know you don’t under
stand Niall. He keeps me around because of Beth, but he holds no affection for me. Love is out of the question.” Kate wished with everything she had that what Caleb said was true, but she knew it wasn’t.

  “Do you want to hear how I know he loves you?”

  Kate nodded.

  “He told me.”

  Kate was incredulous. “What? Niall told you that?” She knew he didn’t love her, but why would Caleb say it if he didn’t think it was true.

  “Niall and I had dinner a couple of weeks ago, at Mattie’s. It was the same night he told me about Jocelyn. We had a few drinks during dinner, and afterwards we sat in Mattie’s bar and had a couple more. By then he was pretty relaxed, and began to talk.”

  Kate looked up, startled, and began to say something, when Caleb raised his hand to stop her.

  “No one else heard our conversation. It was private, and trust me, he wasn’t drunk. He told me he’d made the biggest mistake of his life, and was trying to figure out how to fix it. He told me he’d done something that resulted in hurting someone he’d grown to love. He mentioned she lived at a nearby ranch. He never mentioned your name, but it didn’t take much to figure out he was speaking of you.”

  Kate sat stone still, absorbing Caleb’s words.

  “You need to think about telling him, Kate. He may surprise you.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Kate had left Captain at the livery and walked to the clinic. When she left her meeting with Caleb, all she could think about was that she was pregnant—pregnant with Niall’s baby—a baby he wouldn’t want and probably wouldn’t acknowledge. No matter what Caleb thought, Niall didn’t love her. Even if he had stopped seeing Jocelyn, he’d made his feelings quite clear. She’d raise the baby alone rather than be tied to a man who could never love her.

  “I will never be able to love you.” Niall’s words came back to her in a rush as she headed toward the livery on the wooden walkway. The words haunted her, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t push them from her mind. She was certain he’d been sincere.

  But what if what Caleb said was true? Could she mean more to Niall than he let on? Was that what he’d wanted to speak with her about when he stopped by the house a few weeks ago? Should she consider telling him and risk the further humiliation of his rejection? Too many questions. Kate needed time to think.

  She wrapped her coat tight around her to ward off the cold night air. If she could sit somewhere and concentrate, the answers might come. She needed to focus on what to do next. Mattie’s was down the street with its well-lit interior, fireplace, and Mattie’s own homemade pie. Kate decided she’d stop for pie and a cup of hot coffee, sit a while, and sort out her options, which she knew were few.

  A short time later she felt better. Caleb was right. She could either leave town to have the baby, or stay and confront Niall. Leaving wasn’t an option, so she’d have to gather her courage and speak with the baby’s father. But whatever his response, she would keep her baby.

  Maybe Caleb was right about the rest of it, too. She and Niall had spoken just a few times, but when they did, she was the one who’d been curt, and he was the one trying to build a bridge. Kate had refused his attempts. She believed he’d been honest with her that night, but what if his feelings for her had changed? Perhaps if she approached him, he’d surprise her, as Caleb had said.

  Caleb wasn’t the first to mention that Niall had stopped courting Jocelyn. Alicia and her father had both told her he now took Sunday dinners at home and hadn’t mentioned the woman’s name in weeks, but Kate had refused to believe either of them. She didn’t dare hope, finding it easier to plan a life without him.

  Kate decided she had little to lose and much to gain by being honest with Niall. If he cared about her at all, and learned of their unborn child, she knew he’d offer marriage. Perhaps he’d come to love them both. If not, well, she wasn’t any worse off than she was now, but at least she’d have her answer. She would have Niall’s baby even if she couldn’t have him.

  She started to grab her coat when the door swung open and an extremely attractive woman, whom Kate had never seen before, entered. When she removed her coat, Kate could see she wore a striking blue gown, cut somewhat lower in the front than normal, but still acceptable, and a beautiful silver necklace with blue stones. Her hair was a rich brown, and as she turned toward the dining room, Kate could see she had warm golden-brown eyes.

  But the next sight startled Kate into sitting back down. Niall followed the woman into the dining room. Kate’s breath caught. He was the most handsome man she’d ever seen, in black slacks that fit him well, black jacket, a white shirt with black ribbon tie, and a blue brocade vest that matched the woman’s dress.

  He took the coat from the woman and hung it along with his overcoat on a stand near the entrance. As they turned to be shown to their table Kate saw Niall rest his hand on the small of the woman’s back in a gesture that was both intimate and familiar. It was obvious this was someone Niall knew very well.

  He laughed at something the woman said as he pulled out her chair. After she was seated, Niall moved around the table. That’s when he saw Kate, sitting alone in the corner. He stopped cold and stared at her.

  Kate was the last person he’d thought to see on an early Friday evening in Mattie’s. But here she sat, her back rigid, her eyes steady on his, and her hands folded in her lap. She was working the gold ring, twisting it between her thumb and index finger, a gesture he recognized from her weeks at the ranch. Only now she wore the ring on her right hand, not the left. Her light blonde hair was coming loose from the bun and strands were streaming down her neck to cover the black coat she had bundled around her.

  It was a moment before her eyes wavered from his. She stood, grabbing her small bag before walking straight toward him, or rather, straight for the door.

  “Kate, wait.” Niall moved behind Kate and placed a hand on her arm. She turned to look up at him but said nothing.

  “Kate, I can explain why I’m here tonight.” The comment surprised him. He didn’t have to explain himself to Kate or anyone. But Niall had felt guilt when their eyes met, guilt about treating Gloria to a night out when the woman he loved sat alone, dejected.

  “You owe me nothing, Mr. MacLaren, least of all an explanation of how you spend your evenings. After all, I’m just your employee.” Her words were thick and forced. She wanted to leave, but his hand was still on her arm.

  “You are not just an employee, Kate.” Niall sounded pained, as if her words had hurt him somehow.

  “Well, someone of no consequence then.” Kate glanced around him to the woman, then back to Niall. “You have a beautiful lady waiting for you. I suggest you get on with your evening, and let me get on with mine.”

  Niall held her arm a moment longer while gazing into her too-bright eyes. He didn’t want her to go but couldn’t make her stay.

  “All right, Kate.” He released her.

  Kate walked out the door toward the livery, without a backward glance.

  ******

  “Who was that, Niall?” Gloria never pried, but she had her suspicions.

  “Katherine Garner,” Niall said.

  “Ah, the houseguest. She didn’t seem well. Do you think she needs help getting home? It’s getting dark and appears rain might be coming.”

  “I’m sure she’s not in town alone. Besides, she wouldn’t let me help her anyway. She has no use for me. It’s your birthday, Gloria, and I always take you out on your birthday. We never missed one, even when Camille was alive. I’m not about to change our plans because of Miss Garner.” But even as he spoke Niall peered through the outside window for a last glance, just to be sure she was okay, at least that’s what he told himself, but Kate was already out of sight.

  “All right, if you’re sure, but I think it’s a mistake.” Most people in town knew Gloria was a generous woman, and many overlooked her profession because of it. Gloria was always watching out for those in trouble and those needing
a hand up.

  They had begun their supper when Caleb walked into Mattie’s. He’d finished up at the clinic and needed a drink as well as a hot meal.

  Niall offered his hand and then pointed to an empty chair. “Join us, Caleb.”

  “Good evening, Miss Chalmette. You look stunning tonight.” Caleb did appreciate a beautiful woman and Gloria was that.

  “Why thank you, Caleb. I’ve asked you to call me Gloria. It’s my birthday and Niall was generous enough to ask me to supper. Please join us.” The smile she gave Caleb was luminous, bringing a smile to his face.

  “Well, I don’t know how to refuse an offer to help celebrate your birthday, Gloria. Thank you.” Caleb was exhausted and still haunted by the conversation with Kate. The last thing he expected was to find Niall with Gloria at Mattie’s. He was glad Kate hadn’t seen them.

  “Long day, Doc?” Niall asked after Caleb had ordered a drink and dinner.

  “Very. Ended a little while ago, but the last patient was more challenging than most, and I’ve spent the last hour trying to figure out the next steps.” He wouldn’t reveal anything, but was glad to get at least that much off his chest.

  “Reminds me, Caleb,” Gloria said, “Miss Garner was in the restaurant when we arrived and she didn’t seem at all well. She appeared pale and stressed, and left as soon as we arrived. I thought maybe you could find time to check on her. I’ve seen a lot of girls on the edge, and she had that look.”

  Caleb glanced at Niall and saw what he expected—guilt. In Caleb’s experience it was never good for a woman you love to see you with another beautiful woman on a night out, no matter what the reason.

  “Kate was here? How long ago did she leave?” Worry etched Caleb’s face. He knew she was on Captain, over two months pregnant, and had a good forty-minute ride back to the ranch, and that was if the weather held.