Tougher Than The Rest

by Shirleen Davies

  “Kate, look at me. Let me know what you’re thinking.”

  Get control, Kate. You can’t stand here and let him throw out a few kind words and start believing everything will work out. It won’t. He doesn’t love you, but he cares deeply for your father. It would be a marriage built on nothing but guilt and a sense of responsibility for the child he helped create. No love, no warmth. None of the things she desired from the man she loved.

  “I can’t marry you, Niall. I won’t marry you.” Kate was surprised she was able to get the words out. “Both of us know your feelings about love, your decision not to love again. And, we both know how strong, how tough you are. When you make a decision, you stick with it, except perhaps in matters of honor, and the baby is a matter of honor with you. I realize you feel responsible for the child, but that’s not enough for me.

  “We would only end up making each other miserable. You, because you have made it clear you don’t love me and never will, and me because I would always know the marriage was out of a sense of loyalty to my father, and responsibility to the baby, not because of any feelings for me. No, Niall, I’m not interested.” Kate took a deep, shuddering breath and stepped back from him, staring at the floor. She didn’t want to risk looking in his eyes and was afraid of what she might see.

  “You’re wrong, Kate. So very wrong about how I feel, and what our baby means to me.” Niall turned and walked away from her so he wouldn’t be tempted to grab Kate and pull her to him. “I’ve wanted you from the time I first saw you, ran you down on the boardwalk in Phoenix. Your effect on me was immediate, intense. It frightened the hell out of me. But I was safe, my plans were safe, because I knew you were taking the stage to California.”

  He stopped, turned towards her, then glanced around the room as if trying to decide how to continue. Niall shoved his hands into his pockets before his eyes moved back up to hers. “After the accident, when I found you lying in the stage, the same intense attraction slammed into me. It’s no secret I objected to Alicia bringing you to the ranch. I didn’t want you here, making me feel things I thought had been left behind when Camille died. The attraction continued to grow each time I saw you. But, like you said, I had plans to marry someone else—someone I didn’t love and never could love—a marriage of convenience for political connections that would have made me and everyone in my family miserable.” He walked back towards her, taking his hands from his pockets to shove them through his hair, then clasping them behind his neck while taking a deep, calming breath before he continued.

  “Oh, I wanted you, Kate, make no mistake about that. But you were married, or so we all thought. You wore that gold band that warned me away. I became more determined than ever to go forward with my decision to marry Jocelyn. I couldn’t have you, but I wanted you, loved you.” He took a couple more steps. He was again within inches of her. “I tried. I tried pushing you away, ignoring you, flaunting my Sunday suppers in your face to make sure you knew there was someone else, but it was useless. I was more captured by you each day. Then the dance.” He hesitated to go on but had to get it all out. His voice lowered to a whisper. “I was going to ask Jocelyn to marry me that night, did you know that?”

  Kate looked at him and shook her head. He was so close, too close. She found it hard to breathe. She wanted to reach out, touch him, and wrap her arms around his neck for one of his drugging kisses. Believe that what he said was true and everything would be all right.

  “But every time I saw you, someone else had you in his arms, making you laugh, enjoying your company. One man in particular.”

  “Sam,” Kate whispered.

  “Yes, Sam,” Niall said. “You were the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen having a wonderful time with other men, but not me. My plans to avoid you all night collapsed, and the next thing I knew I was standing beside you. Who would’ve thought one dance would push me over the edge?” His eyes had turned a dark green as he spoke. His words were sometimes a whisper, then came out with force as he related his feelings.

  “I took Jocelyn to her house, but left for home without proposing. Thoughts of you consumed me. I needed to touch you, kiss you, make love to you, Kate. I knew my control was slipping away, but there seemed to be nothing I could do.” He stopped as if not quite believing what he’d done that night.

  “Niall…” Kate started to reach out to him, but Niall looked away.

  “Kate, I’m so damn sorry about that night.” He took her hand and began to stroke circles with his thumb. “Not because of the baby, never that, but because it was your first time and it should have been special. It should have been slow, without any regrets. Instead, I said things I didn’t mean, trying with all I had to push you away and make up for my inability to stay away from you. You had exposed my complete weakness for you, and when it counted, I was powerless to stop the hold you had on me. Then to discover you were a virgin.” He dropped her hands and turned away. He rubbed his face with both hands and took another deep breath.

  Kate stayed silent, watching the emotions play off his face as he struggled with his thoughts.

  “Do you know what that meant to me? To know that no man had ever loved you before? You were mine, but I was too stubborn to see it, to grab onto it with both hands and hold on. God, what a fool I was.” This time he walked over to a chair near the fireplace and sat down. He was quiet for a long time, his elbows resting on his knees with his forehead cradled in his hands. He sat there for so long that Kate found the courage to say what she’d wanted to for some time.

  “You acted like I meant nothing to you. That it was only one night of pleasure. You said you didn’t love me, could never love me.” Her voice broke on the last, and she sat down on the edge of the bed with her hands over her face.

  Niall winced at the truth of her statements. He rose from the chair and walked over to kneel in front of her. He grabbed her hands and stared up at her.

  “Yes, you were a night’s pleasure Kate, but a pleasure I want every night of my life.”

  Kate searched his face for any signs that might betray him, but saw none. But her doubts still lingered. If what he said were true, then who was the woman he was with the night she saw him at Mattie’s?

  “The woman you were with at Mattie’s. Who is she?”

  Niall watched her and saw so many questions in her eyes.

  “Gloria. Her name is Gloria Chalmette.”

  “But who is she to you?”

  He didn’t want to bring his lover into this conversation. He wouldn’t see her again if Kate agreed to marry him. He hadn’t been with her since before the dance, the night he’d been with Kate. Niall knew he had to be honest with Kate if he was to win her trust.

  “I have known her for over ten years. She owns a saloon in town. It’s where I go on Friday nights.”

  “So she’s the woman you go to town to be with? To sleep with?” The last three few words were said in a soft whisper.

  “Yes.”

  “She is very beautiful.”

  “Yes.”

  “Do you love her?”

  “No. Not in the way you mean.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “Gloria has been a good friend. She was there before my marriage to Camille, and then after Camille died. I was never with her, never slept with her, while I was married. It was two years after my wife died before I went back to see Gloria. I’ve seen her ever since. Our relationship is built on friendship, not on commerce, if you understand what I mean.” He hoped Kate caught his meaning because he sure as hell didn’t want to explain it further.

  Kate looked at him, then a light went off in her head. Her eyes brightened and he knew she understood.

  “But you don’t love her?”

  “I love her like a friend, and we’ve given each other what was needed—respect, compassion, advice, companionship. But not the kind of love I have for you. I never sought that with Gloria.”

  “But you didn’t seek it with me, either.”

  �
��No, I didn’t.”

  Kate seemed to work at accepting his explanations and not question him further about Gloria. Her heart told her he was being honest, but at the same time she warned herself to be cautious.

  “And it’s over with Jocelyn?”

  “Yes.”

  The room was quiet for several minutes before Niall broke the silence

  “Kate, look at me.”

  She lifted her head to gaze into eyes that had haunted her sleep for weeks. Eyes she wanted to look into for the rest of her life.

  “I love you Kate, only you. Marry me, please.”

  That’s when the tears came. They streamed down her face as he put his arms around her and drew her to him. He stroked her hair and drew lazy circles on her back as her sobs grew more intense, then began to subside. When the worst was over, Niall put a hand under her chin and raised her face to his so he could look into to her clear, blue eyes.

  “Do you love me, Kate?”

  More than you’ll ever understand, Kate thought as she nodded. Niall’s smile was instantaneous.

  “Marry me.” It was a whispered plea this time.

  And the words he needed finally came. “Yes, Niall, I’ll marry you.”

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  “So, what’s the decision going to be, gentlemen? Do we go ahead with Trent’s offer, which sounds pretty good to me, or try to find another way to resolve this?” Sheriff Rawlins was anxious to finalize the plans for the Babbitt family, Joanne and her two kids, Alma and Tommy. The jewelry had been returned, and, as Jerrod had anticipated, everyone understood the circumstances. To a family, they decided to go along with any decision the sheriff made on how to handle the punishment for the thefts, but it was Trent who had offered a solution on how to proceed.

  “Sounds reasonable to me, sheriff.” Doc Minton had thought Trent’s plan made perfect sense.

  “I agree with Doc,” Sam said. “It works out for everyone.”

  “You’ll get no argument from me,” Niall smiled. He still couldn’t believe his good fortune. Kate would be his in a little over a week. “He picks up a housekeeper and cook, now that he’s losing the one he has,” Niall nodded at Trent, “plus gets one experienced ranch hand, and one that appears to be a quick learner. And we’ve the knowledge they’ll be watched over by an ex-lawman, even if he can be a little hot headed.”

  The last brought a smile from Trent. The week had been a blur, but things were working out for his daughter and the fifteen-year-old-boy he’d met so many years ago. He would never have foreseen it, but watching Kate and Niall together these past few days was all the confirmation he needed to believe they’d build a solid life together.

  “Then it’s settled. Trent, the Babbitt’s are officially remanded into your custody for a period of one year. After that, if all goes well, they’ll be free to go about their business, or perhaps even stay on with you at the ranch,” the sheriff said, then added, “as long as you’re sure you want to go through with this.”

  “No doubts, Sheriff. Mrs. Babbitt is grateful for the work and housing, and Tommy is as excited as you’d expect to start learning to ranch. Alma’s a bit of a hard case, but then who wouldn’t be, with what she’s gone through. My gut tells me the girl has a good heart. What kid steals jewelry just to give it to her Ma to make her happy? They never intended to sell any of it. Only wanted to raise their Ma’s spirits, help her get well.”

  Trent shook his head, still not quite believing the reason Alma had taken the small amounts of jewelry. But it all made sense now that the whole story was out. She’d be a handful, but between him and Josh, Trent thought they could help Alma sort things out, allow her to finish growing up without the burden of supporting her Ma and brother.

  “You know, Trent, there are some ladies in town who don’t think it’s proper, you having an unmarried woman out at the ranch.” Sam saw the disgusted look on Trent’s face but continued. “Just saying, there are some who may doubt your motives. Now that Mrs. Babbitt’s well, it’s apparent she’s a fine-looking woman, and smart. She has lousy taste in men, judging by the actions of her husband, but she’s a good woman, nonetheless. Watch yourself, my friend.” Sam slapped Trent on the back and laughed at the incredulous look on the ex-lawman’s face.

  Epilogue

  Saturday arrived with clear skies to welcome the guests who’d been invited to witness the ceremony. Even with such short notice, everyone came to the MacLaren ranch to celebrate the union. Whereas no one had thought Niall should marry Jocelyn, everyone felt the opposite about Kate. She was well liked and loved by more than just Niall.

  Beth couldn’t contain herself. She was getting a new mama, and it was the best person ever. She danced around, talking non-stop, then wandered off to play with the other children. Every time Kate looked at Beth, her new daughter, she felt her heart swell, and she knew for certain she’d made the right decision.

  Drew and Will had expressed how glad they were that Kate would be a permanent part of their family. Will and Emily were now engaged and Kate looked forward to having a sister-in-law in the not-too-distant future. The twins had offered to stay in the bunkhouse a few nights to give Niall and Kate some privacy since a honeymoon would have to wait. With Alicia and Beth staying with the Jacobsons for a few nights, Kate smiled at the thought of her and her husband’s first night alone.

  It was a gift indeed that Jamie was able to stay for the wedding. He mingled with everyone, laughed, drank, and seemed to be having a fabulous time. His initial anger at his brother had been replaced with a warm acceptance of Kate and the knowledge that she’d make his brother happy.

  Looking at his brother, Niall knew the wedding had been hard for him to witness. Niall remembered the depth of Jamie’s love for the woman who’d betrayed him. Victoria, the woman who was to have been his wife. Jamie had never loved another, never come close, but he’d built a life for himself away from Fire Mountain and the memories. Niall hoped that someday Jamie would return for good and reclaim his stake in the ranch.

  “He seems so alone, Alicia,” Kate said as they both watched Jamie mingle. As much as he tried, he never appeared to relax, let down his guard.

  “Well, no matter what that boy says, he may never get over losing Victoria. That girl broke his heart, taking off the way she did,” Alicia replied. After all this time, Victoria leaving still didn’t make sense to her. Something had never seemed right. But Jamie had refused to go after her, and wasn’t one to forgive.

  Strong arms came up behind Kate, wrapped around her waist, and drew her back, up against his firm chest. Kate let out a sigh and turned her head up to see Niall smiling down over her shoulder. “And what are you two ladies talking about?”

  “Oh, Jamie. And Victoria,” his aunt said. “I still don’t understand, Niall. All the things we knew about Victoria, how loyal she was, and how in love she was with Jamie. For her to pick up and leave still makes my stomach churn. It wasn’t like the girl, is all I’m saying. I still think something happened to make her leave.”

  “You know, there are always two sides to any story. Sounds like no one has ever heard Victoria’s,” Kate said. She wished she’d known both people when they were young. “Maybe someday she’ll get the chance to tell it.”

  “Could be you’re right, Kate. But Jamie refused to consider it then, and refuses to think about her now. He’s a good man, but unforgiving.” Niall still remembered their fights on this issue, but didn’t want to dwell on it today, his wedding day.

  “Are you happy?” Niall whispered in Kate’s ear.

  “Yes. You?”

  “Very. But I’ll be happier when everyone leaves and we have the house to ourselves. Do you think anyone would miss us if we snuck back inside now?” Niall resumed placing soft kisses on her neck.

  Kate laughed at his question and began to respond, when a shout went up from a rider racing toward the gathering. It was Tom, from the telegraph office, and he was yelling for Hen Wright.

  “Hen! I’ve got
an urgent telegram for you. Niall, sorry to barge in like this,” Tom apologized.

  “No need, Tom. How about a drink?”

  “Thanks but I need to give Hen the telegram and head back to town. Marshal,” Tom looked at Jamie, “you may want to see this, too.”

  Hen came up and took the message Tom offered him. He opened it and read, his face turning to stone. He read it again, then turned to find Jamie. He walked to the lawman, halting a couple of feet away.

  “Victoria’s been kidnapped.”

  About the Author

  Shirleen Davies began her new series, MacLarens of Fire Mountain with Tougher than the Rest, the story of the oldest brother, Niall MacLaren. During the day she provides consulting services to small and mid-sized businesses. But her real passion is writing emotionally charged stories of flawed people who find redemption through love and acceptance. She grew up in Southern California and now lives with her husband in a beautiful town in northern Arizona. Between them they are the proud parents of five grown sons.

  Shirleen loves to hear from her readers.

  Write to her at shirleen@shirleendavies.com

  Visit her at www.shirleendavies.com

  Thank you!

  Other books in the MacLarens of Fire Mountain series

  by Shirleen Davies

  Faster than the Rest

  Handsome, ruthless, young, US Marshal Jamie MacLaren had lost everything—his parents, his family connections, and his childhood sweetheart—but he’s back and better than ever. Just as he successfully reconnects with his family and starts to rebuild his life, he gets the unexpected and unwanted assignment of rescuing the woman who broke his heart.

  Beautiful, wealthy, Victoria Wicklund chose money and power over love, but is now fighting for her life—or is she? Who has she become in the seven years since she left Fire Mountain to take up her life in San Francisco? Is she really as innocent as she says?