Heart

by Higginson, Rachel

  I never understood why Nix had been so obsessed with me or what he planned to do with me. Now I knew. I had never understood my mother’s neglect or the cruel way she treated me. She had revealed most of her reasoning a year ago, but now I understood it all. I had never understood why Smith was so determined to help me or why he was willing to risk so much. Now I knew.

  Most of all, I had never understood my power and what I was capable of besides making men mindless. But now I knew.

  I controlled them. I forced them to worship me or who I chose for them. I had the blood of a primordial sea god pumping through my body and beating in my chest. I had the lethal charm of a powerful Siren. I was unstoppable.

  I was Queen of the Nesoi.

  “So what’s going to happen?” I asked Smith. “With the murder and Nix? What are we going to do?”

  He finally sat down. His legs seemed to collapse beneath him as if he couldn’t find the energy to stand anymore.

  This had been my battle for not quite eighteen years.

  This had been Smith’s… Zeus’ battle for as long as there had been time.

  “You’ll have to stand before Hera and I tomorrow morning,” he explained. “Where I will probably pardon you.”

  “Probably?” Ryder raised his eyebrows.

  A small smile played along Smith’s masculine lips. “Obviously. You’ll be let off with a technicality, of course. You didn’t actually kill Hades, Persephone did. I’ll remind my wife and the rest gathered that you are not capable of killing a god because neither of you are gods. Which isn’t entirely true in Ivy’s case, but at the very least you don’t have access to your godhood until you’re twenty-one. So that should be a nonissue.”

  I sat down next to Honor. She curled up into my side when I threw my arm around her thin shoulders. Ryder sat down next to me and for the first time in my life I felt like I belonged somewhere… I felt like I had a family.

  The feeling was so profound and unprecedented that while Smith continued to talk, my entire world shifted on its axis and evolved into something new.

  “Are you listening?” Smith asked patiently.

  I lifted my gaze from the spot on the marble floor I’d been fixated on and met his piercing brown ones. “Yes,” I whispered. “You’ll pardon us.”

  “But I’ll ask you to leave,” he continued. “It would only be proper for you to take your absence after a god is dead.”

  “Nix will follow me.”

  He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “My brothers and sisters will be required to stay during the time of mourning. I’ll drag out the funeral proceedings as long as I can. I’ll need to appoint a new god of the Underworld. I’ll be able to stretch that a few days, although everyone will expect me to pick Thanatos. In the meantime, get to your island. Nix can’t reach you there.”

  “But how? There’s not exactly a direct flight from here to there.”

  “You can take yourself,” Hermes said. “You can always move between Olympus and your home.”

  I looked at him helplessly, “I’ve never done it before! I wouldn’t know where to start.”

  “Take them, Hermes,” Smith commanded. “Drop them off and then come back. No one will miss you for the few minutes you’ll be gone.”

  Hermes didn’t look convinced, but he nodded his consent.

  “Ivy,” Smith said sternly, “This time, when you get to your island, stay there.”

  “I had planned on it the first time!”

  “I know you had good intentions and believe me when I say that I want Poseidon dealt with more than anyone else, but if he manages to… harness your power, we will all pay the price. I’ll take care of him. You can trust me.”

  I held his gaze for as long as I could, but I was the one that looked away first. I glanced at Hermes, hoping to gauge his reaction, since he was the one that came for me, but his face was turned away from me.

  Unease trickled down my spine and I knew immediately that Hermes did not agree.

  “The gigantes are with Poseidon, your majesty,” Hermes reminded him in a meek voice. “He’s planning war.”

  “Maybe before I returned, he thought he could unseat Hera. But he won’t dare attack the mountain now that I’ve come back.” Smith sounded so confident, so completely assured that I wanted to believe him.

  But I couldn’t.

  He knew Nix. He knew that Nix would stop at nothing to get to me or use my power for his own agenda.

  “What about Honor?” I asked softly.

  “She will stay with me,” Smith said evenly. “In time, I’ll send her to visit you, Ivy. But for now, she will always stay at my side. Poseidon isn’t the only one of my brothers I need to watch when it comes to her.”

  “Does Hera know about her yet?” I felt guilty asking in front of her, but I wanted the whole story and I had a strong feeling Smith would hold back whatever he could.

  “Not yet,” he replied. “I’ll tell her tonight.”

  “She won’t be upset that… you know… with my mom?” Wow. I never wanted to ask that question again.

  He smiled indulgently, “My marriage has always been strictly business.” He rose to his feet and held his hand out to Honor. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, we’ll head home.”

  Honor threw her arms around my neck and we hugged tightly. I didn’t want to let her go. I didn’t want her to have anything to do with this mountain or these people. Smith had done such an amazing job taking care of her until now, why couldn’t he have found a safer place for her to hang out until everything settled down?

  “I’ll find you before I go,” I promised her. “We’ll say goodbye tomorrow.”

  She nodded against my neck, sniffling back tears. “Okay.”

  “Love you, little girl.” The words were blissful and sublime on my lips. A month ago, I had thought I’d never get to say that to her again.

  “I love you too.”

  She stepped back, took her dad’s hand and left the house. I felt her absence physically. I wanted to run after her and lock her up with me. I wanted to make Hermes take us now. I wanted him to flash us… or apparate us… or whatever the hell it was called out of here this second!

  “You okay?” Ryder’s hands moved over my shoulders, down my arms until they gripped my hands.

  “No,” I told him honestly.

  He stared at me with those gunmetal gray eyes of his and I felt my soul calm down and my nerves smooth out. I felt myself come back together. I felt oxygen refill my lungs and my heartbeat even out.

  I felt grounded and centered and alive again.

  I felt hope.

  “I have things to do,” Hermes called from somewhere else. “Help yourself to the house, but I wouldn’t recommend leaving it. There’s food in the kitchens and new clothes in your rooms. I’ll be back later…”

  “Thanks, Hermes,” Ryder mumbled, but we barely noticed him leave.

  “Hungry?” I asked him.

  His eyes darkened. “I am.”

  I swallowed nervously. “Should we find the kitchen?”

  “Let’s get cleaned up first,” he suggested. “I can’t take myself seriously in this dress.”

  I laughed at his bedraggled appearance, knowing I didn’t look any better. “I bet the closets here are filled with more of them.”

  He frowned. “Tomorrow morning can’t come soon enough.”

  My smile wavered. He was so right about that.

  He took my hand and led me toward the bedrooms. The closets had been filled with modern clothing and the bathrooms stocked with amenities. We planned to sleep in the same room, but separated ways long enough to take quick showers and redress.

  The attached bathroom was incredibly luxurious, but it was hard for me to appreciate the multiple showerheads and silky, warm water after everything we went through. I just wanted to get home. I just wanted to leave this mountain behind me forever.

  Thankfully, Hermes had given me a few options of normal clothes. I put on blac
k yoga pants and a loose gray tank top, combed through my hair with my fingers and called it good. The bathroom had been stocked with every kind of facial cream and makeup product imaginable, but I didn’t need that stuff with Ryder. I would save the cosmetics for the morning.

  I met Ryder in the hall. He leaned against the wall casually, but I saw the tension in his shoulders, the alertness in his eyes that roamed the corridor. He didn’t trust Hermes or his home, any more than he trusted Nix.

  He relaxed some when I stepped out of my bedroom. I took in his lean, muscled body as he moved toward me, his wild hair that was still wet and tangled, the jeans and t-shirt he’d found… he was breathtaking. He was more beautiful than any Greek god or supernatural creature.

  Maybe it was his lack of immortality that drew me to him or maybe it was something that called to me from inside him… something pure and wholesome, something that hadn’t been depraved for as long as time. Whatever it was, it called to me. He called to me.

  I loved him in philosophical ways that made me a better person, that made me want to make the world a better place. I loved him more than I loved myself. I loved him more than I wanted to save myself.

  “Better?” he asked gently.

  I took a deep breath, “Infinitely.”

  He held out his hand and I took it immediately. We walked toward the kitchen where we found a light dinner of something like hummus, olives and flatbread. It wasn’t much, but I wasn’t super hungry anyway. I was too anxious for the morning to want anything in my riotous stomach.

  After our meal, we wandered outside to a balcony off the kitchen. The house was silent inside, but I knew there were people in there somewhere moving about, taking care of all of Hermes’ needs. Outside felt even more isolated.

  A million stars glittered overhead and the darkened countryside stretched on forever. There were lights in the distance that I concluded were other estates, but they were spaced far enough way that I knew not even gods could see or hear us.

  We settled into lounging chairs and stared up at the sky. I looked at the constellations that were so clear from this vantage and wondered which had been named after the people on this mountain. I had never been interested in astronomy before, but now I couldn’t help but be curious.

  The Greek Pantheon had been revered for as long as it had existed, but now I saw it for what it was. It was not the source of life and power that ancient Greeks believed it to be. It was not the stuff of legends modern history books told or the superheroes made into books and movies.

  These gods had taken their immortality and squandered it. They were no better than humans, even with their unlimited power and endless lives. No, they were worse.

  They could have done incredible things throughout history. They could have maintained their patronages if they had been worthy of worship... if they had been worthy of humanity.

  Compelled by something stupid and selfless, I said, “Don’t feel like you have to stay with me on the island. I won’t be able to leave, but that doesn’t mean you can’t. You could go home or to college or… whatever.”

  He rolled over so that he faced me, propping his cheek on his bent elbow. “If I go with you and stay with you, Red, it’s because that’s where I want to be. It’s not because I feel like I have to babysit you.”

  I shifted nervously. “We didn’t know all of that before, Ryder. We didn’t know that you’re the only person that doesn’t feel my effects or can do anything about me. If I become a problem… I just don’t want your whole life to be wrapped around the potential that I might turn evil.”

  Ryder sat up so suddenly I jumped back. He moved to the edge of his lounger and leaned over me. I felt his intensity without needing to look at him.

  “When I stay with you, Ivy, it won’t be because I’m waiting around to kill you just in case you flip a switch and become evil. I don’t believe half of what was said. I don’t believe that I was born just to keep you in check or that the universe is waiting for you to become the evil overlord that Nix wants you to be. I was born and you were born and when we met, it wasn’t the Fates pushing us together, it was beautiful chance. Now that we know each other and what the other is capable of, we’re not enemies… we’re partners. The one thing that I got out of that whole speech was that I can’t exist without you and you can’t without me. That is what I believe. I’m not the same man without you. I don’t want the same things or care about the same things. I need you in my life not because of some ancient destiny Zeus put on me, but because I can’t breathe without you near me. I love you, Ivy. That’s never going to change.”

  Hot tears pricked at my eyes, but I managed to hold them back. “I love you, too.”

  “If you want me to go, I will. I don’t have to stay with you on the island. But, Ivy, if you want me to stay, then let me. Don’t leave me again or make me leave you. Let’s live the rest of this life together.”

  “What if you get tired of me,” I whispered.

  “That’s not going to happen, Red.” His lips curled into a playful smile. “After you left, I spent every day thinking about you, wishing you would come back to get me. I can’t tell you how pathetic I felt when I realized that wasn’t going to happen. Now, I know better than to let you go. I’m not going to get tired of you. I’m going to be thankful for every single day I get to spend with you.”

  “I’m only eighteen, Ryder! We’re so young!” Even though I felt ancient. “I just don’t want you to throw away your whole life on me.”

  He leaned closer until his lips hovered above me. With aching tenderness, he brushed his mouth over mine. “Stop trying to convince me to leave, Red. I know things will never be perfect and I don’t want them to be. We’ll fight, sure. Of course we will. We’re in love, Ivy. Nobody has the power to hurt me like you do. But that doesn’t mean we’ll always fight. And when we do… well, we can make up.” He waggled his eyebrows at me and I couldn’t help but laugh. “But it doesn’t matter, because I’d rather take a lifetime of fighting with you than living without you. I’ve done that. I never want to live like that again.”

  My heart raced in my chest. How had I gotten this incredible man to fall in love with me?

  I had lived a lifetime of attracting the worst kind of men and yet somehow I’d also found Ryder. I had never felt this loved before. I had never loved like this before. And he was right. I had lived a year without this, without knowing how much he loved me, without seeing it on his face or feeling it in his touch.

  I never wanted to go back to that place. I never wanted to live without him again.

  “We’re not going to fight all of the time,” he laughed at my silence, misreading it for something else. “You make me a better person. And I want to do the same for you. We’re young, but we have the rest of our lives to figure this out. It won’t be easy, it won’t always be fun, but it will be worth it. You’re worth it.”

  “What about your dad and uncle?”

  He pressed another kiss to my forehead. “They can visit, can’t they?” When I frowned, he read my thoughts and the fear I had for his family, and said, “Or I can visit them. I’m not saying I won’t ever go back to the States, but my life is with you now. I gave it the second I fell in love with you. That’s not going to change.”

  I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him on top of me. His laughing kiss met my mouth and I dissolved into blissful lust. We wiggled around on the narrow lounger until we both fit snuggly together. Our legs tangled, our arms clung to each other and our lips met over and over again in frantic, beautiful kisses.

  We stayed there for hours. We stayed there until the sky lightened and erased the constellations overhead and until the sun peeked over the horizon in finger strokes of pink and orange, purple and deep blue. We stayed there whispering promises and apologies and making plans for a future that, for the first time in my life, seemed possible.

  I told him about my beachside bungalow and we made plans to stay there. I told him about my job and he couldn
’t wait to meet Fleur and see what kind of employer had been able to put up with me for that long.

  We talked about the long term future, about online college classes and maybe opening a coffee shop in Tortola… maybe someday… but always together. We talked about swimming in the ocean and walking along the beach, about our friends that we would leave behind and miss dearly. We talked about inviting them to us and spending holidays in the balmy, tropic air. We laughed at things we’d missed in each other’s lives and fell more, impossibly more, in love.

  In the midst of one of the worst, most dangerous experiences I’d ever gone through, it was the best night of my life.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  A few hours after Ryder and I had finally fallen asleep, we found ourselves standing before Zeus and Hera once again.

  Strangely I was more rested than I had ever been before and I knew that it was because of Ryder. For the first time in my life, when I fell asleep, I felt safe. I didn’t have to worry about Nix finding me in the middle of the night or snatching me out of my mother’s home. I didn’t have to worry about whom Ava would bring home or the kind of seedy people lurking around my house while I slept.

  With Ryder, I was safe. I was safe and I was protected.

  Hermes had woken us up early so that we could shower again and dress properly. One of his maids had set out another elegant Grecian gown. This one was white as well, but the strapless bodice was wrapped in golden rope. It had the feel of a corset, but the look of armor. The skirt fell in long folds past my toes, but there were two slits on either side that went all the way to my hips. There was too much fabric to make it feel inappropriate; instead I loved the easy movement and freedom it provided.

  I felt like a warrior dressed for battle.

  And I couldn’t help but wonder if that was exactly what I was.

  Ryder had dressed similar to my style. Instead of a toga that showed off his chest and arms, he’d dressed in a tunic that hung to his knees. A gold belt wrapped around his waist and kept his clothes in place. His style was simple, but practical. There was a loop at the side of his belt that traditionally held a sword, although it was empty this morning.