Illusions of Love

by Michelle Betham

  ‘I’m your husband, Charley. We aren’t supposed to have secrets; you’re supposed to be able to talk to me. About anything. I don’t understand…’

  ‘I couldn’t, Vince. And it’s the fact you’re my husband that meant I couldn’t tell you about any of this. Because I love you, so much. I know Jimmy Cash, remember? He’s a dangerous man, and everyone I love who tries to help me where Jimmy’s concerned gets hurt. I lose them, Vince. Look what happened to Terry.’

  Charley still couldn’t forget what India’s brother had done all those years ago. The way he’d tried everything he could to get her away from Jimmy and a life she hated, a life that was killing her. He’d risked so much because he’d loved her, and in the end he’d lost his life because of it. Because of her. Which is why she’d made sure that Jimmy had stayed behind bars for as long as he could; it was what he deserved. But he was obviously a man who bore grudges, and now – almost fourteen years later – she was getting payback she didn’t deserve.

  ‘I’m not Terry,’ Vince said quietly, staring down at the headline above a semi-naked picture of Charley, the same picture that was splashed across the front pages of at least three newspapers: “Beverly Hills Businesswoman’s shameful porn past”.

  ‘It’s too dangerous, Vince.’

  He stood up, throwing the newspapers aside. ‘So, what did you think you were gonna do, huh? Handle Jimmy Cash all on your own? Is that what you thought you could do? Did you think you could just talk to him and he’d go away and forget everything?’

  ‘Of course not…’

  ‘What, then? Come on, Charley. What did you think you could do?’

  ‘I don’t know, okay?’ she shouted, every ounce of frustration and fear she’d been feeling over these past few weeks suddenly bubbling to the surface, exploding out of her like some uncontrollable volcano. ‘I don’t fucking know! I was confused and frightened and… Jesus, I don’t know! He turned up at the salon in L.A., he issued veiled threats… I was scared, Vince. But more than anything I was scared for you and for Lily, scared that he’d try and hurt you…’

  ‘And keeping it from me was going to help that threat go away, was it? What the hell were you playing at, Charley?’

  She sat down on the sofa, her head in her hands, too tired to argue anymore. She should have told him, simple as that. And then maybe this mess wouldn’t be quite as bad as it was certainly turning out to be.

  Vince sighed, sitting down beside her. ‘Look, I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry for shouting, I’m sorry, but… it’s the shock, Charley. That you can keep something so fucking important from me – your husband. Someone who loves you. Someone who will do anything they can to keep you safe.’

  ‘I just didn’t think,’ she whispered, scared to even look at him, the guilt was too overwhelming.

  ‘No. You didn’t. But at least now I know why you’ve been acting so strangely. I thought you were having some kind of affair, I mean, you were getting real close to Kenny…’ A sudden realisation hit Vince head on and he looked at her. ‘You told Kenny about this, didn’t you?’

  Charley felt her stomach lurch. ‘I had to tell someone, Vince.’

  ‘Jesus Christ, Charley. Then that someone should have been me! Why the fuck did you tell Kenny?’

  ‘Because he’s been through this before. That’s the only reason, believe me. He’s been through this before.’

  ‘You should have told me.’ Vince stood up, pacing the floor, unable to take any more of this in. What the hell else was going to come out? He’d thought the crap going on around India, Dominic and Michael was bad enough, but this was just unbelievable! He couldn’t get his head around any of it.

  Walking over to the window he looked out across the town he loved, trying to focus, trying to think of what to do next but for a man usually so in control he felt a little out of it right now. And he had to shake that off, he had to get his head together, and fast.

  ‘Okay. Look, this is what we’ll do.’ He turned round, facing Charley again. ‘I’ll get in contact with my lawyers, try and get this shit stopped. Then we contact the police…’

  ‘No!’ Charley almost jumped up out of her seat, a look of total fear passing across her pretty face. ‘No, Vince. Not the police, please. This is Jimmy Cash we’re talking about. If you contact the police…’

  ‘This is gonna end, Charley. Do you hear me? That man is not walking back into our lives and dragging up a past that you don’t need to revisit. I won’t let him do that. So it ends. Right here. It fucking ends.’

  ***

  ‘I had a call from my lawyer today,’ JJ said, smiling at Ellie as she ran towards him, throwing herself into his arms. India had taken her to the beach for the day with her brother, and whilst Ethan had now gone to Reece and Martha’s for the night, she was returning their very tired but very happy daughter to her father. ‘Have you spoken to yours?’

  ‘Yesterday.’ India looked at her little girl as she snuggled in against JJ’s legs, clinging onto him as he stroked her hair.

  The image of her father, with the same dark hair and the same brown eyes, she was the most incredible little thing, a real daddy’s girl. And that’s what worried India more than anything. Oh, not that she was a daddy’s girl, that wasn’t the problem. JJ loved their daughter more than life itself, and Ellie loved him back like he was the most precious thing in the world to her, which he was. She was just a baby, only three-years-old, so of course her daddy was precious to her. No, what worried India was that Ellie would somehow become distanced from her, become too attached to JJ. After all, she was away so much these days, whereas JJ was the one constant thing in her life. Her daddy, not her mum.

  ‘What’s up?’ JJ asked, watching Ellie as she ran off in the direction of the living room, climbing up onto the sofa, curling up in the corner of it to watch cartoons on the TV above the fireplace. ‘You look as though you’re somewhere else.’

  India sighed, leaning back against the wall, pushing a hand through her loose blond hair. ‘And that’s the problem, isn’t it?’

  JJ looked slightly puzzled, narrowing his eyes but half smiling at her. ‘What is?’

  ‘I’m always somewhere else. Always away from my kids… Maybe Michael’s right…’

  ‘Michael? When did you speak to Michael? I thought he was still in Vegas.’

  India looked at him, raising her eyebrows. ‘Come on, Joe. You know Michael better than that. After everything that’s happened no way is he going to stay in a different state.’

  ‘So, what happened then?’

  ‘He turned up at the beach house last night,’ she sighed. ‘Uninvited, trying to excuse his involvement in any of what’s gone on… at one point he all but accused me of neglecting my kids.’ She looked down at the ground for a second before turning her attention to Ellie, who was laughing that beautiful baby laugh at something on the TV screen, singing along to a song that was playing. ‘And maybe he’s right, y’know? Maybe I do neglect them.’

  ‘Hey, come on. Come on, come here.’ JJ pulled her into his arms, holding her close as she felt stupid, unwanted tears start to fall down her face. She shouldn’t be crying, she should be getting a grip and sorting out her life. Again. ‘You don’t neglect the kids, and you know that.’

  ‘Do I?’ She pulled away slightly, looking up into his beautiful dark eyes. Eyes she’d once loved beyond belief, and she just wished she really knew why she’d let their marriage break down the way it had. But then, she’d always known why. Because, at the back of her mind, there was always Michael Walsh. And he got in the way of everything.

  ‘Yeah, you do.’ He tilted up her chin, making her look into his eyes, gently brushing away the tears from her damp cheeks. ‘Now, come on. You don’t want Ellie to see her mom upset, do you?’

  She shook her head, trying to smile, but in reality she just felt exhausted. Her emotions were wrecked, the confusion too much to take in.

  ‘You’re a great mom, do you hear me? The kids – they’re Hollyw
ood kids, baby. They know no different.’

  ‘That’s not an excuse, Joe. I should be there for them.’

  ‘Will you quit listening to anything Michael tells you? He’s trying to wear you down, honey. Trying to make you believe everything he says is true, and you don’t need that. Get strong, will you? Forget him.’

  ‘That’s easier said than done though, isn’t it? When I’ve still got to work with him, still got be around him.’

  ‘He’s your director, India. He’s not your husband anymore.’

  ‘He’s still Ethan’s father.’

  ‘And for over six years he was Ethan’s father without you ever going near him.’

  She pulled away from him, following him into the kitchen. ‘Yeah, but Ethan’s used to seeing us around each other now. If I suddenly shut Michael out of my life again, what’s that going to do to him?’

  JJ just looked at her as he tidied away the debris left over from lunch, saying nothing.

  ‘What’s that look for?’ she asked, catching sight of him staring at her.

  ‘Is this really about Michael?’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  JJ slammed the dishwasher door shut and leant back against it, folding his arms. ‘Or is it more about the newest addition to the Walsh clan?’

  ‘This has got nothing to do with Dominic.’

  JJ just raised an eyebrow, which irritated India slightly, but she let it go. ‘Look, I spoke to my lawyer, and the divorce… it should be final in a matter of days.’

  ‘And is that what you really want?’

  ‘We’ve been through this, Joe. It’s for the best.’

  ‘For who, India?’

  She threw her head back and sighed heavily. ‘Joe. Please. I’ve got enough to deal with.’

  ‘This is the end of our marriage we’re talking about here. Surely that’s something that shouldn’t just be swept under the carpet?’

  ‘You don’t need me or this baggage I constantly carry around with me, Joe.’

  ‘Self-pity doesn’t suit you, India. And don’t tell me what I need, okay?’

  She pushed a hand through her hair, turning away from him for a second.

  ‘But maybe what you need is some stability,’ JJ said quietly, his voice softer now. ‘Because it seems to me that it’s something you don’t appear willing to give yourself.’

  She turned round and grabbed her bag, pushing her sunglasses down over her eyes, checking her phone for any messages. A dozen or so from Dominic that she hadn’t yet read, and one from Michael explaining the new shooting schedule. She had to smile at that one. Complicated to the end, her ex-husband. One minute he’s begging her to come back to him and the next he’s all business-as-usual, cold as ice.

  ‘Okay, I’m out of here.’

  ‘Going out tonight?’ JJ asked, still leaning back against the dishwasher, his arms still folded. She could feel the defensive attitude emanating out of him from across the other side of the kitchen. Was this what she did to every man she became involved with? Turn them from kind and loving into cold and suspicious?

  She didn’t look at him and she didn’t remove her dark glasses. She just put her phone back into her bag, walked over to her daughter and kissed the top of her head, ruffling her long dark hair. ‘You look after daddy for me, okay, baby?’

  Ellie nodded, kneeling up to give India a big hug before settling herself back down in front of the TV.

  ‘I’ll tell my lawyer to go ahead then.’ JJ said, watching her as she put up that movie-star front she always adopted when she needed something to hide behind.

  She nodded, walking over to him and standing up on tip-toes to kiss him quickly, letting that just-put-up front slip, just for a second. Then she was gone. Leaving JJ in no doubt that he’d lost his wife, for good. Even though there was no doubt in his mind that, as far as moving on from her past was concerned, India hadn’t even started.

  ***

  Dominic walked along the busy Las Vegas Strip, hands deep in his pockets, his head down, nothing but a cap and dark glasses disguising who he was as he made his way through the throng of people spending a warm and humid night out on the streets of Sin City. Tourists, locals, workers – it was another busy Vegas evening and he hoped he was doing nothing but blending into the background as he made his way past the brightly lit hotels and casinos on his way to a bar he always favoured when he was in town.

  He could have stayed in The Amber Palace, ordered room service, kept out of the way, but he’d needed to get out, to think about things away from the stunning but vast and empty suite he called home at the minute. And vast and empty it may be, but it still managed to make him feel claustrophobic. But even the bars and clubs within The Amber Palace weren’t an option for him right now, not when every reporter and paparazzo in town were on constant vigil of the place.

  Maybe staying in Vegas hadn’t been the smartest of ideas, and Dominic couldn’t pretend there hadn’t been many times over the past few days when he hadn’t wanted to get on a plane and head off to L.A., but without a clear idea of what he really wanted to say to India, following her there wasn’t something he’d been willing to do. Although he ached to see her, to explain things to her properly, and knowing she was there in Malibu, with Kenny, doing God knows what, it killed him. All he felt was frustration and anger and a sense of total helplessness at being in the midst of a situation he’d caused, but had no idea how to rectify.

  He knew Michael had gone after her, and that hadn’t surprised him. It hadn’t worried him, either. India was smart enough to handle her ex-husband; she wasn’t going back there, he was confident of that. What he wasn’t so confident about was her coming back to him. To think that he’d blown it, it was too much to take in. Along with everything else that was going on.

  The press and media were everywhere, questions being thrown at him every time he moved, none of which he was willing to answer. The whole situation was a subject he didn’t feel much like talking about. Michael Walsh was his father, so what? He didn’t care about any of that, but as far as the Hollywood gossip machine was concerned it was the only thing worth talking about right now – that, and both his and his father’s relationship with India, the woman Hollywood had taken to their hearts for almost two decades now, put up there on a pedestal. The Queen of the Rom Com, the darling of the movie world; the Princess of Tinsel Town. They loved her, but what they didn’t love was people hurting her. And that’s exactly what he’d done. He’d hurt their English Princess, and nobody liked that.

  He crossed the road, keeping his head down as the fountains outside The Bellagio kicked into action opposite. The music and lights accompanying the show seemed to be doing a great job of distracting anyone in the large crowd of tourists who may otherwise have recognised him, and he breathed a sigh of relief. He’d needed the fresh air, but what he didn’t need was any hassle.

  Pulling his cap down over his eyes he looked up only to find a cab he could hail, thankful that one turned up within seconds. He jumped in and asked the driver to take him to the bar on Tropicana Avenue, keeping his cap pulled down over his eyes, which were still covered by his dark glasses, and that probably drew more attention towards him than he needed, but he really didn’t want to risk being recognised or questioned. Not tonight. He just wanted time to sit and think, time to work out what he had to do next. And thanks to the still-busy traffic crawling along The Strip he had plenty of that and, thankfully, a cab driver who seemed to sense that he wanted to be left alone.

  Reaching the bar he paid the driver, left the cab and walked through the doors into a place that instantly relaxed him. The music was loud, the beer was always good, and the people here tended to leave him alone and he hoped that – despite all the drama going on around him – they’d still do that tonight.

  ‘Hey, Mr MacDonald!’ the bartender smiled, automatically pulling him a beer from the draught pump, handing it to him and waving away Dominic’s attempts to pay. ‘This one’s on the house.’


  Dominic smiled his thanks, taking a long drink and removing his cap, but leaving his dark glasses where they were. He was taking no chances.

  ‘I’m assuming you’re wanting a little bit of peace tonight, huh?’ the bartender said, wiping down the counter in front of Dominic.

  He looked up and nodded. ‘Got it in one.’

  ‘I’m guessing things are pretty crazy at the minute.’

  ‘You could say that, yeah,’ Dominic sighed.

  The bartender looked over towards the back of the bar and signalled to someone. A large well-built man with an abundance of tattoos all over his hugely-muscled arms came forward from the shadows and nodded at the bartender as he indicated Dominic. ‘DC’ll look after you. Don’t worry. Nobody’ll bother you in here.’

  Dominic took another drink, turning round to see DC fall back into the shadows, but he knew he’d be there, watching anyone who came close. DC was a familiar face to people around here. Nobody messed with him, and although Dominic wasn’t one for bodyguards and security everywhere he went, right now he was grateful the option was there.

  He took his cell phone out of his pocket and checked for messages, but there were none waiting for him. No new voicemails, nothing. India was ignoring every attempt he was making to get in touch and he felt his stomach sink at the lack of replies to his countless text messages. He felt about sixteen, being rejected by the most beautiful and most popular girl in High School. And it hurt.

  He took another long drink, almost downing the beer in a couple of mouthfuls as he took a quick look around the place. It was busy, but not overcrowded. Loud rock music blared out from concealed speakers in the walls as around him people talked in voices raised so they could be heard above the noise, the sound of pool balls knocking against each other coming from the floor above, accompanied by laughter and jeering.

  Against his better judgement – but alcohol on an empty stomach was already taking effect – he typed out another quick text to India, pressing send before he could change his mind. But the second he’d done it he regretted it. Sighing heavily he put his head in his hands, pushing them back through his hair.