Illusions of Love

by Michelle Betham

  He smiled – that movie star smile, that killer smile, that smile that sent a million and more female hearts racing whenever they watched him up there on the big screen. ‘That’s fine by me, baby.’

  India briefly turned back to glance over at Kenny, but he was gone, and she couldn’t help feeling a small stab of disappointment. She hoped he hadn’t left, hadn’t bailed early, because she knew Kenny – if things weren’t going his way he’d just shoot off and find something else to do.

  ‘You okay?’ Dominic asked, his voice making India jump as she swung back round to face him.

  ‘Yeah… yeah, I’m fine’’ she smiled, sliding her hand into his. ‘Just a bit overwhelmed, to be honest. This whole experience – it’s been a bit of a rollercoaster.’

  He pulled her towards him, lowering his mouth down onto hers in a longer, slower kiss, a kiss that gave India no choice but to go with it, to fall against him and let him take control. A kiss that told her, somehow, the rollercoaster was still running. And she had no idea when it was going to stop.

  ***

  Pulling his Stetson down over his eyes Jimmy leant over the balcony of his terrace, draining his glass of the last dregs of whisky as he watched the lights and the lasers in the distance, listened to the sounds of a party in full swing. It was time. Time to go and do exactly what he’d come here to do – teach Charley Maine a lesson she’d never forget. Once upon a time he’d controlled her, owned her; loved her. Yes, Jimmy Cash had loved Charley, in his own warped and twisted way. And deep down inside he still did, but she didn’t deserve this life, not after what she’d done to him. He couldn’t let her carry on thinking that this was where she belonged, that she could go through the rest of her perfect, privileged life thinking that everything was forgotten. This wasn’t her world. It didn’t suit her. It wasn’t who she was and she needed to know that. She was nothing more than some cheap little English porn star, and she always would be. But that’s what Jimmy had liked about her. That’s what Jimmy liked about all his girls. He liked that Charley had done things that would rock her peaceful, pointless, perfect world to its core. And he missed the days when he’d controlled every aspect of her life, controlled everything she’d done from the minute she’d woken up to the second she’d fallen asleep. He missed that power like a drug. A power she’d taken away from him. She’d humiliated him, made him look like an idiot, and that was something Jimmy would never forget. But she was very much aware of that now. She was once more living her life looking over her shoulder, which pleased him. But she wouldn’t have to do that for much longer.

  Putting his glass down on the table behind him, Jimmy walked back into his large and spacious suite within The Amber Palace. He smiled to himself as he threw his jacket down on the king-size bed, opening the wardrobe door and selecting a new jacket from a line of perfectly pressed ones that hung in grey to black colour co-ordinated unison. Vince Maine may think he had the tightest security that Las Vegas could offer, but Vince Maine wasn’t quite as clever as he thought he was. Did he know that Jimmy had managed to acquire this rather well-appointed suite within his brand new flagship hotel without anyone asking any questions? No, of course he didn’t. And did he know that at least half of the security he’d hired tonight were actually working for Jimmy? Although, to be fair, they had no idea just what Jimmy’s motives were for gate-crashing this party, they just knew to let him through when he arrived. Well, that’d teach Vince Maine to be so trusting with his delegation. Maybe he needed to take a long hard look at his security staff because one or two of them had had their heads turned way too easily with just the promise of a few extra dollars.

  Slipping on a freshly dry-cleaned black jacket he looked at his reflection in the mirror as he checked his pockets, making sure he had his cigars and his hip flask. He was sure he’d need a drink at some point tonight and he was almost certain that, after what he planned to do, he wouldn’t be welcome at the bar. Far wiser to bring his own refreshment.

  Finally, everything was set. He had everything he needed to proceed. It was going so perfectly it almost scared him, but then, in reality, nothing scared Jimmy Cash. Nothing. And nothing ever would. Because, if Charley thought that him killing Terry had been an horrific payback that could never be repeated, she was wrong. And she was about to find out just how wrong she could be.

  ***

  Michael sat by the bar, downing his bourbon far faster than he should have been. In fact, he shouldn’t really have been downing it at all – doctor’s orders. Lay off the alcohol, the saturated fat, the sugar… Jesus, was there anything in the way of fun left for him to enjoy? He looked over towards Layla who was talking to one of the assistant directors, beautiful and positively glowing in a pale green dress, her blond hair loose around her shoulders. Yeah, of course there were still things out there to enjoy. A new beginning, that’s what. Another chance to begin again with a woman who’d proved that, on more than one occasion, she wasn’t going to give up on him without a fight, and he’d be stupid to ignore that. Again. He’d be stupid to ignore that just so he could waste time concentrating on something that was never going to happen.

  He was slowly starting to accept that India really was never going to come back to him. But this time it felt different. This time there was almost a feeling of inevitability about it. This time it was going to be easier because that heart attack had changed him, changed the way he thought about things. He’d been given a second chance to make things right and he wasn’t going to waste whatever was left of his life chasing an impossible dream. Not when he had someone as beautiful and as loyal as Layla by his side. No, this time he was going to start living the life he should have started living a long time ago. A life that didn’t consist of him waking up every morning wishing India was there with him, because he didn’t. Not really. Not anymore. He didn’t wish she was there with him. Not all the time. She wasn’t his first waking thought or his last sleeping dream; she was just India – mother of his son, somebody he could never cut out of his life but somebody he was finally learning to love in a completely different way.

  Taking another sip of bourbon he glanced over towards his ex-wife. She was cosying up to Dominic MacDonald as they chatted to a group of interns who’d been acting as on-set runners and seemed slightly overwhelmed that the movie’s two main stars were giving them the time of day.

  Dominic MacDonald. The son he’d never known he had. Michael sighed, pushing a hand through his hair, leaning back against the bar, closing his eyes for a few seconds. Part of him was curious to get to know this young man that had crash-landed into his life in the most unexpected of ways, but part of him still felt there was a need to keep some kind of distance, after all, Dominic had hardly expressed a strong desire to start calling him daddy, had he? He’d all but warned Michael off. But he was his son, and that actually meant something to Michael. Now. So, maybe it was going to be up to him to make the first move. Up to him to try and make a complicated situation that little bit easier to deal with.

  ‘You okay? You look tired.’

  Michael swung round on his stool to find India standing beside him. ‘Oh, erm, yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. Just been a long few months, that’s all. I think it’s all finally catching up with me.’

  She smiled, sliding up onto the stool next to him. ‘Tell me about it. We certainly don’t do things by halves, do we?’

  He smiled back, clasping his hands together on the bar in front of him. ‘No. I guess we thrive on complicated, huh?’

  ‘Hmm. You might be right there, Mikey.’

  His heart lurched in his chest as she called him by the name she’d always used to use when they were happy – in love. Together.

  She turned to look at him, almost reading his mind, catching him totally by surprise when she spoke. ‘Take a look at me, Michael. Take a really long, hard look. Because I’m not the person you think I am. I’m really not. I’m not this perfect image you had me down as; I’m not even that nice a person…’

  ‘I
ndia…’

  ‘No. Please, let me speak, Michael. I changed. When I came over to L.A. from England, that shy and quiet twenty-two-year-old, she disappeared real quick, believe me. All too fast she turned into this movie star creation that sometimes believed her own hype, that forgot who she was on more than one occasion. She turned into someone who hurt people around her without stopping to think twice about what effect that could have on the rest of their lives. And at times I really didn’t like myself. I didn’t like what I was doing, especially to Kenny. He didn’t deserve the things I put him through, nor did Reece. And, in reality, Dominic should also be giving me a wide berth because I’ll only end up hurting him too, in time. Like I end up hurting everyone, eventually. You see, I played the victim far too much when it was actually me who was dishing out the shit. I wasn’t always the one receiving it, even though that’s how I made it look sometimes. But I’ve been doing a lot of thinking over the past few months, Michael. And things are going to be very different from now on. Very different.’

  Michael frowned. ‘I don’t understand, India. None of what you’re saying…’

  She sighed heavily, looking down at the bar. ‘When I get back to L.A. I’m going to spend some much-needed time alone. Well, not exactly alone, I’ll have the kids with me. But, alone in the sense that… that there’s no man around for me to hurt. No man around for me to use or fall back on or… Just, no man.’

  Michael looked at her, watching the way she fiddled with her watch strap, a nervous habit she’d had for as long as he could remember. ‘And what does Dominic think about this?’

  She looked up, her eyes meeting those of a man she’d once loved so much. Was that love still very much there? Had she just transferred it to his son, meaning that she felt just that little bit closer to a man she could never really forget?

  ‘He doesn’t know how I really feel,’ she said quietly, glancing quickly over at Dominic as he continued to give the still-very-much surprised group of interns attention they couldn’t even have dreamed of before now. ‘How could he? When I was never really sure how I felt myself. Until now.’

  ‘Is it over, then? Between you and him?’ Michael asked, quite enjoying the fact he wasn’t experiencing some ridiculous feeling of hope that she was declaring herself single. Leaving the way open for him. He didn’t feel that anymore. And it felt quite liberating.

  India shrugged, resuming the fiddling of her watch strap. ‘I don’t know. I guess that all depends on how he feels about everything.’ She looked back up at Michael who, despite all those once-familiar feelings of obsession and hope having now deserted him, couldn’t take his eyes off this woman. This mixed-up, complicated woman. ‘I’m just not sure, y’know? Whether or not to move forward with… with whatever it is that we have.’ And now that she’d said those words out loud, she knew it was what she’d been thinking for a while now. And she knew why. So it was only fair to Dominic that she backed off from whatever relationship it was they had, before she hurt him even more.

  ‘Yeah,’ Michael sighed, pushing a hand through his hair again, turning away from her to look over towards his son. ‘I know exactly how you feel.’

  ‘Anyway,’ India said, her mood suddenly changing as she slid down off her stool, straightening her top. ‘I’m sure things will make a lot more sense once we’re all back in L.A., away from the crazy goings-on of the past few months. Things will probably seem a lot clearer back home.’

  Michael smiled, a feeling of relief washing over him as he looked at her, all blond hair and blue eyes, a tiny hint of the young and naïve woman she’d been almost twenty years ago peeking through the Hollywood exterior she’d created over time. Relief that his life was no longer going to revolve around trying to make her love him again, but also relief that she wouldn’t be out of his life completely. How could she be? When they had Ethan. A link that would always be there, forever. And he was thankful for that. But now all he wanted for India was for her to be happy. He just wanted her to be happy. ‘Yeah. Maybe you’re right. Things do tend to make a lot more sense when you’re in your own back yard.’

  She leant over and kissed him quickly on the cheek, a kiss that reminded him so much of the days when she’d seen him as nothing more than some kind of father-figure; the days when he’d let that dangerous obsession grow into something it should never have become. ‘I’d better go find Charley. I said I’d join her for a drink outside. See you later, Michael.’

  He watched her walk away from him, her head slightly down, her shoulders tense. As usual she had more than a few things on her mind, and he couldn’t help wondering, if she just stopped thinking about everything so much would she not be a whole lot happier? But it wasn’t his job to sort that out anymore. She’d find her own way, eventually. He just hoped it wouldn’t take too long because she deserved to be happy. She deserved that.

  ‘Is she alright?’ Kenny asked, joining Michael at the bar, leaning back against it and folding his arms, watching India until she disappeared outside onto the terrace to join the al fresco party.

  ‘She’s fine,’ Michael replied, looking at Kenny through slightly narrowed eyes. ‘Why wouldn’t she be?’

  Kenny shrugged. ‘She’s been talking to you, hasn’t she?’

  Michael ignored that comment and finished his drink, standing up, shoving his hands in his pockets. ‘I’ll see you later, Kenny.’

  Kenny watched him walk away, over to Layla who looked spectacular tonight, there was no denying that. Could she have been his if he’d just tried that little bit harder? Jesus, that was the story of his life, wasn’t it? Should have tried harder. India, Layla, Casey – all amazing women that could all have been his, if he’d just tried that little bit harder. But Kenny had reached a point where he was sick of trying. It just wasn’t him. He didn’t have the energy anymore; he was just no good at it. He was destined to be Hollywood’s most eligible bachelor for the rest of his life and he was just going to have to get used to that.

  Suddenly, his attention was caught by a tall, dark haired woman walking past the bar. She was dressed to kill in a figure-hugging silver dress and matching heels, her cat-like eyes catching his as she sashayed past. Kenny smiled. Maybe there were some perks to be had as Hollywood’s most eligible bachelor. And he’d be one crazy son-of-a-bitch to ignore that.

  ***

  ‘You’re tense,’ Martha said, gently massaging Reece’s shoulders as they sat at a table out on the terrace, making the most of the warm night air as all around them music blasted out from speakers that seemed as though they were hidden in the bark of palm trees or concealed underneath the patio. And given that this was Las Vegas that could, quite possibly, be the case.

  ‘I’m just keen to get back to Malibu,’ Reece replied, letting Martha’s expert fingers work their magic on his aching shoulders. Even through the material of his shirt he could feel her hands easing the tension he had, indeed, been feeling. Because he just wanted to get away from Vegas now. He wanted to get back home, back to normality. Whatever that was.

  ‘We’ll be there before you know it,’ Martha smiled, reaching round to plant a quick kiss on his mouth before giving his shoulders a giant squeeze that caused Reece to both shout and laugh out loud as she managed to almost punch out a knot of anxiety. But it made him instantly feel better. It was like a weight had, literally, been lifted off his shoulders.

  ‘Y’know, you could make money doing that,’ Reece smiled as Martha sat down opposite him, taking a sip of her vodka and lime juice.

  ‘I think I’ll keep my services strictly private, if you don’t mind,’ she smiled back, gently rubbing her leg against his as the music changed to a slower, more soulful Usher track, taking over from the heavier Gavin DeGraw song that had previously been playing.

  ‘Well, maybe that’s for the best,’ Reece said, still smiling. ‘After all, I’m not too good at sharing.’

  ‘There we go. A nice, relaxed Reece Brogan. That’s what I like to see.’

  He laughed, sitti
ng back in his chair, taking a look around him as the party – which was now in full swing – continued to gather pace. The atmosphere was heady with excitement and fun as everyone around them danced and drank and enjoyed themselves. And all of a sudden that’s exactly what he felt like doing too. Oh, not so much the dancing part, but the drinking and enjoying himself, he could do that.

  ‘I’m really glad you stuck around, Martha. Because I know the way I acted…’

  She leant forward, shutting him up with a kiss. ‘It’s over, Reece. You know the truth now. There are no more secrets, so, let’s just move forward, okay?’

  He nodded, kissing her back, taking her hand in his and squeezing it tight. ‘Yeah. I like that idea. Moving forward with no looking back… Martha, do you think India…?’

  ‘Sweetheart, India is a real big girl now, she’s gonna be just fine. You’ve just got to allow her to make her own mistakes but let her know she can come to us if she needs to. For whatever reason. Okay?’

  ‘Okay,’ Reece smiled. ‘Learn to let go, huh?’

  ‘Well, she’s forty-three-years-old now so I think it’s about time, yeah. Come on, I need another drink. Let’s find a waiter and order some champagne. I’m in the mood to celebrate.’

  ‘Celebrate?’ Reece frowned. ‘Celebrate what?’

  ‘Us, Reece. I want to celebrate us.’

  And, as far as Reece was concerned, he couldn’t think of anything worth celebrating more.

  ***

  ‘Charley, will you stop it, please? You’re making me feel nervous,’ India said as Charley looked over her shoulder for about the tenth time in five minutes. ‘It’s almost like you’re expecting something to happen.’