A Hard Place to Breathe

by Barbara C. Doyle

  Silent tears streamed down my face.

  “Baby, maybe it won’t be so bad.”

  My mother. The optimist.

  But she was wrong. So, so wrong. How could I even think about the possibility of seeing my sister’s murderer walking around campus? I could barely stand the place as it was some days now, but with him strutting around?

  He probably still thought he was hot shit. Jayce Mitchell had a way of believing that he was entitled because he came from money. All throughout high school he was popular, and flaunted his looks and status on all the sports teams. He was the type of guy who could get any girl he wanted, and do anything without consequence.

  Like drink and drive.

  But that night…well that night there were serious consequences, and none that directly impacted Jayce like they did my family. And I hated that son of a bitch for what he did every single day since my parents got the call that Bryn had been hit.

  Exhaustion wiped out my body not long after hanging up, and all I could do was bury my head in my pillow and let the cotton case soak up my bitter tears. My body had given out just like it did the night I had to accept I would never see my sister again.

  I had no idea how long I laid in bed with my sister’s face plastered in the back of my mind. I tried pushing it away—pushing her memory away—but it was nearly impossible. Bryn was such a beautiful person on the inside and out. We had our differences like all siblings did, but I loved her. There was no way that I could ever forget her, even if I tried.

  A while later, my bedroom door creaked open. I heard Tara say my name, but I didn’t answer. In fact, I didn’t move an inch. I just stayed on my pillow, eyes closed, and face wet from crying.

  Tara tried finding out what was wrong, but she gave up after a long time of no responses. I felt bad that I ignored her, but there was nothing I could muster up. The more I talked about it right now, the angrier I would become.

  She knew what happened to Bryn. I told her a long time ago, and we cried the night away. She met Bryn only a handful of times. There was only a two year age different between us, but we were never in the same section of school at the same time. And by the time I met Tara at the motel we both worked at, we were out of high school and starting college, which meant moving out of the house and into the dorms.

  But Tara was the type of person who felt the pain around her, and by the time I was ready to talk about it, it didn’t matter if she hadn’t known Bryn that well. She knew the kind of girl that my sister was without the details. That was what I loved about her.

  I woke up groggy from horrible sleep to see that it was almost midnight. I managed to sit up in bed and rub my face, which still felt damp from being buried in my pillow of pity. When I figured out that Tara was in her room, I crept toward the bathroom with my pajamas draped across my arm.

  The hot shower was exactly what I needed to wash away the night I had. I stood in the stream of water until it got cold, and even then debated on staying there. The rigid water had a way of waking me out of the nightmare I was stuck in, even though the nightmare playing was my own reality.

  Life sucked that way.

  I turned the faucet off and pulled back the curtain of the shower. As I reached for the towel that was draped over the rack next to the tub, I lost my footing and let out a sharp gasp as my right knee smashed against the side of the tub and my right ankle bent back. I managed to catch myself with my left arm, hooking it around the side of the tub so my palm pressed against the cold linoleum floor. The pressure it took off my now-aching knee made me feel slightly better.

  But I still hurt. Bad.

  I tried pushing myself up, but the bottom of the tub didn’t have a mat or any grip so I ended up sliding back down and hitting my knee again. I cursed loudly, half screaming, half groaning. I didn’t want to wake Tara up, but I also knew I wasn’t going to be able to get out of here by myself.

  I didn’t realize I was crying again until tears slipped off my face and landed on my thigh. It was hard to ignore the throbbing pain coming from my leg, and the second fall made me twist back and tweak my back to the point where moving might not be a possibility for the moment.

  There was a light tap on the door. “Ash?”

  “Tara,” I groaned.

  For once, I was glad there was no lock on the door. There was no way, unless somebody broke it down, that I could let anyone in to help me. Although if I were able to get up and answer the door then there probably wouldn’t have been an issue to begin with.

  Tara cracked the door open and looked in. Her eyes widened when she saw me laying on the bottom of the tub, twisted in an unnatural way.

  “I fell.”

  She quickly grabbed the towel that fell on the floor and handed it to me. I managed to drape it across me, because wrapping it around me was out of the question.

  She tried her best to help pick me up, or even sit me up so I could try getting up when I felt stronger, but it was no use.

  I could tell she was worried. “Ash, I can’t do on my own, and your knee looks really swollen. We need to call 911 and get help.”

  “No!” I all but snapped.

  “Ashley, you’re hurt!”

  “I’m embarrassed,” I admitted, holding my towel close to me. I managed to get it so it was partially wrapped around the important parts of me, but based on the draft I was feeling, I was still mostly uncovered.

  She let out a heavy sigh. “I’m not strong enough to pick you up on your own. Not that you’re fat or anything, I just don’t have any muscle. And if you don’t want me calling 911, then who? You can’t sleep in the bathtub!”

  I was actually considering it.

  She eyed me knowingly. “You’re not sleeping in here. You obviously are having a bad night, and we’ll talk about what happened when you got that call later. Right now, we need to get you help.”

  I leaned my head against the wall of the tub, feeling my knotted wet hair fall past my shoulders. I probably looked like a hot mess right now. I wasn’t going to argue with her that I needed to get out of here. I wasn’t thrilled over the idea of sleeping in here. It was cold, I was wet, I was hurt, and I was having a really shitty night.

  Tara gave me an apologetic look. “Don’t kill me, okay?”

  Before I could ask what she meant, she walked out of the bathroom. I heard the front door open, followed by knocking.

  Knocking. From across the hall.

  Ezra.

  I groaned, and pulled the towel closer to me. Normally, I wouldn’t care if somebody like Ezra saw me naked. But I was so far from sexy right now that I was on a different fucking planet.

  I heard hushed murmurs come from the hallway, but I was too far away to hear what was being said. It wasn’t long before rushed footsteps were entering our apartment, and getting closer to the crime scene.

  You know, the scene where my dignity was murdered.

  My head shot up when the door creaked open wider, and my eyes widened when I saw Ezra waltz in…shirtless. Suddenly, the idea of a man with that body saving me didn’t seem so bad anymore. Now probably wasn’t a good time to drool over his noticeably sculpted body, or the fact he had abs. Abs! But, hey. At least if I did drool, there’d be no place for me to possibly drown in it since it’d just drain in the tub I was practically plastered to.

  Ezra cursed under his breath and came over to me, squatting down so his black sweatpants—pants that fit him incredibly well, might I add—rode up around his toned thighs.

  Our eyes locked long enough for me to see how intense his were. “Are you okay?”

  I nodded. It was a total lie. I was a train wreck, and something told me that he could see that easily.

  He didn’t argue with me though. “All right, what exactly is hurt? I want to pick you up, but I don’t want to hurt you anymore than you already are.”

  His eyes drifted to my swollen knee, which was red and blotchy. Those baby blues were more of a stormy grey as they travelled down my leg, locking with my
ankle, which was now a gorgeous array of purple and blue tones.

  “Um, just my right leg mostly. And my back.”

  He cursed again.

  “It’s okay—”

  “It’s not,” he disagreed abruptly. He stood up and looked at the situation, probably trying to figure out a way to get me out.

  I looked at Tara, who was frowning.

  “All right,” he declared, turning my attention back to him. “If I ask you to reach your arms up, will that be okay? I think the best way to get you out of there is if you wrap your arms around my neck and I pull you up. Shouldn’t irritate your leg if you keep pressure off of it, but your back may be a different story.”

  “I can. But my towel…”

  He glanced at the fabric, probably longer than he should have. I didn’t mind though. He looked back at my face again, catching my eye.

  “I won’t look,” he promised, and I believed him.

  Damn shame though.

  I just nodded and did as he instructed. I felt weak, but I managed to wrap my arms around his neck as he adjusted the towel so it was the only layer between our bare chests. That didn’t stop my breasts reacting to the heat he was radiating, and the thin fabric was barely even a layer between us. I was sure he could feel the way my nipples pebbled from our closeness, but he didn’t say anything.

  He had one arm supporting my back, while another scooped under my legs. Before I knew it, I was out of the tub and cradled in his arms. I kept my arms around his neck as he carried me out of the bathroom. Tara guided him to my room, and followed close behind us with my pajamas I’d left in the bathroom piled in her arms.

  Ezra nudged my door open with his bare foot and shifted us so I wouldn’t bump into anything as he made his way to my bed. Just as he was about to set me down, the towel slipped between us and our bare chests collided.

  There was no denying he had a reaction to that. The way his body stiffened was evident enough, but as he moved the towel back into place so I was covered, and positioned me so I was laying down on my bed, my arm accidently brushed up against his hard length.

  My mouth went dry.

  “Sorry,” he murmured, stepping back and putting distance between us. I caught him trying to discreetly adjust himself.

  If it weren’t so dark in the room, I might have seen his flushed cheeks, but I wasn’t so lucky.

  “I’ll uh, let you get dressed.”

  He walked out of the room without another glance in my direction. I might have found it offensive that he didn’t bother trying to sneak a second peak, but flattery took over by the embarrassment of me finding his erection.

  The flattery I felt was quickly forgotten when I tried sitting up and a piercing pain shot through my back. It caused me my knees to jerk up to relieve the pressure, but it only made the pain in my right leg pound even harder than it did before.

  Tara quickly came to my side, helping me into my pajamas the best she could. I mostly used her for balance when I needed to slide of my pajama pants, but I doubted I could have done it without her.

  Once I was dressed, I managed to sit on the edge of the bed on my own.

  There was a knock on the door.

  Had Ezra stayed?

  “Come in,” I called out.

  Ezra’s dark hair, which looked like a mussed mess from a serious case of bed head, popped in like he wanted to double check it was safe.

  When he saw me fully clothed, he opened the door the rest of the way and stepped in. “We should get you to the hospital and make sure nothing is broken.”

  “Thank you for helping,” Tara said, smiling at him.

  He gave her a small smile in return. “Anytime you need me, I’ll come over.”

  The way his eyes drifted my way made me think he was directing that statement toward me.

  “Yeah,” I agreed, clearing my throat. “Thanks. And I don’t need to see a doctor, really. Nothing is broken. I probably just need some ice and a good night’s sleep.”

  He didn’t look pleased. “Ashley, I’d feel much better if you got checked out. Maybe nothing is broken, but there could be something else they find. At least they could give you pain medication. Clearly you’ve been crying.”

  I blushed and looked away.

  Tara looked at me. “How bad is the pain?”

  “It’s tolerable.” And it was. For me anyway. My mother always praised me for having a pretty decent pain tolerance compared to most people she knew.

  “But your eyes are kinda blood shot and puffy…”

  I looked down at my lap. “I teared up a little after I fell and the initial pain swept through me, but I might have been crying a little before I fell. Long night.”

  “The call.”

  I just nodded.

  “Either way,” Ezra cut in, still not looking completely enthused at the moment. “You need to go to the hospital. I can even drive.”

  As kind as he was being, I wasn’t accepting.

  “No.”

  “Ashley,” he ground out.

  “Ezra,” I returned, mimicking his intensity. “I really appreciate you coming over and helping, but I’ll be okay. I’m not going to the doctor tonight. If I feel like crap in the morning and I can’t tolerate the pain, I’ll consider going.”

  I emphasized the word consider.

  He didn’t look happy, but he pursed his lips and nodded anyway.

  “Thanks again, Ezra,” Tara said. “It looked like I woke you up, so I’m sorry about that.”

  He shrugged. “Long day.”

  Sounded like it was going around.

  He gave me one last look. “Are you sure you don’t need me to take you to be seen? That knee didn’t look right.”

  I sighed inwardly to myself. “Positive.”

  He shoved his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants and said good night to us before leaving my room. I didn’t say anything until I heard the front door open and close behind him.

  Tara joined me on the other side of my bed, sitting Indian style and looking at me with curious eyes.

  “Time to spill,” she informed me.

  I groaned. “It’s late. I’m tired.”

  She frowned. “If I let this go tonight, will you promise to fill me in tomorrow? You weren’t acting yourself earlier, and it scared me. And then you said you were crying…”

  I squeezed her hand. “I promise.”

  She paused. “Okay. Well, I’ll go get you some ice for your knee and then leave you be. You sure you’ll be comfortable enough to sleep?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Yes, mother.”

  She stuck her tongue out at me. I returned the favor. We were kids at heart, but that’s what made us awesome. We were more than best friends, we were practically sisters. And after a night like tonight, I needed a sister.

  5

  Sleep didn’t come easily. In fact, a majority of the night was spent in one position because I couldn’t move to my side without cringing in pain from my knee brushing against something. The swelling had gotten worse, to the point my knee was about twice the size it should be. It looked as horrible as I felt.

  When I tried getting out of bed, pain shot through my body. My back was better than it was last night, but putting any pressure on my right leg between my sore bruised ankle and unnatural knee size, wasn’t a good idea. I did manage to hop on my left leg toward my door, swinging it open and supporting myself against the frame.

  I was already out of breath, because if I was being real with myself I was totally out of shape. The only time you saw me anywhere near a gym would be if it was near any place that served food. And even if the gym would taunt me as I hobbled out of any eat-in fattened up, I ignored it. I was by no means overweight, in fact I was considered average for my five foot six stature. But I definitely carried a little extra meat on my bones, which made hopping on my leg a little uncomfortable.

  By the time I made it to the kitchen, sweat had dotted on my forehead. It was times like these that made me regret not even t
aking walks for the exercise benefits—something that kept me in decent shape. But nope. Only time I ever walked was if I needed to get somewhere, and usually it involved the pizzeria.

  Or a bar…

  Man do I like food.

  I sat myself down on the stool in front of the counter, reaching for an apple that was in the fruit bowl in front of me. I would have preferred a cheesy omelet. Hell, even a veggie one. But I was in no condition to be hopping around the kitchen and making myself one. I’d most likely trip and fall, and then Tara would have to get Ezra again to scrape up my pudgy ass from the floor.

  I bit into the apple the same time Tara came out of her room, fully dressed in our typical girl’s day attire. Aka pajamas. She gave me a groggy smile and narrowed in on the apple in my hands. Even she wasn’t used to me eating like this.

  “How are you feeling?” she asked. My pajama pants hid my knee, and how I was sitting in the stool hid her from seeing the bulge of the swelling.

  “Okay,” I lied.

  She eyed me. “Is that why you’re eating an apple when we have perfectly good junk food in the cupboard across the kitchen?”

  “You know what they say,” I returned casually. “An apple a day keeps the doctor away and all that good shit.”

  She rolled her eyes. “So another words, you’re in pain but you don’t want to go to the doctor still.”

  I smiled, because she got me.

  “Want me to make you eggs?”

  I set the apple down and glared at it like I had a vendetta. “Oh, God yes. How do you eat those nasty things?”

  “The green ones are better,” was all she said.

  Pretty much any healthy food that was stocked in the apartment was Tara’s. The fruits, the lean protein in the freezer, the Special K cereal. Then you’d find the Pop-tarts, popcorn and chips in a different cupboard. Those were mine.

  After she put together two omelets for us, she sat next to me on the counter and stared as I cut into the cheesy goodness on my plate.