A Hard Place to Breathe

by Barbara C. Doyle

  Mrs. Meyer stood at the other side of the door, her cat carrier in her hand. She was…smiling.

  Huh, didn’t thinks she was capable.

  But when she saw me standing there, her smile quickly turned into a deep, disapproving frown. “What in the world are you doing with this one?” she asked Ezra, gesturing toward me.

  I rolled my eyes. “It’s nice to see you too, Mrs. Meyer.”

  She grumbled under her breath, her eyes wrinkling at me as she sized me up.

  “What can I do for you, Margaret?”

  “Margaret?” I repeated in shock. “You’re on first name basis with her?” I thought she hated everyone, but I guess it was just me.

  He looked over his shoulder and winked. “I’m a likable guy. What can I say?”

  Mrs. Meyer spoke up. “I need you to look after Fluffy for me. I need to go out of town to visit my son. He’s having a baby, you know. A baby girl.”

  “That’s great to hear!” Ezra replied cheerfully. “I hope everything goes well. Send him my congratulations, will you?”

  She took his hand and patted it. Patted it!

  “Of course, dear. So can you look after Fluffy?”

  “I’d love to.” He took the carrier from her.

  Mrs. Meyer turned her judgy eyes on me. “You’re glad I like him, or else I’d never let you near my cat after last time.”

  I groaned. “That was one time, Mrs. Meyer.”

  “And it left an impression,” she scolded. “But I like Ezra enough to know that he has a good heart, and a good taste in women. Clearly, since he likes me.”

  Ezra laughed.

  “And he’s got a good taste in character, too,” she continued, giving me a once over again. “Clearly he sees something in you that I don’t. Don’t mess it up, little girl.”

  My jaw dropped. She did not just say that.

  “What makes you think I’d mess it up?”

  She all but rolled her eyes. “I’ve seen the people you bring home. They aren’t like Ezra here. He deserves to be treated right.”

  I closed my eyes and shook my head. I was being scolded by none other than the crazy cat lady. Although, I guess she wasn’t the stereotypical crazy cat lady being she only had one cat and apparently had a family.

  “I’m not going to mess it up,” I told her firmly.

  And I meant it.

  She tipped her head once. “Good. Now I best be on my way. Do you still have the supplies I gave you? The list?”

  Ezra nodded. “I sure do. Don’t worry, Fluffy will be in good hands.”

  “I know he will with you,” she answered. “It’s her I’m worried about.”

  I was tempted to push her toward the exit, but I just remained where I was.

  Once they said their goodbyes, Ezra closed and locked the door behind him. He set the carrier down on the floor and opened it, letting a long haired black cat waltz out and look around the apartment.

  It was kind of cute. I guess.

  He gestured toward the kitchen cabinet. “Can you go over there in the cupboard and grab a couple bowls out so I can put down some food and water?”

  I nodded and grabbed two red bowls out, turning to see him carry a bag of cat food over where Fluffy was eagerly waiting.

  I passed him one bowl and then filled the other with water.

  “I take it you’ve babysat before?”

  He smirked. “Yeah. Fluffy is a pretty cool cat.”

  On cue, Fluffy meowed.

  I giggled.

  “Want to give him some treats? He loves them.”

  “Uh…”

  Ezra chuckled. “Trust me.”

  He went to the cupboard and poured some small fish-shaped treats into my hand. The sound of the treats rattling in the box made Fluffy run over to me, rubbing his body against my leg. His loud purr rumbling enough for me to hear it.

  “Let him eat them from your hand,” Ezra guided. “He really likes that. Although, if you really don’t want to do that then you can just set them on the floor. He’ll eat them either way.”

  I knelt down and held my hand out flat toward Fluffy. He looked down at his treats, and I swore he licked his tiny little lips.

  I smiled when he started eating from my hand. I never had a cat before, and I honestly never really wanted one. We had one dog growing up, a chocolate lab named Buddy, and when he passed away it was too sad to get another one. But I had moved away to college anyway, so it wasn’t like I’d be around to play with a new puppy.

  But Fluffy…he might change my mind about getting a cat. His loud purrs sounded like an engine running, and his green eyes bore into mine in satisfaction when all the treats were gone. He even licked my hand and then nudged it for attention.

  “He likes you,” Ezra pointed out, kneeling down and fussing over him too. Fluffy was in his glory being pet by two people at once. He flopped down to his side and rolled around, making us both laugh.

  “He’s not bad,” I admitted, smiling widely.

  “Oh, please,” he mused. “You like him. Admit it.”

  I sighed. “Okay, fine. I like him. He’s adorable.”

  Ezra and I walked over to the futon then, letting Fluffy play with his toys that Ezra put out next to his food dish.

  He held my hand, stroking the top of my hand with his thumb. “So want to keep talking about Jayce and your sister?”

  I thought about it.

  I let out a deep breath I was holding. “No, I think I’m okay. I was just freaking out because I don’t let memories just play in my head like that. And when I realized he was describing the night she died…”

  His hand tightened around mine. “Jayce saw her the night she died?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, but I don’t think I’m ready to give you the details. I was freaking out, but I’m good now. I think Fluffy helped. Who knew I just needed some cat therapy?”

  He smiled. “Cats can work magic.”

  “Are you a cat person or a dog person?”

  “I like all animals, but I’m more of a dog person.”

  “Dream dog?”

  “A husky.”

  “Pretty,” I answered, leaning into his side. “I want a corgi named Cooper.”

  “Why Cooper?”

  I shrugged. “Why not?”

  He chuckled. “So are you okay? Really?”

  I looked up at him. “You know what? I think I just might be. You calm me down. And I’m not going to lie, Mrs. Meyer was a good distraction too. I can’t believe you call her by her first name.”

  He grinned. “She’s a good woman. She just doesn’t like people who try breaking into her apartment.”

  Yeah, that was pretty understandable.

  I kept looking into his eyes, feeling lost in the sea that was looking back at me. I wasn’t lying when I told him he calmed me. My body felt at ease as soon as his hand touched mine, and being so close to him didn’t just feel good.

  It felt right.

  “Ezra,” I said quietly.

  “Yeah?”

  I leaned up and pressed my lips against his. “You know how I said you make me feel?”

  “Mm-hmm.”

  “And you remember how you said that by the time you were done with me you’d make me feel like a changed woman?”

  “Definitely,” he rumbled.

  I brushed my lips against his cheek, down his jaw, and against his neck. My lips caressed his neck as my hands travelled under his green t-shirt. The ridges of his muscles felt great against my eager hands, as I moved up, feeling every inch of him.

  “Ezra,” I whispered again. “I want you to make me a changed woman.”

  That was all I had to say before he shifted so his hands were on my hips, picking me up. He set me on his lap so I was straddling him, my knees bent on either side of him. I could feel how hard he was already when I pressed down on his lap, grinding our bodies together as I kissed him.

  My arms were wrapped around his neck, my right hand tugging on his t-shirt. He got the
hint quickly, and with one swift movement his shirt was somewhere on the ground behind us. I let my hands explore his body, caressing every muscle he had, and he did the same under my shirt. His hands stopped at the bottom of my bra, his fingers lingering under the lace material so he brushed against my flesh.

  My breathing was short from the way he was touching me. He kissed me with a new hunger, a new passion that I happily returned. Before my shirt was even off, he had my bra unhooked and joined with wherever his shirt had landed. I let my lips linger down his jawline, nipping when they met his neck. He groaned and moved his hips forward, grinding his length against me, and my whole body heated up like it was on fire.

  Soon enough he had my shirt off so we were bare from the waist up. His hands found my breasts, kneading them and kissing them every place he could. I moaned when his lips found my nipple, taking it into his mouth as he picked us up off of the futon. I wrapped my legs around him tightly as he carried us to his bedroom.

  Our mouths connected and moved together the whole way to his bed, and he gently laid me down on my back, not breaking contact. When he did draw back, it was to unbutton my jeans and drag them down my legs. I lifted so he could pull the jeans all the way down, tossing them to the floor. He kissed down my body, running his hands along with his lips, until he was at my panties.

  I grabbed at his jeans and undid the button.

  “Not yet,” he groaned. “Or the fun will be over before it begins.”

  “Please,” I begged. “Ezra, I need you. Like, two second ago.”

  He laughed and let me take his jeans off, quickly followed by his boxers. And I was pretty sure seeing him in all his naked glory made me gasp, as if I’d never seen a penis before.

  But damn, that was one fine penis.

  My panties soon joined the rest of our clothes and Ezra was on top of me after putting on a condom, supporting himself by the hands that were placed on either side of my head.

  “I really need you too, Ashley,” he told me, pressing a kiss to my lips. “You have no idea how much I need you.”

  And that was when I knew it. I didn’t just give Ezra part of my heart, I gave the whole damn thing to him.

  And what he did to me was something I never experienced. The slow rhythm he created, the way he kissed me every time he entered me, the way he let me soak up the moment instead of rush it. It was all different; it was something I have never experienced in my entire life with anybody else.

  He was making sure I felt him. All of him. He was making sure that I knew we were the only two people that mattered. That he was mine and I was his. The way he moved us so I got to lead, the way he wrapped his arms around my waist every time he shifted. Even when we both found release, he made the moment special.

  In that blissful moment, I think I was ready to tell him exactly how I felt. I was ready to tell him everything about me, about my past, about my dreams, about anything that would get him to know every piece of my existence.

  Because he mattered. Because he was it for me.

  We laid in silence, soaking up each other’s warmth for a few minutes after. His hand was resting on my stomach, and my head was resting on his chest. I was curled up into his side, feeling his chest rise and lower from his even breaths. I felt so comfortable with him.

  Usually, this would be the part where I’d leave. There would be no snuggling, just goodbyes. And I was okay with that. But not with Ezra. I didn’t want a goodbye from him. Not now. Not for a very long time.

  “How are you feeling?” he asked softly, his lips grazing the top of my head.

  I smiled against his chest. “Perfect.”

  “Do you feel like a changed woman?”

  “Definitely feel something.”

  His throaty chuckle sounded from next to me.

  “Hey, Ezra?”

  “Mm?”

  “What’s your last name?”

  It had occurred to me that we’d spent quite a bit of time together, yet I didn’t know his last name. Or middle for that matter, but last name seemed more important.

  “Sorry if that’s random,” I mused, looking up at him. “I just never really did last names with anyone else because it didn’t matter. You know? And I realized that this did matter, and I still don’t know yours.”

  “It’s Masters. Ezra James Masters.”

  “Pretty name.”

  He laughed. “It’s a masculine name.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Sorry to have questioned your manhood. After what we just did I didn’t think I could damage it.”

  He kissed my head again. “What’s yours? You’re right, I never thought to ask before.”

  “Morgen. I’m Ashley Elizabeth Morgen.”

  His body tensed next to me, causing me to look up at him. The hand that was on my stomach was now off, and I missed his touch. His eyes were dark, but fogged over like something was clouding his thoughts.

  “What is it?” I asked, sitting up. I held the comforter up to my chest, feeling the coolness from the room suddenly nip at my skin.

  It wasn’t as bad as the coolness I was suddenly getting from him.

  “Ezra?” I asked again, worried. “What’s wrong?”

  “Ashley,” he said slowly, in a very cryptic tone. “What was your sister’s name?”

  My sister’s name? Had I never told him before? I knew I had trouble saying it out loud, but I never thought I had that issue around him.

  I cleared my throat. “Bryn. Why?”

  His face paled.

  Then he bolted out of bed. In fact, if there was a world record for time to jump out of bed, he’d totally beat it. It gave me whiplash, like I should be ashamed of what I’d done. Like something I said just ruined the perfect moment I thought we were having. I didn’t say anything though. It wasn’t like I asked him to marry me or have my babies.

  And he looked like he’d seen a ghost.

  “Ezra—”

  “I think I hear Fluffy,” he said, peeling off the condom, pulling a pair of sweatpants on, and then leaving the room.

  But I never heard anything.

  Slowly, I found my panties and jeans from the floor and slid them on. Instead of going out bare chested since my bra and shirt were in the living room, I just grabbed one of his shirts that was on his desk and slipped on instead. It fell mid-thigh, and his scent wrapped around me.

  I crept to the door, peaking my head out unsure of what I was going to find. Ezra was leaned against the counters in the kitchen, his hands in his hair and his body looking tense. Fluffy was rubbing against the back of his legs, but Ezra was paying no attention to him.

  Poor Fluffy.

  I thought about it.

  Poor me. What had I done to ruin what happened between us? I was enjoying myself, letting myself get wrapped up in the moment. And for what? To get ditched?

  I walked out of the bedroom, suddenly courageous enough to get an answer.

  “You need to explain what just happened,” I told him, crossing my arms on my chest.

  He pushed himself off the counter and turned to face me. His eyes weren’t the beautiful shade of blue that I was infatuated with from day one. They were sad, dark storms that I didn’t want to get lost in.

  He said, “You should go.”

  My jaw dropped. “You’re kicking me out?”

  He closed his eyes. “It’s for the best.”

  My heart raced in my chest. “I k-know that I haven’t really been fully open with you, but I thought we were working on that. I thought—”

  “Whatever you thought, just forget it.”

  His voice was so cold that it sent icicles at me, slicing my skin just the same.

  “Ezra…”

  “Just go, Ashley.”

  Fluffy meowed from the floor.

  He scooped up the cat and walked past me. “Don’t forget your clothes on the floor.”

  Tears filled my eyes at the sudden harshness. “I don’t understand. Was this just a g-game to you? Lead me on, toy with my emoti
ons until I slept with you?”

  His free hand formed into a fist and he struck the wall. Fluffy startled and jumped from his arms, landing on the floor and running into his bedroom. The drywall from the area he hit was broken, forming a small fist-shaped hole.

  He didn’t turn around. He just said, “Leave.”

  And because I had no idea what to do, I did.

  13

  Maybe I was dumber than I thought I was. I should have seen this whole thing coming, but I didn’t. What would a guy like Ezra want with a girl like me? I had a reputation, one that I knew he heard of. This whole thing he was doing with me was probably a bet with his friends to see if he could get me into bed and believe that I meant something.

  College sucked.

  I wiped my face off with the back of my hand and then splashed cold water onto it. I looked at my puffy eyes in the mirror and shook my head. I hadn’t done so much crying as I had recently. I was turning into a pathetic excuse of a human being.

  Tara knocked on the bathroom door. “Ash? Can you please open up?”

  I took a deep breath. “Now is not a good time.”

  “What if I told you I really had to pee?”

  That made me laugh. “Do you?”

  She paused. “Well, no. But I do want to talk about what happened yesterday. I gave you space like you wanted, but now it’s time to talk.”

  I grumbled to myself so low she couldn’t hear me. I dried my face off, and turned toward the door. I hadn’t even bothered to change out of my pjs this morning. In fact, I was wearing my fluffy bunny slippers, ones that had the ears coming out of them, which I only wore when I needed lots of comfort.

  As soon as Tara saw them, she knew how serious the situation was.

  “Oh no,” she breathed. “You’re wearing Flopsy.”

  I rolled my eyes and looked down at the slippers. “I still think you shouldn’t have named them. Now I feel like I killed a bunny named Flopsy just to wear him on my feet.”

  “That would be morbid.”

  “Ya think?”

  She took my hand and guided me to my bedroom. She had everything that we needed for a girl talk at the ready, my favorite pink fuzzy pillow that I hugged when I was upset, a box of tissues, and even my favorite hot chocolate from Dunkin Donuts.