Fractured

by Leanne Pearson

  I have to keep this platonic, nonphysical.

  It takes every ounce of my self-control to slip my hands from his.

  “Don’t, Dom, please,” I plead, feeling heaviness settle in my chest as the words leave my mouth. I can’t hold the intensity of his stare for more than a few seconds, as there are so many unspoken words and unnamed feelings arcing between us.

  Other than a slight tightening of his mouth and a muscle working his jaw, the expression on his face doesn’t give much indication of what he’s feeling. Bringing his hand up to my face, he brushes my lips with his thumb then drops a chaste kiss onto the scar on my left cheek.

  He drops his hand and I immediately yearn for the roughened tips of his fingers to brush my skin once more.

  “I won’t push you, darlin’. I’m sorry. I’ll give you space.”

  We’re back to “darlin’.” The way he referred to me as “baby” was said in a way that whispered a promise of things to come.

  I killed the moment.

  Emotion clogs my throat and guilt slices through my chest like a knife as he breaks our eye contact, and slowly turns away to walk back up towards the row of cars. From where I’m standing, it appears as if he’s walking directly into the heart of the flames blazing from the centre of the fire.

  Oh God, I’ve hurt him.

  A part of me wants to run after him, drop to my knees behind his retreating form, and beg him not to leave. I let him walk away though, because the alternative would be for me to cross a line I’m nowhere near ready to step over. To admit to the depth of feelings that I’m terrified I’ve already developed for him.

  I leave not long after Dom does, sending him a text once home, figuring I owed him at least that.

  KATE: I’m sorry about earlier. I need to be honest with you, as your friendship has grown to mean so much to me. You mean a lot to me and you’re right about there being something between us. I can’t take it any further though. I’m just not ready for anything more. I’m really sorry. I don’t know when and if I’ll ever be. Thank for being so patient with me, but don’t wait for me either. I’m not deserving of that.

  His reply had me reaching for my tissues and wondering what a man like Dominic is doing wasting his time with a broken woman like me.

  DOM: Let me decide what’s deemed deserving of my patience, Kate. For the record, you’re worth the wait, no matter how long it takes. I’m a patient man, sweetheart. Get some sleep. G’d.nite.

  Chapter 15

  THROWING DOWN THE GAUNTLET

  ~ Kate, Saturday 15 October 2011 ~

  It’s been a predictably quiet evening at Jimmy’s. The band has just wound up their gig, they and some stragglers are huddled around one of the tables I’m serving, crowding around one of the guy’s phones, which they are all anxiously staring at. I prepare the drinks, casting the occasional quizzical glance over to the group of men. Travis’s flavour of the week is a cute redhead who he’s been mauling up against the far corner of the room. I watch them nostalgically, remembering how Danny and I couldn’t keep our hands off each other either, although we weren’t exhibitionists like Travis and this girl. They eventually come up for air, and she pulls out her phone, keys in what I assume is Trav’s number, then gets up to leave.

  Suddenly one of the guys shouts out, pulling my eyes back to their table. Andy leaps up fist pumping the air.

  “4.3. Knew it. Y-e-a-h! Open your wallets, wankers, two weeks in a row, wicked!” he exclaims, bumping a fist with Kyle.

  “Shut up, McKenney. Beginners luck, that’s all.”

  The conversation halts as I approach their table. The men all shiftily avert their eyes anywhere but to me directly. Something is up.

  “Okay, I’m intrigued, what are you boys up to?” I enquire as I place their drinks on the table.

  Kyle takes a quick swig from his beer. These men could easily be mistaken for a line up of disobedient school boys waiting outside the headmaster’s office. Nobody speaks, all eyes downcast.

  “It’s just a bet between us blokes, Kate. No disrespect intended,” one of them finally pipes up.

  Shaking my head, I shrug. “Okay, so what are you betting on? What’s with the cloak and dagger act, guys?”

  Shane shoots a glance at the men behind him.

  “We’re, uh, betting on the strength of the earthquakes. We get a weekly report from the Geonet website.”

  “W-what. Is this some sick joke? Tell me you aren’t serious, Shane, please?”

  “I’m sorry Ka—”

  “Oh God, you are serious.” I am stunned. Incredulous. “What is wrong with you all?”

  As my eyes blaze through each one of them, they briefly meet with Travis’s. Seeing the expression on my face, and my raised voice, he quickly pushes himself off the wall he was leaning against and starts walking towards me.

  A voice rings out from behind Shane. “It’s just a bet. No foul.”

  This comment flips the switch on my control. I’m lit with a surge of anger that causes my hands to shake.

  “JUST A FREAKIN’ BET? 186 PEOPLE HAVE LOST THEIR LIVES, YOU ASSHOLE!” I yell, flinging my arm across their table, sending two bottles of beer careening into the air, beer splattering up against the wall, and the bottles shattering on impact.

  Aside from my frantic breathing and pounding heart, one could hear a pin drop. Nobody moves or says anything initially. Trav’s eyes are wide as saucers. Then he slowly moves towards me like I’m some skittish wild animal he’s trying to corner. Which I probably do look like right now.

  “Kate, calm down babe.”

  “I need to leave, Travis. Now. Please get me away from here,” I say through clenched teeth.

  Travis wisely has a quick word with the bartender, then guides me past his friends who are all still standing mute, like stunned mullets.

  On the way home, I glance across at Trav, who has kept his eyes focused on the road ahead since we left, appearing to be deep in thought. He doesn’t push me to talk about my outburst and is much quieter than his usual chatty self. After locking his car, he walks me up to the front door. With Sarah away on a conference, the unit is in darkness. Opening up, we step inside, flicking on the lights, I turn to Travis.

  “Thank you, Trav. I’m sorry I went off at the guys like that, it’s just—”

  He cuts me off. “No, Kate, they deserved it.” He shakes his head, leaning his forearm up against the passage wall next to me, while his warm hazelnut eyes sweep over my face. He tucks some hair behind my ear, staring down at me, an odd expression passing over his features.

  “I had no idea they were placing bets on quake magnitudes. That’s incredibly insensitive, even for those muppets. I’m sorry, babe.”

  I have nothing to say to that, so I just slip my arms around him, resting my face against his chest.

  “It’s not your fault, Trav, so don’t apologise for them. I’m thankful I still have you in my life, I feel I’m losing so many connections to Dan as time passes, and I know this is partly my fault because I’ve pushed people away and kept to myself a lot.”

  He squeezes me a little tighter.

  “Nobody is judging you, Kate. We’ve taken our cues from you, backed off when we’ve sensed you wanted us to and tried to offer support when you’ve looked in need of it. I’m always here for you, babe. You know this, right?” he asks into my hair. Breathing deeply, I’m willing the tears not to spill over.

  “I know, Trav,” I say into the wall of his chest.

  “Babe, I love and miss Dan like a brother and I just hope he can forgive me for what I’m about to do,” he says softly.

  “What do you mean?” I ask, slowly lifting my head up to look at him. Then, in a blink, my chin is tilted up and he takes my mouth in a fervent kiss.

  For a few seconds, I’m too shocked to react. Then my body catches up, and it’s stirred by the sensation of a man’s lips on mine. It’s been so long since I’ve been kissed like this. But this is Trav, and Danny was his best friend. Thi
s awareness forces me to wrench myself back, pushing my hands against his chest to break the kiss. Tears well in my eyes as I stare at Travis, searching his. What I see reflected in them is conflict, desire and hope. He’s wearing an expression I’ve never seen before on him, a man who’s usually so confident: He looks vulnerable.

  “Why did you do that, Trav?” My voice is a thin whisper.

  “Kate, I’m sorry,” he says, gripping my shoulders gently. I flinch at the contact.

  “The timing isn’t right for you, I get that. I’ll move slower, but I can’t deny that I’ve had a soft spot for you for as long as I can remember. When you were Danny’s girl, you were off-limits, but I’ve always held a torch for you. I thought you sensed this somehow?”

  I’m dumbfounded. Travis is Girl Central. He hasn’t had a steady relationship in over three years, and other than his playful flirting, which I’d never read anything into, I hadn’t picked up on him having a thing for me. Then again, I was so wrapped up in Daniel, so I could have been oblivious to something that may have been staring me in the face all along.

  He swallows hard, as he runs his hand over his face, then pins me with his eyes once more.

  “We could be great together, babe, we’ve been friends for so long, have a shared history. I want to build on that. With you.”

  Still reeling, my mind is flipping through our interactions over the past few years for any missed indication of his hidden affection for me, I’m floored that I hadn’t sensed his interest on some intuitively female level.

  “Did you stop to consider that maybe the timing will never be right for us, Travis, because this,” I gesture between us, “will never happen. My God, you’re Dan’s best friend!”

  His face hardens but his expressive brown eyes betray him, exposing his hurt at my words. His eyes have always been the gauge to his multiple moods.

  “It’s Dell’Antonio, isn’t it?” He grinds Dominic’s name out like sandpaper.

  “Travis, don’t make this about another guy. You shouldn’t have kissed me,” I shoot back.

  “At least be honest with me, Kate.”

  I’m getting angry because he’s right. If Dominic had kissed me, I don’t think I’d have been strong enough to resist him. “Before I say something that I could regret, I think you should leave, Travis. Please.”

  “You’re not denying it, so there’s my answer.” Male pride, and a bruised ego cause his words to drip with acid.

  My eyes meet his and I just know that the transparency of my growing feelings for Dominic are laid bare in their depths, confirming what I can’t admit to verbally.

  He looks crushed, and heaviness settles in my chest. I flinch as Travis slams the door behind him, causing a picture frame on the opposite wall to swing wildly. I flop down onto the couch, dropping my head into my hands and sob. God, this is such a mess. I’m a mess. When did the lines of friendship blur to lead Danny’s best friend to want me as his own? And why has my heart, which all but ceased to function after I lost Dan, slowly stirred back to life, tentatively beating once again for a man I’ve known for only eight months?

  My phone rings, looking at the caller ID, I see it’s Dominic.

  He knows I’ll be home now and after the way we left things at the beach last night, I know I can’t ignore the call, or he’ll more than likely hop into his car and arrive here banging my door down until I open it. I count to five, taking deep breaths.

  “Hi, Dom, sorry I took a while to answer, I couldn’t find the phone,” I lie in as calm and controlled a voice as my clogged throat can manage. I know I sound nasally from all the crying.

  Never missing much, Dom immediately picks up on this.

  “What’s wrong, darlin’?”

  Hearing his voice instantly turns my emotions to liquid once more, and in stuttering sobs, I blurt out what transpired a short while ago. Dominic silently listens to my blubbering account on the other end of the line until I get to the part where Travis kissed me.

  “That motherfu—”

  “Dom. Don’t say it, please. You going ballistic isn’t helping me right now.” I squeeze my eyes tight, so not needing Dominic to go all alpha once more, and make an awkward situation even worse. A tense silence fills the line while he reins in his thoughts and temper.

  “You’re right. Tell you what. You run yourself a hot bath, unwind a little, and I’ll call you back in half an hour once you’re in bed?” His voice sounds strained and deceptively calm.

  This has become our little nightly ritual: sometimes we’ll text each other, but mostly he’ll call me late at night just after I get home, although tonight, after hearing about Travis, I think he needs the time to cool down and compose himself before he attempts to speak to me again.

  ~ Dominic, three days later ~

  Travis’s voice silences the hubbub in the bar, and all eyes turn to him on stage. “This next song is for my muse, a special woman who is the inspiration behind my song writing of late.” The crowd whoops and cheers. He takes a deep breath and the room falls silent as the spotlight centres on the band. Strumming his guitar while staring across the floor at someone, a frown creases my brow as my eyes cut to the corner of the bar to see who he has locked in his sight. Latent anger boils to the surface. This guy is un-fucking-believable. Three nights since he pulled that shit with Kate, was given the proverbial boot, and here he is back up on his horse, making a play for the woman who owns my heart.

  And the asshole is using her vulnerability as a tool; playing her delicate emotions like a string on his fucking guitar. Leaning into the mic, belting out lyrics solely intended for seduction, does this tool seriously think this is what Kate needs at the moment? She is already so fragile. I can’t let him do this to her. She’s not mine but sure as shit will never be his. Not while I’m breathing air into my lungs. Then a sickening thought slams into me. She isn’t mine, and despite the chemistry that thrums between us each time we are together, she has a history with him. The asshat is right on this account. This could cloud her judgement. My hands curl into fists as possessiveness and rage pulse through every cell in my body. This woman will be mine. One day. I’ll do everything I have to, to prevent her from falling victim to her dead boyfriend’s womanising friend in a moment of weakness. Why would he do this to her?

  Dodging through the bodies crowding the bar, I approach Kate. She must sense my nearness, as she turns her face from the stage. Her eyes are damp and I see the conflict in them at Travis’s words. As I draw closer, the troubled look falters and is replaced with a flush on her face at my sudden appearance. She greets me with a beautifully shy smile that tugs at the part of me she unknowingly already holds in the palm of her hand.

  “Hey, Dom. What can I get you?”

  “A Heineken served by the most beautiful woman in this establishment would be a good start, darlin’,” I answer honestly. Our eyes lock and I can feel the force of it, a potent current of magnetism that fires up all my senses and surges between us. The blood coursing through my veins has become a roar. One unintentionally heated look from this vulnerable woman simultaneously tempers my anger and fuels my craving for her.

  “You’re giving me butterflies, Dominic,” she says, in a breathy whisper.

  Flushed, beautiful, guarded. Yet…wanting. It is there in her eyes; the dancing flames of desire.

  My heart soars, but I have to be sure, so leaning in closer, I ask, “Sure it’s me and not Elvis croonin’ up there on stage that’s stirrin’ them up, darlin’?”

  I could see the effort it was taking for her to keep her breathing under control.

  “No, it’s only your voice they respond to, Dom. You speak and they take to flight in my belly.”

  Such an innocent, yet loaded admission. “Why’d you think that is darlin’?”

  She opens her mouth to answer but the words die on her tongue as his voice cuts through the music.

  “Most of you here knew Daniel, or have read about him in the papers.” I watch as Kate visibly fli
nches at the mention of his name.

  “Well, I’d like to dedicate the rest of our songs tonight to my best mate, Dan, and to a special woman I have on my radar. You know who you are, baby.”

  Her eyes immediately fill with tears at the mention of Daniel’s name, his words having the required effect. She’s moved. Understandably. Using her weakness as a lure. The lowest blow. Asshole. His eyes that are pinned to Kate sweep to mine. From where I’m standing, I see the imperceptible shift in his expression the minute our eyes connect. The smug look he gives me speaks volumes. It’s an open challenge.

  Yeah, croon away all you like, asshole. It’s gonna take more than a few syrupy songs and some guitar talent to steal into this woman’s bed, or her heart. I’m here to make darn sure of that. My jaw clenches as I stare him down in a silent acknowledgement of our non-verbal exchange. He thinks this is a challenge, Kate being the prize. Thing is, I want her heart. She belongs to me, and I wont let the asshole hurt what’s precious to me.

  While he stares me down, I think of the trip to Hanmer Springs Chase has arranged for a group of us over the Labour weekend later this month. Kate’s going, and I’m sure this tool is likely to try using this trip to his full advantage with further attempts at whittling away at her defences.

  Bring it on, bud, you’ll have to get through me first. But, I will not let you hurt this precious woman.

  Chapter 16

  VOLATILITY

  ~ Kate, Saturday 22 October 2011 ~

  The bracing October air fills my lungs as I take in the surroundings of Hanmer Springs. The geography of the area provides unparalleled vistas of mountains in every direction, which are capped with snow after a recent dumping. Lifting my eyes to the majestic mountains, which surround this picturesque little town, standing stark against the brilliant blue sky, my problems seem so infinitesimal against their brooding presence.