DirtyBeautiful

by Jodie Becker

  Mary-Mae fingered her hair as though to put it to rights. “Besides, he isn’t over you. He spent most of the night bemoaning about you before he passed out.”

  “What are you trying to say? That he just went to your house for a heart-to-heart?” she scoffed.

  “Oh no, he tried, but his heart and body wasn’t into it. Men are odd creatures, you see. He probably thought the only way to get over you was to just pretend it didn’t bother him to be with another. Well, I guess it did.”

  Erica’s eyes narrowed. “Why are you telling me this?”

  “We mightn’t have been friends in high school. In fact, I probably was a real bitch. But life outside of Templeton has taught me a few things, and one of those is regret is a hard thing to live with and sometimes fighting for what you want is better than folding to the masses. Take it from someone who knows.”’

  “What do you know about what I’m going through?”

  Mary-Mae laughed, a sound lacking humor. “Honey, I’m a country bumpkin who married a doctor and rubbed shoulders with the crème-de-la-crème of society. You think I didn’t hear their whispers about how Jackson could’ve done a whole lot better than me? I was torn down and spat out by that group and I had a choice. I could’ve sucked it up and fought for it. But we know what I did. I tucked tail and ran.”

  “How can I be sure he won’t cheat on me?”

  Mary-Mae grinned as she stepped around Erica to walk away. “Faith. It’s as simple as that.”

  Momentarily stunned, Erica slipped inside her car and took off for home. Her argument with Dylan rattled in her head and brought with it a heavy lump of anxiety. She’d failed to do the one thing that maintained a relationship and that was to have trust. She didn’t trust Dylan with her future and subconsciously expected him to fail. Now she wondered if he would even give her a chance. After all, she didn’t give him a chance to tell his side of the story. Still, in her heart it didn’t matter what his reasons were for doing what he did. She loved him and he deserved more from her.

  As she pulled into her driveway she noticed Dylan’s truck was missing. The notion that he wouldn’t be home never occurred to her. Still, Ruby could’ve borrowed the car. It was a flimsy excuse, but she’d never know unless she knocked on the front door. Resolute, she walked across the yard and did just that.

  She clutched her hands together, the wait feeling like hours until she heard footsteps beyond. Finally the door opened and her shoulders slumped. Ruby. “Uh, hi,” Erica said. “Dylan not home?”

  Ruby glared at her. “No, he isn’t.”

  Erica swallowed back her disappointment. Sure it was a given, but she still hoped. “Well, I’ll just come back later.”

  She only managed a few steps before Ruby’s words forestalled her. “You know, you have some nerve.”

  Erica twisted around. “Excuse me?”

  “You can sit on your high horse and look down on people like us, but you know what, Dylan has more integrity than you or any of the people here could ever hope to have.”

  Erica didn’t know what to say to that. She didn’t expect a confrontation with Ruby. “I know I hurt him, and I’m sorry for that. If you can just tell him—”

  “I’m not going to tell him anything. After what you did, he can do a lot better.”

  It stung to hear that and she struggled to breathe. “You’re probably right.”

  Ruby blinked. “What?”

  Erica cleared her throat. “I said, you’re probably right. I let him down. I shouldn’t have let whatever he did before meeting me control our relationship. I shouldn’t have let my own insecurities overrule what I knew about him. That was my fault.”

  “So why are you here?”

  “I’m here to win Dylan back.”

  Ruby sighed and shook her head.

  “Look, I know I don’t deserve the time of day, but I really want to have the chance to say I’m sorry.”

  “No, you misunderstand. I’d love to help, but he left a couple of days ago.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “He moved back to LA.”

  Erica wavered on her feet and she gripped the banister to keep her balance. She struggled to breathe, the anxiety she felt earlier giving way to misery. Tears pinched at the corner of her eyes and she blinked them back.

  “Did he say anything?”

  “Not much. But if you ask me, he’s hurting and would probably come back in a heartbeat if you asked him.”

  Erica pulled her cell from her pocket and dialed his number. The time it took to connect made her anxiety worsen. It started to ring but after the second ring it cut off. She stared at her phone, unable to believe what had just happened. Shaking off her apprehension, she tried again and this time he picked up.

  “What?”

  Erica faltered at the rough edge of his voice. “Dylan, what are you doing?”

  A harsh sigh drifted over the line. “Looking for work.”

  “You’re going back into adult films?”

  “Yeah.”

  “You can’t mean that.”

  “I do mean it. You were right to chuck me out that day.”

  Confusion and panic tumbled in her head, throwing all thought of reconciliation from her mind. “What are you saying?”

  “I’ve never been good at relationships. Every one I’ve tried to hold on to has turned to dust. And I think I’m okay with that. You have a good life, Erica.”

  “But—”

  The line went dead and Erica screamed in frustration. She dialed again and this time it went to a standard telecommunications message. He’d switched off his cell.

  “What happened?”

  Erica could barely see Ruby through the sheen of tears. “He didn’t even give me a chance to tell him I didn’t care about what he did. He hung up on me.”

  “Idiot. He probably thinks this is all in your best interest.”

  Wiping at her tears, Erica held back a sob. “Wh-what do you mean?”

  “Dylan’s always been the guy you go to when things got bad. He never asked anything in return, he just did it. No complaints. Nothing.”

  Erica knew this about him. The way he accepted her for all her flaws and tried to work around them. Tried to fix them.

  “There’s only one thing you can do now.”

  “What?”

  “Fight for it.”

  * * * * *

  It felt weird to be in LA again. The quiet stillness within the apartment seemed in stark contrast against his roiling emotions. Vane was happy enough to hear from him and already had something lined up for him to do in the next couple of days. Dylan propped his elbows against the balcony and let the cool air ruffle his hair. Dusk had hit and the orange streaks across the sky reminded him of Erica. He straightened and knocked back another drink in hopes of getting rip-roaring drunk.

  For the hundredth time today he’d wondered why Erica called him and why he told her the truth. He expected Ruby to keep his secrets and didn’t want to think she called him because Ruby had spilled. There was nothing worse than loving someone and not knowing if they loved you back with the same intensity or if it was out of pity they stuck around.

  “You sure you don’t want to go out tonight?”

  Dylan glanced at Max propped against the wall. “Nah. I think I’m just gonna have an early one.”

  “She pulled a real number on you, didn’t she?”

  He looked toward the fading sunlight. “You might say that.”

  “Huh.”

  Dylan glanced at him, a brow raised. “What was that for?”

  Max shrugged. “No reason. Hey, Vane ask you about Ruby?”

  “What? No.”

  Max chuckled. “Two of his favorite performers go AWOL. He was mighty pissed to say the least. But at least you’re back. You wouldn’t know where she is?”

  “Wouldn’t have a clue.”

  The silence that stretched between them was weighed down by unspoken truths. Max’s insightful gaze seemed to rip thro
ugh the layers and see beyond. Dylan braced himself.

  “You really think you can do this?” he asked.

  “Sure,” he lied.

  “You know, I don’t think you can.”

  Dylan twisted away. He didn’t want to hear this shit. Didn’t want the guilt that rode his back since he decided to come back to LA. He finished off the last of his beer and slipped it onto the bench, the bench he’d laid Erica upon and touched her intimately. Even now he could still hear that breathless whimper she made when she got close. He pressed his hands against the smooth top and closed his eyes, hoping to exorcise her from his mind.

  He sensed Max somewhere behind him, watching him with that quiet perceptiveness that he always had. Dylan canted his head, catching his friend in the corner of his eyes. “What?” he snarled.

  “What are you doing here, Dylan? I’ve never seen you so strung up over a woman.”

  Dylan pushed off the bench and stalked over to the fridge. He didn’t need to have this conversation sober. Hell, he didn’t need to have this conversation at all. He yanked open the fridge and snatched another bottle, twisted the lid off and took a generous swallow.

  Max watched the move in silent reproof and Dylan felt it down to his gut.

  “What, it’s okay for me to fuck people for money, but a man can’t have a beer?”

  “I think you’re avoiding the point. You’re not going to like yourself if you do this.”

  Dylan’s laugh was caustic. “I got news for you. I already don’t like myself.”

  Max recoiled. Clearly it wasn’t what he expected to hear.

  A knock at the door saved Dylan from further conversation and he shouldered by Max to answer the door. No doubt it was Vane ready to go over his contract. He swung the door open and a whoosh of air left his body. Erica stood in the hall looking tired, bedraggled and sexy as hell.

  “Erica? What are you doing here?”

  She shifted on her feet, uncertainty written across her features. “I’m here to win you back.”

  His mouth dropped open as Max chuckled in the background.

  “Well,” Max said, squeezing by them. “That’s my cue. Tell Ruby I said hi.”

  With that he sauntered down the hall, whistling as he went.

  Erica peered up at him through her lashes. “Can I come in?”

  Dumbly he stepped back, watching as she glided inside, skirted the lounge, fingered the table and finally turned to face him. Dylan shut the door and leaned on it. Her fingers twisted in her palms, the sunlight circled her gorgeous hair like a halo. It reminded him how far removed he was from her pureness.

  He pushed off the door and approached, and stopped only when the halo disappeared. “You shouldn’t have wasted your money.”

  “Well, I wouldn’t have if you’d given me a chance to tell you how I feel about you.”

  He paused and wondered if he should remove her from his home. Yearning stirred in his stomach again and before he could stifle it the words tumbled out of his mouth. “How do you feel?”

  Erica licked her lips. “I love you, Dylan.”

  Dylan waited for an orchestra of angels to break out into chorus, but none of that happened. The misery in his gut remained. “Why?” he rasped.

  Erica stepped forward. “Because you are the most giving man I know. You are patient and incredibly understanding. You don’t allow others to dictate your actions and operate by your own judgment. You never judge anyone on anything but their merits alone…and you love to save stray dogs.”

  He couldn’t speak, his emotions difficult to decipher.

  She licked her lips nervously. “And you saw beyond this,” she swept her hand over her body, “and saw me.”

  “I see you, and you’re beautiful.”

  Her smile was wobbly and incredibly endearing.

  “What about my past?”

  “It doesn’t matter. Whatever your reasons for doing this, I don’t care. I love you. Everything about you. Please, forgive me for not having enough faith in us. In myself.”

  Joy bubbled beneath the surface and he struggled to keep it at bay. “So you don’t know why I started doing films?”

  She shook her head, a sheen of tears glistening in her eyes. Unable to stop himself, Dylan closed the distance between them and kissed her with all the pent-up emotions inside her. He tasted the saltiness of her tears but also the passion she held for him. All the weariness that weighed him down dissipated to be replaced by a euphoric thrum.

  Erica pressed against him, her ragged moan swallowed by an answering one of his own. Without breaking off the kiss, he swung her up in his arms and carried her into his room. She landed on the bed, and he followed. His cock surged with almost painful desire. He’d been dreaming of claiming her, and he couldn’t wait. Knees pressed on the mattress, her luscious thighs gripping his hips. All he had to do was settle his denim-covered dick over her and have some relief, but he wanted her naked. Wanted to feel her soft body on his. He fisted her dress. Fabric tore and buttons hit his chest as he tried to remove her clothing. Finesse ceased to exist under the desperation riding him. He needed her more than he needed his next breath.

  Her breasts spilled free and he cupped one, feeling the hard tip press against his palm. Abandoning her mouth, he drank up her flushed face, pausing over her swollen lips. He brushed aside a lock of hair from her face. A lump settled in his throat, his fingers trembled as he traced the apple of her cheek.

  “I thought I’d never be able to touch you like this again,” he rasped.

  Erica blinked rapidly. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

  Dylan kissed each eyelid. “Don’t be. I’m just glad you’ve forgiven me.”

  He kissed with reverent need. Their tongues met in a foray of joy and love. He suckled her top then bottom lip before trailing a line down her jaw. Nails dug into his shoulders, but he didn’t care. He burned for her. His dick throbbed in painful arousal. Panting, he stared down at her flushed breasts, her nipples tight with desire. He leaned close and blew hot air onto the coral tips. Erica arched into him and her hands pulled at his shirt. The palm of her hand slid under the collar to find bare skin and scorched him. Dylan shuddered, feeling her desire through the core of his being. He pinched one nipple and rolled it gently until she whimpered, “Please.”

  Her fingers dipped under the waistband of his jeans to touch the tip of his cock and he shuddered. Damn it, he had to have her. She undid the buttons on his pants, Dylan rucked up her skirt and pulled her underwear aside to touch her wet center. Erica gasped and clutched his dick, sending all thought from his mind.

  He pushed two fingers inside her, his thumb circling the swollen nub. He finger-fucked her with fervor, loving her unique perfume of musk and peaches. The cadence of her moans and the wet sound of her pussy as he pummeled her were like music. Everything about her filled his senses. This was what he wanted. Her and only her. He was a fool to think he could fuck another.

  He nibbled her neck, tracing a line upward to the lobe of her ear. He bit it enough to catch her attention and she groaned, her pussy clenched beneath his touch. “I want to fuck you.”

  Erica shuddered. “Yes, fuck me.”

  He pulled his hand away and guided himself to the entrance of her body.

  “You want me?”

  “Yes,” she gasped.

  He thrust home, his eyes almost rolling back from the sheer bliss of being inside her. Her wet canal eased his way, welcoming him home. Her legs wrapped around him and she fisted his shirt at his back. Guided by the primitive need to mark her, he hooked one leg over his arm, forcing her open, exposing her to his relentless hunger. A breath burst from her as he thrust hard into her until her pussy kissed the base of his cock. He rolled his hips to feel her clit against his flesh. Her eyelids fluttered and a feral grin pulled at his mouth. He drew back until the head of his cock tipped the lips of her cunt and drove forward. He fucked her in a frenzy, her cries pitching with every punch of his cock. Her breasts jiggled with e
very hard thrust, her mouth open, eyes squeezed shut. She was the best lover he ever had and he felt humbled by her innocence that awoke hope in him.

  Heat ran down his spine and tingles tightened in his balls. He licked the valley between her breasts, tasting a combination of her sweet skin and sweat. Damn, he missed her. One hand gripped her other thigh, pushing her wider and giving him deeper access. Dylan groaned as rapture spiked down his shaft. The canal of her vagina tightened and moisture gushed around his erection. Her body tensed and her screams filled the room.

  Panting, he cupped her neck and brought her up for a ravenous kiss. She tasted of sin and heaven. Of tears and joy and everything in between.

  He slowed the pace, now enjoying the luscious feel of her vagina encasing his dick. Nails scraped over his back and he moaned. She whispered his name and told him how much she loved him. Each word a caress. He rocked into her, torturing himself with the blissful agony of being inside her. Pleasure skimmed his flesh and gathered along his balls. Heat condensed in the base of his cock. Increasing the pace, he plundered her body. Rapture burrowed into the depths of his being. It was heaven. Erica was his very own heaven. Gasping, he raced toward his release, his body trembling with vicious need. Beneath him Erica’s breathy whimper pushed him closer to release. Never had he experienced sex like this. Both his heart and body thrummed with joy. He yearned for her touch, but a touch filled with love.

  A tingle started at the base of his spine and he knew he wouldn’t last. For the first time he worried he would come before she did. Shifting his body, he massaged her clitoris in furious circles, giving her pleasure as he sought his own. The walls of her canal tightened and Erica cried out. Dylan kissed her as he spilled his seed, his whole body feeling as though it was sent into orbit.

  Gasping for breath, he pulled back and stared into her eyes. Their breaths mingled and her hand ran up and down his spine in a sensual caress. Reverently he brushed back wet locks of hair from her face. “God, you’re so sexy.”

  He moved to pull out of her and realized one fatal mistake. His heart dropped, knowing her distaste of not having safe sex. Panicked, he looked at her. “I forgot to suit up.”