When I Love (Vassi & Seri 3: Russian Stepbrother Romance)

by Marian Tee

  Sergei sighed. “You cannot blame him for being furious and for not seeing or thinking clearly, Seri. Papa has always been terrified of raising you the wrong way – of doing something that would besmirch Marianna’s memories.” Choosing his words carefully, he said, “That was why when you acted like his worst nightmare come to life – if you think he came down hard on you, believe me when I say Papa was harder on himself.”

  “He looked like he wanted to kill me that night,” she remembered painfully.

  “His anger is entirely self-directed, baby. He blames himself for how he thinks you turned out.” He stroked her hair, saying, “It’s the same reason why Vassi found it so easy to believe your lies.”

  Seri stiffened. “W-what do you mean?”

  Sergei smiled. “Did you really think Misha and I were unaware of his feelings – or yours?”

  She could only stare at him in shock.

  “When you pretended to be a suka – forgive me if I cannot use the word in English. I do not like using it when talking about you.” Sergei grimaced. “In any case, when you pretended to be that type of person, Vassi no doubt saw it as his divine punishment. Even without him saying anything, Misha and I had always known he felt guilty about loving you. He believed it was wrong of him to want something that could destroy our family.”

  Seri looked away.

  “What is it, Seri?”

  “But it did destroy our family.”

  “No, it didn’t, Seri. Once the truth is out, you’ll see that it’s only made us stronger.”

  The car slid to a stop then, and Sergei frowned when he realized they had made it to Maximilian Rockford’s condominium. “Are you sure you still wish to stay here?”

  “Yes.” She hesitated before blurting out, “Thank you, Sergei. I was so scared that---”

  “That Misha or I would feel the same as the others?” he guessed.

  She nodded.

  “That won’t ever happen.” He smiled down at her. “For Misha and me, you will always be our baby sister.”

  As Sergei accompanied her up to Max’s place, Seri asked hesitantly, “If I go to Papa now, d-do you think he will forgive me?”

  “Absolutely.” Sergei’s tone became grim. “And once you make him understand the truth, you must help him forgive himself.”

  She bit her lip. “Is he at home then?”

  “Unfortunately, no. He’s probably on his way to our summer place.”

  “Maybe I can catch up---”

  Sergei was already shaking his head before she could even finish talking. “I heard from the weather report that there’s a storm coming tonight. It would be better if you stay put and wait when he comes back.” Sergei kissed her cheek. “I have to go now. Take care of yourself and please do not go after Papa. It can wait. There’s no need to hurry, Seri.”

  But there was.

  She didn’t know how to explain it, but she just had this feeling that she had to apologize to Fyodor now.

  After making sure Sergei had left, she called for a cab and gave the address of their summer cabin. Halfway to their destination, lightning started to flash and thunder began to roll.

  “You sure you don’t want us turning back?” the cab driver asked. “We’re still an hour away.”

  She nodded firmly. “Very sure.”

  When they made it to the last main road before reaching the cabin, it was to see their path blocked by barricades. Policemen in raincoats hailed them down.

  “Sorry, sir, ma’am. You need to turn back due to inclement weather.”

  “But we have a place just up ahead---”

  “I’m sorry, ma’am. It’s the sheriff’s order.”

  Seeing that there was no point arguing with the officer, she forced a smile, saying, “I understand.”

  When the police officer left, the cab driver glanced at her through the rearview mirror. “Do we go back now?”

  She shook her head slowly. “I’ll need you to drop me off somewhere else instead.” This time, she had the cab driver drop her off at a narrow back road. As she guessed, the police hadn’t barricaded it and she would only have to walk five minutes to access the cliffside road leading to Fyodor’s summer cabin.

  “Are you seriously going to walk?” the driver asked worriedly. The storm had intensified in just the past five minutes, with rain falling hard it was like bullets hitting the roof of the cab.

  “I’ll be fine,” she said reassuringly as she gave him her payment. “Thank you for worrying.”

  The driver handed her a portable umbrella, saying gruffly, “Take this at least.”

  Her eyes widened. “Thank you!”

  Ten minutes later, and the umbrella proved to be a huge help, protecting her from the rain’s lashing as she struggled to continue walking uphill. With the wind coming from the opposite direction, she had an even harder and slower time moving, and she had to hold on to her umbrella tightly as the wind threatened to carry it off any minute.

  She breathed a sigh of relief when she reached the fork leading to the main road, which was far enough for the barricades with its reflector lights to be barely visible from where she was standing.

  It was when Seri was just a few minutes away from the cabin that she spied a car precariously hanging on the edge of the cliff, with half its body crushed under the weight of a storm-toppled tree.

  Moving forward, she thought the car looked familiar. She squinted through the rain until she could make sense of the license plate.

  Seri whitened.

  Fyodor!

  That was Fyodor’s car.

  Without thinking, she tossed the umbrella away and broke into a run, screaming, “Papa?”

  Fyodor wearily opened his eyes when he heard someone screaming. What he saw made him blink past the mix of sweat and blood blurring his gaze.

  “Papa! Papa!”

  His gaze cleared, and he realized that it wasn’t an apparition at all.

  It really was Seri, and she was staring at him with a stricken look on her face.

  “Get away from me!” he managed to rasp.

  The fury in Fyodor’s voice made Seri’s eyes sting, but she reminded herself doggedly about Sergei’s words.

  With the tree bearing down on the car’s hood and roof, there was no way for her to go through the doors to pull Fyodor out, leaving her with only one other alternative.

  “I’m c-coming in.” Taking a deep breath, Seri slowly and carefully climbed through the hole left by the shattered window at the back, doing her best to avoid the larger shards of glass scattered all over.

  The car started to swing downwards at her weight, and she froze.

  Fyodor’s heart jumped to his throat, and he said sharply, “I don’t need your help.” He knew he should no longer care about Seri, but goddamn it, he did. He still thought of her as his daughter, even knowing that she wasn’t the girl he thought she was.

  Ignoring his words, she said shakily, “W-we don’t have much time, Papa---”

  “Don’t call me that.”

  “S-sorry.” She bit her lip hard. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. With a third of the car already hanging off the cliff, now was not the time for tears.

  Seri moved forward, more carefully this time, and the car barely shifted.

  “If you think this will make me change my mind about you, it won’t,” Fyodor gritted out, “so why don’t you just leave---”

  “Not without you.”

  Fyodor didn’t know what to feel as he watched Seri move towards him.

  Why did it have to be like this, God?

  The last thing he remembered was losing control of the car because of the slippery road before crashing through the steel rails. When he woke up, it was to find himself trapped under a tree inside his car and with a gash in the forehead and broken ribs.

  He had thought death was inevitable – until he heard Seri’s voice calling out to him.

  She moved another inch and the car swung downward again. Outside, rain continued pouring hard, m
aking the ground softer, and her blood turned cold as she realized she had so little time left to get Fyodor out of the car.

  “Pa---Fyodor,” she whispered. “What do you need me to do?” When he didn’t answer, she pleaded, “Please. We don’t have much time.”

  He said finally, “My seatbelt. If you can release it, I can free myself.”

  “I g-get it.” She swallowed. “But if I reach for your seatbelt, you’ll have to move quick. The car could---” She had a feeling the car wouldn’t be able to bear both their weights for too much time before it went crashing down with a fifty-foot drop.

  “I know.” Fyodor’s voice was harsh. “I’ll make it.”

  “At the count of three then.”

  Fyodor nodded.

  “One.”

  Tension wrapped around him, but he forced himself to concentrate.

  “Two.

  The horrendous taste of fear filled her mouth, but Seri deliberately ignored it.

  “Three.”

  She reached for his seatbelt, pushing the release button hard. A moment later, the seatbelt released with a swooshing sound. At the same time, the car started swinging down.

  “Now, Papa!”

  Grunting with the effort, Fyodor pushed the tree off him, just enough so he could wriggle free. He swiftly moved up, causing the car to swing towards the road and for everything inside the car to roll and tumble towards Seri. He heard Seri suck in her breath as he finally freed himself.

  They scrambled out of the car as the car swung downward one last time before falling---

  Seri blanched at the powerful thud as the car crashed into the ground.

  Shaken and ashen-faced, Fyodor managed to get to his feet on his own. Forcing himself to look at Seri, he said roughly, “Thank you.”

  Seri had saved his life.

  Fyodor didn’t know what to make of it.

  Or maybe he did – he just wasn’t sure if it was right.

  Seri tried her best to smile, but it was hard.

  She was feeling so…faint.

  She took one step towards Fyodor---

  And slowly, she felt herself start to fall.

  “Seri!” Fyodor managed to catch her in time, and as she lay limply in his arms, that was when he saw the blood spreading on her shirt and the shred of glass sticking too close to her heart.

  No.

  God.

  No.

  Fyodor’s heart beat against his chest as Seri remained terrifyingly still in his arms.

  Please, God, no.

  Somehow, he found the presence of mind to look for her phone. He called 911. “My – my daughter. She’s bleeding. Please. Help her.”

  “Your location, sir.”

  He gave it. “P-please hurry. She’s not moving.” He could feel himself close to breaking down. “Please. My daughter’s not moving.”

  “We understand, sir. Paramedics are on their way. Please stay on the line while we wait.”

  He looked down at Seri.

  He remembered the question he had so selfishly asked.

  Why did it have to be like this, God?

  And now he knew the answer.

  He tightened his hold on his baby. “Stay with me,” Fyodor whispered. “Stay with me, baby.” But there was no answer.

  He started to weep.

  God, save my daughter.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Knocking on the door before entering, Vassi saw the university’s laboratory nearly empty save for one person.

  “Rockford.” He gave the other man a curt nod, his fists clenched against his sides.

  “Grachyov.” Max swung his stool to face the youngest Grachyov brother. “Misha’s inside his office if you’re looking for him.”

  “Thanks.”

  As he turned towards the opposite direction, he heard Max grate out behind him, “You don’t deserve her.”

  Vassi stilled. Without looking back, he said flatly, “That’s probably the only thing we agree on.” When he entered Misha’s office, he saw his older brother on his feet, his back to the door.

  “I know you heard everything.”

  Turning away from the window, Misha murmured noncommittally, “So I did.”

  “And you know who we’re talking about, of course. You’ve always known.”

  Misha’s expression remained unreadable.

  Vassi took a deep breath. “I’m in love with Seri.”

  “Your sister.”

  “My stepsister,” he said sharply.

  “Semantics,” Misha dismissed coldly. “Have you paused to think what Papa would say about this?”

  “Every day.” He smiled humorlessly. “I’ve been in love with her since I was fourteen, and not one fucking day has passed since then that I don’t think about what it would do to Papa and our family.”

  “I see.” Misha carefully removed his glasses and took his time folding its temples before placing it on the desk. The air cracked with tension, and in the corner of his eye Misha caught sight of his younger brother growing more rigid with each second that passed.

  Good. Once word came out about his relationship with Seri, what he was feeling now would just be the start. If Vassi couldn’t handle this small amount of pressure, then what he told Max was true. Vassi didn’t deserve to be with their sister, and Misha would be the first to prevent them from being together.

  When a sufficient amount of time had passed, Misha finally looked up, and Vassi’s gaze met his straight on.

  Good, he thought, but it wasn’t enough. He asked slowly, “If your feelings have existed for so long, why are you telling me about it now?”

  Instead of answering, Vassi said abruptly, “When you learned about what Seri did and said that night – you never spoke of your feelings about it.”

  “That’s true.”

  Then, Vassi had thought it was because Misha was bottling everything up inside. But now he realized it wasn’t that at all, and the reason behind it was probably the same reason why Sergei hadn’t said a word either.

  “Neither of you believed Seri had changed.” Even without Misha saying a word, Vassi knew he had it right. “Fuck.” Vassi raked a hand through his hair in frustration. “You weren’t even there,” he said rawly, “and yet you still trusted her. You and Sergei trusted her – while I didn’t.” He shook his head dully. “I don’t really deserve her at all, do I?”

  Unable to remain aloof at the sight of Vassi’s anguish, Misha said quietly, “But you know the truth now, don’t you?” At Vassi’s nod, he pressed, “Because she told you?”

  Vassi shook his head. “I figured it out on my own.”

  “Then it’s still alright---”

  “No. It’s not.” His voice turned bitter. “Because you deserved better from me. I should have figured it out sooner, should have known she was the kind to do something so damn stupid.” He inhaled. “And selfless.”

  Misha shook his head. “You’re the one being stupid now.”

  Vassi’s lips twisted. “I’m not even going to argue with that. If I had really loved her, I would have trusted her---”

  “Vassi.” When his younger brother stopped speaking, Misha said evenly, “It was precisely because you loved her – and even I know your love for her surpasses us all – that blinded you that night. It wasn’t right. But it wasn’t unforgivably wrong either. It’s the same for Papa. Both of you carried too much guilt inside you that when something did happen to make your fears come true – the two of you practically welcomed it because then you could stop feeling terrified and guilty. Then, you could tell yourself that things had really been too good to be true.”

  Misha’s voice turned gentle. “But it isn’t like that. Sometimes, life can be as good – or even better than you hoped.”

  “I just can’t stop thinking I should have trusted her more,” Vassi said tightly. “Do you know, when I first saw Rockford’s text to Seri – my first instinct was to think the worst of her? And she doesn’t deserve that. She doesn’t deserve me.”<
br />
  “Then leave her,” Misha said calmly.

  Vassi stiffened.

  “Let her go back to Rockford. Time will help her forget about you eventually. Time will have her gradually develop feelings for Max, and with him, she will have the kind of peaceful life she’ll never have with you. Let her spend the rest of days with another man---”

  “Never.”

  Misha’s voice became just as savage. “Then make a goddamn choice.”

  “I’ve already made my choice,” Vassi gritted back. “I’ve chosen to love her for the rest of my life even if she’s better off without it. I just don’t fucking know if I can be selfish enough to make her life worse by asking her to love me back---”

  “Stop being so fucking selfless,” Misha roared.

  “How can I,” Vassi bit out, “when every time something good’s about to happen between us, something also happens to tear us apart? It’s almost like the fucking fates think we’re better off leading separate lives---”

  “Bullshit.” Stalking towards his brother, he snarled, “Can’t you see that’s what got you and Seri into this trouble in the first place? It doesn’t matter if you tear our family apart, doesn’t matter if it even destroys Papa. Because you don’t owe any of us, and you certainly don’t owe the world anything. But you do owe yourself to be happy, and you owe it to Seri to make her happy if she’s what you need.”

  Ah.

  Vassi stared unseeingly at the windows.

  Could it really be that simple?

  Could he really just be selfish in order to make Seri happy? In order to make both of them happy?

  He said unevenly, “Then I’ll ask for it.”

  Misha frowned. “Ask for what?”

  He looked up to meet his brother’s eyes, and smiling crookedly, he said, “Your blessing. I want your blessing for me and Seri.”

  “You’ll never have it.” Misha smiled. “But you don’t really need it to love Seri, do you?”

  “No. I don’t.” After a moment, he said quietly, “Thank you, brat. I needed to hear that.”

  Misha offered his hand to shake. “What are brothers for?”