Pull At My Heart

by Ellie Malouff

  “No,” I tell her and leave it at that. “I’m really tired. I think I’ll go to bed now.”

  She takes a step toward me, but then stops herself. “Okay.”

  “Thanks for the tea,” I say, and take it with me.

  I look over my shoulder before entering my room. She’s still standing in the kitchen, watching me. I muster a smile for her and hope that settles her down.

  After I close the door, I pull out my mobile and call Seán. He wasn’t home for tonight’s festivities, thank the Lord Almighty.

  “How’s things?” he asks.

  “Well, he’s spiraled. Came ’round and Mam found him digging into her jewelry. I was able to get there before he left. I got the jewelry back and he slugged me for it.”

  “Fuck,” Seán says, and there’s a loud noise on his end.

  “All right?”

  “Fuck,” Seán says again, this time in pain. “I punched the door at my mate’s house.”

  “Smart,” I say and shake my head. “Hey, I need you to take the taxi tomorrow.”

  “I was planning on it, since it’s my turn,” he reminds me.

  “Yeah, but I need you to do me a favor. I need you to drive my friend Juliana to work.”

  “The girl that lives in your flat?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Why?”

  “Just do it.”

  “Yeah, sure, whatever. Half eight, like?”

  “Yeah. She’s gonna tell ya that she can take a coach to Ballycoom. It’s what she does. Tell her it’s a waste of time to argue. She’ll roll her eyes, because she’s a fierce independent lass, but don’t give in.”

  “Okay,” he says, a little hesitant.

  “Don’t be surprised if she sits in the backseat. Encourage her to sit up front.”

  “This is starting to sound like a major pain in the arse.”

  “Just do it,” I say again. “But, hey, she’ll probably want to pay you for the ride when she gets there. Obviously don’t let her do that.”

  “No?”

  “No,” I say firmly.

  He sighs, like he’s totally put out. “‘All right then. Night,” he says and we end the call.

  I lay down across my bed and think about the lass on the other side of the flat. She’s my little slice of peace. The one my mind circles back to in times like this. Holding her felt so damn good, even though it was under such terrible circumstances.

  Eoghan Murrough: Thank you, lass.

  She responds right away.

  Juliana Rodriguez: No need to thank me, Eoghan.

  Eoghan Murrough: Thank you anyway.

  Juliana Rodriguez: Promise me something?

  Eoghan Murrough: Anything.

  Juliana Rodriguez: Promise me that you won’t leave like that without telling me what’s going on.

  She cares, that much is clear. And while I usually curse our just-friends policy, it dawns on me that these days, Juliana is the best friend I’ve got.

  Eoghan Murrough: I promise.

  I hope I can keep that promise.

  Eoghan Murrough: Goodnight and sleep well, Juliana.

  Juliana Rodriguez: Goodnight, Eoghan.

  Safe

  Julie

  “Rough night?” Brigid asks as I plop down in my chair.

  “You could say that.”

  “I thought you lads wrapped up yesterday?”

  “Oh, we did. We’re ready to support the new service. This was stuff at home.”

  “With Eoghan?”

  “Yeah,” I answer and let out a big breath. “It’s complicated.”

  “How could it not be? You’re both two attractive young people. It’s bound to get complicated.”

  “Not like that. I mean…” I stumble, because well, Eoghan and I are a little complicated. Day by day, the lines blur a little bit more and last night didn’t help matters. “It has to do with his family. He’s got some problems there. He didn’t come home until late.”

  Brigid tightens up and I can tell she’s not going to press it. She’s knows what’s her business and what’s not. She rubs her belly and I wonder if that actually soothes the baby, who’s been kicking her like crazy lately. “Well, I’ll get ya a cuppa,” she says, and starts the slow journey to stand up.

  “You don’t have to. Let me get it,” I say, popping up.

  “All right,” she says, giving up easily.

  On my way to the kitchen, I glance at Aiden’s office. He’s on the phone, as usual, but he’s staring right at me. I pass by Deidre’s office and she gives me her usual glare. All is right in the world, then.

  Today, I’m opting for espresso. I don’t have Cara’s skills at the machine, but I do a decent job on a latte for myself and a cup of tea for Brigid.

  “Julie,” Aiden says from behind me.

  “Morning, boss.” I look over my shoulder to watch him open the fridge and grab a yogurt.

  “Now that things have calmed down, it’s time to strategize our next move. Have time to meet at four?”

  “Works for me,” I say and hightail it out of the kitchen. In the past few weeks, we haven’t spent much one-on-one time. It’s better that way, at least for me. I’m still reeling a bit from the kissing incident.

  Back at my desk, latte halfway gone, I pull out the note Eoghan left for me this morning. It’s written in the same scrawl, black sharpie and all, that he used when he gave me his phone number on the first day we met.

  Lass,

  Leaving early to go to Dublin. Seán will drive you to CloudShapes. I’ll pick you up.

  -E

  I found his brother in the pub this morning, waiting to take me to work. I tried to protest, of course, because I can get my own transportation, but he wouldn’t hear it. He’s a stubborn ass, just like his older brother. He’s totally shy, though, and a little awkward, which at the end of the day is adorable. The Murrough family has some good genes…at least in the looks department. Eoghan didn’t have a lot of nice things to say last night about his dad, Padraig. I don’t know much about gambling addiction, but I’m sure it’s really hard on his family and that breaks my heart.

  Eoghan is important to me and I don’t want him to get hurt, ever. Last night was terrible. I decide to text Eoghan and check on how he’s doing. I reach into my bag, but can’t find my phone. Shit. I must have left it at home.

  I shake off all the worry as best I can and focus on work. I’ve always had a great ability to do that and today’s no different. I get a ton done.

  When four o’clock rolls around, I take a few minutes to compose myself and prepare a few notes for my meeting with Aiden, then head over. He doesn’t see me coming, since he’s on the phone and staring at his laptop when I approach. I tap lightly on his glass door, and he looks up and waves me in.

  “Right, yeah,” he says into his headset. “Well tell them that we can’t give them access to the logs. No, that’s not possible. But that we’ll give them daily updates…yeah. Cheers.” He pulls his headset off and stares across at me.

  “So, boss, how do you want to get started?”

  “Well,” he starts as he gets up and closes the door. “How’s it been going for you? I feel like we don’t talk anymore.” He takes a seat on the edge of his desk, a couple of feet in front of me.

  “Work’s been great, obviously. I’m thrilled we were able to start supporting the service right on time.”

  He laughs. “Besides work, Jules.”

  “Oh, um…yeah, life is good. Cork is nice.”

  “You like living in the city?”

  “Oh yeah, it’s great. I’ve been a little too busy to enjoy it lately, but I think that’s about to change.”

  “I reckon,” he says, with one of those dashing smiles that used to slay me. “Say, who’s your man that picks you up every night?”

  “Oh, that’s my friend, Eoghan.”

  “Eoghan? Your man from the airport taxi?” he asks. I’m surprised he remembers.

  “That’s the one.”


  “You’re friends now?”

  “Yeah,” I say, and watch Aiden’s expression carefully, but his poker face is beyond comparison so I’m not sure how to read him. I tell myself to be logical, that he’s only being friendly, but there’s something a little off about the whole exchange.

  He nods and rubs his chin for a bit before going back to the other side of desk and taking a seat.

  “So what, he just swings by and picks you up on a motorbike?”

  There it is. It’s in his tone. He doesn’t like it.

  “Yeah, that’s pretty much the gist of it, Aiden. Why, is there a problem?” I ask.

  “No, not at all,” he answers. “We should get back on track.”

  Thank God. “That sounds good to me. I’ve drafted a list of my team’s next steps and I have an update for you on the Collins Group agreement.”

  The rest of the meeting takes off from there. When Aiden and I work together, actually work, we do great things. It’s just the personal side of our relationship that doesn’t cut it for me anymore.

  Eoghan

  Dublin.

  Everything about Dublin rubs me the wrong way. Always has. It’s too big, too busy, and lacks all the charm of the place I call home. Hopefully this can be a quick trip and I can head back soon.

  I knock three times and hear little rapid footsteps come barreling toward the door.

  “Now, now, now,” my sister-in-law says from inside the house. There’s a moment of silence when she’s probably looking through the peephole and then she opens the door. “Eoghan? What are you doing here?”

  “Uncle Eoghan!” my nephews shout as they attack. I pull them into my arms and squeeze them tight.

  “You should’ve rang. We’re having a totally mad morning, ya know?” And that much is clear. She’s got curlers in her hair, she’s half-dressed, and the kids have breakfast all over them. “We’ve got soccer practice in Phoenix Park at half ten and traffic is gonna be a bloody nightmare because of the construction, ya know?”

  I do know. This is Dublin.

  “Yeah, sorry Claire. Is Derrick here?”

  “Nah, he’s at work already.”

  Balls.

  “Where’s that now?”

  “Out near Malahide. Text him. I’ve got to run,” she says and starts to close the door, but stops halfway. “Wait. Is everything all right?”

  I pause and look down at my nephews. “Yeah,” I tell her, because it’s a good thing they don’t know much about their Grandda Padraig.

  “Grand. Good to see ya,” she says, and closes the doors and then yells at the boys to pull up their socks and get going.

  I text my brother. He takes ten minutes to get back to me and then tells me he can’t meet until the afternoon. It’s gonna make it real tight picking up Juliana, but there’s no way I’m going back without talking to Derrick.

  Instead of trying to kill time in a city I don’t care for, I ride out of town and into Wicklow National Park. Personally, I like Killarney better, but it’s still Erin grá mo chroí. It’s a gorgeous day and the weather is nice.

  My mind circles around Juliana more than once. Okay, a lot. Every scenic spot makes me think of her. It’s easy to picture her standing in the middle of this country, her camera up to her eye, and her hair flowing in the wind as she captures all the beauty she sees. I want to be the one who shows this to her.

  I keep wishing she were here with me, on the back of this bike, wrapped tightly around me. My cock twitches at the idea even though it shouldn’t, because we’re keeping it friendly. But I’d be a damn liar not to say that I don’t want that woman, any way I can get her.

  After I’ve had enough, I head toward Malahide. My brother works for a major freight association at a desk job, pushing paperwork for members. There’s nothin’ glamorous about the gig, from what I recall. I find the office pretty easily and text him when I park.

  It takes him a full twenty minutes to join me outside. Typical Derrick. I’m sure he’s not thrilled that I popped up today.

  “What’s the story, Eoghan?”

  “Hello, Brother.”

  We shake hands, since the two of us have never hugged a day in our life. Even at his wedding, we shook hands. We didn’t even hug when our Grandda Seán died, and that man meant the world to us.

  “What takes you out of Cork?” he asks. “Lord knows you don’t come to Dublin for pleasure.”

  “Dad.”

  “Dad?”

  He knows. How could he not? It’s not like he doesn’t talk to Mam or Seán, or our other brothers. It’s not like he hasn’t lived through this his whole feckin’ life. If he wanted to escape it, he should have moved further away.

  “Yes,” I answer.

  “What’s happened now?”

  “He’s been gone for a fucking month.” Anger seeps out of me, which wasn’t my intention, but I can’t bleedin’ help it.

  Derrick’s mouth is pressed into a firm straight line. His eyes show nothing. He says nothing.

  “Langer came ’round last night. Tried to nick Mam’s jewelry. I caught up to him, and he had a go at me.”

  “I see that,” Derrick says and points at my eye.

  “I got it all back, but he took off.”

  “As he tends to do,” Derrick says in such a tone, he makes me feel like I’m blowing this out of proportion, like I’m wasting his time. The only time I’m probably wasting is my own, because it’s clear he’s not going to be any help.

  “Mam’s gone in the mind about it all.”

  “Always has been,” he says with an edge of disgust.

  I cut to the chase. “I need some help.”

  He doesn’t say anything, but I’m not going to back down.

  “Mam could use some time away…”

  An exasperated sigh escapes my brother and he says, “Why don’t you call the guards?”

  “Because he’d go away for a long time. We need to help, not—”

  “That’s a lot of shite,” he spurns.

  “I’m not even askin’ you to help him, I’m askin’ you to help Mam.”

  “And do what with her? Take her to church every day? We’ve got a busy life. Claire’s at her wit’s end with the twins. There’s no way she’ll have it. Plus…Mam? She won’t have it, either, Eoghan. She’s devoted to the bastard.”

  I stare up at the cloudy sky, unable to look at my own brother’s face. My fists are balled up, and I’m afraid that I won’t be able to control myself before I have a go at him. I can’t even open my mouth to say another word to him.

  That’s fine, because he goes on anyway, “Listen, I moved away because I don’t want that life anymore. You should consider it, and the same goes for Seán.” He turns around and goes back into the office.

  Without even thinking, I kick my motorbike over and then kick again at the tire to release some of the anger that’s boiling inside me.

  I’d like to say that I’m stunned, but I’m not. Derrick—and for that matter, Willie and Danny—left home and haven’t looked back. As angry as I am at them for leaving us behind, there’s a small part of me that envies their lives. But even if a life like Derrick’s isn’t in the cards for me, I sure hope that it is for Seán. At least that we can agree on.

  Thank the lord I didn’t bust anything on my bike, because I’ve got to get home. I pull out my mobile and text Juliana.

  Eoghan Murrough: I might be late. Wait for me.

  Julie

  Eoghan is late, which is unlike him. I’ve only known him to be late once, and that was when he helped me move into his place. I pace around the parking lot and try to be patient, but I’m totally worried about him. My mind imagines so many different scenarios, all of which involve him getting hurt again. I hate that I don’t have my cell phone.

  “Waiting for someone?” Aiden asks from behind me.

  “Hey. Um, yeah, Eoghan.”

  “Right, your friend,” he says, emphasizing the last word a little too much.

  �
�Yeah, he’s supposed to pick me up at half five.”

  Aiden looks at his watch and then says, “Well, it appears he couldn’t make it.”

  “Yeah, he’s been really busy today,” I tell Aiden. “He went to Dublin.”

  “Probably got tied up in traffic. Do you need a ride?”

  “Well, I’m going into Cork City, so if you could just point me to the bus stop, I can make it from there.”

  “No worries, I’ll drive you in. Come on,” he says.

  I hesitate for many reasons, but mostly because Eoghan has never let me down. Then again, maybe something came up and he tried to reach me.

  “Come on, Jules. I don’t want to leave you out here.”

  Aiden’s eyes narrow, but his face remains the same. I have a feeling that I’m pushing his patience, but he’s hard to read.

  “Okay. Are you sure?”

  “Yeah. It’ll make up for when I didn’t get to you in time at the airport, and your friend Eoghan drove you instead,” he says, his tone a little rough.

  “Okay,” I reply, and follow him to his car.

  He opens my door, then takes my laptop bag from me as I climb in. He puts my bag in the back, then he gets in on his side. His BMW is quite nice, but I’m a little overwhelmed by the smell, which is heavy on Aiden’s cologne.

  As he drives us toward the city, we talk mostly about work and then he brings up Brigid. “So, you’ve befriended Brigid O’Brian?”

  “Yeah, she’s great.”

  “I suppose so,” he says with a frown.

  “You don’t think so?” I ask, trying to dig in and get an idea about why he would react that way.

  “Brigid doesn’t care for me much. We had a falling out a while ago. I don’t think she cares for my management style.”

  “Oh really? She’s never said anything to me about it.”

  “Well, if she does say something to you, come talk to me about it before you make any judgements.”

  “Okay,” I say slowly, unsure of what she could possibly say.

  “I told you about how the office has a gossip problem. She’s one of the biggest instigators.”