by Elle Scott
The thought of them knowing the truth brings a smile to my face. I lift my hand to conceal my mouth, even though no one is around to see it. I love my parents, I really do, but I’ve never felt like I am enough for them. I’ve never felt like they trust the choices I make. When I was two, my dad was keen to start his own medical practice but the only job he managed to get was a lecturer at one of the local universities, so we moved here. I don’t know why he thought Australia was the best option, but I’m glad we came here. It’s all I know. A few years ago though, mum wanted to go back to Mumbai to be with her ill brother, they packed up all our stuff. I said no immediately.
‘Of course, you’re not coming!’ Dad laughed. ‘You stay here, finish your psychology degree and start your own practice. When we come back after your uncle dies, we will move close by.’
I grimaced. ‘I’m not sure that’s what I want for my life.’
A muffled choking noise reverberated behind me; I turned around to find mum composing herself. ‘What on earth would you do if not that? Colour in for a living?’ she mocked.
‘Maybe,’ I frowned.
‘Oh, Vivian,’ dad grabbed my shoulders. ‘You can’t be an artist. There’s no money in that. Be a psych, and paint on the side, yes?’
‘Besides, you’re enrolled, there’s no turning back now!’ Mum said.
I smiled and nodded; always smiling and nodding to them.
I started the course. It’s not like I’m running completely blind here. I learnt a little about social psychology; how humans think and relate to each other, how beliefs are formed, how—what was it? Oh, I can’t remember, I have a book about it somewhere—cognitive something. Anyway, it is basically how the same thing can happen to two people and their experiences are different. That’s my job here, to make sure everyone’s experience on the field isn’t too overwhelming. Well, that’s what they hired me for. What I’m really here for is another thing entirely, and it’s starting to get to me.
I'm never one to be over-the-top happy. My questioning of things must drive everyone crazy, but this anger and sharpness? I wish I could control it better. I'm sure they didn't even know I was capable of such fierceness. I want to be able to tell my friends the truth but I can't even begin to, not with him on our team.
I sigh and shuffle my head deep into the pillow. This room is so stark. In fact, this whole sorry excuse for a base is so clinical. It has to be home though, I guess, and the comfort of my bed is welcome bliss at twelve o'clock in the morning. I roll over to face Nora's bed, she's not here though—she’ll creep in late thinking I am asleep. I wonder what she's doing, but I'm ninety-nine percent sure she'll be with Xander, like always. I've missed her lately. At least tomorrow is a mission reporting day, I'll have plenty of time to spend with her then.
I close my eyes and try to fight the jumble in my head. I wish Nora didn’t even go out tonight. I wish she had agreed on my insistence that we stay here instead. I wish she'd forgotten about Xander and seen him tomorrow. I wish…
The door creaks open and I hear the latch click into place. I don’t hear the follow up click of the lock though, which is typical Nora, so naive. She tiptoes to sit on the edge of her bed, ‘Are you awake Viv?’ she whispers.
I hold my breath and lay as still as possible. She’s here, at last. I can tell her about my concerns. Why I’m asking so many questions; why I’m feeling out the motives of my team mates; why she needs to back off Xander and think clearer; why she’s too caught up in being nice to everyone to realise that everyone isn’t nice.
She slides her ballet flats off and rolls into bed still in her navy-blue button up shirt with scalloped collar. I never know how can she sleep in something like that but she can sleep anywhere, that girl.
‘Nora?’ I say.
‘Oh, yes?’ She springs upwards.
It’s too late to talk now. I don’t want to talk now. She’s not in the right frame of mind to talk now. Now, that I have her alone finally, my mind fills with excuses. The reality is, I’m too resentful to speak at the moment; the last thing I want to do is lecture her on her doe-eyed innocence.
‘Good night,’ I whisper.
She throws herself back onto her pillow, pulls the covers up around her neck, and coos brightly, ‘Sleep sweet.’
~~~
My office is a four-metre squared cube of reverse delight. No windows, one door, a small desk, two chairs and a couple of filing cabinets that have only a few scraps of paper inside them. I’ve not decorated in the last ten months, there has been no need, this gig is only temporary. I know that.
Nora was sound asleep when I left the room; I couldn’t bear to wake her. I hope she gets here soon, we always sit together in here and go through our mission reports. I check my schedule, ugh, Miles is first to check in. I look at my watch, he’s already twenty minutes late. I hope he doesn’t bother. A knock on the door. Dammit.
He sits down opposite me. He squeezes a lip-less half smile half frown, the kind of faux smile that you expect from an acquaintance you aren’t sure about yet. Hidden mouth, a great start.
‘How are you?’ I have to ask.
‘Yep, good,’ he nods.
‘Can you tell me about yesterday?’
‘Which part?’ He loosens his lips and opens his eyes like a whimpering puppy begging its owner for a treat.
‘The orb, of course, Eli was almost killed, what do you think about that?’
Miles’ head and shoulders slump over as he traces his finger along the edge of my desk, ‘Viv, look…’
‘You saved him, that was quite heroic,’ I cut him off, which is the biggest no-no professionally but I don’t want to hear his lies.
‘He’s practically family, just like the rest of our team. I would have done that for any one of you,’ he still cowers as if he knows that I see through his lies—but then, his eyes quickly dart up and catch me off guard. He… he isn’t lying.
‘What is all of this? Not just the orb yesterday, but all of it?’ I beg him to be honest with me, we are team mates after all.
A knock on the door shocks my body into breath.
‘Okay, time’s up. Sorry, I was late.’ Miles stands up as quick as he can and opens the door. The transformation he makes when he sees Nora standing there is nothing short of curious. His chest lifts as if he’s holding his breath, his posture rises and he rolls his shoulders back, a smile as wide as it goes.
‘Hello you,’ she looks tired as she rubs her neck but her eyes sparkle, like they always do. She starts to step around him but he takes a foot across to stop her, she leans the other way and he follows her movement. She giggles and bumps him with her shoulder in play. ‘Get out of the way Goof!’
His hands raise as he sidesteps to let her pass. ‘Have fun!’
They smile at each other and he closes the door.
‘So,’ I purse my lips and burrow my eyebrows low; what the hell did I witness?
‘He kissed me!’ Nora vomits the words as she slumps herself down in the chair. Her hands drape over the arm rests and her head rolls to the side as if she is listening to music for the first time in her life.
‘Miles?’ I’m confused.
‘What?’ Nora giggles sitting up. ‘No way. No! That would be like kissing…’ She pauses, searching for words.
‘A Toad? A snake?’ I offer.
‘My best friend!’ She frowns and adds, ‘a snake?’
I clear my throat. ‘So Xander then?’
Her face lights up, ‘Yes!’ And then she relives it again right here in front of me; she closes her eyes and sways in her seat. ‘It was amazing!’
‘Do you think it’s wise though?’
‘Wise? Oh hell no. Border-line crazy really, but he’s different I think, with me, when we are alone.’
I’m silent for a while. I get it, he’s hot, he likes her, how can you not want to reciprocate?
‘Xander was here before we got here, right?’ I’m sceptical, I have to be.
She nods. ‘Ye
ah. And?’
‘I wonder what things he knows.’
‘This again?’
‘Hear me out, please?’
Then Nora does what Nora always does, she reaches her hand to mine and looks at me square in the eyes, ‘I’m listening.’ Maybe she should have been the Psych because just like that she strips my layers bare. I have to tell her, she deserves to know.
‘I think that Palladi…’
An alarming siren starts. It's loud, it's repetitive, it's startling.
Nora stands up disarrayed, and even though it’s obvious her body aches with tiredness, her eyes are wide open. I open the door with apprehension, to be confronted by people running around in harrowing chaos. This is not a drill. And I know exactly what is happening.
THE INCANDESCENT SERIES
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Available 26th August 2017
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