Aunt Jane's Nieces and Uncle John

by L. Frank Baum

  CHAPTER XIV

  THE ESCAPE

  As the prisoners quietly took their places at the table Tobey, whohad been drinking hard, decided to make a speech. His face was badlyswollen and he could only see through a slit in one eye, so severe hadbeen the beating administered by Wampus earlier in the day; but thefellow had grit, in spite of his other unmanly qualities, and hisimperturbable good humor had scarcely been disturbed by the punishmentthe Canadian had inflicted upon him.

  "Ladies," said he, "and gentlemen--which of course includes ourrespected male guests--I am happy to inform you that the programme forthe First Annual Hades Ranch Ball has finally been arranged, and thedances apportioned in a fair and impartial manner. The Grand Marchwill take place promptly at seven o'clock, led by Miss Doyle andKnuckles, who has won the privilege by throwing four sixes. I am tofollow with Miss De Graf, and the rest will troop on behind with theprivilege of looking at the ladies. If anyone dares to create disorderhis dances with the young ladies will be forfeited. Dan'l will playthe latest dance music on his fiddle, and if it isn't spiritedand up-to-date we'll shoot his toes off. We insist upon plenty oftwo-steps and waltzes and will wind up with a monney-musk in thegray light of dawn. This being fully understood, I beg you, my goodfriends, to fall to and eat and be merry; but don't linger unduly overthe dainties, for we are all anxious, like good soldiers, to get intoaction."

  The remittance men applauded this oratory, and incidentally attackedthe eatables with evident determination to obey their leader'sinjunction.

  "We can eat any time," remarked Stubby, with his mouth full; "buthis Satanic majesty only knows when Hades Ranch will see anotherdance--with real ladies for partners."

  The Chinese cooks and the Mexican servants had a lively time duringthis meal, for the demands made upon them were incessant. Uncle John,whose even disposition was seldom ruffled, ate with a good appetite,while even the Major, glum and scowling, did not disdain the numerouswell-prepared dishes. As for Dan'l, he took full advantage of theoccasion and was the last one to leave the table. Our girls, however,were too excited to eat much and little Myrtle, especially, was pallidand uneasy and had a startled look in her eyes whenever anyone made asudden motion.

  As soon as the repast was concluded the servants cleared the longtable in a twinkling and pushed it back against the wall at one end ofthe long room. A chair was placed for Dan'l on top of this expansiveboard, which thus became a stage from whence he could overlook theroom and the dancers, and then two of the remittance men tossed theold fiddler to his elevated place and commanded him to make ready.

  Dan'l said nothing and offered no resistance. He sat plaintivelysawing upon his ancient but rich-toned violin while the floor wasbrushed, the chairs and benches pushed against the wall and the roomprepared for action. Behind the violinist was a low, broad windowfacing a grass plot that was free from the terrifying cactus, and theold man noted with satisfaction that it stood wide open.

  Uncle John's party had pressed close to the table and stood watchingthe proceedings.

  "Ready now!" called Tobey; "the Grand March is about to begin. Takeyour partners, boys. Look sharp, there, Dan'l, and give us a martialtune that will lift our feet."

  Dan'l meekly set the violin underneath his chin and raised the bow asif in readiness. "Knuckles," a brawny fellow with a florid face and apeculiar squint, approached Patsy and bowed.

  "You're to lead with me, Miss," he said. "Are you ready?"

  "Not quite," she returned with dignified composure; "for I perceiveyou are not quite ready yourself."

  "Eh? Why not?" he inquired, surprised.

  "You are still wearing your firearms," she replied. "I cannot and willnot dance with a man who carries a revolver."

  "That's nothing," he retorted. "We always do."

  "Always?"

  "Of course. And if I shed my gun what's to prevent some one elsegetting the drop on me?"

  "That's it," said Patsy, firmly. "The weapons must all be surrenderedbefore we begin. We positively refuse to dance if rioting and shootingare likely to occur."

  A murmur of protest arose at this speech, for all the remittance menhad gathered around to listen to the argument.

  "That's all tommy-rot," observed Handsome Tim, in a sulky tone. "We'renot spoiling for a row; it's the dance we're after."

  "Then give up the revolvers," said Beth, coming to her cousin'sassistance. "If this is to be a peaceful entertainment you will notneed to be armed, and it is absurd to suppose a lady will dance with agentleman who is a walking arsenal."

  They looked into one another's faces uncertainly. Dan'l sat softlytuning his violin, as if uninterested in the controversy. Uncle Johnand the Major looked on with seeming indifference.

  "You must decide which you prefer--the revolvers or the dance,"remarked Patsy, staring coolly into the ring of faces.

  "Would your English ladies at home consent to dance with armed men?"asked Beth.

  "They're quite right, boys," said Stubby, nodding his bullethead."Let's agree to deposit all the shooting irons 'til the dance isover."

  "I won't!" cried Knuckles, his scowl deepening.

  "By Jove, you will!" shouted Tobey, with unexpected vehemence. "You'redelaying the programme, old man, and it's a nuisance to dance in thisarmor, anyway. Here--pile all your guns in this corner; every one ofyou, mind. Then we shall all stand on an equal footing."

  "Put them on the table there, by the old fiddler," said Patsy; "thenwe will know we are perfectly safe."

  Rather unwillingly they complied, each man walking up to the table andplacing his revolver at Dan'l's feet. The girls watched them intently.

  "That man over there is still armed," called Beth, pointing to aswarthy Mexican who squatted near the door.

  "That's all right," said Tobey, easily. "He's our guard, Pedro. I'vestationed him there so you won't attempt to escape till we get readyto let you go."

  Patsy laughed.

  "There's little danger of that," she said.

  "All ready, now!" exclaimed Knuckles, impatiently. "We're all asharmless as doves. Let 'er go, Dan'l!"

  The old man was just then assisting Uncle John to lift Myrtle to thetop of the table, where the Major had placed a chair for her. Knucklesgrowled, but waited until the girl was seated near the window. ThenDan'l drew his bow and struck up a spirited march. Patsy took the armof Knuckles and paraded down the long room. Beth followed with Tobey,and behind them tramped the remittance men in files of two. At the farend were grouped the servants, looking curiously upon the scene, whichwas lighted by lamps swung from the ceiling and a row of candles uponthe edge of the mantelshelf.

  To carry out the idea of a grand march Patsy drew her escort here andthere by sharp turns and half circles, the others trailing behind likea huge snake until she had passed down the length of the room andstarted to return up the other side to the starting point. Soengrossed had been the cowboys that they did not observe the Major andUncle John clamber upon the table and stand beside Myrtle.

  The procession was half way up the hall on its return when Patsy saidabruptly: "Now, Beth!" and darted away from her partner's side andtoward the table. Beth followed like a streak, being an excellentrunner, and for a moment Knuckles and Tobey, thus deserted by theirpartners, stopped to watch them in amazement. Then their comradesbumped into them and recalled them to their senses.

  By that time the two girls had reached the table and leaped upon it.Uncle John was waving his handkerchief from the window as a signalto Wampus; Dan'l had laid aside his fiddle and seized a revolver ineither hand, and the Major had caught up two more of the discardedweapons.

  As Beth and Patsy turned, panting, and from their elevation looked upthe room, the cowboys gave a bellow of rage and rushed forward.

  "Keep back!" shouted the Major, in stentorian tones, "I'll shoot thefirst man that interferes."

  Noting the grim determination in the old soldier's eye, they hesitatedand came to a halt.

  "What do you mean by this infernal nonsense
?" cried Tobey, in disgust.

  "Why, it's just checkmate, and the game is up," replied Uncle Johnamiably. "We've decided not to hold the proposed dance, but to takeour departure at once."

  He turned and passed Myrtle out of the window where Wampus took herin his arms, crutches and all, and carried her to the automobile. Theremittance men, unarmed and confronted by their own revolvers, stoodgaping open-mouthed and seemingly dazed.

  "Let's rush 'em, boys!" shouted Handsome Tim, defiantly.

  "Rush 'em alone, if you like," growled Knuckles. "I'm not ready forthe graveyard yet."

  "You are vot iss called cowardices," said Dan'l, flourishing therevolvers he held. "Come on mit der courage, somebotty, so I can shootholes in you."

  "You're building your own coffin just now, Dan'l," retorted Tobey,in baffled rage. "We know where to get you, old boy, and we'll haverevenge for this night's work."

  "I vill take some popguns home mit me," was the composed reply. "Den,ven you come, I vill make a receptioning for you. Eh?"

  Uncle John, Patsy and Beth had followed Myrtle through the window anddisappeared.

  "Now, sir," said the Major to the old fiddler, "make your escape whileI hold them at bay."

  "Nod yet," replied Dan'l. "Ve must gif ourselves de mostprotectionment ve can."

  With this he gathered up the firearms, one by one, and tossed themthrough the window. Then he straightened up and a shot flashed downthe hall and tumbled the big Mexican guard to the floor just as he wasabout to glide through the doorway.

  "Dit ve say shtand still, or dit ve nod say shtand still?" askedDan'l, sternly. "If somebody gets hurt, it iss because he don'd obeyde orderations."

  "Go, sir!" commanded the Major.

  "I vill; bud I go last," declared the old man. "I follow you--see? Budyou take my violin, please--unt be very tender of id, like id vas yoursveetheardt."

  The Major took the violin and climbed through the window, proceedingto join the others, who were by now seated in the car. When he hadgone Dan'l prepared to follow, first backing toward the window andthen turning to make an agile leap to the ground below. And now with ashout the cowboys made their rush, only to halt as Dan'l reappeared atthe window, covering them again with his revolvers.

  "So, you defils--make a listen to me," he called. "I am experiencinga goot-bye to you, who are jackals unt imitation men unt haf no gootright to be alive. Also if I see any of you de next time, I vill shootfirst unt apologise at der funeral. I haf no more monkey business mityou voteffer; so keep vere you are until I am gone, unt you vill besafeness."

  He slowly backed away from the window, and so thoroughly cowed was thegroup of ruffians that the old fiddler had been lifted hastily intothe automobile before the cowboys mustered courage to leap throughthe window and search in the darkness for their revolvers, which layscattered widely upon the ground.

  Wampus, chuckling gleefully, jerked the hoods off his glaringsearchlights, sprang to his seat and started the machine down the roadbefore the crack of a single revolver was heard in protest. The shotscame thicker after that, but now the automobile was bowling merrilyalong the road and soon was out of range.

  "De road iss exceptionalment goot," remarked Dan'l. "Dere iss nodangerousness from here to der rifer."

  "Danger?" said the chauffeur, scornfully. "Who cares for danger? I amWampus, an' I am here!"

  "We are all here," said Patsy, contentedly nestling against thecushions; "and I'm free to confess that I'm mighty glad of it!"