by SJ West
She nods. “Yes, I understand, but shouldn’t we make a few souls a little more special than the rest?”
“What do you mean by ‘special’?” Lucifer asks, looking intrigued by her suggestion.
“Well, I was thinking that we should make some angels who can lead the others. Like one could be the bravest, and one could bring comfort to those who need it. Perhaps we could even make one who can see into the future and let us know if we’re doing everything right.”
“Hmm …” He ponders her suggestion for a while before saying, “You know … you might be on to something. It’s possible we will need more leaders one day to help us. Since the orb of energy you’re holding is so bright, I think it would be a good candidate for one of these special souls. What do you think?”
“Yes,” Seraphina says as she looks down at the orb and smiles. “I think it would make an excellent archangel.”
“So you plan to make them just like me?” Lucifer looks amused by her pluck.
“Similar. No one could ever be exactly like you, but they will need your strength if they’re meant to lead the other angels.”
He smiles at her with a great deal of pride. “Have you thought of a name for your archangel?”
“Yes. I’m going to call him Michael.”
“Michael.” Lucifer considers the name and nods his head. “I like that. It’s a strong name. Bring him into the world, Seraphina, and let’s start building our family.”
With a snap of her fingers, Helena changes the scene to a different day in the Guf. It must be sometime in the future, because the Guf is full of guardians busily shaping new souls. Lucifer is walking among them. He’s talking and laughing with the other guardians as if they’re all old friends.
“He looks so happy,” I comment to Helena, smiling for the first time since I entered Hell. My reaction is impossible to contain. Lucifer’s joy is so blatantly obvious, it’s infectious, even if what I’m seeing is only a memory. “I’ve never seen him so carefree and open with others.”
“The poor, deluded fool thought he could never feel happier than he did in this moment,” Helena says with a great deal of disdain in her voice over the matter. “He was everyone’s hero back then. At least, until you decided to ruin his life by making the first human soul.”
I hear Seraphina squeal with joy in Lucifer’s memory. He rushes over to her and asks, “Are you all right, Seraphina?” He looks down at the soul she’s created. It glows golden, like the energy in the Well of Souls. “What is it? Why isn’t it transforming into an angel?”
“It’s not an angel,” she tells him excitedly. “It’s something different, Father.”
God phases in beside them in the Guf.
“Seraphina,” God says as He gazes at the soul she created, “you’ve conceived something new for Me.”
She nods with pride in the memory. “Yes, I have. Isn’t it the most beautiful soul you’ve ever seen? I gave it everything it needs and added in the ability to imagine wondrous new possibilities for itself.”
“It’s perfect,” God praises. “It will be the first in a long line of souls who will safeguard the Earthly realm. I’m very proud of you, Seraphina. You did what I wanted without even knowing that I required a soul like this to be made.”
“But what is it, Father?” Lucifer asks, still looking dubious about the soul his daughter just crafted.
“A human,” God replies. “One day, they will be the overseers of both Heaven and Earth. I will need you to serve them as you do Me, Lucifer, and help guide them in their new existence.”
In that instant, I see the joy of Heaven fade from Lucifer’s eyes. As he stares at the first human soul, his entire face turns stone-cold. I realize I’m witnessing the first moment Lucifer began to hate humanity. My heart begins to ache with the knowledge that I was directly responsible for his despair.
The scene fades and turns into one of Seraphina sitting on a small grassy knoll, facing a setting sun that has turned the bottom half of the sky a fiery orange while leaving the top half a sapphire blue. I hear singing unlike anything I’ve ever heard before. The voices lift the gloom shadowing my soul and bring hope into my heart that everything will be fine.
“Who is singing?” I ask Helena.
“That caterwauling is from the Heavenly Host,” she replies with a slight shiver of revulsion. “I’ve always hated this memory, but it’s one you need to witness for yourself.”
“How many times have you watched it?” I ask, knowing Lucifer used to recreate his memories quite often in Hell. She wouldn’t have had any choice but to view whatever memory he wanted to relive.
“More times than I care to think about,” she replies curtly. “Just watch the stupid thing and bear witness to the moment Lucifer decided he had to stop loving Seraphina in order to do what had to be done.”
Helena’s words make my heart tighten with impending dread. When she started this journey through Lucifer’s memories, I knew she would eventually try to hurt me with one of them. That is her talent: causing pain through grief. I do my best to steel my heart against what I’m about to see. I remind myself that my father and I have built a connection to one another now, but I have to wonder if it’s as strong as his was with Seraphina. Did I lose a portion of his love back then that I will never be able to earn back? Is there still a part of him that blames me for the way his life turned out? Will he ever truly be able to forgive me and understand that I didn’t make the first human soul to spite him? I’m not sure. I’m not even sure I can ask him those questions face to face without losing my nerve. I may not like the answers my father has to give me.
Lucifer phases in beside Seraphina on the hillside and sits down next to her so they can watch the sunset together.
“I’ve always enjoyed listening to their singing,” he tells her, a look of contentment on his face. “It brings a sense of peace to my soul that nothing else does.”
She looks over at him and asks, “Can I help you in any way?”
Lucifer meets her gaze with a melancholy smile. “You’ve done enough, Seraphina,” he tells her without elaborating further. I know the true meaning behind his words, and apparently she did, too.
“I didn’t know creating a human soul would upset you so much. I thought you would be proud of what I was able to accomplish on my own.”
“I was proud of you before you created that abomination.” Lucifer spits the last word out in disgust. “I will not serve those things like my father wants me to. I refuse to follow through with His order.”
“But God has plans for the humans,” she reminds him. “He wants them to take care of the Earthly realm.”
“We could have done that just as easily and probably a lot better than they ever will,” Lucifer replies tersely. “Those things are prone to self-destruction, Seraphina. Mark my words. They’ll end up destroying what God has created, and everything we love will be lost to us forever.”
“I don’t believe that,” she says with conviction. “And deep down, I don’t think you believe it either.”
He presses his lips together, and I prepare myself to hear his angry words. Instead, he sighs heavily and turns his gaze back toward the sunset. They sit in mutual silence for a long time before Lucifer finally stands up. He holds out a hand to Seraphina.
“Dance with me,” he invites softly. “I think this might be the last time I ever hear the Heavenly Host sing.”
She takes hold of his hand and stands up in front of him.
“Why would you say that?” she asks, looking confused, frightful of his words. “What are you planning to do?”
“Let’s not quarrel right now,” Lucifer practically begs. “I only want to dance with you … one last time.”
“Why will this be the last time?” Seraphina asks tearfully.
He doesn’t make a reply as he takes her into his arms.
“Do you want to know what he was feeling in this moment?” Helena asks me as she holds her hand out to me.
I feel like I owe it to my father not to shrink away from this moment or his feelings. Helena is offering me a window into his soul, and I can’t ignore the opportunity. I place my hand on hers, and she gently twines our fingers together. Almost instantly, I experience a sorrow so intense all I can feel is a raw, gaping hole where my heart should be. Lucifer’s sense of loss is so strong, I immediately begin to cry. He is grieving not only the loss of his once-happy life in Heaven, but also the loss of his only child. He never expected to find joy in having a daughter of his own, but once experienced, it was a hard thing to abandon. He didn’t want to leave Seraphina behind, but he knew she would never condone, much less join, the war he was about to start. He was determined to prove to God that humanity needed to be destroyed before they corrupted the beautiful world He’d created on Earth. Lucifer viewed humans as the worst kind of plague, and he was certain they would ravage the universe and cause destruction wherever they went. He wanted to protect God from Himself and earn back His love and trust. Obviously, Lucifer had already fought over humanity with his father before this moment and God had refused to listen to his advice.
There was a time when his father would have come to him and asked his opinion on matters before making an important decision. Now, God placed humanity on a higher pedestal than His own angels, and that was a fact Lucifer couldn’t accept. He hated humans, and he was beginning to hate his father for choosing to love them more than him.
As I watch Lucifer take his first step in his last dance with Seraphina, I can feel his heart shatter into pieces that will never fit back together the same way again. He knew she might never be able to forgive him for what he was about to do. He was preparing to plunge Heaven into civil war in order to save it from the destructive clutches of humanity. This dance with Seraphina was his way of saying good-bye to her, at least for a little while. It was possible she might never be able to understand his actions, but he felt like his sacrifice would be well worth it in the end. He hoped the war would open the eyes of others to the threat humanity presented and that at some point she would join him and stand by his side.
Of course, that never happened, and Lucifer’s heart would never find true peace again for a long, long time.
“Look at him,” Helena says scathingly. “What a pathetic fool he was to think he could win against God. It takes a lot of arrogance to believe you can make the Almighty bend to your will and follow your lead.”
“Lucifer was wrong in what he did, but he was following his heart,” I argue.
Helena looks over at me. “Are you actually defending his actions? Do you believe he was right in starting the war?”
“No,” I say with a firm shake of my head. “He was wrong, and he finally understood that in the end. Humanity isn’t a plague on this universe like he thought. We’re its only hope of survival, and that’s what God was trying to tell him.”
“Trust me, the universe would survive just fine without humanity running around in it like little worker ants,” Helena assures me.
“It would survive, but it would remain stagnant, unchanging. Humans provide something vital to the universe.”
“Oh really? And what is this miraculous contribution you believe your kind adds to the grand scheme of things?” she challenges.
“Imagination,” I tell her. “We think of ways to use what God provided and make it into something else. The world itself hasn’t changed since its creation. We still only have what God put here in the beginning, but we’ve learned how to use what He gave us and improve our lives. We can travel through space to colonize other planets, and that was only possible because we imagined we could do it.”
“You also found ways to destroy what was given to you,” Helena points out. “Or have you forgotten about the Great War and all the wars that came before it?”
“No, I haven’t forgotten, but have you failed to realize that humanity always finds a way to survive? We’re still trying to fix what was broken by the last war, but eventually, we’ll become stronger than we were before it happened.”
She snorts derisively. “I think that’s wishful thinking on your part, sister.”
“No. It’s a fact. History often repeats itself. I suppose if there is one thing that humans have a hard time with, it’s learning from their mistakes. We tend to make the same ones over and over again because, at the time, we believe we’re fighting for the right cause. It’s one of our greatest weaknesses, but we weren’t made to be perfect. All we can hope is that we do better the next time we’re faced with the same adversity.”
Helena returns her gaze to the scene of Lucifer dancing with Seraphina. A far-off look comes into her eyes, and I have to ask, “What are you thinking?”
“Nothing you would care about,” she whispers, keeping her eyes fixed on Lucifer as he holds his daughter so lovingly.
I know there’s no way I can help her unless she willingly begins to open up to me. This feels like an opportunity for her to share something important about herself. All I need to do is tread carefully and try to earn at least a little bit of her trust.
“I do care, Helena.” I squeeze her hand lightly to stress my words to her. “Tell me what you’re thinking about.”
She doesn’t pull her hand away from mine like I feared she would. Instead, she closes her eyes, and the scene of Lucifer and Seraphina fades away. Like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle being put together, another scene replaces it. My father is standing alone in the middle of Hell’s dark version of the Guf. He looks sad and lonely.
“This is the day of your eighth birthday,” Helena tells me in a detached voice as she opens her eyes to look at Lucifer’s image. “Lucifer had just come back from visiting you, and I knew how sad he was over having to leave you again. I don’t know why he kept torturing himself with those yearly visits for so long. Every time he came back from Cirrus, he would come here and reminisce about his time with you as Seraphina. Sometimes he would spend weeks reliving the old days. On this day, I did something …” Helena’s voice trails off, and I’m not sure she’s going to finish her tale. After a few seconds, she clears her throat and begins again. “I did something I thought would make him finally stop visiting you.”
A flash of red captures the corner of my eye and draws my attention back to the scene. Standing in front of Lucifer is a young version of me wearing a frilly red dress with a puffy skirt. Since Helena mentioned it was my eighth birthday, that age seems about right for the vision of me.
“Have I visited Hell before and just don’t remember it?” I ask her, confused as to why I would be here at this age.
“That’s not you,” she tells me in a detached voice. “It’s me pretending to be you. It was the first time I ever attempted to use my power to manifest a physical form for myself.”
I don’t say anything, because I’m not sure where this is leading. Helena is showing me this moment from her past for a reason, and I don’t want her to stop. I fear if I start asking too many questions, she’ll close herself off to me again, and that’s not what I want.
“I thought …” Helena begins but stops yet again as she considers the scene before us with a critical eye. Her head tilts slightly as she stares at the memory of herself standing in front of Lucifer. Her brow creases, as if she’s having a hard time putting into words what it was she was thinking on this day. “I guess I thought if I could give Lucifer what he wanted the most, he wouldn’t feel the need to go to you every year. I wanted him to stop caring about you so much.”
I can’t prevent myself from asking, “Why?”
Helena glances in my direction. “Because I knew if he didn’t stop, I might lose him to you one day, and that’s exactly what ended up happening.”
I remain silent. She knew I would be Lucifer’s weakness even before he admitted it to himself.
She releases her hold on the scene before us, and I hear her version of me say, “Don’t be sad, Father. You will always have me.”
Lucifer’s expression tells me that he’s shocke
d to see Hell take on a physical form for the first time and that he’s also confused by why it would choose to present itself to him as me.
“What are you doing?” he asks in dismay. “How is this even possible?”
“You created me like you did her, Father,” Helena tells him in her childlike voice. “I thought you would be able to understand that better if I took on her form, but I can look like whomever you want me to be. I just thought if I looked like Anna, you would stop feeling the need to go see her every year. I can be her for you.”
With a roar of anger, Lucifer rushes Helena and grabs her by the forearms. He yanks her up into the air until they’re eye to eye and begins to shake her so vigorously the curly brown ringlets on her head bounce uncontrollably.
“You will never take her place, do you understand?” he yells. When she doesn’t make a reply, he shakes her even harder. “Do you understand me?”
“Yes,” I hear Helena sob. “Yes, I understand!”
Lucifer releases his hold on her arms, and her little body drops to the ground with a distinct thud.
She begins to weep, hanging her head low, unwilling to look back up at him.
“Why can’t you love me like you do her?” she asks pitifully. “What’s wrong with me, Father?”
“I am not your father,” Lucifer says viciously. “You are nothing more to me than a means to an end. Stop deluding yourself by thinking that you’re my daughter. I only have one daughter, and her name is Anna.”
He phases, leaving a weeping, childlike Helena on the floor.
I turn to look at my Helena. A single tear rolls down her cheek as she continues to watch the memory. Unexpectedly, my heart goes out to her in a moment of compassion. Maybe she isn’t as heartless as she wants others to believe. Perhaps a kernel of good wormed its way into all the hate Lucifer used to create her. If Helena can feel emotional pain, it’s quite possible she can change and evolve into something more than she was originally designed to be.
