by SJ West
My mother told me about her relationship with Alex in Heaven, and I know for a fact that she felt a motherly love toward him, not a romantic one. Apparently his feelings for her weren’t as platonic. My heart goes out to him when my mother pushes him away and quickly sits up. I can’t hear the exchange between them, and I can barely make out Alex’s expression, but I do see him phase away. Had he felt embarrassed about mistaking my mother’s love for him as a romantic interest? I’m sure his heart was probably broken, and I have to wonder if they resolved this issue before he left Heaven. Maybe that was another reason my mother seemed so concerned about his welfare. I have to assume that the scene took place before Lucifer returned to Heaven. There isn’t any way Alex would have made such a move on my mother if he had seen her with Lucifer before this moment. After being parted from one another for so long, I sincerely doubt my parents will leave each other’s sides for any length of time.
It brought a great deal of joy to my heart to know that I helped them find one another again. Who wouldn’t want their parents to be reunited after such a long separation? Knowing that I helped my father finally find peace within himself was a gift any daughter would be proud to receive.
I continue to observe the others as the scene changes yet again. This time I see the living room in New Orleans appear with a girl sitting in front of the fireplace, crying. I don’t recognize her, but with her long brown hair, and considering the fact that she’s wearing a wedding dress, I assume she’s probably one of the descendants who preceded me. As I watch the scene, I see Malcolm enter the room and speak to the girl. Finally, he sits down beside her and pulls her into his arms as she continues to sob. I have no idea why this would be Malcolm’s worst memory or why Helena thinks it would surprise me. Was the girl extra special to Malcolm in some way?
When I see Helena address Jered first and not Malcolm after the scene ends, it appears that this might have something to do with him instead of my husband. I can’t quite piece together what’s going on, though. Suddenly, my view of what’s happening with the others is obscured by a dense fog that covers them like a blanket. I’m unable to see anything else.
Helena reappears in the room a few minutes later.
I turn in my chair to face her. “What’s the fog meant to hide? Is there something happening out there that you don’t want me to see?”
“Not everything is about you, Anna,” she snaps. “I thought I would add a little suspense to Jered’s family reunion.”
“Family reunion?” I ask in confusion. It takes me a few seconds to catch on, but when I finally do, I feel flabbergasted by Helena’s audacity. “Is Jered’s son here?”
“Oh, he’s been here for quite some time now,” she tells me with a pleased smile on her face. “Silas has become one of my star pupils. It took a few hundred years to break his spirit, but now he’s one of my most loyal generals. I know I can rely on him to do anything I tell him to.”
“And what is it that you want him to do for you?”
“Right now, I want him to make his father feel pain. Jered has only himself to blame for what his son has become. If he hadn’t led Silas down the path of mayhem and murder, he wouldn’t even be here. And poor Mason, he feels the guilt of an executioner, since he’s the one who delivered the deathblow that sent Silas to me.”
“He didn’t have any choice,” I protest in my ancestor’s defense. Malcolm had told me the story about the Watchers who came to Jess’ mother’s house to attack them. Jered had been among the group. He was the only Watcher who accepted Mason’s offer to earn God’s forgiveness.
“It’s a moot point now,” Helena says with a dismissive wave of her hand. “I have Jered’s son under my command, and that’s all that matters. I imagine this will tear him up inside for years to come.” She sighs in complete satisfaction about the matter. “I really couldn’t ask for more to punish him with.”
“Don’t you get tired of hurting people?” I ask, wondering how she can find so much joy in other people’s misery. I understand that she’s Hell incarnate, but how can any sentient being enjoy the misfortune of others with such zeal? It’s a concept I have a hard time comprehending.
“Their pain only makes me stronger,” Helena explains. “I was made to drink in the misery of others and become more than I am through the power of their pain. If you have a problem with the way I am, you should blame our father. I’m only doing what he taught me to do, so stop looking at me like I’m some creature who just slithered out from underneath a rock. I’m doing what I was made to do in this world. What is it that the humans always say? Oh yes, you can’t have good without evil. Just consider me a necessary component to the universe, Anna. I am a constant that can never be changed. If I did, the universe would be thrown into chaos, and I can assure you that it would be a worse place to live in.”
“But you can change,” I tell her. “I’ve seen the way you are with Cade. You can’t ignore the connection the two of you have.”
“I don’t deny it, but if you think it will change who I am, you’re a romantic fool.”
“And if Cade thinks he can change you, are you going to call him a fool, too?”
“The worst type,” Helena snaps. “Lucifer brought you into the world to only do good, but he created me to destroy good by any means necessary.”
“You can’t be that one-dimensional, Helena,” I argue. “No one can only be one thing. You can’t be pure evil, just like I can’t be pure good. Those are just concepts perceived by others. They don’t exist in reality.”
“You can think that if you want, but I know the truth. I’ve accepted who I am, and I relish in the power it gives me. So should you.”
I pity Helena for her beliefs. And I pity Cade even more because his soul has been tethered to someone who will never be able to love him the way he deserves.
“Stop looking at me like that,” Helena says, scowling at me.
“I can’t help it,” I tell her. “I feel sorry for you and the life you have.”
“Well, I don’t!” she professes a little too fervently. It makes me wonder if her words are just a front to protect herself from the possibility of finding happiness in something other than the pain of her victims. “You’re such a self-righteous bitch, Anna. It’s hard for me to believe Lucifer enjoyed being around you so much. I guess it took you betraying him to understand the mistake he made when he created you.”
Involuntarily, my back stiffens after hearing Helena’s rude remark.
“I wasn’t a mistake,” I inform her.
She laughs. “You were the biggest mistake of our father’s life! If he hadn’t created you, his fall from Grace would have never happened. You may have been one of his greatest achievements, but you proved yourself to be his greatest failure in the end. If you want someone to blame for what our father went through during his life, look no farther than a mirror, Anna. Of course, I don’t lay the blame for his disgrace all at your feet. I’m thankful to you. If it wasn’t for what you did, I never would have been born. But I suppose I’m jumping ahead of myself. We should probably start at the beginning.”
Helena stares at me for a moment, and I can feel her rummaging around in my mind, searching for something.
“Hmm,” she says a little disappointedly, “I see God showed you things in Heaven in a way your teeny tiny human brain could comprehend them. How boring, but I suppose if you’re going to feel the full effect of what I’m about to show you, it’ll have to do.”
The room we’re in is instantly replaced by the moment of my birth in Heaven. I quickly stand from my chair and look over to where the bed with Lucas lying on it should be.
“Where’s Lucas?” I demand.
“Oh, don’t worry about him. He’s fine. He doesn’t need to be here while you and I take a stroll down memory lane. Although they aren’t your memories, since you have none from being Seraphina. As I promised you earlier, I’m going to show you things from Lucifer’s perspective. He may have left this realm of existe
nce, but his memories will stay with me forever.”
We’re standing in a grand building made of what looks like crystal. The light of Heaven shines through its walls, giving it a happy, warm luminescence. I know exactly where we are. It’s the Guf—the repository where all souls are created.
In the scene, I see Lucifer and God standing together inside it. Lucifer smiles as he places one of his hands over his heart. He pulls his hand away from his chest, and I see a white glowing orb resting on his palm. He throws the orb into the air, and it explodes like a firework. Suddenly, I’m standing in front of him, though it isn’t really me. It’s simply a representation of me as Seraphina.
Lucifer walks up and holds his hand out to her.
“Welcome to the world,” he says, smiling triumphantly.
Seraphina stares at Lucifer’s hand for a moment before cautiously placing one of hers into it.
“Who am I?” she asks. “Where am I?”
“You’re in my father’s home,” Lucifer tells her. “We call it Heaven. And your name is …” He pauses, and I can tell he didn’t think up a name beforehand. Finally, he says, “We will call you Seraphina. Do you like that name?”
“I don’t know,” she answers truthfully, like a child. “I’m not sure what I like.”
Lucifer tightens his grip on her hand and says, “Then let’s figure that out. I will be your guide, and we’ll discover who you are meant to be together.”
She looks uncertain about his offer at first, but then she smiles at him and nods.
“I would like that,” she tells him. “I want to see everything.”
Helena freezes the moment and snickers. “Can you believe our father used to be so … soft? He’s fawning all over you for no good reason.”
“No good reason?” I question, wondering if we watched the same memory. “He just made me. How else would you expect him to react?”
Helena snaps her fingers with an irate look on her face, and the scene changes to one she’s shown me once before.
Lucifer is lying on the ground, holding a pulsating black orb in his hand.
“I’ve already seen your birth,” I remind her, knowing this is the moment right after Michael brought my father to Earth to begin his exile.
“Yes, but you didn’t see everything,” Helena tells me, just as Lucifer phases away.
The first time she showed this to me, she ended the scene here. This time, we phase with him.
He’s standing in a space that is entirely devoid of light, except for the dim radiance emanating from the glowing black orb. It’s just enough to illuminate his facial features.
“We’ll show my father just how depraved humanity can become,” Lucifer snarls as he stares at the orb. The expression on his face is that of a madman. It makes me realize just how far he had to come to ultimately find redemption.
He hurls the orb out into the darkness. It explodes in the air in a purple spray of light. An arched entryway appears, revealing a space that isn’t as dark as the one we’re standing in, but it’s not a great improvement. I watch as my father walks through the portal with determined strides. Helena and I follow him, and we’re soon standing in a darker version of the Guf. Where the Guf in Heaven is filled with warmth and light, its counterpart in Hell is filled with coldness and shadows.
“I’ve made you to prove to my father how wrong He is about humanity,” Lucifer says as he looks around his new realm with a mixture of pride in his creation and utter hate for God. “In the end, He’ll have to admit that they never should have been created. Every soul we capture will be yours to devour. I will fill you with all of their hate and fear, and one day, you and I will have enough power to finally snuff out the human race once and for all. Together, we’ll destroy anything that tries to stand in our way.”
Helena stops the scene and looks at me.
“Now you tell me, does that sound like I had much of a choice in what I became?”
I have to admit it doesn’t. “No.”
“You always make it sound as if I chose to be the way I am, but what you don’t seem to be able to grasp is the fact that I don’t know how to be any other way.”
“But you can learn, Helena,” I counter. “Lucifer is gone. He finally realized how wrong he’s been all these years. Fundamentally, the purpose for which you were made no longer exists.”
“As long as humans continue to roam this universe, I serve a purpose,” she tells me. “Only with their annihilation can I finally find peace.”
“That’s an unrealistic goal. Humanity will always find a way to survive. We always have and we always will.”
“None of you can survive if you have nowhere to live.”
“So your plan is to destroy the whole universe?” I scoff. “Lucifer has already tried to do that, and he failed. What makes you think you can do any better? How do you plan to destroy something that is infinite?”
Helena just stares at me.
“He wasn’t strong enough to harness the power of the seals like I have.”
“But you’re still not strong enough to destroy the universe, or you would have already done it.”
“No, I’m not strong enough yet, but I can be in time.”
“How?” I ask, pressing for an answer. “And how do my children factor into your plans? I know you’re not protecting them for my sake. So, what is it that you want them to do for you? The seals are their souls now. It’s not like you can steal them from Liam and Liana.”
“Why don’t you let me worry about what I have planned?” Helena replies snidely. “And stop getting me off topic. We’re here to learn more about your life with Lucifer while you were Seraphina. I have more to show you, if you think you can handle it.”
“I can handle it,” I assure her, lifting my chin a little higher in defiance of her challenge.
Maybe if I keep her preoccupied, it will help Malcolm and the others in some way. I have no way of knowing if it will aid them in their quest to find Lucas and me, but surely it can’t hurt to keep her away from them.
That’s my reasoning at least. I just hope I’m right.
Chapter 6
Helena changes our surroundings back to the Guf in Heaven. Lucifer and Seraphina are standing next to a stream of light that shimmers like a translucent pillar of gold, located in the center of the room. Since the shaft of light seems to reach well beyond both the ceiling and the floor, it’s impossible to tell where it begins or ends. Floating within the light’s warm glow are a multitude of small white orbs. Some are brighter than others and seem to be begging for attention as they twinkle like stars.
It’s odd to see me physically represented in the recreation of Lucifer’s memory. Since the bodies of angels are composed of energy and not flesh and blood, Helena is using the same tactic as God did to show me scenes that took place in Heaven. Giving Seraphina my human form also adds a level of intimacy between us that wouldn’t be there otherwise. Even though I have no recollections of being her, I know everything Helena is about to show me happened to my angelic counterpart.
“Go ahead, Seraphina,” Lucifer encourages, his eyes alight with expectation. “Try to pull out one of the orbs that’s ready to be made into a soul.”
“What if I can’t do it?” she asks him, her voice quivering slightly with a great deal of trepidation.
“You can,” Lucifer says reassuringly. “You are the first Guardian of the Guf. It’s time for you to fulfill your potential and make more angels to fill the halls of Heaven. Wouldn’t you like to have others to talk to besides just me and God?”
“I’m perfectly happy with it just being us,” she admits. “What if we get so caught up with the new angels that we end up not having time for each other anymore?”
Seraphina looks worried about the prospect of losing time with Lucifer and about the drastic changes that are going to take place in her life. I can’t say I blame her. If all you knew was about to be altered forever, I think anyone would be frightened by what might happen. Cons
idering the facts as I know them now, she had every right to be apprehensive.
“I would never let anything or anyone come between us,” Lucifer promises as he takes hold of one of her hands. “You are the light of my life, Seraphina. Until I made you, I didn’t truly understand the love my father feels for me. Now, being a father myself, I grasp what it means to love someone else with your entire being. I promise that no one will ever separate us from one another. Do you trust me enough to believe that?”
“Of course I do,” she says in earnest. “You would never lie to me.”
“Then trust me now when I say you can do this.” Lucifer lets go of her hand. “But you can only do it if you try.”
I watch Seraphina take a deep breath to steady her nerves. Cautiously, she slides her hand into the pillar of light, palm up.
“Now, remember what I told you. You can only coax an orb of energy out of the Well of Souls. You should never try to force one out before it’s ready to be born.”
“What would happen if I ever tried to force one to come out?” she asks as I watch one of the brightest orbs in the well float down and rest on her outstretched hand.
“The energy would dissipate and that soul would never have a chance to come into being.”
Seraphina cups her hand around the orb and gently pulls it out of the well.
“What’s your next step?” Lucifer asks as he attempts to lead his daughter in the right direction instead of blatantly telling her what to do.
“I think about all the attributes I want the soul to have,” she answers.
“And remember, it’s important that you make each soul different. No two souls should ever be the same. Otherwise, what’s the point of existing? No one wants to be exactly like someone else. Being an individual is a very important part of being alive.”
