Malik (Carter Brother Series Book 1)

by Lisa Helen Gray

  “Fuck you Max.’’

  “Spit it out already,’’ Malik barks sounding angry now.

  Hannah and her friends jump, and I actually find a little satisfaction in it. She looks at Malik giving him a seductive smile, well, what I think is meant to be one anyway. He just glares back at her and her smile slips.

  “We wanted to help you so we spoke to your old friend,’’ she says confidently looking straight into my eyes and my face pales. Her smile brightens when she knows she’s gotten to me, looking at me like she just hit the jackpot. Which to her I’m sure she feels like she has. Why would they talk to Lilly? How do they even know about her? I’ve only ever spoken about her to Gram’s, Malik and Myles.

  “What?’’ I whisper, not able to wrap my head around this conversation.

  “Yeah, we told her about what you were going through here at your new school and that we wanted her to work with us to help you get better. I had no idea what a freak you were until she told us.’’ Her voice is louder, more confident, the fake concern now gone from her voice and replaced with venom. “She told us how your parents were murdered, that you should have died too. Even about him going back for you. Is it safe to be around any of us? You’re putting Malik’s and everyone’s life in danger.

  “She told us a lot more. That everyone in school picked on you. That the nightmares you had made you piss the bed,’’ she laughs and Malik jumps up getting in her face, but I feel like my whole world has just stopped. Everyone knows about my parents. Lilly told them everything. I did wake up one night after a nightmare to find I had indeed wet the bed. Fucking seventeen and I had wet the fucking bed. It was two nights after they were murdered and the nightmare I had felt so real.

  What else did she tell them? My throat feels like it’s closing in on me, and I struggle to catch my breath, but no one pays attention as Hannah keeps spitting out her poison.

  “Hannah, you want to stop spreading lies like you do your legs. I mean, wouldn’t want mommy and daddy finding out about your weekend activities now would you?’’ Malik sneers.

  “What are you doing with her? She’s a freak,’’ Hannah points at me while she screeches at Malik who is still up in her face. “She can’t even sit straight look at her. What are you going to do Harlow?’’ she sneers. “Have an anxiety attack and piss yourself?’’ she laughs.

  My vision blurs from the tears falling down my face and my breathing starts to escalate.

  Please no. Please not now. Not now, I chant, knowing a panic attack is coming. I know my face is bright red right now, but that’s not what’s bothering me, it’s the fact the whole cafeteria is watching silently and listening to everything Hannah is shouting at me.

  Everyone knows.

  Everyone!

  “She was nobody at her old school. She got bullied because she was a geek, a nerd and only had two friends because no one liked her. I also spoke to a Melisa Bright,’’ she says.

  Oh God no. I say to myself as I rub at my chest furiously, the pain there overbearing. Thick tears fall from my cheeks, and down on to my skirt.

  Melisa is the girl I had grown up with. She lived next door to us before they moved house. We stayed at the same school and she bullied me along with all her friends every day. Malik is going to know what a loser I am. I know he’s shouting things at Hannah, telling her to get out, but my mind is reeling with images of the past and my vision is blurring. My whole body is burning hot, sweat dripping from my forehead and my hands are shaking.

  “Guess what she had to say? Miss Evans here isn’t just a school loser, the virgin, but she was also caught trying to kiss one of the popular girls,’’ she cackles. “There’s even a photo.’’

  That’s when everything happens. My head begins to pound remembering Summer Pearce trying to kiss me back in year ten. Before I knew what she was going to do, she asked me to look at her textbook, so I leaned in just as she turned her face to me and at the same time someone had taken the photo making it look like I had tried to kiss her. They had planned the whole thing brilliantly. The picture ended up posted on FaceBook and every other social networking site. The whole school knew about it by the end of that day. It had been one of the worst times of their bullying.

  I can’t take this anymore. I can’t! Everything is spiralling out of control and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.

  A noise to my right startles me and in my blurry vision I see a figure jump over the table with a scream. My mind registers that the sound is coming from Denny, but my whole body shakes, too weak to move. Then a sound of a hard slap fills the room before I hear Hannah howl in pain screaming at Denny.

  It doesn’t make anything better though. They know. They all know about my parents. That I should have died with them. I wanted to stay at home to finish my homework that night instead of going out to their work dinner. We had all been invited to attend, but with my course work having to be handed in the next day, I played up to stay at home to finish it.

  “You okay?’’ I hear in the background, along with someone shouting Malik’s name, but it’s too much.

  I can feel myself swaying and before I can stop myself from falling, I try to grab a hold of the table, but my hand reaches something else and instead of helping, it falls off the table smacking me in the face as my body continues to fall, landing on the floor with a loud thud.

  The shouts coming from around me hurt and I scream out in agony as I hold onto my head in my hands, praying for them to stop.

  The screams still ring in my ears, but they sound distant. I think they’re from me but I’m not too sure. Nothing is registering. Not the hands at my waist or the hands running through my hair, none of it. It all feels like a dream.

  *** **** *** ****

  I wake up to loud beeping next to me and to my body aching painfully. Slowing opening my eyes, I groan in pain and I have to shut them tightly closed. The bright lights above me burn my eyes and my head starts to pound harder.

  Where the hell am I? Where ever I am, the bed is seriously uncomfortable. It’s seriously not doing my aching muscles any good and I’m pretty sure my legs have lost all feeling from the blanket that is covering me. Someone has taken their duties of tucking me in really fucking seriously.

  The blanket issue and where I am question disintegrates. All at once everything comes back to me in flashing images. The lunch hall. Hannah and her spiteful comments. My parents. The bullying and the lengths they went to, to hurt me. It all hits me like a ton of bricks, weighing my chest down making it hard to catch my breath.

  “Hey, calm down sweetie,’’ a smoothing soft voice belonging to my Gram’s whispers softly in my ear. I feel her move before she reaches out for my hand, bringing it up to her chest and resting it above her heart. I can feel the beat of her heart thumping in her chest. “Match your breathing to mine honey.’’

  I do what she says, taking in a lungful of air before slowly letting it back out. Once my breathing matches hers and I’ve calmed down, tears fall from my closed eyes, too scared to open them.

  “Hey, don’t cry. Everything’s going to be okay. Can you open your eyes for me?’’

  “The… the lights,’’ I croak, my throat feeling sore and dry.

  Gram’s moves again, this time letting my hand go. She’s not gone long, maybe a few seconds before she returns.

  “Open your eyes now dear.’’

  Slowly I open my eyes, letting them adjust to the now dim lighting. ‘Why am I in hospital’ is the first thought I have when I take in my settings.

  “Why am I in hospital?’’ I ask Gram’s, looking into her sad eyes for the first time.

  “You had a nasty fall at school sweetie, and they weren’t sure if you had banged your head or not. They have to call an ambulance or school nurse in certain situations anyway, but when you wouldn’t wake up they called an ambulance straight away. They said you can go home when you wake up, so I’m going to go talk to the nurses then I’ll be back. Malik should be back… speaking of the de
vil,’’ she smiles when Malik walks into the room. He’s looking down, but when he hears my Gram’s his head shoots up startled. His eyes are wide and his mouth is hanging wide open. He doesn’t move at first, he just stands there staring at me in shock before he finally snaps out of it and rushes over to my bedside.

  “Oh thank God, you’re awake,’’ he rushes out, his hands running down my face. His eyes are glazed over and they look red like he’s been crying or trying not to. “I got so scared when you wouldn’t wake up. I’m so sorry.’’

  “Sorry? Why are you sorry?’’ I ask confused. I’m the one who’s the freak. I’m the one who has anxiety or panic attacks, whatever the hell you want to call them, not him.

  “I should have shut her up or got Max to carry her out of there before she spat all that out at you.’’

  “It’s fine. It just surprised me is all,’’ I smile.

  My Gram’s coughs grabbing my attention and I turn to her smiling softly down at me. “I’m going to talk to the nurses. Be back in a little while,’’ she says giving me a kiss on the forehead.

  I watch Gram’s leave before I turn back to Malik, “How bad was it? Was everyone laughing at me?’’

  “Yes and no. When you fell I couldn’t get to you in time. God Harlow, it felt like I was stuck in slow motion while everything happening to you felt like it was on fast forward. As for the rest of the school, you’ll be pleased to know they literally chucked food at Hannah and her friends until they left the cafeteria. They all shouted abuse at them, calling them sick. Your parent’s death isn’t something to be ashamed of. I know you don’t want people knowing how they died because you hate answering questions, but everyone is sticking by you. Hannah just lost any street cred she had doing what she did to you in there.’’

  “It wasn’t because I was ashamed. I just hate thinking of them like that. I hate the looks people give me, reminding me that they’re gone. Or when they avoid talking about their parents thinking it will set me off or upset me. It was why I was happy to move here in the end. At first I wasn’t, but then when everyone started giving me those pity looks or saying they were sorry, it all got too much,’’ I shrug.

  “I know. I’m so fucking sorry. I keep saying that I’ll be there for you, but you still end up being hurt.’’

  I knew he’d feel like this. He carries too much shit on his shoulders for him to just see things for what they really are. Shit happens in life that you can’t control or stop, it’s called fate. If it’s going to happen, then it will happen; there’s nothing you can do to stop it.

  A thought occurs to me when I remember some of the things Hannah was spouting off about me, “It’s not your fault Malik. It’s theirs. They are the ones that went out of their way to get something on me, not you. It’s all out there now. There isn’t anything they can use to hurt me,’’ but as I say those words I realise there is. They could use Malik against me. “Oh, and what she said about me kissing a girl,’’ I blush causing Malik to give me a wicked grin. “I didn’t. The girls at my old school set it up. I was sitting outside at lunch one day engrossed in a book when Summer, one of the popular girls came to sit next to me. She asked me about something she’d written down and I leaned in to look, but before I had the chance to know what was going on, she kissed me. It was only a peck, but I’d been too stunned to move and then she shoved me away knocking me off the picnic table. Her friends had captured the photo and posted it on FaceBook and everything, telling the whole school I’m gay.’’

  This is another thing that pisses me off. Why do school kids speak like being gay is wrong, that you’re a freak if you like the same sex? It makes me laugh because a majority of those people don’t even know what they like sexually yet. You’d think being in the twenty first century that people would let people be. That they’d realise people will date who they want to date.

  The comments got stopped only due to the fact my mom and dad threatened the school after Melissa and her group of friends started a petition to ban me from using the girls changing rooms.

  “Babe, I wouldn’t care if you kissed the towns tramp. It doesn’t change how I feel about you.’’

  “And how do you feel?’’ I ask huskily, my eyes locked on his.

  He opens his mouth the same time Gram’s walks in with a nurse and doctor interrupting whatever Malik was about to say. I want to scream at them to go back out, to give us five more minutes, but I don’t. Instead I smile sweetly, my hands fiddling with the hem of the blanket.

  “Hi, I’m Dr Stewart. We’ve checked you over and everything is fine, but before you go we need to ask you a few questions. How are you feeling, do you have any dizziness or a headache?’’

  “I have a bit of a headache, but other than that I just feel tired.’’

  “That’s understandable. Now your Gram’s has told us you’ve had these in the past and all have been extreme to the point that you pass out. Have you seen a specialist or a doctor about this?’’

  I shake my head no then listen to him talk me through getting help. Most of it he thinks can be treated by talking to a psychologist. I’ve never really wanted to talk about it, but looking at my Gram’s hopeful eyes and then Malik’s curious ones, I nod my head agreeing for them to refer me to a psychologist nearer to where we are. My Gram’s face warms my heart. It’s at that moment I know it’s been worrying her more than she has let on.

  “…Panic attacks can be caused by a number of things. You don’t even need to be awake or stressed to have one. Luckily in your case your trigger seems to be confined, trapped or unable to escape certain situations and also conflict. I’m no psychiatrist, but losing your parents is obviously hard for you to talk about and from what your boyfriend here told us about the incident this evening, your parents were brought into that. That feeling of entrapment was there, fear taking over. Stress is a common factor in your case. You’ve gone through a lot of change the past couple of months. I want to prescribe you an anti-depressant. It will take a few weeks to get into your system, but you will still need to take them daily.’’

  “You think I’m depressed?’’ I ask shocked. If he’d have asked me when I lost my parents I would have agreed with his diagnosis, but with the help of Gram’s and having all my friends and Malik in my life, I’ve been better. I’ve been more than okay. Yeah losing them has been hard and I’ll never get over it, but having these guys in my life has helped me realise I have something to live for and have people I can call family in my life now. Whereas when I first moved here I felt like I had lost my only living family.

  “No I don’t. Anti-depressants are used to balance out the cells in your brain. It will decrease the chances of you having another attack. Everyone responds differently to treatment though.’’

  “Okay,’’ I smile, finding myself relaxing.

  They have me sign some discharge papers before they leave us in the room to get myself sorted. I’m actually relieved that I will be getting help. It might not stop the panic attacks completely, but it will help in the long run.

  “Come on then. I’m going to ring us a Chinese and order some food when we get nearer to home. I’m starving. Do you like Chinese Joan?’’

  “I love Chinese. I haven’t had one of those in years. You should ring your grandfather on that moby and see if he’s free for one too,’’ she says excitedly making me and Malik chuckle.

  Grabbing me from under my arms, his fingers brushing underneath my breast, Malik helps me up off the bed.

  “I could have done that,’’ I playfully scold.

  “I know, but I needed to touch you,’’ he winks, and then helps me get my clothes back on like I’m a two year old infant.

  **** **** *** ****

  We pull up in the taxi outside Gram’s house to find everyone standing outside waiting for us. I look to Malik shocked, but he just shrugs and smiles. My eyes begin to water when I realise they’re here to see if I’m okay and that they’ve been worried.

  “I can tell them to piss off
if you want me to,’’ He says before paying the taxi bloke.

  “Language. You’re not too old to go over my knee boy,’’ Gram’s scolds and Malik’s eyes go wide. I look to Gram’s shocked she’d say such a thing, but she gives me a wink making me giggle.

  My door flies open just as I’m removing my seatbelt. Max is there, in my face, pulling me out of the taxi and into a bear hug.

  “You freaking scared me,’’ he growls into my ear.

  “I’m sorry.’’ I’m honestly trying my hardest not to cry, but all it seems to be doing is making my headache worse.

  “Put her down, she has just been in hospital,’’ Malik growls.

  As soon as Max puts me down, Myles is there pushing him out of the way and hugging me.

  “Jesus, I thought they were going to sedate my brother for a few minutes. In fact I was hoping they would because I was close to knocking him out myself. Don’t do that to us again, you scared the fucking life out of me,’’ he tells me.

  I’m passed around to Mason, then to Mark and Denny. They all wish me well, glad that I’m okay. The last one is Maverick. I’m actually shocked he’s here. Since I’ve been with Malik I have hardly seen him. We’ve spoken a few times, but our friendship isn’t like my friendships with the other brothers.

  “I’m glad you’re okay,’’ he whispers bringing me into a hug. Instead of standing limp like I did with the others, I hug him back, knowing he truly means it. I know the others did too, but something about the way Maverick says it feels different to me. “You’re really good for him Harlow. I’m so glad he has you. I never thought he’d be okay again after… I’m just glad you’re okay.’’

  I pull away smiling, but I know it doesn’t reach my eyes. I give him a questioning look, but Malik chooses that moment to come up behind me, bringing me flush against his front.

  “Stop trying to steal my girl,’’ he teases his brother.