From Sleep May Come: Contemporary Romance

by Julie Miller

  People thought that a puzzle was easy to juggle together. That if the puzzle pieces fell onto the ground then the best solution was to pick them back up. Unfortunately, there were more steps in the process. Finding which piece goes where was the tricky part. Sometimes the pieces appeared to be identical. Although they were not at all a perfect fit. Secondly, find courage and carefully place one puzzle piece against the other. If life was like a never ending broken puzzle then Michael wanted out. A man can only take so much. It was often easier for woman to find moral support because they were secured about the idea of sharing their emotions that also involved a reassuring element. Michael was a type of man who could not share his feelings on a deep topic. It took all his might to not just give up. And head to therapy for himself but that would be the time when pigs can fly up in the sky with wings. Denial of being in control was saving whatever dignity he had still.

  Lucy’s smoker cough interrupted the emotional thoughts of the only lonely doctor on the third floor of the ICU. She excused herself by taking the suede jacket to the lost and found area. She just grabbed the jacket right out of Michael’s hands. Massively rude action from the nurse, felt departed. Almost like she was glad to snatch candy from a gloating baby. The missing items room was a small room where nurses would usually leave their personal technology belongings such as purses, laptops, and tablets. Anything that would make the shift go by quicker was a nice distraction. Nobody ever checked for missing items in the lost and found area, so what was the point? Might as well throw out the jacket with the rest of them. Most items to go a- wall were generally never even reused. Perhaps this time would be different. Imagining some desperate person claiming that jacket back from the lost and found area. It was a comfortable jacket to keep the body as warm as possible. That little Michael acknowledged from quickly holding it.

  There were only three doctors on call during and immediately after the midnight shifts on the ICU floor. Right before 9AM hit. Ericson was happy at thirty- eight-year-olds. He was also a father of two progressing athletic twin boys. Max, the four year old had a good throwing arm when he aimed to throw his spoon to hit the refrigerator. Diane, his crafty wife was a stay at home mother. She had no clue what she would do once her boys were old enough for preschool. Maybe she would volunteer more. Michael remembered her talking about volunteering at a local elementary school for the seasonal plays. He recalled the memory like yesterday because it took place at his own apartment. Samantha’s mother did all of the cooking, sees as she had owned a catering business at the time. Mrs. Dell truly had the talent and passion to cook almost anything. The only negative point is that she did not know how to use proper time management. The party was set to begin at twelve PM. Though, the food was not ready to eat until four PM. This was slightly upsetting.

  Next was Kelly Marshall who was a woman without any children. If only she had any open schedules, she would not mind having a kid or two. Her husband was a surgeon who was well known in the medical community. They stood together during the worst of times. But they were similar to a perfect matched couple.

  Life was just one long planted seed that grew even if it did not consume water on a daily basis. Certainly, Michael knew he needed to find it in his heart to move on. Try a new chapter that would not include any emptiness. The journey of life was supposed to be an adventure. Not a routine that incorporated hearing the alarm clock. Waking up with a full nine hours of rest. Taking a warm shower for seven minutes. Lastly, drinking a smoothie just in time to drive on a freeway without lots of traffic. There had to be more to it. Developing a family as well as finding happiness, going on family vacations and good experiences in the bed was what every adult eventually wanted. A thought arose painstakingly that was based on divorce. No, he could not divorce his loving wife. He forced the option out of his head. After all, he loved her more than dear life. The entire baby situation had been the cause for the dead end. Stupid dead roads made life like a living torture.

  If Samantha were able to conceive again then she would be her old- self. Sad Michael felt useless about his unhappy marriage. And he went into the restroom for a brief moment. Looking back to make sure nobody caught him in a harmless act. Standing right before the mirror, he put himself together like a puzzle. The matching pieces were finally coming together as he took in a deep breath. It was that simple but actually it was not. Cold water splashed all over his face. He starred upwards searching for purpose. His heart felt empty because all he had ever loved was gone. She was in some mental institution with crazy patients who were sick. People who were considered abnormal and Samantha was not one of them. She was just having a temporary outing. Michael quickly placed his mouth into his palms almost like a little tent forming a triangle shape. The throat sounded off a scream. A very mad yell that came from a grown man. No one would expect the mad yell to come out of such a quiet man. Nobody would ever hear the mad yell besides the isolated doctor. It was one sick joke as he was the treating doctor yet also the patient who could find no supportive cures to his suffering heart that seemed to be quickly turning into black ashes. And with bottled up emotions landing on the floor.

  He looked into the mirror again for the sake of reason. The laughing wrinkles around his eyes were still in place for the world to view, thankfully. It felt as if the life was just taken from underneath him. Death had caught up with him. The morning sun was soon to arrive. The two pointers in the clock on the wall by the nurse station pointed at 5: 14 AM. One positive aspect about having the midnight to morning shift was that there were fewer patients. Fewer patients that would need to see the empty lonely doctor. He already considered the fact that all of his patients felt pity for him. Pure doctor. The intelligent doc who had once been a happy joyful husband was beginning to go slightly insane in the emotional department. Michael considered that all of his patients felt pity for him.

  Beyond the gate of caring for people, Michael went into room 116 to check on his young patient. Carey Swimmer was a teenage honors student. Her health condition had gotten worse during the past three months. Carey and her single mother discovered that she had developed breast cancer that had been genetic. The stage that had been spotted early on that nearly saved her life. The young sixteen-year-old teenager did not belong in the ICU floor but her mother begged for a quiet floor. Michael was already familiar with the case from two years back so he agreed to take her on. It was not against any regulations. He simply asked his chief of the hospital if he can place a cancer patient onto his floor. The chief would not hear of it. As a result, Carey refused to talk to anyone else besides Dr. Randall. She made clarity for another doctor that she only wanted Dr. Randall. And well, the chief had to give in and provide the patient with her desires. Though, her desires would only be granted for two weeks then she would need to go back onto the cancer floor. It was definitely a kind compromise. Chief Anderson offered his most sincere apologies for the small error on his part to the doctor who had been assigned Carey’s case. He said, “Sorry. We’re going to have Randall take on the case just for two weeks.”

  The oncologist replied with anger, “but he is in ICU?” Stealing a doctor’s patient was never kind nor polite.

  Waking up patients in the morning was one awful duty that every nurse and doctor despised. Making his way to the closer side of the bed, he touched Carey’s top shoulder but received no response. A set of get-well cards stood opened on the window counter. There were at least eleven cards. Michael wondered how many visitors would he have if he were to be sick with cancer. Probably his parents and that’s it. This was the wilderness where the nicest people can be preyed on or turned into complete monsters. One never truly knew what was expected when waking up a patient. It was kind of like finally seeing one’s true colors under tired stress. Seriously speaking, nobody was true to his or her colors once waking up unless that person was naturally optimistic for being a morning person. Rarely did all patients wake up with cheer. The average reaction to a patient being woken up was to act moody. The p
atients felt like being in a hospital was bad enough. Now, waking up and being in a hospital bed was the worst.

  Hopefully, Carey would not be moody or rude. It was once said that people whom were rude were not worth knowing. Michael usually let the nurses wake Carey up so far in the days she had been in. The available nurse was taking someone’s vitals. And it was his responsibility to evaluate his patients’ new conditions. Do you have any new pains? If so, where exactly are these pains? On a scale from one to ten… how much does your pain hurt? Are you puking more often? How many times did you eat yesterday? Being goofy, Michael compared his patient to his mute wife. He hysterically laughed out of random. Carey was almost like his wife, indeed. She was ignoring him and she refused to respond to his efforts. He giggled louder. Carey woke up with irritation by the silly noise coming from her doctor’s mouth. She thought, “He’s normal”. Carey winked her right eye first. The left eye was winked thereafter. Her mind was experiencing a battle, whether to remain down or to lift her head up. She yawned while still resting her head on the fluffy pillow.

  Michael said, “Good morning.” Bad part over.

  *****

  The lonely doctor stated that he was fine because everything was perfectly all right or so it went in his denial mind. He would visit his wife during the weekend, he claimed with little fake enthusiasm. And she would not have changed. She will refuse to talk, or listen, feel the way her husband had felt for over two years. Her sympathy would have vanished as she stared out the window at snow. The depressed husband would either say nothing or say something somewhat encouraging. Like we are in this together. You need to talk to me because nothing feels right. And ever since you have gone unstable, I am in a world all by myself without you. Michael had a bad urge to cry himself to sleep every night as he imagined his wife lying next to him. Nature walk perfume scent all over her creamy light colored skin as she smiled, trying to wake up her lazy husband on a Saturday morning for a day of festive activities. He would open his eyes to confirm reality and she would simply be gone. Once upon a time there was nothing that can potentially harm the intelligent doctor. He knew how the world operated and he acknowledged how to obtain a good life. Samantha was like a complex abnormal fly who did not know why her purpose was to fly to the bright lights. The nurse knew what especially would kill one person. She had transformed into a wall that existed but did not communicate. But did flies die from bright lights? No, probably not unless they did not consider the circumstances. Finding temptation by the unlimited.

  Why was it that Samantha wanted to torture her loving husband? Why wouldn’t she just get back to being human? It did not make any sense. The worried psychologist had last told the depressed doctor that his wife had lose nine pounds and was refusing to eat. They were forced to make sure she drank vegetable juices. Paroxetine was also forced into her throat to help Sam gain weight. Supposedly Sam was also taking Fluoxetine at some point during the nine months at Partners and Recover Help Behavioral Health Institution. This was a smart woman who told her deepest secrets to her lover. Nothing big to stress about, he thought. A new location for a new state of mind but Anderson was not having it with the endless lies. He was a professional chief who could predict anything at the worst of times. His fine resident was going to crack eventually. A person cannot go on living like life was treating him “fine”.

  It was Monday morning at 10 AM. And the residents were all doing a swell job. Anderson placed his chin up.

  Chief Anderson spoke loudly so that his fellow worker can pay clear attention on his words rather than stare at the ceiling. “Michael, you’re an amazing doctor. But I need to send you to Richard Harding Memorial Ward at McMurray Regional Hospital. You need a break. Plus, it is my job to make sure everything goes smoothly. I can’t have my doctors acting like robots. Long story short, you’re going and there’s no and or buts.”

  “You can’t do this to me. Please just think this over. I’m the only doctor on that floor who actually cares.” Michael said quietly in disbelief as he sat across the chief’s desk. Dr. Randall finally took his eyes off of the blank ceiling and talked to his boss in a mature manner.

  “Dr. Randall, you are a fine doctor. And you’ll be when you get back. Use this time to relax. Get your life back together. Stop surrounding yourself with ICU relations for a bit. We both know that it reminds you of Samantha. Go and visit her. Be with her.” Anderson said by placing his right hand to his heart to show affection of how important it was to care for a husband’s unresponsive wife.

  “Anyway, when do I go?” Dr. Randall demanded with shy anger.

  No longer wanting to convince his resident to visit Samantha. “Michael… fine. You are assigned to report to Richard Harding Memorial Ward tomorrow at 12 PM. You will have fewer hours so don’t worry about that. I just need you to be sane. I can’t have a doctor disrupting the patients. You need to act like you’re human. Like you can relate to a patient’s feelings. I know, I know. It has not occurred yet but it is bound to happen. Therefore, a new environment.” Anderson smiled with doubt directed at his employee.

  Dr. Randall stared back up at the blank white ceiling. Then he observed Anderson’s neat desk with everything properly in place. Each pencil was sharply sharpened. Exactly three pens sat in a writing utensil holder. Michael wondered whether the pens were all the same color? He identified Anderson to be a man who would use the color dark blue when writing with a pen. Two picture frames sat on the orderly neat desk too. One frame was just a light blue color surrounded with real mini ocean shells. The shells fit into pieces on the frame with a picture of a little baby boy with brown hair with his eyes closed for sleep. Another picture frame appeared to be black but the picture was not facing in a particular direction for Michael to actually see the people in the photo. He concluded that it was the chief’s family.

  The mid aged doctor had a craving to scream to the world. He was surely a decent man but he just did not have it in him anymore to swallow his emotions. Tears began falling down his cheeks in a slow motion. Each tear identified isolation. More tears spread down Michael’s muscular cheeks. The chief stared at his fellow peer in shock. Crying for the morning had not been predicted. Tears had finally been displayed for the entire world to see. Technically, one person to view the tears but anything that was not too private was considered public. Such a sensitive situation made for public view. As well as being ranked at serious enough in order for the world to look at with wide opened eyes like the walls in the office did not exist. Michael imagined his crying face being on the local news. Tears, laughs, mood swings, mistakes, bad impressions and overall decisions showed the world something about a person. Michael sobbed a loud sound of sad terror. How could this have happened to him? And also to his marriage that was once a happy fairy tale? It did not make any sense because he had volunteered at Christian churches since high school. It was a requirement to get accepted into any medical school. Every medical school student was expected to volunteer at his or her communities. Helping all over foreign countries was also another grand gesture and selfless act Michael did throughout his teenage and young adult life. He no longer volunteered for the desire to remain isolated in his own little world. Helping people was something good but was goodness really something special, Michael wondered.

  Chief Anderson continued to stare at his fellow doctor with worry. What was he staring at? Michael noticed the worry on Anderson’s face and he said, “sorry”. He stood up like he was ready to take on the world. And walked to the door of the roomy office as he slammed the door to his chief’s office as he thought in disbelief. The slammed door knocked the chief’s knowledge of basic health certification license photo frame onto the floor and off the wall. Anderson called his wife for moral support of how to approach his friend. This was it. Anderson finally put his foot down after two years and a couple of months. If the doctor wanted to eventually go insane then it was not going to happen in his hospital. A break from ICU would be perfect.

  Anderson br
iefed himself before returning to his portfolio works after the phone call with his wife. An informative sheet based on why the doctor was being moved was also a task that needed to be complete.

  Michael said goodbye to Martha and Lucy. Ericson had just gone to lunch at the local vegan restaurant. Eight families were sitting down impatiently on the first floor. An old lady with her brother or so they looked like they may have been related. And the other people were elderly. One boney old man sat with his cane near by his side while he put on his reading glasses to read a digest health magazine. The doctor decided he would walk to the local bar that was five minutes away by foot. He would drink like a warrior who had recently conquered a battle. He deserved it, by the way. When did he ever let himself go and drink? Maybe he would meet a nice woman who so happened to be having a similar situation with her marriage. If so, thank god. The doctor would be able to acknowledge he was not alone in such a huge world full of heartbreaks. That he still wanted to earn back the purpose into his marriage.