Sydney Harbour Hospital: Lexi's Secret

by MELANIE MILBURNE

  Bella’s grey gaze looked shadowed with worry. ‘Yes, I’ve been admitted to hospital more often with chest infections and it takes longer and longer to clear things up. I’ve only just started to improve and I’ve been in here almost three weeks.’

  Sam gave an understanding nod. ‘I’ve looked at your latest CT scans and lung function studies. The lungs are very scarred. That’s making them stiff, so it’s no wonder you’re struggling to breathe when you exert yourself or when you get even a minor infection.’

  Bella bit her lip and dropped her gaze to the magazines on her tray table. It was a moment before she looked up at Sam. ‘Am I getting to … to the end? How much time do I have left?’

  Sam gave her thin shoulder a gentle squeeze. ‘We’re getting to the stage of needing to do a lung transplant within the next couple of months. I’ve started the active search for a matching transplant donor. If we find one we need to move straight away before you get another bout of pneumonia. We could find a donor in a day, a week or a couple of months. I’m afraid that longer than that and the chances get worse of keeping you well enough to survive the surgery.’

  Lexi listened with dread, feeling like a ship’s anchor had landed on the floor of her stomach. It was such a massive operation. What if it didn’t work? What if poor Bella died on the operating table or soon after? So much of it seemed up to chance: the right donor; whether Bella was well enough at the time to be the recipient; whether she would survive the long operation. So many factors were at play and no one, it seemed, had any control over any of it, least of all Bella.

  Bella must have been thinking the very same thing as she said, ‘What are my chances of coming through the operation?’

  Sam was nothing if not professional and knowledgeable and encouraging in his manner. ‘With modern anti-rejection therapy there’s better than an eighty-five per cent chance that you’ll survive the surgery and live a good-quality life for the next ten years. After that there’s not much data, but expectations are that anti-rejection management will continue to improve and that you could end up living a fairly normal life.’

  ‘You’re in good hands, Bella,’ the nurse said. ‘Mr Bailey is considered one of the world’s leading heart-lung transplant surgeons.’

  Sam acknowledged the nurse’s comment with a quick on-off smile as if he was uncomfortable with praise. Perhaps he was worried about operating on someone to whom he had a connection, Lexi thought. Not that he had ever met Bella before, but he had been intimately involved with Lexi. Clinical distance was paramount in life-and-death surgery. A surgeon could not afford to let the pressure of a relationship, no matter how distant or close, interfere with his clinical judgement. She hoped her involvement with him in the past wasn’t going to complicate things for Bella.

  ‘I’ll keep you informed on things as we go along, Bella,’ Sam said. ‘You’ll stay in the medical ward until your health improves. If a donor becomes available and you’re healthy enough, we’ll move you across to the transplant unit. Otherwise we’ll send you home until something comes up.’

  ‘Thanks for everything, Mr Bailey,’ Bella said blushing again. ‘I really appreciate you taking me on.’

  Sam smiled and gave Bella’s shoulder another gentle touch. ‘Hang in there, Bella. We’ll do all we can to get you through this. Just try and keep positive.’

  He gave Lexi a brief impersonal nod as he left with the nurse to continue his rounds.

  Lexi didn’t even realise she was holding her breath until Bella looked at her quizzically. ‘It’s not like you to be so quiet when there’s a handsome man in the room,’ she said.

  Lexi felt her face heating and tried to counter it with an uppity toss of her head. ‘He’s not that handsome.’

  Bella raised her brows. ‘You don’t think? I thought you had a thing for tall muscular men with dark brown eyes.’

  Lexi gave a dismissive shrug. ‘His hair is too short.’

  ‘Maybe he keeps it short for convenience,’ Bella said. ‘He’s in Theatre a lot. Any longer and it would get sweaty under the scrub hat during long transplant operations.’

  Lexi made a business of folding each sheet of the tissue paper into a neat square, lining them up side by side on the bed.

  ‘He’s got nice eyes, don’t you think?’ Bella said.

  ‘I didn’t notice.’

  ‘Liar, sure you did,’ Bella said. ‘I saw you blush. I’ve never seen you blush before. That’s my specialty, not yours.’

  ‘It’s hot in here,’ Lexi said, fanning her face for emphasis. ‘How do you stand it?’

  ‘Did you notice his hands?’ Bella asked.

  ‘Not really …’ Lexi remembered how those hands had felt on her body. How they had lit fires under her flesh until she had been burning with a need so strong it had totally consumed her. Those hands had wreaked havoc on her senses from the first moment he had touched her. She opened and closed the hand he had taken in his just minutes ago. The tingling pins and needles feeling was still there …

  ‘He wasn’t wearing a wedding ring,’ Bella said.

  ‘Doesn’t mean he’s not involved with someone,’ Lexi said, feeling a tight ache in her chest as she pictured his partner. Would she be blonde, like her, or brunette? Or maybe a redhead like Bella. Would she be a doctor or nurse? Or a teacher perhaps? A lawyer? ‘Dad’s got a new girlfriend,’ she said, to change the subject.

  ‘Yes, Evie told me.’

  ‘I haven’t met her yet.’

  ‘I don’t know why he bothers introducing them,’ Bella said with an air of resentment. ‘None of them stay around long enough for us to get to know them.’

  ‘Dad’s entitled to have a life,’ Lexi said. ‘It’s not like Mum’s ever going to come back and play happy families.’

  ‘You always defend him,’ Bella said irritably. ‘You never let anyone say a bad word about him.’

  ‘Look,’ Lexi said, hoping to avoid the well-worn bone of contention between them. ‘I know he’s not perfect but he’s the only father we have. The only parent when it comes down to it. Mum’s not much use.’

  ‘Maybe Mum couldn’t handle Dad’s philandering,’ Bella said. ‘Maybe it wasn’t just because I was sick. Maybe she was left on her own too much and couldn’t cope. Maybe she wouldn’t have left if he had offered her more emotional support.’

  Lexi knew Bella felt terribly guilty about the breakdown of their parents’ marriage. Her illness had taken its toll on everyone, but their mother had been the first to abandon ship, taking the contents of the drinks cabinet with her. Miranda Lockheart flitted in and out of their lives, not staying long enough to offer any stability or support but just long enough to remind them of what they had missed out on.

  But blaming their father was not something Lexi had ever felt comfortable doing. He had always been there for her. He was her stronghold, the person she looked up to, the person she craved approval from more than any other.

  ‘Dad has always tried to do his best,’ she said. ‘He was meant to be a father, not a mother. He couldn’t do both.’

  Bella gave a weary sigh. ‘One day you’re going to find out that Dad has clay feet. I just hope I’m around to see it.’

  Lexi shrugged and then tried another subject change. ‘Have you had any other visitors?’

  ‘Phone calls or texts mostly,’ Bella said with a despondent look on her face. ‘People get sick of visiting after the first week. It happens every time. Maybe it’ll be different once I’ve had the transplant …’

  Guilt struck at Lexi like a closed fist. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t get in yesterday,’ she said. ‘Matthew’s mother wanted me to look at wedding-cake designs. Her sister has already made the cake. Now we just have to decide on the decoration. Matthew wants something traditional but I was thinking we could so something more along the lines of …’

  Bella was frowning as she looked into space. It was as if she hadn’t heard a word of what Lexi had been saying. ‘Sam …’ she said. ‘Sam. It’s really been
bugging me. Why does that name sound so familiar?’

  Lexi felt her stomach drop again. ‘Sam’s a popular name.’

  ‘I know but it’s more than that,’ Bella said, frowning in concentration. ‘Bailey. Sam Bailey. Bailey. Sam Bailey.’

  Lexi closed her eyes. Please, no.

  ‘Oh. My. God.’

  Lexi winced as she opened her eyes to see Bella’s saucer-like ones staring at her. ‘Wh-what?’ she choked.

  ‘It’s him, isn’t it?’ Bella asked. ‘It’s the same Sam Bailey. The Sam Bailey you had that naughty little teenage fling with that made Dad almost blow a fuse. Oh. My. God.’

  ‘Will you please keep your voice down?’ Lexi hissed.

  ‘It’s not like you’ll be able to keep it a secret,’ Bella said. ‘Not for long and certainly not around here. People have long memories and they just love a bit of juicy gossip. You’d better let Matthew know. You don’t want him getting into a flap about an ex-lover turning up out of the blue.’

  Lexi turned away to look out of the window, crossing her arms over her body as if that would contain the pain that was spreading like an ink spill through her. Was she deluded to hope no one would remember their past connection? Who else would link their names and start the gossip all over again? How would she cope with it a second time?

  No one knew about the baby.

  No one.

  At least that secret was safe.

  But everything else was out there for everyone to pick over like crows on a rotting carcass. All the intimate details of her brief relationship with Sam would be fodder, grist for the mill of gossip that SHH was renowned for. She would be painted as the Scarlet Woman, the scandalous Lolita who had lured Sam away from his studies at the most pivotal moment in his career.

  ‘Lexi?’

  Lexi pulled in a breath and faced her sister. ‘It was five years ago,’ she said. ‘Hopefully no one will even remember what happened back then.’

  Bella looked doubtful. ‘I still think you should tell Matthew.’

  ‘I will tell him,’ Lexi said, breaking out into a sweat. ‘I’ll tell him it was a stupid little fling that meant nothing.’

  Bella chewed at her lip for a moment. ‘Is this the first time you’ve seen Sam since you broke up?’ she asked.

  ‘No, I ran into him in the doctors’ car park on my way to see you,’ Lexi said, raking a distracted hand through her hair. ‘That’ll teach me for breaking the rules. I won’t park there ever again. Cross my heart and—’ She stopped and gave Bella an apologetic grimace as her hand dropped back by her side. ‘Sorry, bad choice of words.’

  Bella continued to look at her with a concerned frown on her face. ‘You’re not happy about seeing him again, are you?’ she said.

  Lexi lifted her shoulders in a couldn’t-care-less manner. ‘It’s always a little difficult running into ex-partners. It’s part of the dating life. Once a relationship ends you don’t always end up the best of friends.’

  ‘Not that I would know anything about the dating life …’ Bella said as she fiddled with the edge of the sheet covering her thin little body.

  Lexi sighed and reached for Bella’s small, cold hand. ‘You’re being so wonderfully brave about all this,’ she said. ‘If it was me I’d be terrified.’

  ‘I am terrified,’ Bella said. ‘I want what you have. I want a life. I want to one day get married and have babies.’

  Lexi felt her insides clench like the snap of a rabbit trap. That aching sadness gripped her every time she thought of the baby she could have had if things had been different. It was ironic that Matthew was keen to start a family as soon as they were married. His parents were excited at the prospect of becoming grandparents. But she had come to dread the topic every time he raised it. It wasn’t the only thing she argued with him about. Her lack of interest in sex had become a huge issue over the last few months of their engagement. Matthew’s trip abroad, she suspected, were his attempts to make her heart grow fonder in his absence. She didn’t have the heart to tell him it wasn’t working. She missed him certainly, but not in the way he most wanted her to.

  ‘I’ll be the only Lockheart sister left childless and lonely on the shelf,’ Bella continued to bemoan.

  ‘Is Evie seeing someone?’ Lexi asked feeling a little piqued that she hadn’t been told by Evie herself. ‘I was under the impression there’s been no one since she broke things off with Stuart … what was it? Two years ago?’

  ‘I heard one of the nurses talking about Evie and Finn Kennedy,’ Bella said.

  Lexi laughed. ‘Finn Kennedy? Are you out of your mind? He’s the last person I would have picked for Evie. He’s so grumpy and brooding. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him smile.’

  ‘He’s very kind to patients,’ Bella said in his defence. ‘And he’s smiled at me lots of times.’

  ‘In my opinion Finn Kennedy has a chip on his shoulder that it’d take an industrial crane to shift,’ Lexi said. ‘I hope to goodness Evie knows what she’s doing. The last thing we need in the Lockheart family is another difficult person to deal with.’

  There was a small silence.

  ‘Has Mum been in to see you?’ Lexi asked.

  Bella’s shoulders slumped a little further as she shook her head. ‘You know what she’s like …’

  Lexi gave Bella’s hand another little squeeze. ‘I wish I could change places with you, Bells,’ she said sincerely. ‘I hate seeing you suffer … I hate the thought of losing you.’

  Bella gave her a wobbly smile. ‘I guess that’s in Sam Bailey’s hands now, isn’t it?’

  CHAPTER THREE

  IT WAS a week later when Lexi ran into Sam again—literally. She was coming out of the hospital cafeteria with a latte in one hand while she texted a message on her phone in the other when she rammed into his broad chest. It was like stepping into a six-foot-two brick wall. The coffee cup lid didn’t survive the impact and the milky liquid splashed all over the front of Sam’s crisp white shirt.

  He let out a short, sharp expletive.

  Lexi looked up in horror. ‘Oops, sorry,’ she said. ‘I didn’t see you. I was … um, multitasking.’

  He plucked at his shirt to keep it away from his chest. ‘This is a busy hospital, not a social networking site,’ he said.

  Lexi put up her chin. ‘If you had looked where you were going, you could’ve avoided me,’ she shot back.

  ‘You could’ve burned me,’ he said.

  ‘Did I burn you?’

  ‘No, but that’s not the point.’

  ‘It is the point,’ she said. ‘There’s no damage other than a stained shirt, which I will take full responsibility for.’

  He gave her a mocking look. ‘You mean you’ll hand it to one of the Lockheart lackeys to launder for you?’

  Lexi ground her teeth as she looked up at him. Why today of all days had she worn ballet flats? He seemed to tower over her and it put her at a distinct disadvantage. She was faced with his stubbly chin and had to crane her neck to reach his chocolate-brown eyes. ‘I’ll see to it that your shirt is returned to you spotless,’ she said.

  ‘I can hardly take it off and give it to you in the middle of the busiest corridor of the hospital,’ he pointed out dryly.

  ‘Then we’ll have to arrange a handover time,’ she said. ‘What time do you finish today?’

  He scraped a hand through his hair. ‘Look, forget about it,’ he said. ‘I have my own laundry service.’

  ‘No, I insist,’ Lexi said. ‘I wasn’t looking where I was going.’

  ‘I’m sure you have much better things to do than wash and iron my shirt,’ Sam said.

  ‘Like paint my nails?’ she said with an arch look.

  He shifted his mouth from side to side. ‘OK, round one to you,’ he said. ‘I had no idea you were so actively involved in raising funds for the unit.’

  ‘I did tell you I was Head of Events.’

  ‘Yes, but I didn’t know you had been responsible for raising over five hundred
thousand dollars last year.’

  ‘I’m going to double that by the end of this year,’ Lexi said. ‘You can make a donation if you like. I’ll give you the website address. You can pay online. All donations over two dollars are tax deductible.’

  Sam was starting to see why she had been chosen for the job. Who could resist her when she laid on the Lockheart charm? She looked especially gorgeous today. She was several inches shorter than usual. But she still smelled as delicious as ever. That intriguing mix of flowers and essential oils teased his nostrils. She was dressed in grey trousers and a loose-fitting white cotton shirt with a camisole underneath that hugged her pert breasts. She had dangling earrings in her ears; they caught the light every now and again, making him think of the sun sparkling on the ocean. It had been her brightness that had attracted him like a moth to a flame all those years ago. He had been drawn to her bubbly nature; her positive outlook on life was such a contrast to his more guarded, introverted approach. She had flirted with him outrageously at a charity dinner held by her father in honour of the hospital. Sam hadn’t realised who she was at the time, and he often wondered if he would have taken things as far as he had if he had known she was Richard Lockheart’s youngest daughter. He couldn’t answer that with any certainty, even now.

  Put simply, she had been utterly irresistible.

  With her stunning looks, charm and at-ease-in-any-company personality, he had temporarily lost sight of his goal. He had compromised everything to be with her because that was the effect she’d had on him.

  But finding out the truth about how she had used him had made him cynical and less willing to open his heart in subsequent relationships. He dated regularly but commitment was something he avoided. Friends of his were marrying and having families now but he had no plans to join them any time soon. He didn’t want to end up like his father, loving someone so much that he couldn’t function properly without them.

  His gaze drifted to Lexi’s sparkling engagement ring. He felt a ridge come up in his throat as he pictured her walking down the aisle towards that nameless, faceless man. She would be smiling radiantly, looking amazingly beautiful, blissfully happy to be marrying the man she loved.